How Not To Creep

Hello dear reader(s)!

If you are like many people, you have or currently do desire someone and may be worried about expressing that desire without being seen as a giant, disgusting creep.  Even if that statement has never applied to you, you may want to continue reading because it likely applies to someone who has or currently does desire you, and then you can use this to identify and head off the creeps in your life.  Heading off a creep can prevent the need to take the heads off creeps, which is much more favored by the legal system.

Despite what many fedora wearing neckbeards who think they are nice and call women m’lady believe, it is possible to express desire for someone without being a creep.  Despite what many desperate single ladies believe, it is possible to attract someone without sending random suggestive pics to their target’s phones.

So here is my helpful guide for those who desire someone to express that desire without being a creep.  If you are the person with the desire, you can use these helpful tips to help ensure you’re not creepy.  If you are someone who suspects someone in your life may be a creep, you can see if they are doing the opposite of these tips to help you reach the proper verdict.

Without further adieu, let’s begin, shall we?

  1. Do not be married or in a serious relationship (unless you are ethically poly)  Unless papers are filed, you are not available.  If you were serious about leaving the situation you were in, you wouldn’t need to set up the next one before you did so.  Conversely, if someone else is married or in a serious relationship, they are not going to be open to your advances, and if they are, you can bet your ass you’re going to get burned when someone else advances on them.  Hopefully for you, when you do get burned it doesn’t result in any actual burning sensations, but you will have brought that on yourself.
  2. Remember that friendship entitles to you to nothing  Most of my best friends are of the opposite sex.  And sometimes that closeness leads to an attraction.  Or sometimes they are just my type of people.  But being there for them when they are going through a rough time is not license for me to send dick pics.  I’ve said before that sometimes friends become lovers.  I have said it is okay to be attracted to a friend.  But if you can’t handle only being friends with that person, well, you never were.  And flirting a little (something I find totally acceptable) is much different from sexually harassing.   If you need any help figuring out the difference, you probably should not be attempting to flirt, because you are going to suck at it.
  3. Pay attention  Is the one you desire responding to your flirting?  Great, you are flirting.  No?  Then stop.  If you do not, I guarantee you are being a creep.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want the person you desire to desire you, they don’t.  It can hurt.  If it angers you, or you feel as though they betrayed you because you were friendly to them…you are not a friend and can’t claim to care about them.  You are a creep.  A person being nice to you is not leading you on.  Now if that person tells you they’re going to let you stick your ____ in their ____ while singing The Star Spangled Banner as you squeeze their ____ and then suddenly cancels at the last minute, only to set something up again to cancel and so on…  Maybe then you can think they’re leading you on.
  4. Escalate slowly  Let’s say you are flirting and they seem to be receptive.  Have you ever considered that some flirt without intention?  You don’t want to go from cute little signals and a comfort talking about intimate things, right to talking about making them your personal basement slave without a clear path to that point.  That can scare people off and make them think you are trying to get them to put the lotion in the basket.
  5. Be confident  Don’t open with a whine about your desperation.  Nobody wants to receive a gift nobody else could give away.  Yes, you are hungry.  Yes, you want to do things to that person that could lead to a police visit if your neighbors misunderstand the sounds being made, yes you want that person to understand your desire for them is intense.  But saying you need affection or sex is not only signalling your desperation, it is assuming theirs.  This is the single biggest difference between the “nice guys” and “nice girls”, and the people who can actually spark attraction.  The “nice” people don’t understand that unless you believe what you offer is worth something, nobody else will either.  And then, when they are rejected you suddenly see they are not so nice at all.  Making them the jerks they think people go for when they actually just go for those who know their worth.

To summarize, if you don’t want to be considered a creep, quit fucking acting like a creep.  This isn’t hard.

