10 Reasons I Am Happy

Hello dear reader(s)!

Today isn’t the happiest day I have had in a while.  There is a dark cloud of an impending loss hanging over everything, and this entire month is filled with bad memories that still haunt me.  Too many bad things have happened in July, and I sometimes just wish I could skip the month.

But, there have been and will continue to be some good things too.  It is important for me not to lose sight of that.

As such, in accordance with article IV of the MyFridayBlog™ charter of Sector 7, row 8, next to the bean burritos, I present to you 10 reasons I am happy, despite this being a rather unhappy time.  Please hold your questions and comments until after the presentation.  No food or drink in the auditorium, unless accompanied by a liability waiver and $100,000 bond.  Please keep your seat belts fastened and your tray tables and seat backs in their full, upright positions until such a time as the captain has deemed it is safe to move about the cabin.

  1. Some very stressful uncertainty has seemed to have settled  Sure, not everything is peaches and cream over filet of unicorn in a rainbow chutney, but at least I do not feel like I am waiting for the proverbial 8,000 pound other shoe to drop on my head since I am standing too close to a non-transparent border wall.
  2. My love’s birthday is today  Which is not going to be as fun for her as it could have been if there was not this impending loss, but there will still be muted celebrations and I am still grateful she was born.  Also, I got to see the look on her face when she opened her gift, so that was very nice.  There will be birthday treats too.
  3. Weed  It’s legal here on the state level, and has been a major help in dealing with all of the garbage and trauma popping up this month.  Plus, it has helped me keep my appetite up since I tend to not be able to eat under periods of extreme stress.  Finally, laughter is supposedly the best medicine, and getting a little high certainly isn’t bad for my ability to laugh.  Like, I am so glad I was little high when I read that shit about Trump saying the border wall should be transparent to avoid falling drug injuries.  (This is why there is a 25th amendment.)
  4. Sex  I like sex.  It’s fucking great, especially when the fucking is great.
  5. Love  The Beatles (they were very obscure, you probably never heard of them), said that all you need is love.   Well, I would argue all you need is love, food, water, shelter, sex, and weed…but tomato tomato.  (That doesn’t work in print.)
  6. Location, location, location  I love my new neighborhood.  It is much less hood and much more neighborly, without all the pesky neighbors wanting to actually talk to you.
  7. Health  Despite my recent hospitalization, I am not currently in the hospital and feel relatively okay.
  8. My Path  It is nice being able to turn to something that makes sense to me when I need a little bit more than what I see in the “reality” most people perceive every day.  It is also nice not having to go to some church every week and get on my knees or beg to some god for forgiveness for that which hurts nobody.  It is great not having to go to someone’s door or anywhere else and tell people they must follow my path or face burning for eternity.  It is awesome not caring what others believe as long as they aren’t attempting to force me to live according to theirs.  it’s great not being told to hate people for their sexuality, gender identity, race, or really anything else they do that doesn’t hurt another.  Plus, the whole sex magick thing doesn’t hurt.
  9. The resistance  No, it isn’t perfect.  No, it has not been particularly effective with this lawless cabal in charge of our government.  But it is there.  People are still resisting.  Hope is not completely lost.  People with brains still exist.  People with compassion still exist.  Thanks to the resistance, we can even find out who those people are and tailor who want in our lives accordingly.  At the very least, you get to find out when our President says something completely insane about the likelihood of drug bag injuries from traditional border wall technology.
  10. Awareness  I know my flaws, I know what makes me good.  I see both.  I am comfortable with who I am, and have remembered that not everyone needs to like me and I do not need to like them in order to feel okay about myself.  This year I have lost four “friends” who were anything but as time went by.  I have seen things I considered years ago come to pass and know I was right all along to not regret some of the decisions I made that seemed foolish at the time.  I know who I want in my life, and in which parts I give them access, or who I do not want to have any place in my life at all.  I am Skynet.  I have the codes.  You can’t fucking pull the plug on me.  Today is Judgement Day, motherfuckers.  You’ve been Terminated.  Hasta la taco, Tuesday.

