1/4-Ass Post

Hello dear reader(s)!

I had doctor appointments today.   Good times.   So I’ll be back tomorrow.   That’s why you’re getting this quarter-assed post from me today.   I’d call it a half-assed post, but that would require twice as much effort.

Okay, so…that’s about it for this one.  Maybe I should’ve called this 1/16-assed post.

Updating The System

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for the late hour of this post, but for like the fucking five hundredth day in a row, Windows decided to install updates again that took a few fucking hours to get done.  I have news for Microsoft, I am not working for the DNC, and therefore it is unlikely my little Surface is going to be a target of Russian hackers in collusion with the white house.

While I was waiting for said updates, I fell asleep.  I am fucking exhausted.  My own system could use an update.  Too many ups and downs lately are having their effect.  It isn’t fair to whine about it to anyone near me as what they are going through is far worse, but I do still feel, and I feel for them as well.

Oh well, life goes on, things will get better at some point, and no matter what, I will be okay.  I just wish that I had a little break in order to apply my own system updates.  A time where I can shut down and not have to deal with anything else while I make myself ready for the work ahead.

I would love to go hiking, as that is always a good reset, but it is too damn hot here (or too much on fire) and I am too damn broke to go anywhere that isn’t.  Maybe a nice walk tonight when the sun goes down will apply the patch I need to keep my system running until the full updates can be downloaded.

Anyway, I hope all of you are having a good weekend, and your operating systems are in good shape.

 

 

 

 

 

Crystal Worshiping Hippie!

Hello dear reader(s)!

It was 1980-something and my mom was going to go out with one of her friends.  She had a few books about astrology and I remember she was listening to Stevie Nicks.   I think whatever she was wearing had a paisley pattern.

I rolled my eyes so far back in my head, it is a wonder I am not more blind than I am.  (P.S.  The fact I can see at all is also proof that masturbation doesn’t make you go blind.)

Anyway, I completely remember calling my mom a crystal worshiper, and a hippie.

She is kind of an ex-hippie…kind of.  But I did not mean it in a historically accurate sense, rather, as a disparaging remark for those in need of a shower and who think that patchouli is a reasonable substitute for cleaning themselves.  (My mom showered and didn’t stink of patchouli, but the generalization is what is important here.)

Anyway, then I started to grow up a little bit.  I met a girl, and she gave me a crystal necklace with a little yin-yang symbol at the top of it.  She also had a similar crystal necklace (I believe hers was an amethyst), and told me that the crystals were linked and that I would be able to feel her through the crystal when we were apart.

I tried really heard to stifle the laughter.

But I wore the thing, for her, to make her happy.

And then I started to like it.

And soon I felt like it did seem to make me feel more connected to her when we were apart.

Then, as often happens young, that little bit of puppy love ended.  I think I either gave it back or threw it away.  I did not think of another crystal again.

Until a couple years ago, when a very good friend of mine was trying to help me through the overwhelming grief I was feeling at the loss of Hannah.  We were just talking about what we thought happened (if anything) when someone died, and I explained part of my thoughts on it and as it turns out, it sounded similar to what she believed and a variation of what I believe now.  I began to look into it, and found the foundations for my path.

When I made the decision to embrace my path, I made the decision to look into all aspects of it and all associated with it in order to see what worked best for me.  And what did I come to find?

A shit-ton (technical measurement term) of information about crystals.

Okay, I use the word “information” loosely.  It isn’t as though any of this is scientifically proven.

That’s okay, I like them.  I do not worship crystals.  But I do like them.  They do make me feel better.  Now I have a shit-ton of crystals.

20170709_151819
A small portion of the shit-ton.

I also hate the fact we spend so much on our military to protect the corporations’ ability to rape the resources that belong to the people across the globe.  So until there is a war we need to fight again to protect ourselves from tyranny (such as a revolution), I am very anti-war.  I guess that makes me a bit of a hippie.

So, basically, this post is to apologize to my mother.  I am way more of a crystal worshiping hippie than she ever was.  I even like a song or two by Stevie Nicks.

But I don’t wear paisley, and I fucking hate patchouli.

I prefer Sandalwood.

Blessed Be, my friends.

 

 

Fuck Anxiety

Hello dear reader(s)!

