How Not To Creep

Hello dear reader(s)!

If you are like many people, you have or currently do desire someone and may be worried about expressing that desire without being seen as a giant, disgusting creep.  Even if that statement has never applied to you, you may want to continue reading because it likely applies to someone who has or currently does desire you, and then you can use this to identify and head off the creeps in your life.  Heading off a creep can prevent the need to take the heads off creeps, which is much more favored by the legal system.

Despite what many fedora wearing neckbeards who think they are nice and call women m’lady believe, it is possible to express desire for someone without being a creep.  Despite what many desperate single ladies believe, it is possible to attract someone without sending random suggestive pics to their target’s phones.

So here is my helpful guide for those who desire someone to express that desire without being a creep.  If you are the person with the desire, you can use these helpful tips to help ensure you’re not creepy.  If you are someone who suspects someone in your life may be a creep, you can see if they are doing the opposite of these tips to help you reach the proper verdict.

Without further adieu, let’s begin, shall we?

  1. Do not be married or in a serious relationship (unless you are ethically poly)  Unless papers are filed, you are not available.  If you were serious about leaving the situation you were in, you wouldn’t need to set up the next one before you did so.  Conversely, if someone else is married or in a serious relationship, they are not going to be open to your advances, and if they are, you can bet your ass you’re going to get burned when someone else advances on them.  Hopefully for you, when you do get burned it doesn’t result in any actual burning sensations, but you will have brought that on yourself.
  2. Remember that friendship entitles to you to nothing  Most of my best friends are of the opposite sex.  And sometimes that closeness leads to an attraction.  Or sometimes they are just my type of people.  But being there for them when they are going through a rough time is not license for me to send dick pics.  I’ve said before that sometimes friends become lovers.  I have said it is okay to be attracted to a friend.  But if you can’t handle only being friends with that person, well, you never were.  And flirting a little (something I find totally acceptable) is much different from sexually harassing.   If you need any help figuring out the difference, you probably should not be attempting to flirt, because you are going to suck at it.
  3. Pay attention  Is the one you desire responding to your flirting?  Great, you are flirting.  No?  Then stop.  If you do not, I guarantee you are being a creep.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want the person you desire to desire you, they don’t.  It can hurt.  If it angers you, or you feel as though they betrayed you because you were friendly to them…you are not a friend and can’t claim to care about them.  You are a creep.  A person being nice to you is not leading you on.  Now if that person tells you they’re going to let you stick your ____ in their ____ while singing The Star Spangled Banner as you squeeze their ____ and then suddenly cancels at the last minute, only to set something up again to cancel and so on…  Maybe then you can think they’re leading you on.
  4. Escalate slowly  Let’s say you are flirting and they seem to be receptive.  Have you ever considered that some flirt without intention?  You don’t want to go from cute little signals and a comfort talking about intimate things, right to talking about making them your personal basement slave without a clear path to that point.  That can scare people off and make them think you are trying to get them to put the lotion in the basket.
  5. Be confident  Don’t open with a whine about your desperation.  Nobody wants to receive a gift nobody else could give away.  Yes, you are hungry.  Yes, you want to do things to that person that could lead to a police visit if your neighbors misunderstand the sounds being made, yes you want that person to understand your desire for them is intense.  But saying you need affection or sex is not only signalling your desperation, it is assuming theirs.  This is the single biggest difference between the “nice guys” and “nice girls”, and the people who can actually spark attraction.  The “nice” people don’t understand that unless you believe what you offer is worth something, nobody else will either.  And then, when they are rejected you suddenly see they are not so nice at all.  Making them the jerks they think people go for when they actually just go for those who know their worth.

To summarize, if you don’t want to be considered a creep, quit fucking acting like a creep.  This isn’t hard.

I think everyone has said or done something that may have pushed the line.  But pushing a line and pulling back if it seems like you could cross it is something that people should be able to do.  If you don’t, you’re a fucking creep Cindy, and you need to back the fuck off and follow the rules of the restraining order and quit fucking driving by my house and sending me messages after I blocked your ass.

Dreaming

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for my failure to post yesterday.  I was working on a song and lost track of time before I started to get to the point where I had to get up and actually do things.  I am cooking dinner tonight for some people and I needed to get to the store to get the food necessary.  After that, I had game night with a group of some of my friends.  When I got home I talked with a very close friend until a lot later than I realized, and then I fell asleep.  Hard.

And no sooner than I shut my eyes, (I imagine based on the number of and length of dreams I had), I started dreaming.  I dream almost every night.  Sometimes, the dreams seem to be prophetic, but often, they are dreams I want to dream since I am pretty good at lucid dreaming most nights, or at the very least, setting up nice dreams to avoid the occasional nightmares I have.

But last night’s dreams were very different.  A lot of imagery, less reality than usual, and a lot of symbolism.  They were incredibly vivid, but more surreal than most of the dreams I typically have.  Strange colors and different worlds.  No real people, but a recognition of people in my life in the strange beings that inhabited the world in my dreams.