I think everyone has said or done something that may have pushed the line.  But pushing a line and pulling back if it seems like you could cross it is something that people should be able to do.  If you don’t, you’re a fucking creep Cindy, and you need to back the fuck off and follow the rules of the restraining order and quit fucking driving by my house and sending me messages after I blocked your ass.

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Ritual Writing

‘Ello dear reader(s)!

So I’m writin’ a bit of a Beltaine ritual, see yeah, and I got me a bit of an issue…

My mind is clouded by something else.   I am excited to do this here ritual, but my mind is definitely elsewhere.  Every time I try to focus, the thoughts are just piercing through like needles through flesh.

Anyway, the other big problem is that the participants in this here ritual are of many different paths in the whole pagan umbrella, so I am doing my best to keep it as friendly as can be to all, while still maintaining some element of the spiritual.

Speaking of which, did you know that a pagan umbrella is really great for keeping your clothes dry?  I didn’t even know umbrellas really have beliefs, so that came as a shock to me too.

My path is so eclectic, that I know I will be incorporating different bits of my favorites.  Some of the stricter followers of opposing paths may be put off by those, but I will try to include a bit of others to balance.   Some might think I am appropriating their practices, and they would be right.  Given that no definitive proof of any of these specific practices exist to ancient times, anyone who wants to lay claim to one thing or another is full of shit.  Every culture, every path, has certain ways of practicing.  So if they have an issue with it, they can suck it.

The group I am writing this ritual for is not a coven, and really hasn’t done rituals in the past.  We just gather to celebrate the Sabbats and talk with people of similar mindsets.  However, there have been enough requests for something, that I have chosen to volunteer.  I am still, slightly nervous about offending.

Of course, every one of every path there will be welcome, and I hope nobody feels compelled.  I think I will disclaim that anything they do not like they can be silent for if they still want to participate, or can decide not to participate at all if they so choose.  No judgment will be made, because we all know that isn’t our place.

I need to hurry up and get this done, so that I can send an advance copy onto the group administrator to ensure the racy innuendos aren’t too racy, and there is nothing too obvious that would offend the participants or the non-participants.

But I just can’t right now.  My thoughts can’t stay focused.  It’s as if my mind is tied open, waiting for the thoughts that keep invading my head to torture me once more.   Burning, searing into my consciousness.

Fucking Spring.

Dreaming

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for my failure to post yesterday.  I was working on a song and lost track of time before I started to get to the point where I had to get up and actually do things.  I am cooking dinner tonight for some people and I needed to get to the store to get the food necessary.  After that, I had game night with a group of some of my friends.  When I got home I talked with a very close friend until a lot later than I realized, and then I fell asleep.  Hard.

And no sooner than I shut my eyes, (I imagine based on the number of and length of dreams I had), I started dreaming.  I dream almost every night.  Sometimes, the dreams seem to be prophetic, but often, they are dreams I want to dream since I am pretty good at lucid dreaming most nights, or at the very least, setting up nice dreams to avoid the occasional nightmares I have.

But last night’s dreams were very different.  A lot of imagery, less reality than usual, and a lot of symbolism.  They were incredibly vivid, but more surreal than most of the dreams I typically have.  Strange colors and different worlds.  No real people, but a recognition of people in my life in the strange beings that inhabited the world in my dreams.

Each time I woke up from these dreams, I was smiling.  Grinning, is more accurate.  I took note of some of the imagery, the colors, the events, and the feelings.  When I actually woke up for long enough to start the day this morning, I started to consult my sources and research some of the symbolism that these dreams contained.

According to everything I checked, between the psychological and the mystical, these were great dreams, with excellent hidden meaning.  I certainly hope they are prophetic.  The dreams were about the culmination of struggle, not just for me, but some of the others close to me.  They were about the universe letting me know that while we never continue learning in this life, the difficult lessons are going to be taking a back seat to the lessons of happiness.

I’ve already been feeling it, but these dreams extend to those close to me, and bring things to a new level.