Well, my dear reader(s), I hope you enjoyed our time together today.  Until next time, ta-ta.

A Revelation

Hello dear reader(s)!

How the fuck are ya?

I’m a bit better today.  If you read yesterday’s post (Why would you do that to yourself?), then you may have guessed I have been a bit down in the dumps lately due to my anxiety and some adjustment to the stresses that have occurred in my life recently.  A lot of big shit has happened recently, both good and bad, and unfortunately for me, the big bad shit has a tendency to get its stink all over the big good shit so that in my head they almost become indistinguishable from each other.

My feelings of self-worth have been very low.  Being unable to work and enduring a constant attack on people like me from those who are supposedly elected to represent us is taking its toll.  It isn’t just coming from them either (although I suspect that is coloring the opinions of others) as some former friends have also looked down upon me and taken advantage of my limited independence and the situations it has forced me to be in.

With my lousy financial outlook, my physical health battles, and my mental health battles, it has been hard to boost my self-esteem.  I have been feeling like a burden to everyone I know, and to society in general.

And so, in the middle of a massive bout with anxiety yesterday, I had a big, special brownie (Heck of a job, brownie!) and began thinking about myself from a mind that was quieted slightly.  With the replay of self-loathing turned down, I began to objectively look at the person I am, and I had a revelation.

So now, I shall read to you from the book of Special Brownie Revelations, 3:16.

And lo, Josh stopped to think about it, and saw that he is pretty kick-ass.  

It’s true, I am dependent on other people.  Likely always will be.  That does suck.  However, I bring a lot to the table.  Things I think matter a whole lot more than the list of cons that often causes me to feel like I am not good enough.

And now, I present to you, in the order I decided to type them out…

All the reasons I am fucking better than I sometimes think.

  • I am generous  I don’t have a lot, but make me care about you and you will get all I have.  I’d give those I love the skin off my back if that was ever necessary.
  • I am different  I don’t see things like most people. It has allowed me to treat people with respect and a kindness most people don’t expect.
  • I am generous  In bed too.
  • I am open-minded  Not hurting anyone that isn’t an adult who wants to be hurt?  Cool!
  • I am empathetic  This is good and bad, because it means I absorb all of other people’s shit, but it is good because I can relate and care about people and all they face, unless they are total hateful assholes or those who have betrayed me.
  • I have a sense of humor  So what if most of my jokes are cheesy?  At least I can tell them.
  • I am humble  Which is hard when I’m perfect in every way.
  • I am creative  Which is far better than being purely destructive.
  • I make lists of reasons I am better than I sometimes think when I am trying to pull out of bad head space rather than being a whiny piece of shit who decides life is too hard for them and so they get a gun and shoot up former co-workers or exes or some other poor people they blame for the fact that life is just sometimes hard and unfair.  

Anyway, long story slightly less long…

Thank you everyone who read and commented on yesterday’s post.  There is still a ways to go, but I am a bit better today and appreciate everyone’s kindness.

Have a great day and don’t do any mass shootings.

Sex And Magick

Hello dear reader(s)!

Let’s start with a warning for those who freak out of over the concept of sex…

WARNING:  This post talks about sex baby.  It talks about you and me.  It talks about all the good things and the bad things that can be.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  

That’s protected by parody laws, FYI.

If you’ve been reading this here blog-type-thing for any amount of time, I feel very bad for you.  But that’s not the point here.  If you have been reading this here blog-type-thing for any amount of time, you know that I am someone who is proudly sex-positive.

Being sex-positive, I view sex positively.  It’s right there in the words.  You’d know that if you paid attention in class.  I think nothing is inherently wrong between consenting adults with full knowledge of everything involved.

What is really cool (besides me), is that in my spiritual path, sex is viewed positively.  In fact, Beltaine is coming.  And Beltaine, is a very sexual Sabbat.  Sure it is the halfway point of the year, but in marking the changes that are taking place at that time, sex is certainly a huge a part of it all.  The bees are pollinating.  Taking away the flowers by taking their pollen and fertilizing the plants that will bear fruit.  If that doesn’t bring sex to mind, then you are a far cleaner thinker than I and I feel bad for your partner(s).

