1/4-Ass Post

Hello dear reader(s)!

I had doctor appointments today.   Good times.   So I’ll be back tomorrow.   That’s why you’re getting this quarter-assed post from me today.   I’d call it a half-assed post, but that would require twice as much effort.

Okay, so…that’s about it for this one.  Maybe I should’ve called this 1/16-assed post.

MyFridayBlog is Independent

Hello dear reader(s)!

Here in the good ol’ US of A, it is Independence Day.  On this day, we decided to leave the UK which was maybe a good idea given Brexit and the Tories, but we fucked it up by electing Trump.  I guess dying by losing healthcare is better than being burned alive in a fucking tower, though.

Anyway, I’m not really celebrating ‘Merca today.  What’s to celebrate?  We are being fucking assholes.

So, I’m finally feeling like I can start being back at this shit again a little more regularly.  I am sorry for the false starts, reduced schedules which I couldn’t keep to, etc, etc…

A lot of shit has happened recently, that left me in no position to be able to post.  They include, but are not limited to…

  • 2 recent moves  1 long distance, 1 across town that was sudden and unexpected.
  • Falling deeply in love  When you start trying to spend all your time with someone, it doesn’t leave much time for blog-type-thinging.  I am still deeply in love, only now I can blog-type-thing while still spending time with my beloved.
  • A multi-day hospitalization  Severe sepsis is what they called it, although I think it was only a mild bacteremia.
  • Outpatient infusions  Having to get IV antibiotics through a PICC line for days after my hospital release due to the bacteremia/sepsis.
  • Dealing with an SSDI review  That likely will not take my most recent hospitalization into account.  Good times.
  • Worrying about the vast majority of my town being on fire  Okay, that is more recent, but still…  Meanwhile, in the area of a fire yesterday that has burned over 13,500 acres, dumbfucks are still lighting off illegal fireworks.  ‘Merca.
  • Enjoying delicious scones  Well, they are good, and do take time away.  Right now I am enjoying a delicious vanilla scone with a lime glaze, courtesy of my love.
  • Freaking out about the lack of “humanity” among humans especially those idiots who think that being patriotic is waving a piece of cloth made in another country for profit as the very ideals that piece of cloth are supposed to represent are no longer important to them 

Anyway, despite my definite decision not to celebrate this day of nationalism and false superiority, I will be barbecuing later today.  Not with anyone but those close to me, and not for Independence Day but just because it is going to be hot, everyone else will be barbecuing which will lead to barbecue aroma envy, and I like to barbecue.

We will be making uncured nitrate and nitrite free dogs, with potato salad.  I am rather excited by this development and might live-stream the whole event on my FUCKLIVESTREAMING account if I feel there is enough interest.

So, long story slightly less long and candy coated for your enjoyment, I am back, bitches!  (I understand “bitches” may be offensive to some, but that is okay, because you can call me a bitch and I won’t care, and if a certain someone were to in the correct context, I might actually enjoy it, or I might not, but that is none of your business, is it?)

I look forward to reestablishing myself as a regular post-type-thinger and reader, and you should too, because I said so and you have not fought a revolution against me to get out from under my rule.

Happy Day, everyone!

 

 

I Am Here For You

Hello dear reader(s)!

Did you miss me?  I missed me.  I missed me hard.

I realize I went MIA there for a while, and there is good reason for that.  I have been insanely busy, or sick, or lazy, or preoccupied.   I have definitely been distracted.  Everything has conspired to keep me from this-here blog-type-thing for quite some time now.  It had gotten to the point to where I considered abandoning it altogether.  (Everyone:  It had gotten to the point to where I considered abandoning it.)

But then I thought about you, my dear reader(s).  Lost and confused in a world without MyFridayBlog™, and all of the goodness and light it brings.  I could abandon my blog-type-thing, but not you, my dear reader(s).

Especially not in times like these, when fascists rule our government, polluters rule our lands, and people actually wait in fucking lines for shitty chicken sandwiches from homophobic businesses.   If I completely went away, the terrorists would win.

