Fate

Hello dear reader(s)!

It has been a fortnight or so since last I posted.  I fear that my dear reader(s) may be vexed by lack of consistency and so I have therefore chosen to fall upon the sword of my shame rather than argue the valid points as to why my posting has not been up to the high standards I know that my dear reader(s) deserve.  I humbly apologize and beg the forgiveness of my dear reader(s), and hope they do not cast me into blog-type-thinging exile.

Alright, so now that I got that bullshit out of the way, let me ask y’all a question…

Do you motherfuckers dear reader(s) believe in fate?

I do.

Kind of.

Lemme explain.  No there is too much.  Lemme sum up.*

I think fate takes you only so far.  I believe you create your own fate.  I believe you help create the opportunities and bizarre alignments that one would call fate.  Sometimes you do it through thought.  Sometimes through intent.  Sometimes through action.  Sometimes by stepping back and doing nothing at all.  Sometimes you just need to put something out of your mind so you can recognize it when it lands right at your foot door.  Of course, usually the only thing that lands at your front door is a shitty local newspaper’s promotional copy, but that is neither here nor there.

So you’re going along, minding your own business, when suddenly you notice some sort of fated event.  Say, I don’t know… someone you know of with something major you have in common likes a comment you made on a local news story… and the next thing you know you’re connecting on a very deep level but all of these things had to align at the right time and in the right order to allow that connection.  That’s just an example.  I do not know about anything like that, honest.  But let’s just say that happens…then what?

Well, you don’t fucking make fate do all the work.  Fate has brought you to a point.  The rest is up to you.   You must now continue the effort to make the fates continue to align.

Opportunities do occasionally come up.  Are you going to be brave enough to seize them?  As an example, fate has given you the opportunity to read this post today.  Are you brave enough to read all the way through, like, share, and comment?  You owe it to fate!

Fate is awesome.  I am a big believer in fate.  I have seen too many strange things happen to produce too many things that seemed to be impossible or were simply exactly what should be at the time they came to pass in order to discount it.  So it is always going to be three easy payments of $49.99, no matter who is advertising a similar product for less, sorry.  No discounts.

But I also believe in myself, in energy, in magic, and in effort.  Once you recognize the existence of fate, you will recognize the opportunities it presents.  But you still have to do something with those opportunities if they lead to what you desire.  In doing so, you create more ways for fate to align for you.  No matter how badly your local area maintains their roads, if you put in the work, your fate will stay in alignment without dealing with mechanics and their ridiculous shop fees and attempts to upsell you on parts and services you don’t need.

When you go about your day today, pay attention.  Try to see if fate is sending you a message.  Look for the opportunities that fate provides.  Then don’t just sit there watching fate flashing in your face like a sick fucker who gets off on showing their junk to unsuspecting people in public.  Do something about it!  Take fate and run with it.  Unless Fate is the name of a stripper or something, in which case let Fate come to you.  Kidnapping strippers is not good, Bob.

Fate is calling to you.  So let her out of your trunk, Bob.

*Stolen shamelessly from the Princess Bride.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Song A Day Challenge Day 4… Song vs Song

Hello dear reader(s)!

Are two songs competing with each other today?  Um, I don’t know.  Maybe I’ll have a few today that you can decide which you like better, but that isn’t why I chose this title.  I am, once again, following with the standard sequel title, ala Freddie vs Jason, or Alien vs Predator.  So for those of you expecting a steel cage match in an octagon of doom to the death between a couple of songs…well, if you want to imagine that, I guess have fun with that?

I remember when I first accepted the notion that magic was a real thing.  Of course, I am not talking about illusionists performing tricks, but of forces we don’t understand that seem to help grant us opportunities.  And as soon as I began to believe that was real, I started to notice the way things often seemed to come together in ways that are too organized to be coincidental, too directed to be born from the chaos of chance, and too perfect not to be magic.

And noticing it has helped me to do things I never thought possible.

Once I noticed, I began looking for ways to use it.  I sincerely believe I have used it successfully on a few occasions.  Of course, magic isn’t a science.  Not everything I do will be successful, but on occasion, it seems as though those failures are actually pointing me in the direction of a better success.  A deeper happiness.  More meaningful connections.  More internal strength to overcome challenges.

To me, there is no doubt my life has been touched by magic.  I have seen it.  I have felt it.  It is just as true to me as the fact that water is made up of hydrogen and oxygen.  Using magic is an art, but the existence of magic is as much of a science to me as physics.

