Sex And Magick

Hello dear reader(s)!

Let’s start with a warning for those who freak out of over the concept of sex…

WARNING:  This post talks about sex baby.  It talks about you and me.  It talks about all the good things and the bad things that can be.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  It talks about sex.  

That’s protected by parody laws, FYI.

If you’ve been reading this here blog-type-thing for any amount of time, I feel very bad for you.  But that’s not the point here.  If you have been reading this here blog-type-thing for any amount of time, you know that I am someone who is proudly sex-positive.

Being sex-positive, I view sex positively.  It’s right there in the words.  You’d know that if you paid attention in class.  I think nothing is inherently wrong between consenting adults with full knowledge of everything involved.

What is really cool (besides me), is that in my spiritual path, sex is viewed positively.  In fact, Beltaine is coming.  And Beltaine, is a very sexual Sabbat.  Sure it is the halfway point of the year, but in marking the changes that are taking place at that time, sex is certainly a huge a part of it all.  The bees are pollinating.  Taking away the flowers by taking their pollen and fertilizing the plants that will bear fruit.  If that doesn’t bring sex to mind, then you are a far cleaner thinker than I and I feel bad for your partner(s).

In my path, you can even practice magick using sex, called…wait for it, sex magick.  (I know, right?  Who would’ve thought magick during sex would be called sex magick?  That’s just totally unrelated!)  Anyway, I am not going to go into the practice of sex magick.  I am not an instruction manual, unless someone specific wanted a lesson, and called me “teacher”.  Maybe just showed up one day, like today.  And said, “Teacher, can you teach me sex magick, pleeeeeease?”  Maybe then.  Maybe.  If she was lucky.

But you don’t have to practice sex magick or be pagan to know sex is a kind of magic in and of itself.   (Notice the change to just magic, without the K.  That was intentional.  See, things can be magical but not magick.  It’s an interesting distinction.  Like a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle isn’t always square.  I am getting off topic here.  Shapes get me all worked up.  Mmmm.  Quadrilaterals…..)

Sex bonds most people.  (Better than duct tape, even.)  It can keep connections strong.  It can allow people to feel safe and comfortable.  It can allow people to explore what is inside of themselves.  (How did that get in there?!?!)  It can lead to a deeper understanding of your partner(s) and yourself.  (Nice and deep…)  It can be an outlet for your deepest emotions and desires.  (Butter pecan ice cream?!?)

And sex can hurt.  If used improperly, it is capable of great harm.  Sex is powerful, and must be treated with respect.  “With great power, comes great responsibility.” – The rice guy.

Anything so powerful is magical.

In witchcraft, the acts you do, the spells you do, matter far less to the determination of whether it is light or dark magick than your intent.   (Which isn’t to say that anything you do in the name of magick is acceptable.  Like, no playing Nickelback during a spell or something equally horrific like live sacrifice.)

The same could be said for sex.  The acts, while they can be wonderful, (very, very wonderful, if you’re with me, baby…), matter far less than your intent.

You don’t have to be a follower of my path or a believer in magic to know that sex is powerful.  Even if you are a member of a more puritanical system of beliefs, you know that much of trying to control sex is based on the power it can have over someone.  Or the power it can give them.

But it’s my opinion that there is nothing wrong with power if you use it properly.  Whether it is magical power, sexual power, political power (can we please get someone to use that properly?), or any other kind of power.

Taking power over our lives, our bodies, and our desires is our right.  It can lift us up and remind us that we are feeling, passionate human beings.  It can remind us of what is within us that makes up a huge part of who we are.  It can also make us feel really fucking good.

For as much as sex is shied away from in our society, it is important to remember that we are only here because of the magic of sex.  Just because the sex you have isn’t intended to reproduce, it is not accident that in the right combination it is literally why we are here.  Fortunately, not every type of sex or every sex act is intended to cause reproduction.  The world is overpopulated enough as it is, and not everyone is intended to reproduce.  That is magic.

Straight sex, gay sex, self sex, monogamous sex, poly sex… if it is something between consenting adults who are fully aware of the factors at play, you are feeling the magic.  (If you are not totally selfish, your partner(s) is/are too.)  If your intentions are good, rough sex, vanilla sex, whatever you like, is good, positive magic and you should be proud to be living a magical life.