There have been major shifts throughout history.  The pendulum swings, and I really feel like it is swinging back.  I’ve said before that I think a lot of the turmoil and darkness currently in power in the world is so awful and forceful right now because it knows that it is in decline.  The old systems of power at all costs and disregard for others is going to fade, and those who profit of it are so desperate to cling to it that they amplify their darkness more than ever.  I believe it will all be futile, if we survive their reactionary tantrums.  I am convinced that a shift is taking place there.

But my dreams make me think the pendulum is swinging back on a more personal level as well.  When I really realized what was important to me, I began to put out a certain energy into the universe that attracted those who have the same priorities, and repelled those opposed.  It was difficult.  I have lost friends that were once important to me.  But I realized their priorities didn’t align with mine.  Maybe they changed, maybe I did, but eventually, everything that mattered to me, they seemed to be in opposition to.  I had some lonely times, wondering if maybe I was wrong for thinking the things I thought were important really were.

I persisted, trusting the lessons from my path.  It is better to let go of that which no longer serves you than to hang on.  But, until recently, I wondered if I would have the kind friendships and connections that would serve me.  I wondered if I could be the kind of friend or connection that would serve others.

Finally, I have begun to find my tribe.  I have solidified existing friendships with those that seem to care about other people and the things that are important to me, and I have made amazing new friends with those kinds of people as well.  The pendulum is swinging back in my life, just as I believe it is about to in the greater world.  The dreaming seems to indicate that it is gathering momentum.

In thinking about it, I wonder if that is how we change the world.  We focus on the relationships we have close.  We continue to pay attention to the world, and the happenings in it, we continue to use our voices, we continue to resist those who would plunge it into darkness…but we show light to the people near us.  We find our collective tribes and raise our vibrations to show others the happiness that can be achieved when people let go of the darkness they cling to in order to maintain their notions of power.

Dreaming is great.  Sometimes they come true, sometimes they don’t.  I hope the dreaming I did last night does.  It feels like it already is.  Maybe it will.  One thing I know for certain, is that your dreams don’t come true if you don’t keep dreaming.

So keep dreaming, and change the world for the better.

Generosity

Hello dear reader(s)!

Generosity is important to me.  If someone is going to be my friend, they have to be generous.  Fortunately, for the most part, I tend to attract those who are.  I like to think I am generous myself, but I suppose only those close to me know whether or not I am.

People often confuse generosity with material gift giving.  They believe that you must have a lot in order to be generous.  Yet I find the people who are the most generous, are usually the ones who do not have the most.  This is not to say that nobody materially successful can be generous, simply that the two are not inexorably linked.

Gifts are wonderful.  I love giving gifts and seeing the joy in someone’s face when they receive a gift from me.  Some of my most important possessions are things that were given to me, simply because they were given to me.  But gifts aren’t everything.

One can be generous with their consideration, they can be generous with their compassion, they can be generous with their time, they can be generous with their knowledge, with their effort.

There are times when you need to be a bit selfish.  I know that more than others.  My body occasionally tells me I have to stop what I am doing and take care of me.  But out of consideration for those who may be relying on me, I do my best to keep them apprised of any possibility I may not be available as soon as I am aware.  I make sure that people are aware I am still looking forward to something as something I commit to approaches.  If I have even the slightest notion I may not be capable of fulfilling my commitment, I don’t commit to it.  I say maybe.  I do everything I can to ensure that I will not have to cancel at the last minute, such as shifting around priorities to ensure I get extra rest or taking a little longer to sleep in before something I have planned to do.

And when someone does show generosity to you, it is generous to show gratitude.  Their generosity is a gift to you, and being grateful for it is a gift that you return to them.  Gratitude is a very generous gift because it is also a gift for yourself.  I do my best to let people know I am thankful for them, and the gifts they bring to my life.

