Ritual Writing

‘Ello dear reader(s)!

So I’m writin’ a bit of a Beltaine ritual, see yeah, and I got me a bit of an issue…

My mind is clouded by something else.   I am excited to do this here ritual, but my mind is definitely elsewhere.  Every time I try to focus, the thoughts are just piercing through like needles through flesh.

Anyway, the other big problem is that the participants in this here ritual are of many different paths in the whole pagan umbrella, so I am doing my best to keep it as friendly as can be to all, while still maintaining some element of the spiritual.

Speaking of which, did you know that a pagan umbrella is really great for keeping your clothes dry?  I didn’t even know umbrellas really have beliefs, so that came as a shock to me too.

My path is so eclectic, that I know I will be incorporating different bits of my favorites.  Some of the stricter followers of opposing paths may be put off by those, but I will try to include a bit of others to balance.   Some might think I am appropriating their practices, and they would be right.  Given that no definitive proof of any of these specific practices exist to ancient times, anyone who wants to lay claim to one thing or another is full of shit.  Every culture, every path, has certain ways of practicing.  So if they have an issue with it, they can suck it.

The group I am writing this ritual for is not a coven, and really hasn’t done rituals in the past.  We just gather to celebrate the Sabbats and talk with people of similar mindsets.  However, there have been enough requests for something, that I have chosen to volunteer.  I am still, slightly nervous about offending.

Of course, every one of every path there will be welcome, and I hope nobody feels compelled.  I think I will disclaim that anything they do not like they can be silent for if they still want to participate, or can decide not to participate at all if they so choose.  No judgment will be made, because we all know that isn’t our place.

I need to hurry up and get this done, so that I can send an advance copy onto the group administrator to ensure the racy innuendos aren’t too racy, and there is nothing too obvious that would offend the participants or the non-participants.

But I just can’t right now.  My thoughts can’t stay focused.  It’s as if my mind is tied open, waiting for the thoughts that keep invading my head to torture me once more.   Burning, searing into my consciousness.

Fucking Spring.

Ostara Greetings

Hello dear reader(s)!

Blessed Ostara!  Or Happy Spring Equinox!  Or Happy Vernal Equinox, for those of you Vern worshipers.

I’ve decided that I need a Stonehenge.  I think it would a be a really great addition to my local community and I believe it should be installed post-haste.  I would like to see it up on a hill, surrounded by fields.  And none of this half-crumbling shit either.  I think it should be constructed as originally intended.  And I could charge a fee for entry to anyone who wanted to see it except on the equinoxes and solstices when it would be free to all who wish to bask in the glory of the light of the sunrise as it aligns with the structures.

Maybe I should start a Kickstarter.

Tonight I have an Ostara celebration to attend.  I am rather excited, except my post-nasal drip is still bothering me.  It needs to stop, post-haste.

Like the other equinox (that which shall not be named, today anyway, because it isn’t all about that one), today is a day for balance.  That is a good thing, because my post-nasal drip has really fucked up my equilibrium so I can use all the balance I can get.  I do not intend to drink tonight as it would be hard enough to balance during a field sobriety test stone-sober (although being stoned, isn’t exactly sober, so I really don’t get that term).  I shall not be stoned either, unless I got some bad Sudafed.

I intend to do a spell to increase the power of the Sudafed that I shall take so I am hopefully not coughing or spewing mucus all over the new people I meet.  “Blessed (cough!  hack!) Ostara!!!”  {Extends slimy hand outward for people to look at disgustedly before running away.}

The festivities are potluck style, so I need to bring something.  I was thinking deviled eggs, as eggs are traditional to the whole fertility, rebirth aspect of this particular festivity, but deviled eggs are a pain in the ass and need to be kept cool in order not to give everyone Ostaritis, an Ostara specific food poisoning.  I may just do some phallic shaped bread (easy enough, most bread loaves are cock-shaped) and like an artichoke dip or something else low maintenance.

Today is expected to be the last good weather day here for a while.  In fact, this evening, it should rain.  I can live with that.  As long as it doesn’t snow, I will be a happy camper, only I am not camping anywhere.

Today is a good day to grow your intentions, just as a farmer would be growing crops to harvest later.  I need to think about what mine are.  I know a few, but I really need to make them more concrete, as this cement alone is just too weak.  Besides, having an intention like, “I intend to make that woman cum more times that she ever thought possible.” is great and all, just probably not the most beneficial intention to have for my life.

I actually do have a few real goals.  Real goals I am progressing toward despite my post-nasal drip.  I must take those goals and the momentum made toward them and transform them into Autobots.  I must take those goals and combine them to determine what they mean for an overall intention of how I want to live the remaining time I have here in this life.  I must prevent them from transforming into Decepticons.

