How Not To Creep

Hello dear reader(s)!

If you are like many people, you have or currently do desire someone and may be worried about expressing that desire without being seen as a giant, disgusting creep.  Even if that statement has never applied to you, you may want to continue reading because it likely applies to someone who has or currently does desire you, and then you can use this to identify and head off the creeps in your life.  Heading off a creep can prevent the need to take the heads off creeps, which is much more favored by the legal system.

Despite what many fedora wearing neckbeards who think they are nice and call women m’lady believe, it is possible to express desire for someone without being a creep.  Despite what many desperate single ladies believe, it is possible to attract someone without sending random suggestive pics to their target’s phones.

So here is my helpful guide for those who desire someone to express that desire without being a creep.  If you are the person with the desire, you can use these helpful tips to help ensure you’re not creepy.  If you are someone who suspects someone in your life may be a creep, you can see if they are doing the opposite of these tips to help you reach the proper verdict.

Without further adieu, let’s begin, shall we?

  1. Do not be married or in a serious relationship (unless you are ethically poly)  Unless papers are filed, you are not available.  If you were serious about leaving the situation you were in, you wouldn’t need to set up the next one before you did so.  Conversely, if someone else is married or in a serious relationship, they are not going to be open to your advances, and if they are, you can bet your ass you’re going to get burned when someone else advances on them.  Hopefully for you, when you do get burned it doesn’t result in any actual burning sensations, but you will have brought that on yourself.
  2. Remember that friendship entitles to you to nothing  Most of my best friends are of the opposite sex.  And sometimes that closeness leads to an attraction.  Or sometimes they are just my type of people.  But being there for them when they are going through a rough time is not license for me to send dick pics.  I’ve said before that sometimes friends become lovers.  I have said it is okay to be attracted to a friend.  But if you can’t handle only being friends with that person, well, you never were.  And flirting a little (something I find totally acceptable) is much different from sexually harassing.   If you need any help figuring out the difference, you probably should not be attempting to flirt, because you are going to suck at it.
  3. Pay attention  Is the one you desire responding to your flirting?  Great, you are flirting.  No?  Then stop.  If you do not, I guarantee you are being a creep.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want the person you desire to desire you, they don’t.  It can hurt.  If it angers you, or you feel as though they betrayed you because you were friendly to them…you are not a friend and can’t claim to care about them.  You are a creep.  A person being nice to you is not leading you on.  Now if that person tells you they’re going to let you stick your ____ in their ____ while singing The Star Spangled Banner as you squeeze their ____ and then suddenly cancels at the last minute, only to set something up again to cancel and so on…  Maybe then you can think they’re leading you on.
  4. Escalate slowly  Let’s say you are flirting and they seem to be receptive.  Have you ever considered that some flirt without intention?  You don’t want to go from cute little signals and a comfort talking about intimate things, right to talking about making them your personal basement slave without a clear path to that point.  That can scare people off and make them think you are trying to get them to put the lotion in the basket.
  5. Be confident  Don’t open with a whine about your desperation.  Nobody wants to receive a gift nobody else could give away.  Yes, you are hungry.  Yes, you want to do things to that person that could lead to a police visit if your neighbors misunderstand the sounds being made, yes you want that person to understand your desire for them is intense.  But saying you need affection or sex is not only signalling your desperation, it is assuming theirs.  This is the single biggest difference between the “nice guys” and “nice girls”, and the people who can actually spark attraction.  The “nice” people don’t understand that unless you believe what you offer is worth something, nobody else will either.  And then, when they are rejected you suddenly see they are not so nice at all.  Making them the jerks they think people go for when they actually just go for those who know their worth.

To summarize, if you don’t want to be considered a creep, quit fucking acting like a creep.  This isn’t hard.

I think everyone has said or done something that may have pushed the line.  But pushing a line and pulling back if it seems like you could cross it is something that people should be able to do.  If you don’t, you’re a fucking creep Cindy, and you need to back the fuck off and follow the rules of the restraining order and quit fucking driving by my house and sending me messages after I blocked your ass.

Ritual Writing

‘Ello dear reader(s)!

So I’m writin’ a bit of a Beltaine ritual, see yeah, and I got me a bit of an issue…

My mind is clouded by something else.   I am excited to do this here ritual, but my mind is definitely elsewhere.  Every time I try to focus, the thoughts are just piercing through like needles through flesh.

Anyway, the other big problem is that the participants in this here ritual are of many different paths in the whole pagan umbrella, so I am doing my best to keep it as friendly as can be to all, while still maintaining some element of the spiritual.