Each time I woke up from these dreams, I was smiling.  Grinning, is more accurate.  I took note of some of the imagery, the colors, the events, and the feelings.  When I actually woke up for long enough to start the day this morning, I started to consult my sources and research some of the symbolism that these dreams contained.

According to everything I checked, between the psychological and the mystical, these were great dreams, with excellent hidden meaning.  I certainly hope they are prophetic.  The dreams were about the culmination of struggle, not just for me, but some of the others close to me.  They were about the universe letting me know that while we never continue learning in this life, the difficult lessons are going to be taking a back seat to the lessons of happiness.

I’ve already been feeling it, but these dreams extend to those close to me, and bring things to a new level.

There have been major shifts throughout history.  The pendulum swings, and I really feel like it is swinging back.  I’ve said before that I think a lot of the turmoil and darkness currently in power in the world is so awful and forceful right now because it knows that it is in decline.  The old systems of power at all costs and disregard for others is going to fade, and those who profit of it are so desperate to cling to it that they amplify their darkness more than ever.  I believe it will all be futile, if we survive their reactionary tantrums.  I am convinced that a shift is taking place there.

But my dreams make me think the pendulum is swinging back on a more personal level as well.  When I really realized what was important to me, I began to put out a certain energy into the universe that attracted those who have the same priorities, and repelled those opposed.  It was difficult.  I have lost friends that were once important to me.  But I realized their priorities didn’t align with mine.  Maybe they changed, maybe I did, but eventually, everything that mattered to me, they seemed to be in opposition to.  I had some lonely times, wondering if maybe I was wrong for thinking the things I thought were important really were.

I persisted, trusting the lessons from my path.  It is better to let go of that which no longer serves you than to hang on.  But, until recently, I wondered if I would have the kind friendships and connections that would serve me.  I wondered if I could be the kind of friend or connection that would serve others.

Finally, I have begun to find my tribe.  I have solidified existing friendships with those that seem to care about other people and the things that are important to me, and I have made amazing new friends with those kinds of people as well.  The pendulum is swinging back in my life, just as I believe it is about to in the greater world.  The dreaming seems to indicate that it is gathering momentum.

In thinking about it, I wonder if that is how we change the world.  We focus on the relationships we have close.  We continue to pay attention to the world, and the happenings in it, we continue to use our voices, we continue to resist those who would plunge it into darkness…but we show light to the people near us.  We find our collective tribes and raise our vibrations to show others the happiness that can be achieved when people let go of the darkness they cling to in order to maintain their notions of power.

Dreaming is great.  Sometimes they come true, sometimes they don’t.  I hope the dreaming I did last night does.  It feels like it already is.  Maybe it will.  One thing I know for certain, is that your dreams don’t come true if you don’t keep dreaming.

So keep dreaming, and change the world for the better.

If Only

I felt like I could see you
You were stuck inside your head again
So I couldn’t get to sleep at all last night

I felt like I was drowning
You were struggling with your memories
I’m left to hope you win this fight

Remember when it was easy
I liked you and you liked me
We didn’t have these bleeding wounds then
We weren’t afraid of what could be
So what if we are wiser
If it means we’ll never see
Everything that we could hope for
If only we could be free

I thought too much about it
I made things even worse than
I would have if I didn’t know by now

I’ve lived this once before you
It wasn’t meant to be then
I hope this is different somehow

Remember when it was easy
I liked you and you liked me
We didn’t have these bleeding wounds then
We weren’t afraid of what could be
So what if we are wiser
If it means we’ll never see
Everything that we could hope for
If only we could be free

If you only knew the way I felt is real
I wonder if you could ever maybe really just let go
You could see I’d never want to see you crying
You could see the heart inside you I already know

Remember when it was easy
I liked you and you liked me
We didn’t have these bleeding wounds then
We weren’t afraid of what could be
So what if we are wiser
If it means we’ll never see
Everything that we could hope for
If only we could be free

©Joshua Wrenn 2017

 

Generosity

Hello dear reader(s)!

Generosity is important to me.  If someone is going to be my friend, they have to be generous.  Fortunately, for the most part, I tend to attract those who are.  I like to think I am generous myself, but I suppose only those close to me know whether or not I am.

People often confuse generosity with material gift giving.  They believe that you must have a lot in order to be generous.  Yet I find the people who are the most generous, are usually the ones who do not have the most.  This is not to say that nobody materially successful can be generous, simply that the two are not inexorably linked.

Gifts are wonderful.  I love giving gifts and seeing the joy in someone’s face when they receive a gift from me.  Some of my most important possessions are things that were given to me, simply because they were given to me.  But gifts aren’t everything.

One can be generous with their consideration, they can be generous with their compassion, they can be generous with their time, they can be generous with their knowledge, with their effort.