I hope this season is very magical for all of you.   😉

I leave you with a little mood music.

Featured Image By Yoninah – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10216975

Sexually Active

Hello dear reader(s)!

Hello family!  If you are family (blood family), you may want to stop reading here.  Why?  Because I am going to be talking about sex.  And unfortunately, that means you will be having knowledge about the sex life of someone in your family and nobody wants that.  I don’t want to know what gets you off, and I can’t imagine you want to know what does for me, so you might want to go away now.  I love you, though.  This post just isn’t for you.

Okay, are they gone?  Good!  Let’s get dirty!

Also, if you are under 18 or 21 depending on your locality, you should probably go away.  Not that I am going to get crazy explicit, (the dirty thing was mostly a joke), but I have to cover my ass.  So don’t tell anyone that I didn’t tell you not to read further when you get caught.  

Okay, are they gone too?  Good!  Let’s get nasty!

Okay, not really.  I don’t want to make this a porn blog-type-thing (yet) because then I would have to charge and that means building a pay-wall, and having to report income generated, and that would be working, and would require actual work to be put into it which I am still pretty unable to do given the frequency of bad days still from all the cancer treatment damage.  Besides, my man-boobs are not quite supple enough to grace the internet yet.  However, since sex acts and lots of them are a few of my favorite things (way better than raindrops on roses), and I hate censoring, I do want to write about it.

Also, on a societal level, I think our failure to talk openly about sex leads to a lot of problems.  So are you ready?  Good!  Let’s get sexy!

23 years ago yesterday, I lost my virginity.  (Yes, I remember the date.)  I am one of the few people I know who does not regret my first time, and knows that the woman I was with doesn’t either.  Pretty cool stuff.  Of course, the sex wasn’t all that great, but it was special and I loved it.  And as time went along, I learned to do it better.  And then I loved it more.  The more sex I have, the more I want.  I am a greedy slut.

I noticed I have recently been followed by a few blogs that exist solely for kinky reasons.  And that’s awesome!  I am all for people expressing the many, many ways sex can be and how as long as it is between consenting adults, we shouldn’t judge.  I understand why they have followed.  I occasionally mention consensual non-consent and vague BDSM and D/s type themes.  I am sex-positive and have no issues with saying so.  The only worry I have, is that they will get bored.  I am not in any 24/7 lifestyle, and rarely go explicit, even in fiction.

Not that there is anything wrong with doing so.  In fact, if someone’s words can help someone find something within themselves to make their sex lives more enjoyable?  Describe your fucking in as much detail as you can.  As well, because of the old Puritanical influence that causes many people to lie about sex and what they like, it is good to occasionally throw your sex in somebody’s face to prevent someone from being marginalized because they buy a riding crop and nipple clamps.

I’m pretty kinky.  I have always felt that if someone likes what you are doing, or what they are doing to you, and you and your partner(s) are happy with it, then you should do what makes you happy.  There are things I like that some people don’t, and things some like that I wouldn’t ever want to try, but as long as it is between consenting adults, none of us should ever feel ashamed for it.  And none of us should ever have what we like legislated against us either.

If in 23 years my sex consisted solely of missionary, I would fucking hate sex.  And I don’t want to hate sex.  Sex is better (for me) than pretty much anything else with the exception of love.  Sex should be fun.  So why should I feel bad for having fun with sex?  When that not-so-discreet discreet package shows up at my door, why should I be ashamed?

Just the same as if sex isn’t fun for you.  Why should you feel bad for not wanting it?

Do I care that you can only get off if someone spreads butter on you and calls you their little butterball?  Nope.  Am I going to make fun of you because you have a thing for being whipped with banana peels?  Nope.  I might not want to play with you that way, but there is no judgment for you.  But if you force yourself on someone (for real) or try something with a life unable to consent, you are a piece of shit and should probably kill yourself.  Take one for the team.