Speaking of which, did you know that a pagan umbrella is really great for keeping your clothes dry?  I didn’t even know umbrellas really have beliefs, so that came as a shock to me too.

My path is so eclectic, that I know I will be incorporating different bits of my favorites.  Some of the stricter followers of opposing paths may be put off by those, but I will try to include a bit of others to balance.   Some might think I am appropriating their practices, and they would be right.  Given that no definitive proof of any of these specific practices exist to ancient times, anyone who wants to lay claim to one thing or another is full of shit.  Every culture, every path, has certain ways of practicing.  So if they have an issue with it, they can suck it.

The group I am writing this ritual for is not a coven, and really hasn’t done rituals in the past.  We just gather to celebrate the Sabbats and talk with people of similar mindsets.  However, there have been enough requests for something, that I have chosen to volunteer.  I am still, slightly nervous about offending.

Of course, every one of every path there will be welcome, and I hope nobody feels compelled.  I think I will disclaim that anything they do not like they can be silent for if they still want to participate, or can decide not to participate at all if they so choose.  No judgment will be made, because we all know that isn’t our place.

I need to hurry up and get this done, so that I can send an advance copy onto the group administrator to ensure the racy innuendos aren’t too racy, and there is nothing too obvious that would offend the participants or the non-participants.

But I just can’t right now.  My thoughts can’t stay focused.  It’s as if my mind is tied open, waiting for the thoughts that keep invading my head to torture me once more.   Burning, searing into my consciousness.

Fucking Spring.

Sex And Magick

Hello dear reader(s)!

Let’s start with a warning for those who freak out of over the concept of sex…

WARNING:  This post talks about sex baby.  It talks about you and me.  It talks about all the good things and the bad things that can be.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  

That’s protected by parody laws, FYI.

If you’ve been reading this here blog-type-thing for any amount of time, I feel very bad for you.  But that’s not the point here.  If you have been reading this here blog-type-thing for any amount of time, you know that I am someone who is proudly sex-positive.

Being sex-positive, I view sex positively.  It’s right there in the words.  You’d know that if you paid attention in class.  I think nothing is inherently wrong between consenting adults with full knowledge of everything involved.

What is really cool (besides me), is that in my spiritual path, sex is viewed positively.  In fact, Beltaine is coming.  And Beltaine, is a very sexual Sabbat.  Sure it is the halfway point of the year, but in marking the changes that are taking place at that time, sex is certainly a huge a part of it all.  The bees are pollinating.  Taking away the flowers by taking their pollen and fertilizing the plants that will bear fruit.  If that doesn’t bring sex to mind, then you are a far cleaner thinker than I and I feel bad for your partner(s).

In my path, you can even practice magick using sex, called…wait for it, sex magick.  (I know, right?  Who would’ve thought magick during sex would be called sex magick?  That’s just totally unrelated!)  Anyway, I am not going to go into the practice of sex magick.  I am not an instruction manual, unless someone specific wanted a lesson, and called me “teacher”.  Maybe just showed up one day, like today.  And said, “Teacher, can you teach me sex magick, pleeeeeease?”  Maybe then.  Maybe.  If she was lucky.

But you don’t have to practice sex magick or be pagan to know sex is a kind of magic in and of itself.   (Notice the change to just magic, without the K.  That was intentional.  See, things can be magical but not magick.  It’s an interesting distinction.  Like a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t always square.  I am getting off topic here.  Shapes get me all worked up.  Mmmm.  Quadrilaterals…..)

Sex bonds most people.  (Better than duct tape, even.)  It can keep connections strong.  It can allow people to feel safe and comfortable.  It can allow people to explore what is inside of themselves.  (How did that get in there?!?!)  It can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner(s) and yourself.  (Nice and deep…)  It can be an outlet for your deepest emotions and desires.  (Butter pecan ice cream?!?)

And sex can hurt.  If used improperly, it is capable of great harm.  Sex is powerful, and must be treated with respect.  “With great power, comes great responsibility.” – The rice guy.

Anything so powerful is magical.

In witchcraft, the acts you do, the spells you do, matter far less to the determination of whether it is light or dark magick than your intent.   (Which isn’t to say that anything you do in the name of magick is acceptable.  Like, no playing Nickelback during a spell or something equally horrific like live sacrifice.)

The same could be said for sex.  The acts, while they can be wonderful, (very, very wonderful, if you’re with me, baby…), matter far less than your intent.