The most generous material gifts I have received were not of the most valuable.  In my path, the most important gifts someone can give to you are the ones in which they put into them something of themselves.  Anyone can buy someone something.   The greatest gifts include someone’s effort or passion.  A gift such as that is an offering.  It is an invitation to enjoy a part of that person.  A painting, a song, a baked good, a creation of any kind is far more valuable to me than something bought.

That is not to say that items purchased can’t also be extremely generous.  It is not to say that everything meaningful has to be personally created by the giver.  Sometimes the creation given to you is merely that they paid attention to something you desired.  Sometimes the creation they give can be the efforts they went to in order to acquire something for you.  But one thing is certain regarding the generosity of gift giving, it really is the thought that counts.

My friends are generous.  They are not only generous to me, but to the thoughts and feelings of others.  They are considerate people who go out of their way to bring happiness to those with whom they interact.  I am extremely grateful for all of them.  My friends are generous with empathy when they see one person having a rough time.  They are generous with their humor to make someone smile when they can see someone needs it.

Anyway, I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say today.  I am just thinking about how grateful I am for my friends and how much I look forward to having fun with them.

Happy weekend dear reader(s), I hope yours is generous to you.

 

Song A Day Challenge Day 3… Return of the Song

Hello dear reader(s)!

I am so sorry for the delay today on this post.  It is hard to find a song that fits your mood when you are having trouble defining it for yourself.

I do know that my mood is great.  There are a lot of factors, some of which I have already posted about.  There are some factors I will not post about at this time.  There are some factors I simply don’t understand.

One factor I realized, is that I am really comfortable with who I am.  I have made a lot of peace with the challenges I face.  I still know I have value.   I am who I am, and I have people in my life who know that and are still here.  I have some people who have been there for me for as long as I can remember and some I just recently met that know who I am and still like me.  I do not have to be anything other than myself.

And the best part?  They are themselves too.  I value individuality.  All my life I have dealt with fake people.  People who try so hard to conform to the herd.  And I get it.  Standing out can be difficult.  You make yourself a target that way.  But it is dishonest to pretend to be someone you’re not.  It isn’t fair to anyone who might want to know you.  Masks always slip.  So why wear one?

Besides, do you really want to be like everyone else?  Everyone else is kind of dull.  Unique people are not only more attractive, they are more genuine.

Here is a news flash.  Everyone is different.  In some way, no two people are exactly alike.  Even identical twins have different personalities.

Yet so many people hide them.  They think they are going to be considered uncool.  And guess what?  They are.  Someone is always going to take issue with something about you.  But it’s going to be worse for you if you lose yourself trying to fit in.  Cool is just short of cold.  Do you want to be cold?  Hiding your passions and the fire within you until it dies out?  I sure as hell don’t.

To some degree, you have to fit in.  You don’t live out in the mountains in your own cabin on acres of land completely self-sufficient and isolated from the rest of humanity.  I mean, some might I am sure, but they usually become uni-bombers.  And even he had to get his bomb parts somewhere.  So there are some basic things you must do to avoid serious conflict with those others with whom you interact.

But you should never let that change you.  You should never be ashamed of who you are or what drives you if it isn’t directly harming another.  Be proud of what makes you different.  Embrace your weird.  Everyone is weird.  Only the brave show it.

I was challenged to do a song a day challenge for 5 days.  I accept, but I want to make the songs an emphasis on a thought I would have already posted about that day.  I was challenged by the wonderful A Momma’s View, go check out that excellent blog.

The rules are:

  • Post a song a Day for five consecutive days
  • Post what the lyrics mean to you ( optional)
  • Post the name of the song and video 
  • Nominate two different bloggers each day of the challenge.

But you know what?  I’m me.  I don’t need to follow these rules!  Why should I conform to some arbitrary challenge rules that really don’t have any impact on the true meaning of the challenge?  I am an individual!  I am going to do this my way today!!!!!

Aren’t I so rebellious?

So I am giving you not one, but two songs today, because I’m crazy like that!