Last night after midnight (I guess that makes it early morning), I made the mistake of reading my “On This Day” feed from Facebook.  Today in my history is a very bad day.  No matter who I love now, or how much, the fact remains that two years ago today, I walked with the person I loved into the hospital and she never walked out.  So I couldn’t sleep last night after that.  Today, I am totally fucked up.

On top of that, I am not the only one in the house with bad anxiety.  So, yeah.

I am very happy I have reentered the blog-type-thinging world.  It is a coping mechanism.  Coping mechanisms are vital to get through this bullshit.

One of the big issues I have with anxiety though, is that I feel very unmotivated to ever even begin doing any of the things that help me to cope.  Once I force myself, I feel better, but I really have to force it.

People who know me, know I have been through a lot.  A multi-year long battle against my body is really no fun at all.  I have been hospitalized so much that I could fake being a doctor.  I still have so many issues years after the cancer is gone.

And yet, I think the toll it (and everything else) has taken on my mind is far worse.  I am not certain that 100% of the fatigue I feel so often is purely due to the damage from the treatment and all the complications.  I am beginning to believe a lot of it is purely due to the damage it has caused my mind.

I like cannabis for my anxiety, but I do not like being high ALL the time, so I use it sparingly.  It was made recreational legal (at the state level, fuck you Jeffyboy!) here and so I occasionally enjoy an edible for it.  I am very anti-driving under any type of influence though, and so even if I didn’t mind being high all of the time, I couldn’t use it every time I felt it would help.  I’ve tried the CBD stuff with no success.  There has to be some THC in it to help me.

Pharmaceuticals for anxiety are a fucking joke.  I’ve been on Ativan and Clonazepam and they both make me feel like fucking zombie (all the impairment of cannabis, without the pleasant feeling) and are highly addictive and can kill you if you run out.  That knowledge does not exactly help one’s anxiety.

“Hey, guess what, anxious person?  The doctor who refills your medication is on a fucking vacation and you can’t get a refill because the DEA has decided that drugs are bad, Mm’Kay?  So, too bad, so sad if the withdrawals kill you.”

So I don’t use that pharmaceutical poison.  It isn’t that effective, and the side effects are prohibitively awful.  In other words, like a lot of my conditions, I just have to deal.

I take no medicine for my neuropathy (although the cannabis can help with that too) because the medicine for it is worse than the pain.  Being in constant pain isn’t good for anxiety either.  But knowing that most legal medicines are actually rather terrible and pushed on us like candy causes a little anxiety too.

It is no wonder people drink themselves to death.  There is no really effective way to just stop the wheels is our head from spinning without some kind of substance.  Pharmaceuticals are dangerous and ineffective.  Alcohol is also very, very dangerous and causes severe rebound anxiety.  Cannabis is pretty effective, but is not federally legal (and therefore not as widely available), and comes with a ridiculous stigma associated with it.  It also causes some intoxication and sometimes you just don’t want to be intoxicated.  Out of all the substances, I will choose cannabis, but I wish there was some way just to cure this fucking head disease.  I have tried therapy, and while I have learned some techniques to manage it better, it sure as hell doesn’t make it go away.

In the meantime, I will just cope the best I can, like I always do.

 

 

 

 

Real Healthcare NOW!

Hello dear reader(s)!

I hate health insurance companies.  So do my doctors.  So do most of the staff I have dealt with, even though I know that without the for-profit middle-men of the insurance companies interfering in health care, many of that staff would not be employed.

The simple fact of the matter, is that health insurance companies make everyone’s health care more expensive, and less effective.

Here is an example, from this morning.

I have a Medicare Advantage plan.   It usually picks up the other 20% Medicare won’t pay, (minus co-pays, deductibles, etc…) and also sets up yearly out-of-pocket maximums which makes it worth it.  It also has a decent drug plan.  However, that means you are subject to networks, and in my case (because it is HMO style), referrals.

So today, I went to an appointment with a PCP (Primary Care Physician, not the drug), in order to…wait for it…get referrals.

You see, for me, with my history, every damn thing I need requires specialists.  A Primary Care Physician simply can’t grasp all of the different pieces of the puzzle that is me.  There are a lot of people like me.

Yet insurance companies work off of what is good for the average patient they are fleecing and know that most people don’t usually need specialists and that they can save more money just be being seen by Primary Care Doctors.