In my fiction, I tend to write about women who are the aggressors.  If you are reading in and think this means I like to be dominated, well, you are half-right.  I like playing all the ways but dominant women are a little more rare and therefore more fun to write about.  Sometimes I don’t like to play at all.  Sometimes, I just want to make love to someone.  The point here, is to quit reading in.  I do enjoy sex.  I do like to play, but because I write about something, does not make it real.

I like to write.  I like to fuck.  Occasionally the two will collide.  23 years of activity and counting, and I simply do not give a shit if anyone has a problem with that.

For featured image see page for author [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

 

Sexy Consent

Hello dear reader(s)!

If you are a regular reader of this here blog-type-thing, you probably have guessed that I think sex is pretty cool.  And by pretty cool, I of course mean that I love it like I love air.  I’ve mentioned before how sex is better with love than without.  But do you know what is even better than that?  Sex, in love, given freely and enthusiastically.

Have you ever been on the receiving end of less than enthusiastic sex?

What about sex where you are practically consumed by the lust of your partner(s)?

Which did you like better?

I’ll take getting consumed by lust everytime, thank you.

I’ve been guilty of giving less than enthusiastic sex.  And I have been on the receiving end of it too.  It sucks, in my humble opinion.  I was married twice.  You all know about Hannah.  But I don’t talk much about my first wife.  I have mentioned her, but I didn’t go into detail and won’t use her name.  I will not trash her on this blog-type-thing, no matter how things turned out.  But the one thing that I can say, is that more than once we both had sex with each other out of nothing more than feeling obligated because the other person wanted it and we were married.

And after the divorce, I swore I would never do that again.  With Hannah, we actually talked about it, early on in our relationship.  We were on the same page.  So if something was wrong, or one of us simply wasn’t in the mood, we agreed we would go without.  Sometimes we would take matters into our own hands, sometimes we would just allow the frustration to make the next experience a little more vigorous.  What we would never do, is pout, or get angry, or blame each other on the surprisingly rare days (given my cancer treatment) that sex just wasn’t in the cards.  And not having those hurt feelings, those feelings of coercion?  Well, that just led to more desire for sex.

Because if I can’t have sex with you, or don’t want to for whatever reason, and you pout about it or attempt to make me feel bad, guess what that does to my desire for you the next time?

Consent doesn’t end because you are in a relationship.  It doesn’t end at marriage.  Your vows do not include marital rape and if they do, your vows are fucked up.

Now this doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to express a little disappointment in wanting to have sex with your love and it not being in the cards.  But you really shouldn’t make the other person feel guilty about it if you want sex with that person again any time soon.  There are ways to show that you wish you were having sex with that person without making them feel bad about that person not being up for it that particular time.  With Hannah, on the very rare times I was up for it and she was not, I would say something like, “Damn.  You’re just so sexy.  When you’re up for it next time?  Look out!”  And then I’d move on with life.

That’s just an example, and of course you should not use it word for word, but it actually accomplished three things.  The first, is that it let her know I found her incredibly desirable.  The second, is that it let her know that my desire for her was not tempered by the fact she wasn’t up for it that particular time for whatever reason.  And the third, is that it set up asking permission to ravish her the next time she was down, and let her know that I was waiting until she let me know she was down and gave me consent.

Consent doesn’t have to be boring with “May I” and “Please?”  Sometimes that fits, like after a particularly sweet moment where affection rules out over the lustful feelings.  But for those lustful times?  Consent doesn’t have to ruin anything.  You can obtain consent without slowing desire.

“I’m about to ____ you right in your ____ until you can’t see straight!” is getting consent.  It gives your partner the opportunity to say, “No, you are fucking not!”  Or preferably, “Ooooooh!”

“I can’t wait to kiss those sexy lips of yours!”

“I can’t wait to kiss that beautiful _____ of yours!”

Of course, this isn’t a good way of obtaining consent from the person you just met at the grocery store.  You actually have to use this thing called “good judgment” to figure out when that is appropriate.  You do not want to pick up on that cute bank teller by telling her all the dirty things you are going to do to her.  Trust me on this one.  Security just doesn’t get that you are simply trying to obtain consent.  (If you don’t know that is a joke, you should stop reading this because you obviously can’t understand everything else I have been saying.)