We start with Subdivisions by Rush

And then move to Be Yourself by Audioslave

And since I have decided not to conform to these rules today, I am not nominating two bloggers to participate.  I am nominating anyone who feels like participating.  That’s right, don’t you know I’m loco?

Intent

Okay, I’ll admit it, I really can’t forget it
Would you really want to anyway?
Timing wasn’t good, I don’t think you understood
I did not want you to go away
I told you I don’t chase, You weren’t in that place
So I tried to make things good inside the bad
But now those things have changed, Everything’s rearranged
I want that chance you know we should have had
I will not distract, Or ever hold you back
I know you’re working hard to reach your dream
But maybe you’ll decide, You’d like me by your side
I know that we could make a perfect team
So what is my intent? I just want to cement
Plans to show you just how I feel
I think we have a chance, For an epic romance
I intend to show my heart is real

The N-Word

Hello dear reader(s)!

Do you think it is ever appropriate to use the N-word?  I do.  In fact, I think we all need to use the word more often.  I don’t think that we need to be as afraid of the word as we are.  I think I am going to use it right now.

No.

See?  That wasn’t so hard, was it?  Let’s do it again!

No.

What word did you think I meant?

That word?  Are you fucking crazy?!?!  I’m not using that word.  I was talking about the word “No”.  It starts with “N” too.  And we don’t use it enough.

It is okay to say no.  It really is.

Sometimes people ask you do something you are not comfortable doing.  You say yes, because you don’t want to seem rude.  You need to say no.  Sometimes people ask you to do something that you may not be capable of doing, or that you will not do your best.  Sometimes your boss wants you to take on an extra project and you’re already buried with your job and maybe some other extra thing you did.  It is okay to say no.  I mean, you might not want to to just say, “No.”, but you can say, “You know I already have this going, I’m waiting on (Insert someone slowing you down) over in Receivables to sign off so I can cut this and I am already taking on (Someone else’s thing that you decided to help out with), so I do not think I will be able to get to that in the time and quality it deserves, you may want to see if someone else can handle it.  And at that point, your boss may tell you to do it anyway, and that is when you can negotiate on moving other things around, giving you more time, or more money.  But if you just said, “Okay.”, you would be kinda fucked right now, huh?

I’ve actually been on kind of the opposite kick lately.  Especially when someone offers some fun time or experience, I have been challenging myself to say yes more often.  As long as I think I am capable, I have been saying yes to offers to go hang out, or have a party, or other fun experiences.  Even if it is something that may not be what I know I like, I have been saying yes in order to experience more and try more things.   It has been a lot of fun.  But I always reserve the right to say no.  The past few days, I have had that horrible sinus issue.  It is quite a bit better today, fortunately, but if anyone would have asked me to go hang out, I would have said no.  I wouldn’t have felt bad about it.  I get tired, and I need to take care of myself, especially when I am sick.

“No” needs to be respected.  Consent applies to everything.  It isn’t just about sex.  When someone says no, we need to understand that there is nothing wrong with the person who is saying it.  No, they may not want to go drinking.  No, they may not feel up for having sex that night.  No, they may just want to stay home and take care of themselves.  No, they might have accidentally fallen down a flight of stairs and really need you to come take them to the hospital but hopefully in that case they say would say more than “no”.  They do not owe us an explanation, although it can certainly be nice, especially if they need a ride to the hospital rather than whatever you asked them to do.

And “no” needs to be said.  Do not tell someone “sure” when you really mean “no”.  Do not make plans with someone you have no intention of keeping.  Things do come up.  I know.  I am a person who regularly says “yes” to things and later has to cancel because of some health concern.  I hate that.  My friends understand that it comes with me due to my issues.  But when I say “yes”, I always intend it to be “yes”.  I never say “yes” when I know it will become a “no”.

So get out there!  Use the N-word!  “No”!  Not the other one, geeze, did you even read this?  Don’t go use the other one.  Say “No”!