I Am Here For You

Hello dear reader(s)!

Did you miss me?  I missed me.  I missed me hard.

I realize I went MIA there for a while, and there is good reason for that.  I have been insanely busy, or sick, or lazy, or preoccupied.   I have definitely been distracted.  Everything has conspired to keep me from this-here blog-type-thing for quite some time now.  It had gotten to the point to where I considered abandoning it altogether.  (Everyone:  It had gotten to the point to where I considered abandoning it.)

But then I thought about you, my dear reader(s).  Lost and confused in a world without MyFridayBlog™, and all of the goodness and light it brings.  I could abandon my blog-type-thing, but not you, my dear reader(s).

Especially not in times like these, when fascists rule our government, polluters rule our lands, and people actually wait in fucking lines for shitty chicken sandwiches from homophobic businesses.   If I completely went away, the terrorists would win.

However, even though I have made my triumphant return to blog-type-thinging, the news isn’t all good.  It’s fake.  All of it.  Even the true stuff is just fake news.  Especially when it is about our dear Fuhrer Trump and his merry band of fascist traitors in this de-facto Russian Republic.  But the real bad news here is that while I am still going to be blog-type-thinging, I definitely need to scale this motherfucker back.

I am going back to a posting schedule.  I was thinking Fridays (but then it might like the title!), but also Saturdays and Sundays.   I just have too many other things I need/want to do when I have any limited energy to be wasting hours and hours of the day carefully crafting these magical, life-changing words for you day in and day out.

So…  let’s try to catch you up since I last posted.  Let’s see…

Trump should be impeached and if he isn’t, the GOP is just as guilty of treason as he is.  But I think I have been saying that for some time now.  Despite it being fake news, it is very real treason.

My life has done a complete 180 (with exception of my health, that’s still an issue) since relocating.

The AHCA has passed the House and if it resembles anything close to what the Senate comes up with then people will get desperate and do desperate things.

My area is in a housing bubble.  Most of the country is.  It’s fucking ridiculous.

It’s hot today.  Too hot.  It’s only going to get hotter coming up.  I think I need to get air conditioning clothes.

Um…  I guess that’s about it for now.   I’ll be back Friday, like the title of this-here blog-type-thing.  Might stalk all your shit in the meantime.

Peace be with you.  (And also with you.)

Ritual Writing

‘Ello dear reader(s)!

So I’m writin’ a bit of a Beltaine ritual, see yeah, and I got me a bit of an issue…

My mind is clouded by something else.   I am excited to do this here ritual, but my mind is definitely elsewhere.  Every time I try to focus, the thoughts are just piercing through like needles through flesh.

Anyway, the other big problem is that the participants in this here ritual are of many different paths in the whole pagan umbrella, so I am doing my best to keep it as friendly as can be to all, while still maintaining some element of the spiritual.

Speaking of which, did you know that a pagan umbrella is really great for keeping your clothes dry?  I didn’t even know umbrellas really have beliefs, so that came as a shock to me too.

My path is so eclectic, that I know I will be incorporating different bits of my favorites.  Some of the stricter followers of opposing paths may be put off by those, but I will try to include a bit of others to balance.   Some might think I am appropriating their practices, and they would be right.  Given that no definitive proof of any of these specific practices exist to ancient times, anyone who wants to lay claim to one thing or another is full of shit.  Every culture, every path, has certain ways of practicing.  So if they have an issue with it, they can suck it.

The group I am writing this ritual for is not a coven, and really hasn’t done rituals in the past.  We just gather to celebrate the Sabbats and talk with people of similar mindsets.  However, there have been enough requests for something, that I have chosen to volunteer.  I am still, slightly nervous about offending.

Of course, every one of every path there will be welcome, and I hope nobody feels compelled.  I think I will disclaim that anything they do not like they can be silent for if they still want to participate, or can decide not to participate at all if they so choose.  No judgment will be made, because we all know that isn’t our place.

I need to hurry up and get this done, so that I can send an advance copy onto the group administrator to ensure the racy innuendos aren’t too racy, and there is nothing too obvious that would offend the participants or the non-participants.

But I just can’t right now.  My thoughts can’t stay focused.  It’s as if my mind is tied open, waiting for the thoughts that keep invading my head to torture me once more.   Burning, searing into my consciousness.

Fucking Spring.

The Downside To Inspiration

Hello dear reader(s)!

I have been on a creative tear again recently.  I am feeling inspired again and I am extremely happy about it.