I need to get up and shower, so I can go get the food.  I need to take Sudafed, so I can make it through the shower.  I need to end this post-nasal drip post-haste, and make it a no-nasal drip.  I need to stop saying things like post-haste.  There, those are my intentions.  That shit was easy.

Blessed Ostara one and all, and to all, a good day or night.  Or both.  You know what?  How about a good as long as you want it to be good?  Why not?  Why should I be stingy with my good wishes?  What are we teaching the children?!?!




Yes, I Do Spells

Hello dear reader(s)!

Welcome to another exciting edition of MyFridayBlog™!  As some of you dear reader(s) may or may not be aware, I consider myself to be a solitary, eclectic pagan.  I also consider myself to be a witch*, which (I just got to say witch which) I am sure sounds weird to a lot of people reading this, but I believe isn’t weird at all.  I think anyone with a healthy sense of empathy who actually buys into the notion that everything is connected on some level is close to becoming a witch, the only steps remaining is to actually practice the craft and to call oneself a witch.  At any rate, people unfamiliar with witches hear that and tend to scoff.  As soon as I say it, they usually ask one of two questions:

  1. So you worship Satan?  No, I don’t even believe in Satan.  And don’t give me the crap about Satan leading me astray by claiming that anything else I do worship is Satan in disguise.  I know that what I “worship” isn’t your evil (Or was he?  Well, that’s a different post.) rebel angel in your book I do not take any stock in.
  2. So, what do you do spells?  Yep.  Sure do.  Fairly often, even.  And I believe they help.

Now they think I’m insane.  I would like to know why.  What makes my spells so much crazier than your prayer?  Nothing.  Your belief in your God, and your disbelief in anything else is the only thing that makes mine seem crazier to you.  It is less accepted by the people in this culture.  That’s it.

Most of my spells involve candle magic.  It’s really my favorite.  Have you ever been to a Catholic church?   See all those candles?

Now let me make this absolutely clear:  I DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU BELIEVE, so long as you are not trying to infringe upon my beliefs or rights using those beliefs as an excuse.  I am not trying to convert anyone.  I like that generally, when I meet other witches and pagans, I am meeting people who are fairly like-minded and were not pressured into their respective paths.  So this quick explanation of my particular path is particular to me, and is not in any way an attempt to get people to believe as I do.  It is merely to explain to you that I am not crazy, or any crazier than anyone else with a belief system that hasn’t been scientifically proven.  It is also to show that I am not evil.  At least not for what I believe.

Let’s start with those spells.  To me, on my eclectic, solitary path, spells are nothing more than ultra-focused meditation.  Often in any type of meditation, the person fails because they are too focused on whether or not it is working.  In my spells, I am focused on the steps.  The circle I cast, the words I use, the candles I light, and any other specific steps I follow.  Unlike prayer, I do not ask my deities for things.  I ask my deities to help me obtain things myself.  Or if I am doing it for someone else, to help them.  As I watch the flame of the candle, I create pictures in my mind of what it will be like when I have successfully achieved what I want.  And once the spell is over, I’m relaxed, thinking clearly, and a million new ideas are forming on how to achieve something I may have been stuck on prior.  I also happen to believe that just putting it out there helps it come back to you, and that I can manipulate the energy around me to making things easier to happen, but I understand that isn’t exactly rational.  But not everything is.  I mean, Trump is President.

Now for the deities.  I do not believe in one God.  Well, I kind of do, in that my God is energy.  But to me, there are two distinct sides to that God.  That makes that God into two.  A feminine Goddess and a masculine God.  Sort of a yin-yang.  A positive and negative.  A light and dark.  Even matter has that duality.  A lot of my fellow pagans have more than the two.  Or they name them and have all kinds of different representations.  I don’t, but it certainly doesn’t bother me if their path is different.  So my Goddess and God are simply energy, and even calling them a Goddess and God are merely representations of that energy.  I do believe in the triple Goddess, maiden, mother, crone.  Just as different stages of that energy tied to time.  I believe time, and seasons, and all of the changes in light and energy can be used for planning things in your life just as farmers used the seasons to plant crops.  I believe being in tune with that energy of the natural world helps make life easier.

I believe that you can on occasion read the energy around you to divine what may be coming.  Again, not exactly rational, and I am aware of this.

Can you prove your belief system?  Even atheists can only prove up to a point.

I believe in other realms.  Many scientists believe in a multiverse.  This isn’t really that much of a stretch.

I believe in science.  I go to doctors.  I take medicine.  I think nothing that I believe that hasn’t been proven is fact, but it works for me.  Nature is my church, and natural energy is my deities.

There is so much more to my path.  I can’t go into it all on one post, or in one year.  But this is a basic run-down of what I believe.  It is simply to show you that my beliefs are no crazier than other beliefs that rely on what can’t be proven, so that when you see the pentacle around my neck, you won’t think I am some dangerous person.

