How Not To Creep

Hello dear reader(s)!

If you are like many people, you have or currently do desire someone and may be worried about expressing that desire without being seen as a giant, disgusting creep.  Even if that statement has never applied to you, you may want to continue reading because it likely applies to someone who has or currently does desire you, and then you can use this to identify and head off the creeps in your life.  Heading off a creep can prevent the need to take the heads off creeps, which is much more favored by the legal system.

Despite what many fedora wearing neckbeards who think they are nice and call women m’lady believe, it is possible to express desire for someone without being a creep.  Despite what many desperate single ladies believe, it is possible to attract someone without sending random suggestive pics to their target’s phones.

So here is my helpful guide for those who desire someone to express that desire without being a creep.  If you are the person with the desire, you can use these helpful tips to help ensure you’re not creepy.  If you are someone who suspects someone in your life may be a creep, you can see if they are doing the opposite of these tips to help you reach the proper verdict.

Without further adieu, let’s begin, shall we?

  1. Do not be married or in a serious relationship (unless you are ethically poly)  Unless papers are filed, you are not available.  If you were serious about leaving the situation you were in, you wouldn’t need to set up the next one before you did so.  Conversely, if someone else is married or in a serious relationship, they are not going to be open to your advances, and if they are, you can bet your ass you’re going to get burned when someone else advances on them.  Hopefully for you, when you do get burned it doesn’t result in any actual burning sensations, but you will have brought that on yourself.
  2. Remember that friendship entitles to you to nothing  Most of my best friends are of the opposite sex.  And sometimes that closeness leads to an attraction.  Or sometimes they are just my type of people.  But being there for them when they are going through a rough time is not license for me to send dick pics.  I’ve said before that sometimes friends become lovers.  I have said it is okay to be attracted to a friend.  But if you can’t handle only being friends with that person, well, you never were.  And flirting a little (something I find totally acceptable) is much different from sexually harassing.   If you need any help figuring out the difference, you probably should not be attempting to flirt, because you are going to suck at it.
  3. Pay attention  Is the one you desire responding to your flirting?  Great, you are flirting.  No?  Then stop.  If you do not, I guarantee you are being a creep.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want the person you desire to desire you, they don’t.  It can hurt.  If it angers you, or you feel as though they betrayed you because you were friendly to them…you are not a friend and can’t claim to care about them.  You are a creep.  A person being nice to you is not leading you on.  Now if that person tells you they’re going to let you stick your ____ in their ____ while singing The Star Spangled Banner as you squeeze their ____ and then suddenly cancels at the last minute, only to set something up again to cancel and so on…  Maybe then you can think they’re leading you on.
  4. Escalate slowly  Let’s say you are flirting and they seem to be receptive.  Have you ever considered that some flirt without intention?  You don’t want to go from cute little signals and a comfort talking about intimate things, right to talking about making them your personal basement slave without a clear path to that point.  That can scare people off and make them think you are trying to get them to put the lotion in the basket.
  5. Be confident  Don’t open with a whine about your desperation.  Nobody wants to receive a gift nobody else could give away.  Yes, you are hungry.  Yes, you want to do things to that person that could lead to a police visit if your neighbors misunderstand the sounds being made, yes you want that person to understand your desire for them is intense.  But saying you need affection or sex is not only signalling your desperation, it is assuming theirs.  This is the single biggest difference between the “nice guys” and “nice girls”, and the people who can actually spark attraction.  The “nice” people don’t understand that unless you believe what you offer is worth something, nobody else will either.  And then, when they are rejected you suddenly see they are not so nice at all.  Making them the jerks they think people go for when they actually just go for those who know their worth.

To summarize, if you don’t want to be considered a creep, quit fucking acting like a creep.  This isn’t hard.

I think everyone has said or done something that may have pushed the line.  But pushing a line and pulling back if it seems like you could cross it is something that people should be able to do.  If you don’t, you’re a fucking creep Cindy, and you need to back the fuck off and follow the rules of the restraining order and quit fucking driving by my house and sending me messages after I blocked your ass.