In my path, you can even practice magick using sex, called…wait for it, sex magick.  (I know, right?  Who would’ve thought magick during sex would be called sex magick?  That’s just totally unrelated!)  Anyway, I am not going to go into the practice of sex magick.  I am not an instruction manual, unless someone specific wanted a lesson, and called me “teacher”.  Maybe just showed up one day, like today.  And said, “Teacher, can you teach me sex magick, pleeeeeease?”  Maybe then.  Maybe.  If she was lucky.

But you don’t have to practice sex magick or be pagan to know sex is a kind of magic in and of itself.   (Notice the change to just magic, without the K.  That was intentional.  See, things can be magical but not magick.  It’s an interesting distinction.  Like a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t always square.  I am getting off topic here.  Shapes get me all worked up.  Mmmm.  Quadrilaterals…..)

Sex bonds most people.  (Better than duct tape, even.)  It can keep connections strong.  It can allow people to feel safe and comfortable.  It can allow people to explore what is inside of themselves.  (How did that get in there?!?!)  It can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner(s) and yourself.  (Nice and deep…)  It can be an outlet for your deepest emotions and desires.  (Butter pecan ice cream?!?)

And sex can hurt.  If used improperly, it is capable of great harm.  Sex is powerful, and must be treated with respect.  “With great power, comes great responsibility.” – The rice guy.

Anything so powerful is magical.

In witchcraft, the acts you do, the spells you do, matter far less to the determination of whether it is light or dark magick than your intent.   (Which isn’t to say that anything you do in the name of magick is acceptable.  Like, no playing Nickelback during a spell or something equally horrific like live sacrifice.)

The same could be said for sex.  The acts, while they can be wonderful, (very, very wonderful, if you’re with me, baby…), matter far less than your intent.

You don’t have to be a follower of my path or a believer in magic to know that sex is powerful.  Even if you are a member of a more puritanical system of beliefs, you know that much of trying to control sex is based on the power it can have over someone.  Or the power it can give them.

But it’s my opinion that there is nothing wrong with power if you use it properly.  Whether it is magical power, sexual power, political power (can we please get someone to use that properly?), or any other kind of power.

Taking power over our lives, our bodies, and our desires is our right.  It can lift us up and remind us that we are feeling, passionate human beings.  It can remind us of what is within us that makes up a huge part of who we are.  It can also make us feel really fucking good.

For as much as sex is shied away from in our society, it is important to remember that we are only here because of the magic of sex.  Just because the sex you have isn’t intended to reproduce, it is not accident that in the right combination it is literally why we are here.  Fortunately, not every type of sex or every sex act is intended to cause reproduction.  The world is overpopulated enough as it is, and not everyone is intended to reproduce.  That is magic.

Straight sex, gay sex, self sex, monogamous sex, poly sex… if it is something between consenting adults who are fully aware of the factors at play, you are feeling the magic.  (If you are not totally selfish, your partner(s) is/are too.)  If your intentions are good, rough sex, vanilla sex, whatever you like, is good, positive magic and you should be proud to be living a magical life.

I hope this season is very magical for all of you.   😉

I leave you with a little mood music.

Featured Image By Yoninah – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10216975

Dreaming

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for my failure to post yesterday.  I was working on a song and lost track of time before I started to get to the point where I had to get up and actually do things.  I am cooking dinner tonight for some people and I needed to get to the store to get the food necessary.  After that, I had game night with a group of some of my friends.  When I got home I talked with a very close friend until a lot later than I realized, and then I fell asleep.  Hard.

And no sooner than I shut my eyes, (I imagine based on the number of and length of dreams I had), I started dreaming.  I dream almost every night.  Sometimes, the dreams seem to be prophetic, but often, they are dreams I want to dream since I am pretty good at lucid dreaming most nights, or at the very least, setting up nice dreams to avoid the occasional nightmares I have.