But not me.  And not a lot of other people.  My Primary Care Doctor really has no business being involved in my care.  Yet here I am, taking up an appointment slot, causing a doctor to get paid asking me questions on why I need the specialists I seek when I know damn-well why and could call them myself for the appointments if my insurance would pay.

It is always a fight too.  Despite being part of the same health group of my most recent hospitalization, the initial hospitalization of my first chemotherapy post-diagnosis, and some follow-up care and other hospitalizations, they still have to waste time asking me questions to justify the need.  They finally pull up a bit of records and then they agree, knowing that they have neither the time nor the expertise to treat me.  They bill my insurance company who spreads the costs out in terms of premiums and my insurance company receives money from Medicare.  It was a completely unnecessary visit, but people must get paid.

In addition, my Primary Care Physician always seems to believe they will uncover some truth the specialists will miss or are unrelated to my vast history and will order labs.  (As if the specialists won’t duplicate the same tests when under their care.)  Now I have to go do labs that will then be billed to my insurance company and the government, increasing costs.

The labs will come out abnormal (because it’s me) and the people at the office of the Primary Care Physician will not understand that is my normal and that only a specialist can really properly interpret the numbers.  They will panic and either have me go the ER or come back in for another appointment rather than give me the numbers over the phone or just send them on to the multiple specialists I am already being referred to.  Everyone will get paid.


It’s fucking bullshit.

These fucking death profiteers need to get their grubby-ass hands out of the game altogether.  They are not legitimately insurance, as insurance indemnifies against loss and they just profit while sticking their nose in your treatment.  Their profit margins are so high, as is their overhead, that costs are ridiculous.

Additionally, every hospital and provider group need to hire additional staff in order to deal with these scum which makes the costs of everyone’s healthcare increase.

Then the GOP turns around and blames the sick for everyone’s high costs, not even mentioning the obscene profits of those with their dirty fingers in the pie.  Real insurance, would be able to cover everyone, with lower costs.  Insurance is a pool, everyone pays into.  The money is available for those who need, on the likely scenario that people paying in will not all need it, but it is there just in case.  When people dip into that pool for insane profits and lavish lifestyles, it makes it seem as though that pool is not big enough even though without the unchecked greed and extra costs, it absolutely would be.

Canada does healthcare great.  Is it perfect?  Nothing is.  But the biggest complaints I hear about Canadian healthcare is the wait for elective procedures.   Our wait is growing here too, and we aren’t covering everyone.

Add to that George W. Bush’s gift to big pharma that Medicare won’t even negotiate for drug prices as a block, and it is no wonder people (not just the poor) are losing everything when a health issue arises.

Despite popular belief, a lot of the catastrophic health issues that arise have nothing to do with lifestyle.


My Medicare Advantage plan is better than Medicare alone.  Am I glad I have it?  No.  Because in most places I wouldn’t need it.  It costs money for the premiums and my income is already severely limited.

A lot of people do not like the politicians in this country.  I am one of them.  Just because vast amounts of money are thrown at someone, doesn’t mean they need to take it and let it influence them.  But a lot of people seem to miss that there are people behind the politicians trying and succeeding at buying their influence.  They claim healthcare is so expensive but throw vast sums of money at people who are supposed to represent you in order to influence policy in a way that brings them the highest possible profits.


We need single-payer healthcare.  Genuine healthcare that isn’t tied to a company’s stock price.  Until we have it, do not expect anything to get better.


If the people ever rise up, I would hope they remember that it is not just the government who is the threat.

 

 

MyFridayBlog is Independent

Hello dear reader(s)!

Here in the good ol’ US of A, it is Independence Day.  On this day, we decided to leave the UK which was maybe a good idea given Brexit and the Tories, but we fucked it up by electing Trump.  I guess dying by losing healthcare is better than being burned alive in a fucking tower, though.

Anyway, I’m not really celebrating ‘Merca today.  What’s to celebrate?  We are being fucking assholes.