But the main part of my path I want you to think about is this:  An it harm none, do what ye will.  I try very hard to live by that.  So no ritual sacrifice, no stoning people…none of that.  I do not hold as strictly to it as some, because if harming someone is the only way to protect myself from life-threatening harm, you can bet that goes out the window.  If you understand that is what I believe, maybe you won’t think I am such a threat to you and your beliefs.

*Male witches are witches, not warlocks.  Warlocks are traitors.  


Merry Mabon

Hello dear reader(s)!

Last night at sunset, I began the celebration of Mabon.  You may know it as Autumn or Fall.  Regardless of what you call it, we are officially entering my favorite time of year.  The Autumnal Equinox for me was at about 7 this morning, but Mabon goes from sunset yesterday to sunset today on my path.  Today is a day for balance, and for celebrating the harvest (since I am not a farmer, it means showing gratitude for all the work I have put in to get me where I am today, and gratitude for the light that allowed the food to grow that will sustain me through the winter, even if I am buying it from a store.)  In addition to celebrating and being thankful for where I am in life today, I will begin working (although not too hard, it is a day of balance) on preparing for my upcoming move.

As I celebrate, I reflect on all that has happened this year.  My health and strength have seemed to improve somewhat.  Not to where I can consider myself healthy, but to where I am feeling less ill than I have since prior to my diagnosis.  I have been through countless appointments, taken awful medication, and just physically put in the work to make this happen.  I am thankful for all that has allowed me to feel close to human on more days than for quite some time now.  I have forged friendships that led to me meeting new people, including my beloved Luna.  I have traveled and made preparations to begin a new life where I may stand a chance of being able to have a life close to some kind of independence, surrounded by those who raise my energy.  I have cast aside much of what no longer serves me.

I am moving within days.  It is by total coincidence that I will be arriving during the upcoming Lunar eclipse.  The blood moon.  A day I believe is good for new beginnings.  Although, as I walk further along my path, I wonder if perhaps it is no coincidence at all.  As I started paying attention to the natural universe, it seems as though the natural universe has been paying more attention to me.

Who knows?  Who cares?  I’m no zealot.  I’m happy today.  That’s the point.  Life is going well, and I am taking the time to celebrate it and reflect on it.

After I move, I get to start all the wonderful Fall activities I love so much.  The things that I like to do that make me feel more connected to the world.  I am going to go to at least one pumpkin patch.  I can’t wait to carve jack-o-lanterns to go out front of the new house.  I am going to go to at least one corn maze.  I am going to go pick apples.  I am going to go to a haunted house.  I guess they rule in Kansas City.  Not an actual haunted house, but you know, the kind that are set up to scare people for fun.  I am going to drink hot apple cider and eat pumpkin treats.  I am going to take walks in the leaves where it is not too hot.  I am going to celebrate Samhain next month and talk to Hannah when the veil is thin.  I am going to celebrate my friend’s birthday.  I am going to celebrate my own birthday.

There is a lot of terrible things going on in the world right now.  Many of it is done in the name of religions and strict interpretations thereof, that brainwash their followers into believing that not only is their God the one true God, but that the particular interpretation of what their God wants is the one and true interpretation.  Then some take it a step further and push the belief that anyone who does not follow their God, or their specific interpretation of their God is evil and must be destroyed.  Not only that, but they push people into attempting to destroy the people their God is either unwilling or incapable of destroying himself.

Regardless of what you do or do not believe, I think it is time all of us understand that attempting to force people into believing in your God isn’t doing anyone any good, including your God.  Your violence in the name your God turns people from him.  Whether you believe it is your God, or my Goddess and God, or nothing but happy coincidence in the way particles combine, I think we can all agree that we are blessed to have the gifts of the seasons, the sunlight, the streams and rivers, the plants and trees, the weather, and the chance to attempt to create the happiest life here on this blue rock in space that we can.  Whether you set aside days to do it or not, how about we appreciate the gifts that either the divine or science bestow on all of us, and quit trying to fuck it up for us all over petty arguments about who gave us the gift?  Give thanks to whatever you believe by appreciating the gifts given while you can.

Merry Mabon, Happy Fall, Happy Autumn, and Happy Spring for those of you in the Southern Hemisphere.

Blessed Be.





Eye Warship Satin

Hello dear reader(s)!

Did you know I worship Satan?  Neither did I.  But apparently I do, according to many Christians.  Which is just amazing to me considering I don’t even believe in Satan.  It is really hard to worship something you don’t believe in.  For example, one time I was with this really dominant woman who I just didn’t trust or believe in at all and…  Well, that is a story for a different blog-type-thing, but let’s just say I did not worship her, despite her demands.