I am not wihtout a little healthy skepticism.  Just because someone claims to be able to use divination to tell me hidden truths doesn’t mean I believe them without hesitation.  I do not automatically believe that because someone has a sign in their window that says “Psychic” that they absolutely are.  I know about cold reading techniques.  I know the power of people only acknowledging the truths of what people think they want to hear.  I understand that there is a psychology to certain claims of magic.

But I also believe that too many things have happened in my life to be explained by any other thing yet known.  I have met people with the ability to read into truths that are not possible to be known otherwise.  People who do not profit or aim to swindle anyone, simply to share their magic with others.  I have seen things that couldn’t be explained and were witnessed by others.  I have seen the immediate and specific results of spells I have cast.  I have done my own extremely accurate divinations and watched as the truths learned later came to light.

Right now I feel like magic has brought me to a place of extreme peace and contentment.  Maybe that is delusional.  Maybe it is a placebo-effect in my mind.  Maybe all these positive feelings are simply a matter of perception.  Maybe the seeming patterns and lining up of events in strange ways is simply something I want to see.  Maybe.  I don’t believe so, but I certainly can’t definitely prove otherwise.

But if it makes me feel great, and works to make my life happier, isn’t that magic in and of itself?

I was challenged to do a song a day challenge for 5 days.  I accept, but I want to make the songs an emphasis on a thought I would have already posted about that day.  I was challenged by the wonderful A Momma’s View, go check out that excellent blog.

The rules are:

  • Post a song a Day for five consecutive days
  • Post what the lyrics mean to you ( optional)
  • Post the name of the song and video 
  • Nominate two different bloggers each day of the challenge.

You may have guessed today’s theme is magic.  I can’t imagine why, it isn’t like I mentioned it in here or anything.  So on that note, I am going to work my magic on this post and post a few of my favorite songs having to do with magic.  And I magically extend this nomination to include anyone who wants to participate.

We start with That Old Black Magic, by Frank Sinatra

Moving on to This Magic Moment by Ben E. King and the Drifters

Moving on to Black Magic Woman by Gypsy Queen and Santana

And of course, my personal favorite song having to do with magic, Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Well dear reader(s), until tomorrow, make it a magical day!

How To Be Alone For The Holidays

Hello dear reader(s)!

As some of you may or may not know (or care), I ended a relationship yesterday.  Or rather, we both ended the relationship.  At any rate, said relationship is ended.  This means (because I am not desperate), there is a good chance I will be alone for the holidays.  The holidays can be a rough time for someone to be alone, but they don’t have to be.  You can have a great holiday season without being with a romantic partner.  Think about it… No stressing over finding that special someone the perfect gift, along with more cash to spend on yourself.

You can be alone, without being lonely.  In this step-by-step (ooh baby, I’m gonna get to you giiiiirrrrrrllll) guide, you will learn the fine art of being alone, without being lonely during the holiday season.

Note:  Some of these tips suggest relying on friends and/or family which I understand makes you not technically alone.  By alone, I am referring to being without a romantic partner.  If you do not have any friends or family, you can make up imaginary ones for a substitute.  Just remember they are imaginary, and don’t listen to them if they tell you to hurt people.  