You don’t have to be a follower of my path or a believer in magic to know that sex is powerful.  Even if you are a member of a more puritanical system of beliefs, you know that much of trying to control sex is based on the power it can have over someone.  Or the power it can give them.

But it’s my opinion that there is nothing wrong with power if you use it properly.  Whether it is magical power, sexual power, political power (can we please get someone to use that properly?), or any other kind of power.

Taking power over our lives, our bodies, and our desires is our right.  It can lift us up and remind us that we are feeling, passionate human beings.  It can remind us of what is within us that makes up a huge part of who we are.  It can also make us feel really fucking good.

For as much as sex is shied away from in our society, it is important to remember that we are only here because of the magic of sex.  Just because the sex you have isn’t intended to reproduce, it is not accident that in the right combination it is literally why we are here.  Fortunately, not every type of sex or every sex act is intended to cause reproduction.  The world is overpopulated enough as it is, and not everyone is intended to reproduce.  That is magic.

Straight sex, gay sex, self sex, monogamous sex, poly sex… if it is something between consenting adults who are fully aware of the factors at play, you are feeling the magic.  (If you are not totally selfish, your partner(s) is/are too.)  If your intentions are good, rough sex, vanilla sex, whatever you like, is good, positive magic and you should be proud to be living a magical life.

I hope this season is very magical for all of you.   😉

I leave you with a little mood music.

Featured Image By Yoninah – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10216975

Dear Trump Voters,

The people in your life either think that you are too functionally idiotic to tie your own shoes, or that you are a racist piece of shit.  In most cases, it is probably a little of both.  I would say the ones still in your life are probably leaning toward the former, unless they too, are racist pieces of shit.

What has your savior accomplished?

  • The ACA remains in place and as broken as ever.
  • Families are being split apart by the jack-booted thugs at ICE and LEGAL RESIDENTS are shot in their amateur-hour raids.  Not enough people torn apart to make your jobs come back, (as if that was ever the reason they were taken anyway), but enough to make us look like fucking Nazis to the rest of the world.
  • Millions of dollars were wasted in a fireworks show causing no real damage in which Russia was tipped who tipped Assad solely to distract from the likelihood that the Trump campaign and Russia colluded to engage in dirty tricks to influence the election.
  • The LGBTQ community is being harassed in levels not seen since the AIDS panic.  A futile effort to get rid of those who are no threat to you.
  • Sean Spicer has publicly, as the mouthpiece for our head of state, denied the Holocaust.  Remember when you rabid asshats were calling for war with Iran and were touting Ahmadenijad’s holocaust denial as evidence the entire country needed to be bombed?  Well, using your logic, that’s now us.
  • Our allies are beginning to hate us, and our enemies are being threatened on Twitter by a petulant man-child.
  • Russia may be acting upset with us for Trump’s little light show, or may be trying to deflect from their relationship, but regardless, when two countries armed the way we are happen to be posturing in the same area… things can go horribly wrong.

What hasn’t he accomplished?

  • Are you closer to the heavily marketed American Dream based on anything he has done?
  • Are the coal jobs coming back?
  • Is crime over?
  • Is your child’s school any better?
  • Are the roads and bridges any better because of his actions?
  • Are you safer?

No, the only thing he has done, is made you aware of the other hateful and stupid fucks out there who were hiding in the shadows.

About Sean Spicer today, and Trump in general…  Many people have brought out Hanlon’s razor when I call them both evil.  If you don’t know it, (and if you’re a Trump supporter, that is a near-certainty), it is, “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.”

In other words (so hopefully you Trump supporters can understand), “They ain’t evil, they just stupid”.

Because some people are stupid.  Some people misspeak.  But some people know that they are not cut out to be the motherfucking PRESS SECRETARY of the Untied States of America if they can’t do something as simple as realizing that Hitler killed 6 million Jews with chemical weapons.

Some people know they are not cut out for the job when they can’t hire someone whose job it is to talk for a living without saying some of the most reprehensible shit imaginable.  Some people are good enough people to put their fellow people over their ego.

So even if Trump is on the same brain-level as an amoeba, applying for the job, dividing the nation in the process, and taking the job was an act of malice against the people of this country and people all over the world.

And to you, the Trump supporters.  Even if you feel conned… even if you weren’t trying to be racist or xenophobic, or authortarian, or anti-human rights. or homophobic, or a Christian supremacist when you cast your ballot for him, the very fact you voted in such an uniformed and gullible way is an act of malice against the rest of your country.