So, I’m finally feeling like I can start being back at this shit again a little more regularly.  I am sorry for the false starts, reduced schedules which I couldn’t keep to, etc, etc…

A lot of shit has happened recently, that left me in no position to be able to post.  They include, but are not limited to…

  • 2 recent moves  1 long distance, 1 across town that was sudden and unexpected.
  • Falling deeply in love  When you start trying to spend all your time with someone, it doesn’t leave much time for blog-type-thinging.  I am still deeply in love, only now I can blog-type-thing while still spending time with my beloved.
  • A multi-day hospitalization  Severe sepsis is what they called it, although I think it was only a mild bacteremia.
  • Outpatient infusions  Having to get IV antibiotics through a PICC line for days after my hospital release due to the bacteremia/sepsis.
  • Dealing with an SSDI review  That likely will not take my most recent hospitalization into account.  Good times.
  • Worrying about the vast majority of my town being on fire  Okay, that is more recent, but still…  Meanwhile, in the area of a fire yesterday that has burned over 13,500 acres, dumbfucks are still lighting off illegal fireworks.  ‘Merca.
  • Enjoying delicious scones  Well, they are good, and do take time away.  Right now I am enjoying a delicious vanilla scone with a lime glaze, courtesy of my love.
  • Freaking out about the lack of “humanity” among humans especially those idiots who think that being patriotic is waving a piece of cloth made in another country for profit as the very ideals that piece of cloth are supposed to represent are no longer important to them 

Anyway, despite my definite decision not to celebrate this day of nationalism and false superiority, I will be barbecuing later today.  Not with anyone but those close to me, and not for Independence Day but just because it is going to be hot, everyone else will be barbecuing which will lead to barbecue aroma envy, and I like to barbecue.

We will be making uncured nitrate and nitrite free dogs, with potato salad.  I am rather excited by this development and might live-stream the whole event on my FUCKLIVESTREAMING account if I feel there is enough interest.

So, long story slightly less long and candy coated for your enjoyment, I am back, bitches!  (I understand “bitches” may be offensive to some, but that is okay, because you can call me a bitch and I won’t care, and if a certain someone were to in the correct context, I might actually enjoy it, or I might not, but that is none of your business, is it?)

I look forward to reestablishing myself as a regular post-type-thinger and reader, and you should too, because I said so and you have not fought a revolution against me to get out from under my rule.

Happy Day, everyone!

 

 

I Am Here For You

Hello dear reader(s)!

Did you miss me?  I missed me.  I missed me hard.

I realize I went MIA there for a while, and there is good reason for that.  I have been insanely busy, or sick, or lazy, or preoccupied.   I have definitely been distracted.  Everything has conspired to keep me from this-here blog-type-thing for quite some time now.  It had gotten to the point to where I considered abandoning it altogether.  (Everyone:  It had gotten to the point to where I considered abandoning it.)

But then I thought about you, my dear reader(s).  Lost and confused in a world without MyFridayBlog™, and all of the goodness and light it brings.  I could abandon my blog-type-thing, but not you, my dear reader(s).

Especially not in times like these, when fascists rule our government, polluters rule our lands, and people actually wait in fucking lines for shitty chicken sandwiches from homophobic businesses.   If I completely went away, the terrorists would win.

However, even though I have made my triumphant return to blog-type-thinging, the news isn’t all good.  It’s fake.  All of it.  Even the true stuff is just fake news.  Especially when it is about our dear Fuhrer Trump and his merry band of fascist traitors in this de-facto Russian Republic.  But the real bad news here is that while I am still going to be blog-type-thinging, I definitely need to scale this motherfucker back.

I am going back to a posting schedule.  I was thinking Fridays (but then it might like the title!), but also Saturdays and Sundays.   I just have too many other things I need/want to do when I have any limited energy to be wasting hours and hours of the day carefully crafting these magical, life-changing words for you day in and day out.

So…  let’s try to catch you up since I last posted.  Let’s see…

Trump should be impeached and if he isn’t, the GOP is just as guilty of treason as he is.  But I think I have been saying that for some time now.  Despite it being fake news, it is very real treason.

My life has done a complete 180 (with exception of my health, that’s still an issue) since relocating.

The AHCA has passed the House and if it resembles anything close to what the Senate comes up with then people will get desperate and do desperate things.

My area is in a housing bubble.  Most of the country is.  It’s fucking ridiculous.

It’s hot today.  Too hot.  It’s only going to get hotter coming up.  I think I need to get air conditioning clothes.

Um…  I guess that’s about it for now.   I’ll be back Friday, like the title of this-here blog-type-thing.  Might stalk all your shit in the meantime.

Peace be with you.  (And also with you.)