Anyway, a lot of Christian type-people believe that I am a Satan worshiper.  I guess it is because I am not Christian.  If I worshiped Satan, I would hate them as Christians, but I don’t.  I hate them for being closed-minded assholes who call me a Satan worshiper.

What I am is a Pagan.

And I am very happy being a Pagan.  This path chose me, and I like being on it.  You may think I am crazy for it, and you’re probably right.  I don’t care.  I’m not looking to convert anyone.  In fact, I like my circles small.  This path chose me, just under a year ago, although the basics have always been inside.  I don’t try to bring people to my path.  It is mine.  Get your own damn path.  Or don’t.  Whatever.

So this is not one of those posts to explain to people what I believe and what I do not.  Except to say that I am not evil, and I do not worship Satan.  I’m not out there sacrificing animals or babies.  I’m not going to go into your neighborhood and paint symbols all over your property.  I respect your God and your right to believe in it/him/her/cow/etc. until that belief infringes on my right to believe as I choose.

Now, I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking, “Why I am reading this?”

Actually, what I imagine you are thinking right now is, “What is the point of all this inane babbling?”  And maybe you are.  Or maybe it is Satan whispering in my ear despite not believing in him/her/it/cow/etc.  Well, I am glad I imagined you asked.

Because if you’re a friend of mine, you’ve probably noticed all my Facebook posts recently.  You’ve probably noticed how I speak in the terms that come closest to expressing how I view things and how the language of everyday interactions with me has probably changed.  You’ve probably noticed the spells I have posted to remind myself to think of when I need to feel that things are going to be okay.  Or when I feel like I may be involved in something a lot bigger and more important than this single little life.  You may have noticed that I seem to be slightly more at peace when I am not totally freaking out over potential health issues and even when I am, those freak outs last less time and are usually less severe.  You may have even noticed a certain kind of thematic difference in some of my blog posts.  An explanation of things I have felt my whole life but never knew how to word until recently.  And you probably look at it and think I am delusional.

Cool.  Maybe I am.  I could very well be delusional, or mentally ill in more ways than just my PTSD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

But as some dude named Jiddu Krishnamurti said, “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”  (Some dude is his official title, before you all go and get mad at me for being disrespectful.  No, I am lying, it isn’t.  But still no disrespect intended or else I wouldn’t be quoting him, now would I?)

My path matters to me.  Is it illogical?  Of course it is.  Some logic could be applied to the overall concepts, but logically for some of the other things?  I’m not that stupid.

But if it isn’t hurting anyone, can’t it be nice to believe in the illogical?  If it provides someone comfort in such a hateful, awful society, should I care if you don’t like my beliefs?  Well, whether I should or not doesn’t matter because I don’t.  The best thing about my path is this:

“An it harm none, do what ye will.”

I’ve talked about that before.  You don’t have to believe as I do for that to make a profound impact on your life and on the lives of people in general.

You like crystals?  Cool.  You like this kind of music?   Cool, I don’t, but as long as you’re not forcing me to listen what do I care?  You like monogamy?  Cool.  You like polyamory?  Cool.  You like tea?  I don’t get it, but fine.  Don’t force me to drink a cup.  You like having lots of sex?  Great!  Call me. (Just kidding, I am not really looking at this time.)  You don’t?  Great, call me to hang out platonically.  You like to shoot people?  NOT FUCKING COOL.  Get it?  You like to tell people you are sending healing energy their way or are sending a spell when they ask for thoughts and prayers?  Cool.  And if they don’t want it, fine.  You go outside and talk to the trees sometimes?  So do I.  Don’t call the mental institution people, I am not a danger to myself or others.  You like Tarot?  I think it’s pretty neat.  Whether or not I actually believe the cards are a conduit to the Goddess and God (in my case) really doesn’t matter.

The great part about this particular and extremely important part of my path, is that for this one, you don’t have to be Pagan at all.

Because chances are, if you believe in any God at all, you can have faith that your God will have things covered in whatever afterlife you believe in.  Your God might even make mention that it’s not your fucking place to judge as imperfect as your punk-ass is.

And if you don’t believe in any God?  You can still take this to heart.  Change the wording if you need to.  Try “I’m not hurting anyone, and neither are you, so I’m not going to be a judgmental prick.”

Blessed Be, my friends.


Meet Me At The Fire

After sunset under waning moon
Once the circle has been broken
The fire at its center continues
After all spells are spoken

The seeds have been planted
Your petals will bloom
Our union will grow
For my Goddess soon

The light dances off skin
The sweet smell of lilac
And of your desire
This night has helped bring back

Down on the green grass
Clutching braided hair
I take my place
Inside in night air

Dance around the Maypole
Take all you desire
In bliss will you meet me
At Beltane fire

Featured Image By Yoninah – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10216975