There are times when you need to be a bit selfish.  I know that more than others.  My body occasionally tells me I have to stop what I am doing and take care of me.  But out of consideration for those who may be relying on me, I do my best to keep them apprised of any possibility I may not be available as soon as I am aware.  I make sure that people are aware I am still looking forward to something as something I commit to approaches.  If I have even the slightest notion I may not be capable of fulfilling my commitment, I don’t commit to it.  I say maybe.  I do everything I can to ensure that I will not have to cancel at the last minute, such as shifting around priorities to ensure I get extra rest or taking a little longer to sleep in before something I have planned to do.

And when someone does show generosity to you, it is generous to show gratitude.  Their generosity is a gift to you, and being grateful for it is a gift that you return to them.  Gratitude is a very generous gift because it is also a gift for yourself.  I do my best to let people know I am thankful for them, and the gifts they bring to my life.

The most generous material gifts I have received were not of the most valuable.  In my path, the most important gifts someone can give to you are the ones in which they put into them something of themselves.  Anyone can buy someone something.   The greatest gifts include someone’s effort or passion.  A gift such as that is an offering.  It is an invitation to enjoy a part of that person.  A painting, a song, a baked good, a creation of any kind is far more valuable to me than something bought.

That is not to say that items purchased can’t also be extremely generous.  It is not to say that everything meaningful has to be personally created by the giver.  Sometimes the creation given to you is merely that they paid attention to something you desired.  Sometimes the creation they give can be the efforts they went to in order to acquire something for you.  But one thing is certain regarding the generosity of gift giving, it really is the thought that counts.

My friends are generous.  They are not only generous to me, but to the thoughts and feelings of others.  They are considerate people who go out of their way to bring happiness to those with whom they interact.  I am extremely grateful for all of them.  My friends are generous with empathy when they see one person having a rough time.  They are generous with their humor to make someone smile when they can see someone needs it.

Anyway, I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say today.  I am just thinking about how grateful I am for my friends and how much I look forward to having fun with them.

Happy weekend dear reader(s), I hope yours is generous to you.

 

Intent

Okay, I’ll admit it, I really can’t forget it
Would you really want to anyway?
Timing wasn’t good, I don’t think you understood
I did not want you to go away
I told you I don’t chase, You weren’t in that place
So I tried to make things good inside the bad
But now those things have changed, Everything’s rearranged
I want that chance you know we should have had
I will not distract, Or ever hold you back
I know you’re working hard to reach your dream
But maybe you’ll decide, You’d like me by your side
I know that we could make a perfect team
So what is my intent? I just want to cement
Plans to show you just how I feel
I think we have a chance, For an epic romance
I intend to show my heart is real

No More Of This

Dear you,

I am tired of us dancing around the subject.  No amount of attempts to define it as something else will be successful.  We cannot ignore the history that we have, as much as we may wish we could.

I want you.  I have for some time now.  The only time I ever gave up hope is when I thought it was hopeless.  But now I know that for anything else to happen between us would just be unnatural.  You were meant for me.  I am supposed to have you.

I dream of inhaling your sweet scent.  Breathing you in and holding you in with my breath, so that I can truly immerse myself in you.

I dream of tasting you.  Of savoring you on my tongue.  Of drinking your wetness into me to where it seems we briefly become one.

Am I just supposed to see you so close to me and act as if I don’t know the truth of what you are?  Am I supposed to pretend like I am not craving you every time you are near?  Am I supposed to sit by and watch as someone else takes you from me?  Am I suppose to play it cool and pretend I do not thirst for your very essence?

No more of this.

I do not care about what is proper here.  I do not care about any obstacles between us.  I will move them all out of my way to get to you.  I know this is how it needs to be with us.  I see you there in that glass, lemonade, and you’re mine.

Portions Of Various Letters Never Sent

Everything I said about me thinking that you and I shouldn’t be together?  That was a lie.  I know we should.  I told you that because I knew you would never really see about us.  


I don’t need you.  I don’t need anyone.  I will stop wanting you if you keep acting like I need you.  


Is this one really real, and if so, why are you still seemingly trying for me?


Why do you want me to want you so badly, without wanting me?


I never did stop loving you.  


You weren’t the reason I stayed, but you were definitely the reason I left.  All the best things about that place are now tainted by the bitterness of memories with you.  


I know I have had a lot of relationships.  I think that is because I don’t force them.  I am fine with being single.  That said, I don’t artificially try to stop them either.  I like a good relationship too.  So let’s just see what happens, even though we both know what will.  


I really, sincerely hope that you are happy.  Happy knowing how badly you fucked up.


I am glad we are friends now.  So what if it took me years to be able to see you without wanting to die?  


I miss you, terribly.  Every single day.  I figure I always will.


You have no business dating someone until you can detach from that influence.  It wasn’t fair to me, and it won’t be fair to the next poor person that takes a chance on you.


You can’t have something you run away from.  That’s not how things work.


Goodbye.