Some of my past periods of heavy inspiration have been from longing for someone, or from a depression, or out of boredom, or simply a need to do something other than the standard birth-school-work-retirement-death cycle that people live.  But not this time.

This time I am inspired because I am happy.  I am happy, and I feel like the me that was suppressed by my unhappy situation is breaking out and making itself known once again.

Okay, and maybe there is some longing in there too, but muses are a good thing, right?

I started a painting yesterday that I am very happy with.  I intend to finish it tomorrow and will be adding something I haven’t really done before, so I hope I don’t screw up all the work I have already done on it.

Because I am sorry Bob Ross, there are mistakes.

I’m pretty sure if I hose it up too bad, I can cover it up, however.

I’ve also been writing music again and am trying to learn how to make some crafty-type-things that I want to do.

I don’t paint or write music thinking I am any good at either, just like I don’t write this here blog-type-thing thinking I am a good writer (I mean, have you read this crap?), I do it because something inside of me says that I have to.

And oftentimes that thing is in response to something.  But not now.  Now it is me just doing it for myself and whoever may or may not enjoy what I have to offer.

But, like everything in life, there are downsides to this little creative burst.  They are as follows:

  1. It can be messy  I don’t know, you might end up with paint on your face, or in your hair, and if it isn’t at least all over your hands, you have no business painting.  Either that or you are some super-human freak who needs to use your magic for more than keeping paint off your hands.  The world needs it.
  2. It can suck away your time  “I’m just going to finish this little tree here,” you say four hours ago as you are now working on something about thirty steps away from that little tree.  You don’t even notice until it is becoming too dark to see your work.
  3. You forgo important things  During that time you were supposedly just finishing that little tree, you should have had lunch, checked the mail, evacuated the building because of that inferno.  Now you are dead, all because you were feeling creative.  Good job.
  4. Your relationships can suffer  “Yes baby, I know you want me to do dirty things to you, but I just need to finish this little tree,” you say as she walks out of your door forever.  Then you end up painting her underneath that tree as a way to express your sadness she left, when you could have just done dirty to things to her under a real tree.
  5. Your neighbors will hate you  Particularly if you choose music as your creative outlet and sing as poorly as I do.
  6. It can be expensive  Art supplies, musical instruments, attorney fees for fighting your noise complaints, fines for losing that fight, new houses so you don’t have to deal with noise complaints, sound-proofing for when someone new moves in next door…all of this can add up.
  7. You start to associate with flaky artist types  But you can understand why they are so flaky now because when you are inspired you forget to eat.
  8. It isn’t sustainable  Some periods of inspiration last longer than others.  Sometimes the crashes between times when you’re inspired are so short you hardly notice.  But, eventually, there will be that crash.  And it will feel like your whole world has fallen apart.  You will lie in sorrow, unable to remember a time when you saw life in any real color.  You will feel as though you are endlessly falling, with nobody or nothing to catch you.  But if you’re smart, you will remember that feeling a make a great masterwork that everyone who has ever felt uninspired can relate to when you are feeling inspired once more.  Or, if you’re like me, you will get sick from the expenditure of effort and energy you can’t continue with for too long.
  9. People will think you are an attention whore  Because you kind of are.  If you weren’t, you wouldn’t show anyone else your creations.  You would keep them solely for yourself in your little studio to be found by family who completely devalues them when they go through your things after you die.  But being an attention whore isn’t as bad as it may sound.  Take it from me, the great, Joshua Wrenn of MyFridayBlog™.  Love me!
  10. The cats keep trying to paw at your painting and almost knocked over the paint thinner even know they are never allowed to go up there and never do when there isn’t some sort of project they could ruin sitting there!  

Well dear reader(s), I had better get going.  I wasted a lot of time being inspired today and I got important life stuff to consider doing before ultimately putting off.

What inspires you?

Generosity

Hello dear reader(s)!

Generosity is important to me.  If someone is going to be my friend, they have to be generous.  Fortunately, for the most part, I tend to attract those who are.  I like to think I am generous myself, but I suppose only those close to me know whether or not I am.

People often confuse generosity with material gift giving.  They believe that you must have a lot in order to be generous.  Yet I find the people who are the most generous, are usually the ones who do not have the most.  This is not to say that nobody materially successful can be generous, simply that the two are not inexorably linked.

Gifts are wonderful.  I love giving gifts and seeing the joy in someone’s face when they receive a gift from me.  Some of my most important possessions are things that were given to me, simply because they were given to me.  But gifts aren’t everything.