However, even though I have made my triumphant return to blog-type-thinging, the news isn’t all good.  It’s fake.  All of it.  Even the true stuff is just fake news.  Especially when it is about our dear Fuhrer Trump and his merry band of fascist traitors in this de-facto Russian Republic.  But the real bad news here is that while I am still going to be blog-type-thinging, I definitely need to scale this motherfucker back.

I am going back to a posting schedule.  I was thinking Fridays (but then it might like the title!), but also Saturdays and Sundays.   I just have too many other things I need/want to do when I have any limited energy to be wasting hours and hours of the day carefully crafting these magical, life-changing words for you day in and day out.

So…  let’s try to catch you up since I last posted.  Let’s see…

Trump should be impeached and if he isn’t, the GOP is just as guilty of treason as he is.  But I think I have been saying that for some time now.  Despite it being fake news, it is very real treason.

My life has done a complete 180 (with exception of my health, that’s still an issue) since relocating.

The AHCA has passed the House and if it resembles anything close to what the Senate comes up with then people will get desperate and do desperate things.

My area is in a housing bubble.  Most of the country is.  It’s fucking ridiculous.

It’s hot today.  Too hot.  It’s only going to get hotter coming up.  I think I need to get air conditioning clothes.

Um…  I guess that’s about it for now.   I’ll be back Friday, like the title of this-here blog-type-thing.  Might stalk all your shit in the meantime.

Peace be with you.  (And also with you.)

There Exists A World

Hello dear reader(s)!

As you can tell, if you are paying attention, I have been very inconsistent about my posting lately.  It is not as if I do not enjoy blog-type-thinging, or that I want my readership to return to the levels where it was just my mom, or that I am out living some kind of glorious and excitement-packed life packed full of excitement packs; I simply have been doing my best to unplug a little bit.

Because there exists a world out there.  One beyond our screens and angry internet comments.  One beyond the funny memes and great blog posts.  One where there is a lot of beautiful and fun things waiting to be experienced.  A world where people treat each other with respect and compassion, even as forces attempt to stop us.  A world where animals play near a beautiful river that cuts through some woods that may soon be cut down to make way for the newest shopping center.  A world where you can breathe the air on most days.

And I will be damned if I do not experience that world while I still can.

So while my health may not always allow me to get outside, on the days it does, I am going to try.  I am going to continue to smile at the people I see as I pass them.  Maybe they are angry, maybe they think that I am the enemy because I do not support the President or his administration, maybe they think I am a sinner; I will smile anyway.  I will show my humanity to this world every chance I get.

If you spend your life in front of a computer screen, you live in an ugly world.  If you think real life is represented in the comments section of an inflammatory story on the website of your local television news station, you have no clue what real life is all about.  There are people, just trying to get along, doing the best they can with what they have.  People of all ethnicities, of all classes, just trying to live their life in peace.  They do not care what you believe, what you do with your body, or what you do to survive.  They are too busy being worried about their own survival and that of their loved-ones.  Their biggest concern right now is whether or not they should participate in the commercially forced display of love that is Valentine’s Day.  They’re looking at their checking accounts wondering if they can afford that thing they want or need.

They care about you too.  If they knew, and really understood what their taxes were used for, and were not being misinformed by those with a vested interest in taking more of the share for themselves, they wouldn’t care if you needed those food stamps to help you get by.  If they weren’t constantly being subjected to the spin and fictional alternative facts of the corporate whores in power, they might not care that you self-medicate with marijuana instead of the legal vodka, prescriptions, or tobacco.   They do not really want to see you suffering.  Not out in the real world.

Hiding behind their computer screens, there are a lot of people who want to see you suffer.  There are a lot of evil people who think they want to see you die.  Out in the real world, those people rarely dare to make an appearance.  And when they do, the vast, vast majority of people rush to your assistance.