You get no sympathy from me when his shit affects you too.

For The Last Time, People Don’t Suck!

Hello dear reader(s)!

Have you ever dealt with one of those people who just hates everyone?  Who thinks humanity is just a plague that needs to be cleansed from the planet?  Has dealing with them ever made you wonder why they just don’t start with themselves even though you hate the thought of someone actually committing suicide (with the exception of the Trump administration and his Congressional pets)?

I will admit, people can suck.  We have done horrible things to each other, to animals, and to the environment we rely on to sustain us.  People can be selfish, hateful, unfeeling, awful people.  They can be.

And those awful people. those that drop chemical weapons, those that manufacture those weapons, those that covertly supply those weapons, those that then put on a multi-million dollar fireworks show in what they claim is a response to the use of those weapons but is really just an attempt to distract from the investigation of collusion between those awful people and those responsible for backing the use of those weapons… those awful people get a lot of attention.

However, there are many, many more of us.  There are those who donate their own blood and organs to save strangers.  There are those that work tirelessly to ensure that people have a place to sleep and food to eat.  There are those who rescue unwanted and abused animals saved from the kinds of awful people that are currently getting all the attention.

The word “awful” has to be put in front of people when I write of the awful people because to call them simply people is to assign a humanity to them which they are clearly lacking.  I don’t have to put the word “good” in front of people to say that most people do not suck.

People have power.  People are being misled by awful people into thinking they do not.  People are being turned into awful people by the awful people in order to keep them from retaking the power that rightfully belongs to them.

Prior to the United States Civil War, then Presidential nominee Abraham Lincoln famously said that a house divided against itself cannot stand.  The awful people know this and are using it to break the will of the people.

They feed us stories of tragedy and terror.  Fear and suffering.  Hatred and evil.  A constant twenty-four hour barrage of information analyzed and justified by paid pundits to do one thing and one thing only… keep the people from seeing that most of us, just want to live in peace and take care of themselves and their loved ones.  That most people do not suck.  That if we could all understand who is keeping us from a better life in peace, things would change very rapidly.

At the end of a news segment, you have one short story about something good.  A puff piece designed to cover their agenda.   A way to pretend they have balance in their coverage.

Most news stories aren’t even useful news.  Rarely does a news entity cover who is backing a candidate’s run for office, what they received in donations, how those donations corresponded to their votes, what bills are being presented at state and local levels that receive bi-partisan support, or anything else that will help to keep an informed citizenry.

Instead, the news is filled with stories designed to scare you.  Shootings.  Bombings.  A conveniently placed next story about refugees or immigration and then you have people fearing those who they need not fear.  You do not hear about how sociopathic someone must be to fire hundreds of millions of dollars in cruise missiles to boost their poll numbers while cutting programs to help people eat.  You do not hear about how absolutely evil someone must be to drop bombs on a country because their government massacres them while leaving our doors closed to those who flee.   You are fed stories designed to make you fear the man on your block or the poor person in another country, instead of the people who can and will order the deaths of hundreds of people because they are where your buddies want to build an oil pipeline.

People do not suck.  People are awesome.  People are powerful.  Awful people suck.  Right now, the awful people are winning because they are successfully convincing some people that the threat is the people just trying to get by like themselves, and not the ones who are pulling all the strings.

The problems aren’t created by the poor people.  They aren’t created by the middle class or the upper-middle class; they aren’t even created by the rich.  But the ultra-rich in this world, I can guarantee you, have done some very horrible things to amass that amount of wealth.  No matter how they try to make up for it on the back-end with their foundations (even if most are just for publicity), they never would have gotten there without destroying lives.  By holding onto so much of it, they destroy even more.

People don’t suck.  People are being forced to compete for the scraps left behind by the awful people.  They are forced to undercut each other to sell their labor for nothing more than a chance at survival.  People become desperate, and may do some things that suck.  But people, in general, do not suck.

Awful people suck, and one day, I sincerely hope that people raid their palaces and suck away all of their ill-gotten gains.

And then I’ll be okay with those people who think people suck.

Dreaming

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for my failure to post yesterday.  I was working on a song and lost track of time before I started to get to the point where I had to get up and actually do things.  I am cooking dinner tonight for some people and I needed to get to the store to get the food necessary.  After that, I had game night with a group of some of my friends.  When I got home I talked with a very close friend until a lot later than I realized, and then I fell asleep.  Hard.