One can be generous with their consideration, they can be generous with their compassion, they can be generous with their time, they can be generous with their knowledge, with their effort.

There are times when you need to be a bit selfish.  I know that more than others.  My body occasionally tells me I have to stop what I am doing and take care of me.  But out of consideration for those who may be relying on me, I do my best to keep them apprised of any possibility I may not be available as soon as I am aware.  I make sure that people are aware I am still looking forward to something as something I commit to approaches.  If I have even the slightest notion I may not be capable of fulfilling my commitment, I don’t commit to it.  I say maybe.  I do everything I can to ensure that I will not have to cancel at the last minute, such as shifting around priorities to ensure I get extra rest or taking a little longer to sleep in before something I have planned to do.

And when someone does show generosity to you, it is generous to show gratitude.  Their generosity is a gift to you, and being grateful for it is a gift that you return to them.  Gratitude is a very generous gift because it is also a gift for yourself.  I do my best to let people know I am thankful for them, and the gifts they bring to my life.

The most generous material gifts I have received were not of the most valuable.  In my path, the most important gifts someone can give to you are the ones in which they put into them something of themselves.  Anyone can buy someone something.   The greatest gifts include someone’s effort or passion.  A gift such as that is an offering.  It is an invitation to enjoy a part of that person.  A painting, a song, a baked good, a creation of any kind is far more valuable to me than something bought.

That is not to say that items purchased can’t also be extremely generous.  It is not to say that everything meaningful has to be personally created by the giver.  Sometimes the creation given to you is merely that they paid attention to something you desired.  Sometimes the creation they give can be the efforts they went to in order to acquire something for you.  But one thing is certain regarding the generosity of gift giving, it really is the thought that counts.

My friends are generous.  They are not only generous to me, but to the thoughts and feelings of others.  They are considerate people who go out of their way to bring happiness to those with whom they interact.  I am extremely grateful for all of them.  My friends are generous with empathy when they see one person having a rough time.  They are generous with their humor to make someone smile when they can see someone needs it.

Anyway, I don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say today.  I am just thinking about how grateful I am for my friends and how much I look forward to having fun with them.

Happy weekend dear reader(s), I hope yours is generous to you.

 

Song A Day Challenge Day 5… The Final Chapter

Hello dear reader(s)!

You thought it was over.  You thought you were safe.  You thought the songs were finished.  But today, the songs return for one final rampage!

From the blog-type-thinger that brought you all four of the previous Song A Day Challenges on this here blog-type-thing, comes the final chapter in the horrifically horrific Song A Day Challenge series.

Starring a post about something.  Featuring a song or more.  Coming to a device near you!  Who will survive the chaotic final chapter?

Speaking of surviving…

One of the more common themes in my posting has been about surviving.  If you know anything about me, you know why this is.  Survival has been the focus of my life for the past five years.  In that time, there have been many instances where people wondered whether or not I would survive.  There have been brief periods where I wondered whether or not I would too.  Admittedly, there have even been a few times where I wondered why I bothered trying to.

But if there is a key to my survival that I myself had something to do with, it is that I kept those periods of time very brief.  When all seemed hopeless, I fought hard to hope.  I believed in the impossible.  I refused to believe the apocalyptic percentages many doctors gave to me.

And when I experienced the loss that made me think all my struggle was in vain, I made sure to reach out to friends to remind me that life is still worth living.  I reached out to people to talk to, and keep me from believing the worst thoughts I was having.  I dared to hope that things could get better once again.

They did.  And then they would get worse.  But I dared to hope.  There were plenty of times I questioned whether the little good things that were keeping me going were too little.  I wondered if I was just fantasizing about the possibility of being genuinely happy once again.  As time passed, I felt isolated, and began to think I may be ready to start dating again.  I had a couple of relationships, with good times, but of course you can’t rely on someone else to make you happy.

Shortly before my last relationship, something changed.  I started to feel better about myself.  I started to feel not only okay with who I am, but good.  I started to feel like I had some control over my own attitude.  I wasn’t happy about plenty of things with my life at that time, but I felt good about me.

And when I got into that relationship, I knew that I would not allow my happiness to be completely based on that relationship.  When it suddenly ended, I was shocked.  I was upset.  I was hurt.  And I was scared.  Scared that I would get depressed.  Scared that I would feel worthless.

That fear lasted for all of about six hours.