  1. Masturbate  Let’s take care of the worst part of being alone during the holidays right off the bat, shall we?  Right off the bat was not meant to be a euphemism here, but I guess if the shoe fits…  Anyway, think of masturbation as a holiday gift you give to your genitals.  And since that gift comes from you, the risk of getting a gift that keeps on giving should be nonexistent.
  2. Go look at Christmas lights  Yes, I am Pagan, and call them Christmas lights.  Sue me.  (You won’t get anything, I’m broke.)  Looking at Christmas lights is a great way to have Christmas fun, without feeling lonely.  Even if you are with someone while looking at Christmas lights, you are usually focused on the lights and so their presence doesn’t really matter all that much.  This means it is a perfect activity for those who are alone.  Especially since many displays can be viewed from your car, and since it is at night, nobody will see you performing step 1.
  3. Decorate  Put up your own Christmas light display.  Even if it is just a little string in your bedroom.  Wrap pictures hanging on the wall as if they were gifts, and hang them back up.  String some garland around.  Place the heads of your enemies on giant spikes in your front yard as a warning to all who dare to challenge your divine leadership.  The only limits to your festive decorations are your imagination, and law enforcement.
  4. Sing Christmas Carols  Do this at around 3 in the morning.  Under your neighbor’s window.  The one who parks on the street directly behind your driveway instead of in their own driveway when they have the room.  Do it loudly, so they will definitely hear how festive you are.  Do in a low growl, and a little slower than normal.  If you think after that they still aren’t feeling sufficiently festive, bring out the bagpipes.
  5. Go to the Thursday night football game with your dad who is flying into town and got you both great tickets  What?  Just me.  Sorry, not sorry.
  6. Talk to friends  Message them.  Talk on the phone.  Text.  Let them know how happy you are that they are in your life.  Let them know that you are wishing them their best ever holiday season.  Try not to breathe heavily as you are repeating step 1 while on the phone with them.
  7. Talk to family  Do NOT perform step 1!!!  Sicko.
  8. Get yourself a present  An actual present.  Indulge yourself for once.  Do you want that pair of Doc Martens?  If you can afford it, even if you already have plenty of other shoes and so it wouldn’t be the most practical thing in the world…go for it.  Or anything else you like.  It doesn’t have to be Doc Martens.  It could be anything you desire and can obtain without throwing yourself into serious debt.  Like a blindfold.  Or nipple clamps.  Or low-temperature candles.  Or a nice under-the-mattress restraint system.  Or a sunflower.  Or all of the above to be used in interesting ways.  87-1236538067o1s9
  9. Flirt  You are now under no obligations to not be flirty.  If you want to stay single, just remember to flirt without any intention.  If you are flirting with intention to someone, don’t be a jerk and flirt with intention to others.  Flirting is scientifically proven, in a double-blind clinical trial to relieve stress, make being alone for the holidays more fun, and can lead to the possibility your next holiday season will not be spent alone, if you so choose.*  *This statement has not been evaluated by the Food And Drug Administration  
  10.   Honor the connections you do have  Maybe you aren’t really alone for the holidays.  Even if you are physically alone, maybe you are less alone than if you were spending the holidays with someone who makes you feel alone while lying right next to you.  Besides, you are never alone at the holidays, because of Santa Claus.  He sees you when you’re sleeping.  He knows when you’re awake.  He knows if you’ve been bad or good.  He prefers that you are bad.  He doesn’t want you to call the cops on him when you catch him seeing if you’re sleeping.  He really, really wants your milk and cookies.

Whether you are alone, or not, the staff (me) here at MyFridayBlog™ wish you the happiest of holidays.

Life Hacks…Up Phlegm

This one trick will convince you that you’ve been reading posts wrong your whole life!

Hello dear reader(s)!

Hello not-so-dear reader(s).

I don’t really have any not-so-dear reader(s). Y’all are dear to me.  Y’all aren’t deer to me, however, unless your name is Bambi.  Then you are deer to me.  Or a stripper.  Either or.

As part of this here blog-type-thing’s never ending quest to educate, enlighten, and entertain you, my dear reader(s), the staff here at MyFridayBlog™ (I) have been scouring the globe because the globe is very dirty.  No, we (I) have been scouring the globe for the best tips and tricks to make your life run more smoothly.  As such, after a long and exhaustive search of roughly five minutes, the team (me) here at MyFridayBlog™ have assembled these amazing life hacks as a thank you to all of those who have supported this page to become the international juggernaut it is today.  These life hacks, exclusively available to subscribers (as well as anyone who happens to come across them, all of the people who read from my social media, and anyone else unfortunate enough to stumble onto them), are guaranteed to make your life amazing or you get a full refund of the $0.00 you paid for them.  I’m no expert, but that sounds like a great offer!

After reading these simple, and helpful tips, you’ll be wondering how you ever got by without them!

So, who’s ready to hack up a life?