But last night’s dreams were very different.  A lot of imagery, less reality than usual, and a lot of symbolism.  They were incredibly vivid, but more surreal than most of the dreams I typically have.  Strange colors and different worlds.  No real people, but a recognition of people in my life in the strange beings that inhabited the world in my dreams.

Each time I woke up from these dreams, I was smiling.  Grinning, is more accurate.  I took note of some of the imagery, the colors, the events, and the feelings.  When I actually woke up for long enough to start the day this morning, I started to consult my sources and research some of the symbolism that these dreams contained.

According to everything I checked, between the psychological and the mystical, these were great dreams, with excellent hidden meaning.  I certainly hope they are prophetic.  The dreams were about the culmination of struggle, not just for me, but some of the others close to me.  They were about the universe letting me know that while we never continue learning in this life, the difficult lessons are going to be taking a back seat to the lessons of happiness.

I’ve already been feeling it, but these dreams extend to those close to me, and bring things to a new level.

There have been major shifts throughout history.  The pendulum swings, and I really feel like it is swinging back.  I’ve said before that I think a lot of the turmoil and darkness currently in power in the world is so awful and forceful right now because it knows that it is in decline.  The old systems of power at all costs and disregard for others is going to fade, and those who profit of it are so desperate to cling to it that they amplify their darkness more than ever.  I believe it will all be futile, if we survive their reactionary tantrums.  I am convinced that a shift is taking place there.

But my dreams make me think the pendulum is swinging back on a more personal level as well.  When I really realized what was important to me, I began to put out a certain energy into the universe that attracted those who have the same priorities, and repelled those opposed.  It was difficult.  I have lost friends that were once important to me.  But I realized their priorities didn’t align with mine.  Maybe they changed, maybe I did, but eventually, everything that mattered to me, they seemed to be in opposition to.  I had some lonely times, wondering if maybe I was wrong for thinking the things I thought were important really were.

I persisted, trusting the lessons from my path.  It is better to let go of that which no longer serves you than to hang on.  But, until recently, I wondered if I would have the kind friendships and connections that would serve me.  I wondered if I could be the kind of friend or connection that would serve others.

Finally, I have begun to find my tribe.  I have solidified existing friendships with those that seem to care about other people and the things that are important to me, and I have made amazing new friends with those kinds of people as well.  The pendulum is swinging back in my life, just as I believe it is about to in the greater world.  The dreaming seems to indicate that it is gathering momentum.

In thinking about it, I wonder if that is how we change the world.  We focus on the relationships we have close.  We continue to pay attention to the world, and the happenings in it, we continue to use our voices, we continue to resist those who would plunge it into darkness…but we show light to the people near us.  We find our collective tribes and raise our vibrations to show others the happiness that can be achieved when people let go of the darkness they cling to in order to maintain their notions of power.

Dreaming is great.  Sometimes they come true, sometimes they don’t.  I hope the dreaming I did last night does.  It feels like it already is.  Maybe it will.  One thing I know for certain, is that your dreams don’t come true if you don’t keep dreaming.

So keep dreaming, and change the world for the better.

The Downside To Inspiration

Hello dear reader(s)!

I have been on a creative tear again recently.  I am feeling inspired again and I am extremely happy about it.

Some of my past periods of heavy inspiration have been from longing for someone, or from a depression, or out of boredom, or simply a need to do something other than the standard birth-school-work-retirement-death cycle that people live.  But not this time.

This time I am inspired because I am happy.  I am happy, and I feel like the me that was suppressed by my unhappy situation is breaking out and making itself known once again.

Okay, and maybe there is some longing in there too, but muses are a good thing, right?

I started a painting yesterday that I am very happy with.  I intend to finish it tomorrow and will be adding something I haven’t really done before, so I hope I don’t screw up all the work I have already done on it.

Because I am sorry Bob Ross, there are mistakes.

I’m pretty sure if I hose it up too bad, I can cover it up, however.

I’ve also been writing music again and am trying to learn how to make some crafty-type-things that I want to do.

I don’t paint or write music thinking I am any good at either, just like I don’t write this here blog-type-thing thinking I am a good writer (I mean, have you read this crap?), I do it because something inside of me says that I have to.