But the real world is rarely even that confrontational.  The conversations I have had with strangers in the real world go a little more like this:

Stranger:  I have never understood why they don’t staff more cashiers.  

Me:  It’s less expensive to make one person do the job that should be done by many.  This is why I wouldn’t even shop here if I could afford to go anywhere else.

Stranger:  That and the way they helped shut down local businesses.  

Me:  You got that right.

Stranger:  One time it was so bad in here, that my husband, who is usually very patient, just left his full cart right by the line and walked out.  I’ve never seen him so upset.  He didn’t say anything to the employees though, because he saw how busy they all were.  

Me:  Yeah, I feel really bad for most of them.  Occasionally, you’ll notice it is their own fault, but that rarely is the case.  {Noticing the line moving}  Finally!  I hope you have a great day!

Stranger:  You too!

And that is much more involved than usual.  That was an almost verbatim conversation I had the other day with a lady of another racial group at a big store that shall not be named but rhymes with Ball Fart.  Even more typical interactions with people go more like this:

Me:  Hi!  I’d like a number 4, with a large coke.

Stranger:  $7.42 at the window.

Me:  Thanks!

And then they repeat the total, I give them the money, they give me the food.  I thank them, wish them a nice day, they do the same, and I drive off.

It’s not that motherfucking hard to be a good person in the real world.

Online, there are people taking issue with everything you do.  That rarely happens in the real world.  Online, there are people who think that they are always right, and everyone else is always wrong.  That is rarely the case in the real world.

There exists a world out there, that is full of nature, full of smiles, and full of people just trying to get along.  And yes, bad things happen out in that world.  But out in that world, those bad things aren’t blown out of proportion and debated about whether or not they are actually bad.   There aren’t pundits brought in to give legitimacy to the motivations of whatever was bad.

I am not going away, I am not stopping this here blog-type-thing.  I am just taking a little time to remember that there exists world out there, while it still exists.


Don’t forget, there is a general strike being called for this Friday.  Get out in the world that day and do some good.

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Jupiter

Hello dear reader(s)!

I’m so sorry I’ve been gone, but I was inundated by all that nonexistent ice from super ice storm Jupiter and its aftermath.  It’s a wonder I survived the slippery front porch and slightly wet roads.

However, I genuinely do feel lucky that I survived the mass panic created by these morons and their catastrophizing of standard winter weather.  It’s as if the National Weather Service thinks that salt is a recent discovery.

And I get it, weather forecasting isn’t an exact science.  They thought it would be much worse.  And so, that is why, they should refrain from saying things like, “There is a 100% chance that travel will be impacted.”  And, “We will definitely see at least a quarter of an inch of ice on all area roadways, up to three-quarters of an inch.”  And, “I guarantee, this is going to be a bad one, folks.”

To be fair, travel was impacted.  The roads were amazingly clear because people were freaked out and stayed home.  And maybe we did get a quarter of an inch of ice on all area roadways…combined.

This kind of bullshit is the reason nobody evacuates during storms that really are dangerous.  

Saturday morning, with nothing more than wet streets, my friend went to get a sweet tea, and McDonald’s was closed.  McDonald’s.  Closed.  That’s goes against the natural order of things.  (Not that there is anything natural about McDonald’s, but I digress.)  All because of wet roads and panic.

Friday morning, before the warning took effect, I (like everyone else in half the country), rushed out to get what I needed before thinking I would be shut in until Monday when it melted, and in doing so, faced hurried and panicking hordes of drivers not paying attention to anything but the clock.  That, was dangerous.  Fortunately, I already had my groceries and only needed some prescriptions because most of the supermarkets had been cleared like it was the fucking zombie apocalypse.  (Until Saturday morning, when everyone’s Friday night’s restock shipments arrived as scheduled because there was no fucking storm.)