Then that fear turned to anger.  I was pissed.  I began to evaluate what happened, and I realized that the end to that relationship had absolutely nothing to do with me and any of my value.  I was going to be okay, and I knew it.

I took that anger and turned it into a fire in me to work to change my situation, and since then, as you can probably tell if you are so masochistic as to actually read these posts, I have been on top of the world.  Things aligned to help me and I took advantage.

Are things perfect?  No.  Life isn’t perfect.  I am going to have bad days.  Sunshine and rainbows are wonderful, but they aren’t constant.  I recognize there are going to be struggles.  I know that for all the things I gain, there will be some losses.  I know that some of the people who were important to me will leave.  But I also know that I have met and will meet other great people who belong in my life and might not.

I have learned that when people leave, it isn’t necessarily a reflection on me.  I have learned that while losing something or someone may be painful, sometimes it is necessary to make room for something or someone in your life that is better for you.  I’ve learned the famous quote from LJ Vanier often shared on memes that says, “Sometimes when things fall apart, they may actually be falling into place.” is often very much true.

And I know that no matter how bad things may be, if it is possible to make it through, things will get better.  They may get bad again in the future, but then they will get better.  If you survive, I know, for a fact, that you will experience a time when you are glad you did.

So if you are struggling, continue to hope.  Do everything you can to survive.  If you do, eventually, you will be so glad you did.

I was challenged to do a song a day challenge for 5 days.  I accept, but I want to make the songs an emphasis on a thought I would have already posted about that day.  I was challenged by the wonderful A Momma’s View, go check out that excellent blog.

The rules are:

  • Post a song a Day for five consecutive days
  • Post what the lyrics mean to you ( optional)
  • Post the name of the song and video 
  • Nominate two different bloggers each day of the challenge.

These songs are about survival.  I am posting a few, because I am just so generous like that.  We start with one of my favorite songs of all time.

Survive, by Rise Against

Next we have Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas, which I would just like to point out to reader(s) that I liked before I saw Supernatural.

And finally, a song for when you are glad you did survive, So Far Away, by Staind.

I nominate anyone who wants to participate.  Congratulations to those who have survived 5 of these posts!

Song A Day Challenge Day 4… Song vs Song

Hello dear reader(s)!

Are two songs competing with each other today?  Um, I don’t know.  Maybe I’ll have a few today that you can decide which you like better, but that isn’t why I chose this title.  I am, once again, following with the standard sequel title, ala Freddie vs Jason, or Alien vs Predator.  So for those of you expecting a steel cage match in an octagon of doom to the death between a couple of songs…well, if you want to imagine that, I guess have fun with that?

I remember when I first accepted the notion that magic was a real thing.  Of course, I am not talking about illusionists performing tricks, but of forces we don’t understand that seem to help grant us opportunities.  And as soon as I began to believe that was real, I started to notice the way things often seemed to come together in ways that are too organized to be coincidental, too directed to be born from the chaos of chance, and too perfect not to be magic.

And noticing it has helped me to do things I never thought possible.

Once I noticed, I began looking for ways to use it.  I sincerely believe I have used it successfully on a few occasions.  Of course, magic isn’t a science.  Not everything I do will be successful, but on occasion, it seems as though those failures are actually pointing me in the direction of a better success.  A deeper happiness.  More meaningful connections.  More internal strength to overcome challenges.

To me, there is no doubt my life has been touched by magic.  I have seen it.  I have felt it.  It is just as true to me as the fact that water is made up of hydrogen and oxygen.  Using magic is an art, but the existence of magic is as much of a science to me as physics.

I am not wihtout a little healthy skepticism.  Just because someone claims to be able to use divination to tell me hidden truths doesn’t mean I believe them without hesitation.  I do not automatically believe that because someone has a sign in their window that says “Psychic” that they absolutely are.  I know about cold reading techniques.  I know the power of people only acknowledging the truths of what people think they want to hear.  I understand that there is a psychology to certain claims of magic.

But I also believe that too many things have happened in my life to be explained by any other thing yet known.  I have met people with the ability to read into truths that are not possible to be known otherwise.  People who do not profit or aim to swindle anyone, simply to share their magic with others.  I have seen things that couldn’t be explained and were witnessed by others.  I have seen the immediate and specific results of spells I have cast.  I have done my own extremely accurate divinations and watched as the truths learned later came to light.