  1. When watching a television commercial for a charity or hospital that benefits children, and they have the children read some script clearly written by adults in their little kid half-discernible baby-speak English begging you for money using words no child who can’t properly form words would ever know, much less say…resist the urge not to throw your television out of the window.  I know this seems counter-intuitive, but the amount of money you will save on replacement televisions will more than make up for the satisfaction you get from throwing your television, unless you happen to get lucky and hit one of the people who decided it would be a good idea to make those commercials with it.
  2. When upset with the city in which you live, maybe because they have practiced a growth at all costs philosophy with absolutely no planning whatsoever turning your fun city into a series of things you would like to do or see but decide not to because it is no longer worth the hassle of trying to get five fucking miles down the goddamn road and all the fucking people don’t know the basic way things work here now because they all came from fucking silicon valley and they are rapidly destroying all of the wonderful things that made this city attractive in the first place, just travel somewhere else.  Maybe take a trip to visit friends in Kansas City in less than two weeks.  Maybe go visit friends in Reno next month.   
  3. Tired of getting sauce from chicken wings all over you?  Don’t be!  Just have your partner lick it off of you as part of your kinky sex games that night.  Then you can eat chicken wings however the fuck you want to!
  4. Have a stubborn stain in a favorite article of clothing?  Don’t worry about it, just buy a new one!  Clothes are made in sweat shops now.  Unless it is some one-off designer piece of shit you paid out the ass for so you can feel better than everyone else with the clothes bought off the rack, you’ll probably spend less money to get the article of clothing replaced than you will on stain removers thanks to the wonders of child labor and lack of regulation!
  5. To keep from spilling drinks as you carry them, try being more careful, you fucking slob.  
  6. Boost your gas mileage by getting off your lazy ass and walking the five and a half feet to the store.  
  7. To keep food from spoiling, Tina, eat the food!   
  8. Pulled over?  Put the cop at ease by being a white woman!  
  9. Tired of political posts on your Facebook as if anyone is still really undecided and those who are will be swayed by logic?  So am I.  I’m fucking done. Seriously, does anyone have any ideas?  If people are going to support Mein Führer I know logic won’t sway them.  If they don’t know they need to resist Mein Führer then I know logic won’t sway them.  Please help me make it stop!  Please!!!  For the love of Josh, just stop.
  10. Have a bunch of wrapping paper that you need to store without getting it all messed up?  Just simply use gift bags from now on because wrapping paper is an unnecessary pain in the ass unless you are one of those weirdos who thinks that spending time on the floor trying to cover a mother fucking box full of thoughtful gift shit is important in showing you give a fuck about the recipient as if the goddamn gift you didn’t have to get for them isn’t enough, the greedy bastards.  Perhaps if I got a paper cut and included a spot of blood to show my sacrifice you would actually appreciate the gesture finally, or is that not good enough either?  What if I wrapped it in baby seal fur?  Would that suffice?  Nothing is ever good enough for you, is it?  I went to twelve fucking stores for this piece of shit.  Twelve.  And you’re bitching at me because I put it in a pretty bag with colored tissue paper?  What a spoiled brat you are!  I am taking the kids and going to my mother’s!  Don’t try to stop me!

We (Me) here at MyFridayBlog™ hope you can incorporate these amazing hacks into your life, and would love to hear any life hacks you may have in the comments, unless the hacking is of blood, phlegm, hairballs, or limbs.

 

Conversations

Hello dear reader(s)!

Too many times in this society we as members of society (or “Societians” if you will, or even if you won’t because this is my blog-type-thing and if I want to call members of society Societians I will and there is not a god damn thing you can do about it, thank you very much), are unwilling or unable to have conversations about the things that truly matter to us all.  Whether it be about something as important as where you put my god damn socks or something as minor by comparison as race relations, we seem to shy away from the important topics of discussion.  Oh, wait, reverse those examples.  Thank you.

Then there are times where we decide that all of our conversations must be turned into debates.  Like, just the other day I was in a very critical discussion about whether or not grey salt on dark chocolate caramels was the best thing on the planet or whether it was smoked salt on milk chocolate and the person I was attempting to converse with was obviously a moron who thought smoked salt on milk chocolate was better and felt they needed to debate their stupid opinion with me about it.  Oh yeah, they also told me all liberals should be hanged.  When all of this could have been avoided by me stating that for me, I like the grey salt on dark chocolate better and then keeping my feelings about their idiotic choice of smoked salt on milk chocolate to myself and trying to avoid rolling my eyes at their idiotic opinion.  Oh, and them saying that we could agree to disagree on politics, instead of thinking I was a treasonous traitor because I don’t hate any group of people.  So I guess there was that too, but obviously the chocolate difference is far more important.

Because if we can’t agree on chocolate, what can we agree on?

This is why I propose we have an international day of peace and chocolate.  We can stay in bed all day and eat chocolate all day and not shoot anybody.  Won’t that be nice?  A day where we can heal and remember that there is more to life than all of the disagreements and strife.  We can lay in bed all day, all of us, (although not all in the same bed, because that would have to be a huge bed), and eat chocolate.  And since we’re in bed, we can have sex while doing it.  So a day of peace and chocolate and sex.  It’s really hard to shoot someone or be a hateful prick when you’re getting laid with a face full of chocolate.

But before we can get to that International Day Of Peace, Chocolate, and Sex, we need to have the conversation.

So…um….do you want to come over for some…um…chocolate?

The conversations need to be had!!!!