Sunday, the playoff game between the Chiefs and the Steelers was moved back because of concerns of bad road conditions that never materialized.  The big-ass Chiefs tail-gating bus drove past my house at normal speed with no added traction devices as usual.  I wonder how much it cost to postpone the game.  I also wonder, if Chiefs fans are blaming their team’s loss on that postponement, but that is neither here nor there.

Here is where people are going to say that it is better to prepared, than to be caught unaware.  I couldn’t agree more.  It really is.  I’m glad the DOT salted the roads.  Even 1/16th inch of ice is a pain in the ass.  However, it is not okay to create mass panic for the sake of ratings, which is exactly what happened in this case.  It is not okay to catastrophize a normal event because it can do real damage to people, and to the economy.  The weathermen should have to reimburse people for the lost business for this bullshit, until they can more calmly, and more accurately report and predict potential weather.  Might I suggest the following?

As of right now, subject to change, our computer models are predicting that a significant storm could impact travel in the region.  As a result, an ice storm warning has been issued by the National Weather Service for the following times.  (Insert warning times here.)  It is important to note, however, that this warning does not mean that the ice storm will happen during these times, or even at all.  It just means that this is when there is a likelihood of the chance.  State crews will be preparing as though it will happen, to try to prevent the worst impact.  It is advised not to travel unless absolutely necessary until you are pretty certain it is safe to do so.  You know, take your car into your driveway first, slam on the brakes.  See what happens.  If it’s good, try your street.  Listen for cars on the busier streets.  Ask your friends.  Sound good?  Go for it then, but drive carefully, and keep in mind that weather fucking changes and you should be prepared no matter what we fucking say.  

And the American Meteroligical Society should start kicking people out of their little club if they can’t keep from unnecessarily hyping things.

Anyway, the ice storm isn’t why I haven’t posted.  It’s because I just haven’t felt up to it.  Don’t really know why.  Nothing wrong, just other priorities, or super tired, or something else going on.  Sorry.  But Jupiter seemed like a good scapegoat.

What all have you been up to?

 

Why It Took So Long

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for the late hour of this post, but it has been an absolutely insane day!  It all started about 7:30 this morning when I woke up!  Can you believe it?  I know, it seems crazy, but I really did.  I hadn’t slept well prior to that, and was still tired,  so I tried to go back to bed!  I know!

Anyway, as if that wasn’t crazy enough, I decided around 9:30 that I wasn’t going to get more sleep so I should get up!  I know that all this excitement seems hard to believe, but honestly, I am not lying.  I am not sure how my heart can take it all!

So by 10, I finally got up, and…here’s where it really gets exciting!  I fed my cats!  They ate it!  Okay, I’m getting overly excited typing this, and need to calm down.

You’d think after all of this that I could just relax, but you’d be wrong.  I got up, and got coffee and breakfast!  It all became too much, so I had to relax for a while.  I decided to sit around and do the mundane tasks of watching the police chase head down my street before hearing the car spin out and the shots fired down the block.  It was just the relaxing moment that I needed.  When the criminals fled into an abandoned house at the end of the block and the standoff began, I was really happy for the peace and quiet.

The soothing sounds of sirens, shouting over the loudspeaker, and police and news helicopters really helped to take my mind off of all the overly exciting events I had participated in earlier in the morning.  The random shots fired, almost had my mind at ease.  Still, it felt like something was missing.

Luckily, the concussion wave of the explosion did just the trick.  Seeing my windows shatter before hearing the roar of the expanding gas really helped my mind forget about all of the crazy stressful things that had happened.  The bits of drywall falling from the ceiling was more relaxing than the deepest meditation.  The screams of the horrified police officers who were caught unaware of the detonation almost lulled me to sleep.  Thank goodness!

Anyway, I am sorry I am just now getting on here.  I almost didn’t make it on here at all, because of the excitement of the morning.  Luckily, the events of this afternoon helped me calm down enough that I felt I was finally ready.

Okay, so I am lying about what happened today.  But which part?  Muahahahaha!

Or maybe I just didn’t feel like writing.