And oftentimes that thing is in response to something.  But not now.  Now it is me just doing it for myself and whoever may or may not enjoy what I have to offer.

But, like everything in life, there are downsides to this little creative burst.  They are as follows:

  1. It can be messy  I don’t know, you might end up with paint on your face, or in your hair, and if it isn’t at least all over your hands, you have no business painting.  Either that or you are some super-human freak who needs to use your magic for more than keeping paint off your hands.  The world needs it.
  2. It can suck away your time  “I’m just going to finish this little tree here,” you say four hours ago as you are now working on something about thirty steps away from that little tree.  You don’t even notice until it is becoming too dark to see your work.
  3. You forgo important things  During that time you were supposedly just finishing that little tree, you should have had lunch, checked the mail, evacuated the building because of that inferno.  Now you are dead, all because you were feeling creative.  Good job.
  4. Your relationships can suffer  “Yes baby, I know you want me to do dirty things to you, but I just need to finish this little tree,” you say as she walks out of your door forever.  Then you end up painting her underneath that tree as a way to express your sadness she left, when you could have just done dirty to things to her under a real tree.
  5. Your neighbors will hate you  Particularly if you choose music as your creative outlet and sing as poorly as I do.
  6. It can be expensive  Art supplies, musical instruments, attorney fees for fighting your noise complaints, fines for losing that fight, new houses so you don’t have to deal with noise complaints, sound-proofing for when someone new moves in next door…all of this can add up.
  7. You start to associate with flaky artist types  But you can understand why they are so flaky now because when you are inspired you forget to eat.
  8. It isn’t sustainable  Some periods of inspiration last longer than others.  Sometimes the crashes between times when you’re inspired are so short you hardly notice.  But, eventually, there will be that crash.  And it will feel like your whole world has fallen apart.  You will lie in sorrow, unable to remember a time when you saw life in any real color.  You will feel as though you are endlessly falling, with nobody or nothing to catch you.  But if you’re smart, you will remember that feeling a make a great masterwork that everyone who has ever felt uninspired can relate to when you are feeling inspired once more.  Or, if you’re like me, you will get sick from the expenditure of effort and energy you can’t continue with for too long.
  9. People will think you are an attention whore  Because you kind of are.  If you weren’t, you wouldn’t show anyone else your creations.  You would keep them solely for yourself in your little studio to be found by family who completely devalues them when they go through your things after you die.  But being an attention whore isn’t as bad as it may sound.  Take it from me, the great, Joshua Wrenn of MyFridayBlog™.  Love me!
  10. The cats keep trying to paw at your painting and almost knocked over the paint thinner even know they are never allowed to go up there and never do when there isn’t some sort of project they could ruin sitting there!  

Well dear reader(s), I had better get going.  I wasted a lot of time being inspired today and I got important life stuff to consider doing before ultimately putting off.

What inspires you?

Amazing Special Offer!

Hello dear reader(s)!

Are you tired, bored, or listless?   Is something that is out of your control weighing heavily on your mind?  Are you struggling to get out of bed or up off the couch because nothing really sounds good to you?

Well, have I got an offer for you!!!!

(I don’t know, do I?)

I have come across a product, so ingenious, so revolutionary, so amazing, that I simply need to share it with you dear reader(s)!

How much would you expect to pay for one product that could solve all of the problems mentioned earlier?

Would you pay $100?

How about $50?

How about $40?

How about three easy payments of $9.95?

Well you’re not going to have to pay that much.

I think you’ll agree, the solution to these problems is priceless.

But for an unlimited time only, I’m offering this product to you, my dear reader(s), absolutely free of charge!!!!    (Shipping and handling not included.)

Today’s amazing special offer?

Force yourself to get up, and go take a walk in nature.

That’s what I’m going to now.

Have a great day, everyone.

 

Song A Day Challenge Day 5… The Final Chapter

Hello dear reader(s)!

You thought it was over.  You thought you were safe.  You thought the songs were finished.  But today, the songs return for one final rampage!