And no sooner than I shut my eyes, (I imagine based on the number of and length of dreams I had), I started dreaming.  I dream almost every night.  Sometimes, the dreams seem to be prophetic, but often, they are dreams I want to dream since I am pretty good at lucid dreaming most nights, or at the very least, setting up nice dreams to avoid the occasional nightmares I have.

But last night’s dreams were very different.  A lot of imagery, less reality than usual, and a lot of symbolism.  They were incredibly vivid, but more surreal than most of the dreams I typically have.  Strange colors and different worlds.  No real people, but a recognition of people in my life in the strange beings that inhabited the world in my dreams.

Each time I woke up from these dreams, I was smiling.  Grinning, is more accurate.  I took note of some of the imagery, the colors, the events, and the feelings.  When I actually woke up for long enough to start the day this morning, I started to consult my sources and research some of the symbolism that these dreams contained.

According to everything I checked, between the psychological and the mystical, these were great dreams, with excellent hidden meaning.  I certainly hope they are prophetic.  The dreams were about the culmination of struggle, not just for me, but some of the others close to me.  They were about the universe letting me know that while we never continue learning in this life, the difficult lessons are going to be taking a back seat to the lessons of happiness.

I’ve already been feeling it, but these dreams extend to those close to me, and bring things to a new level.

There have been major shifts throughout history.  The pendulum swings, and I really feel like it is swinging back.  I’ve said before that I think a lot of the turmoil and darkness currently in power in the world is so awful and forceful right now because it knows that it is in decline.  The old systems of power at all costs and disregard for others is going to fade, and those who profit of it are so desperate to cling to it that they amplify their darkness more than ever.  I believe it will all be futile, if we survive their reactionary tantrums.  I am convinced that a shift is taking place there.

But my dreams make me think the pendulum is swinging back on a more personal level as well.  When I really realized what was important to me, I began to put out a certain energy into the universe that attracted those who have the same priorities, and repelled those opposed.  It was difficult.  I have lost friends that were once important to me.  But I realized their priorities didn’t align with mine.  Maybe they changed, maybe I did, but eventually, everything that mattered to me, they seemed to be in opposition to.  I had some lonely times, wondering if maybe I was wrong for thinking the things I thought were important really were.

I persisted, trusting the lessons from my path.  It is better to let go of that which no longer serves you than to hang on.  But, until recently, I wondered if I would have the kind friendships and connections that would serve me.  I wondered if I could be the kind of friend or connection that would serve others.

Finally, I have begun to find my tribe.  I have solidified existing friendships with those that seem to care about other people and the things that are important to me, and I have made amazing new friends with those kinds of people as well.  The pendulum is swinging back in my life, just as I believe it is about to in the greater world.  The dreaming seems to indicate that it is gathering momentum.

In thinking about it, I wonder if that is how we change the world.  We focus on the relationships we have close.  We continue to pay attention to the world, and the happenings in it, we continue to use our voices, we continue to resist those who would plunge it into darkness…but we show light to the people near us.  We find our collective tribes and raise our vibrations to show others the happiness that can be achieved when people let go of the darkness they cling to in order to maintain their notions of power.

Dreaming is great.  Sometimes they come true, sometimes they don’t.  I hope the dreaming I did last night does.  It feels like it already is.  Maybe it will.  One thing I know for certain, is that your dreams don’t come true if you don’t keep dreaming.

So keep dreaming, and change the world for the better.

If Only

I felt like I could see you
You were stuck inside your head again
So I couldn’t get to sleep at all last night

I felt like I was drowning
You were struggling with your memories
I’m left to hope you win this fight

Remember when it was easy
I liked you and you liked me
We didn’t have these bleeding wounds then
We weren’t afraid of what could be
So what if we are wiser
If it means we’ll never see
Everything that we could hope for
If only we could be free

I thought too much about it
I made things even worse than
I would have if I didn’t know by now

I’ve lived this once before you
It wasn’t meant to be then
I hope this is different somehow

Remember when it was easy
I liked you and you liked me
We didn’t have these bleeding wounds then
We weren’t afraid of what could be
So what if we are wiser
If it means we’ll never see
Everything that we could hope for
If only we could be free

If you only knew the way I felt is real
I wonder if you could ever maybe really just let go
You could see I’d never want to see you crying
You could see the heart inside you I already know

Remember when it was easy
I liked you and you liked me
We didn’t have these bleeding wounds then
We weren’t afraid of what could be
So what if we are wiser
If it means we’ll never see
Everything that we could hope for
If only we could be free

©Joshua Wrenn 2017