Right now I feel like magic has brought me to a place of extreme peace and contentment.  Maybe that is delusional.  Maybe it is a placebo-effect in my mind.  Maybe all these positive feelings are simply a matter of perception.  Maybe the seeming patterns and lining up of events in strange ways is simply something I want to see.  Maybe.  I don’t believe so, but I certainly can’t definitely prove otherwise.

But if it makes me feel great, and works to make my life happier, isn’t that magic in and of itself?

I was challenged to do a song a day challenge for 5 days.  I accept, but I want to make the songs an emphasis on a thought I would have already posted about that day.  I was challenged by the wonderful A Momma’s View, go check out that excellent blog.

The rules are:

  • Post a song a Day for five consecutive days
  • Post what the lyrics mean to you ( optional)
  • Post the name of the song and video 
  • Nominate two different bloggers each day of the challenge.

You may have guessed today’s theme is magic.  I can’t imagine why, it isn’t like I mentioned it in here or anything.  So on that note, I am going to work my magic on this post and post a few of my favorite songs having to do with magic.  And I magically extend this nomination to include anyone who wants to participate.

We start with That Old Black Magic, by Frank Sinatra

Moving on to This Magic Moment by Ben E. King and the Drifters

Moving on to Black Magic Woman by Gypsy Queen and Santana

And of course, my personal favorite song having to do with magic, Blood Sugar Sex Magik by the Red Hot Chili Peppers

Well dear reader(s), until tomorrow, make it a magical day!

Song A Day Challenge Day 3… Return of the Song

Hello dear reader(s)!

I am so sorry for the delay today on this post.  It is hard to find a song that fits your mood when you are having trouble defining it for yourself.

I do know that my mood is great.  There are a lot of factors, some of which I have already posted about.  There are some factors I will not post about at this time.  There are some factors I simply don’t understand.

One factor I realized, is that I am really comfortable with who I am.  I have made a lot of peace with the challenges I face.  I still know I have value.   I am who I am, and I have people in my life who know that and are still here.  I have some people who have been there for me for as long as I can remember and some I just recently met that know who I am and still like me.  I do not have to be anything other than myself.

And the best part?  They are themselves too.  I value individuality.  All my life I have dealt with fake people.  People who try so hard to conform to the herd.  And I get it.  Standing out can be difficult.  You make yourself a target that way.  But it is dishonest to pretend to be someone you’re not.  It isn’t fair to anyone who might want to know you.  Masks always slip.  So why wear one?

Besides, do you really want to be like everyone else?  Everyone else is kind of dull.  Unique people are not only more attractive, they are more genuine.

Here is a news flash.  Everyone is different.  In some way, no two people are exactly alike.  Even identical twins have different personalities.

Yet so many people hide them.  They think they are going to be considered uncool.  And guess what?  They are.  Someone is always going to take issue with something about you.  But it’s going to be worse for you if you lose yourself trying to fit in.  Cool is just short of cold.  Do you want to be cold?  Hiding your passions and the fire within you until it dies out?  I sure as hell don’t.

To some degree, you have to fit in.  You don’t live out in the mountains in your own cabin on acres of land completely self-sufficient and isolated from the rest of humanity.  I mean, some might I am sure, but they usually become uni-bombers.  And even he had to get his bomb parts somewhere.  So there are some basic things you must do to avoid serious conflict with those others with whom you interact.

But you should never let that change you.  You should never be ashamed of who you are or what drives you if it isn’t directly harming another.  Be proud of what makes you different.  Embrace your weird.  Everyone is weird.  Only the brave show it.

I was challenged to do a song a day challenge for 5 days.  I accept, but I want to make the songs an emphasis on a thought I would have already posted about that day.  I was challenged by the wonderful A Momma’s View, go check out that excellent blog.

The rules are:

  • Post a song a Day for five consecutive days
  • Post what the lyrics mean to you ( optional)
  • Post the name of the song and video 
  • Nominate two different bloggers each day of the challenge.

But you know what?  I’m me.  I don’t need to follow these rules!  Why should I conform to some arbitrary challenge rules that really don’t have any impact on the true meaning of the challenge?  I am an individual!  I am going to do this my way today!!!!!

Aren’t I so rebellious?

So I am giving you not one, but two songs today, because I’m crazy like that!

We start with Subdivisions by Rush

And then move to Be Yourself by Audioslave

And since I have decided not to conform to these rules today, I am not nominating two bloggers to participate.  I am nominating anyone who feels like participating.  That’s right, don’t you know I’m loco?