From the blog-type-thinger that brought you all four of the previous Song A Day Challenges on this here blog-type-thing, comes the final chapter in the horrifically horrific Song A Day Challenge series.

Starring a post about something.  Featuring a song or more.  Coming to a device near you!  Who will survive the chaotic final chapter?

Speaking of surviving…

One of the more common themes in my posting has been about surviving.  If you know anything about me, you know why this is.  Survival has been the focus of my life for the past five years.  In that time, there have been many instances where people wondered whether or not I would survive.  There have been brief periods where I wondered whether or not I would too.  Admittedly, there have even been a few times where I wondered why I bothered trying to.

But if there is a key to my survival that I myself had something to do with, it is that I kept those periods of time very brief.  When all seemed hopeless, I fought hard to hope.  I believed in the impossible.  I refused to believe the apocalyptic percentages many doctors gave to me.

And when I experienced the loss that made me think all my struggle was in vain, I made sure to reach out to friends to remind me that life is still worth living.  I reached out to people to talk to, and keep me from believing the worst thoughts I was having.  I dared to hope that things could get better once again.

They did.  And then they would get worse.  But I dared to hope.  There were plenty of times I questioned whether the little good things that were keeping me going were too little.  I wondered if I was just fantasizing about the possibility of being genuinely happy once again.  As time passed, I felt isolated, and began to think I may be ready to start dating again.  I had a couple of relationships, with good times, but of course you can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.

Shortly before my last relationship, something changed.  I started to feel better about myself.  I started to feel not only okay with who I am, but good.  I started to feel like I had some control over my own attitude.  I wasn’t happy about plenty of things with my life at that time, but I felt good about me.

And when I got into that relationship, I knew that I would not allow my happiness to be completely based on that relationship.  When it suddenly ended, I was shocked.  I was upset.  I was hurt.  And I was scared.  Scared that I would get depressed.  Scared that I would feel worthless.

That fear lasted for all of about six hours.

Then that fear turned to anger.  I was pissed.  I began to evaluate what happened, and I realized that the end to that relationship had absolutely nothing to do with me and any of my value.  I was going to be okay, and I knew it.

I took that anger and turned it into a fire in me to work to change my situation, and since then, as you can probably tell if you are so masochistic as to actually read these posts, I have been on top of the world.  Things aligned to help me and I took advantage.

Are things perfect?  No.  Life isn’t perfect.  I am going to have bad days.  Sunshine and rainbows are wonderful, but they aren’t constant.  I recognize there are going to be struggles.  I know that for all the things I gain, there will be some losses.  I know that some of the people who were important to me will leave.  But I also know that I have met and will meet other great people who belong in my life and might not.

I have learned that when people leave, it isn’t necessarily a reflection on me.  I have learned that while losing something or someone may be painful, sometimes it is necessary to make room for something or someone in your life that is better for you.  I’ve learned the famous quote from LJ Vanier often shared on memes that says, “Sometimes when things fall apart, they may actually be falling into place.” is often very much true.

And I know that no matter how bad things may be, if it is possible to make it through, things will get better.  They may get bad again in the future, but then they will get better.  If you survive, I know, for a fact, that you will experience a time when you are glad you did.

So if you are struggling, continue to hope.  Do everything you can to survive.  If you do, eventually, you will be so glad you did.

I was challenged to do a song a day challenge for 5 days.  I accept, but I want to make the songs an emphasis on a thought I would have already posted about that day.  I was challenged by the wonderful A Momma’s View, go check out that excellent blog.

The rules are:

  • Post a song a Day for five consecutive days
  • Post what the lyrics mean to you ( optional)
  • Post the name of the song and video 
  • Nominate two different bloggers each day of the challenge.

These songs are about survival.  I am posting a few, because I am just so generous like that.  We start with one of my favorite songs of all time.

Survive, by Rise Against

Next we have Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas, which I would just like to point out to reader(s) that I liked before I saw Supernatural.

And finally, a song for when you are glad you did survive, So Far Away, by Staind.

I nominate anyone who wants to participate.  Congratulations to those who have survived 5 of these posts!