Here’s What It Really Means When He Doesn’t Write A Story

Hello dear reader(s)!

Have you been following a blog-type-thinger who has been talking about writing a story for a few days, but keeps delaying?  Oh sure, you believed him yesterday when he said he was just in a bad mood and didn’t feel like writing.  But then, today, he still isn’t writing his story.  Now you’re not so sure.

He claims that he doesn’t want to start the story on a Saturday because that always means lower page views, because Saturdays should be more lighthearted, and because he is in too good of a mood to really bother imagining a story.

But how could that be, when he was in a such a terrible mood yesterday?

Well, here’s what he really means when he says that.

He means what he says, you twit.  Maybe instead of reading click-bait articles, you should actually ask someone what their motives are.

I am in a great mood today, dear reader(s)!

Has anything changed since yesterday?  No, not really.  Just my attitude.

You see, when I get down, and things become overwhelming, sometimes I just need to vent and take steps to change my attitude.  I hate staying in that negative place.  There are other things besides venting that I do to try to change my fucking attitude, and because I am a kind and benevolent Josh, I have decided to tell you, my dear reader(s), what they are.

So, whether you are ready or not, here is how you can change your fucking attitude, you negative fuckhole…

  1. Stay away from WordPress, especially as they are rolling out a new shittier Reader because it will fail to load properly as you scroll down, thus causing endless frustration as you try to read what others are posting  I failed on this yesterday.  I got so pissed off.  I don’t subscribe to everyone via email because otherwise I would get way too many damn emails.  This means I rely on the Reader to read.  You know, because what the fuck else would something called a Reader be for?  Mowing my motherfucking lawn?  Fucking WordPress fucks.  Jesus fucking Christ.  (Which, for Christians, would just be Jesus masturbating, but I digress…)  I wonder if they pay someone at WordPress to say, “You know, things have been running awfully smooth for too long right now, let’s fuck that up!”  Which brings me to item #2…
  2. Vent, loudly and with profanity  See item #1, and apply that to any problem.  Don’t just post a sanitized version on WordPress, go outside and scream about it until the police show up.
  3. Exercise  I am still recovering from what I believe was a nasty sinus infection that only started to move to my chest but was likely caught before it could become too severe, so exercising was off the table until today.  Now I am exercising on the table.  Hopefully it will hold.
  4. Have sex and/or masturbate  Obviously I am going to put that as a step.  It’s like you don’t know even know me anymore.  No wonder I masturbate so much.
  5. Remember that not every problem and/or issue that appears at once must be solved at once  There are exceptions to this.  Like if you were simultaneously getting attacked by a bear and a moose, and must figure out how to disable both at the exact same time or else face getting mauled and trampled.  And although I’m no statistician, I’d say there is only a 30% chance of that happening to you.
  6. Find something to laugh about  I choose those who still support Trump, and episodes of the IT Crowd.  Also, kitten videos, fail videos, and children’s tears.
  7. Remember that as lousy as things are going for you, someone has it far worse than you do  Take sadistic joy in their pain.  No, really, just try not to think that the universe is out to get you.  It really isn’t.  I know, because I control it now, and I have better things to do.  You aren’t that special.
  8. Watch a funny movie  It’s the holiday season.  Watch a funny holiday movie.  Like Elf, or A Christmas Story, or Back Door Sluts 9.
  9. Dance  Dance like nobody is watching.  So that means seductively.  Naked except for your tiara.  To Do They Know It’s Christmas (Feed the World).
  10. Make someone else smile  Tell them a joke.  Send them a cute message.  Run them a bath.  Towel dry them off with a warm towel.  Pour them a glass of wine.  Go down on them until they are shaking and are so exhausted that they just can’t take it anymore.  If they still aren’t smiling, just tie them down, grab the corners of their mouth, and hold it in a smile until you are satisfied or they use the safe word.

For more information on changing your fucking attitude, visit your local library and take your shit out on the poor local librarian because I don’t want to hear any more of your shit, Josh.