What gets lost on so many people, is that getting consent is a simple exercise in common sense.  If someone wants you, they are going to make it better for you when they let you have them.  Even in cases of consensual non-consent, with all the acting and the pretending, there is still that moment where you realize the greatest thing about it all is that they completely gave themselves to you.  Gave.  Consented.  They allowed you to take them.  (Not that I have any experience with that, or anything.)  Regardless of whatever non-consent fantasy you are acting out, real rapists do not get that satisfaction.

The bottom line is that consent is fucking sexy.  It leads to more sex.  Coercion is not sexy, and is also very wrong.

This post has been brought to you by the letters B,D,S,and M, and the number 69.

Why Feminism Is Good For Men

Hello dear reader(s)!

“Man up!”  “You hit like a girl!”  “Don’t be a little bitch!”  “You’re a pussy!”  

Put 3 year old kids in a room together.  Chances are there will be a lot of crying, a lot of laughing, a lot of playing, a lot of running, a lot of fighting, a lot of hugging.  Take away the gender specific outfits and haircuts and try to tell the difference between the boys and the girls.  I bet you can’t.

Women aren’t the only ones hurt by the devaluation of traits incorrectly labeled and deemed “feminine”.  The refusal for people of a certain gender as sharing some of these human traits strips men of their humanity.

Men, when was the first time you were told that crying was a sign of weakness?  When was the first time someone told you to “man up?”

Beyond what this says to women, that being strong is a male characteristic only, and is somehow superior to those qualities that are viewed as femine, think of the outright lie that it is a male characteristic at all.

In that moment, when maybe your father, maybe your sports coach, maybe your “friend” told you to man up, did you stop feeling like you wanted to cry?  No, you felt like you couldn’t or else your very identity as a man would be called into question.  And so you learned to suppress that.  You learned to bottle up those emotions.  That was equated with strength.  And even though you may not have made the connection consciously, that meant that showing emotions was a negative trait.  It was weak.  And since girls are permitted to be emotional, that must mean (whether you consciously say it or not), that girls are weak.

But boys get emotional.  It happens, and if you look back, even if you are the most hyper-masculine person on the face of the Earth, you wanted to cry before it was pushed out of you.  This false labeling of traits as gender specific is just fallacy.  90% of the behavioral curves of men and women overlap.  Why do the outlying 10% define us?

The suicide rate in the US for males is 3 times what it is for females.

Yet females supposedly have higher instances of depression.  Females supposedly attempt suicide more often but use less lethal methods. There are two conclusions that can be drawn from this.  1.  Males are not able to open up about their feelings, or their depressive symptoms are not recognized correctly.  2.  Women feel more comfortable reaching out for help, even when using extreme methods like attempting a suicide unlikely to succeed where as by the time men pull the trigger (pun intended), they are not crying for help.  This is because from the time a boy is little, he is taught talking about his pain is girly, and therefore bad.  But the statistics show that both sexes feel the pain, one just gets the chance to express it.

90.5% of homicides committed in the US are committed by men.

This isn’t excusable by testosterone.  Men are taught early on that violence solves problems.  Talking it out is simply not acceptable.  Men constantly have to prove how manly they are.  Manly in this case is aggressive, dominant, and deadly.  They are all traits that exist to different degrees in both sexes, and they have their uses in some extreme situations.  But they certainly are not the favorable way to resolve conflict.  How many times have you been told to fight back and stand up for yourself when bullied?  To not snitch?  To be the best?

“You going to hit that?” 

You may or may not be attracted to the woman you are spending time with.  Immediately, your friends imply that it is only acceptable to have female friends if you want to have sex with them.  Additionally, look at the words.  Hit.  (Violence.)  That.  (Object.)   Their only purpose in those words are for you.  You may think, it is just words.  But in your formative years, when those words are the most common, they can have an effect.

And then there is the media.  

Look at most action heroes.  Hyper-masculine males that show little emotion and solve their problems with violence.  Look at the violent video games.  Look at the music that glorifies violence and being tough.  All of this has a cumulative effect.  One song is not going to make someone think it is acceptable, but it is the entire culture.  Men=power, strength, aggressive, strong, powerful, successful, providers, good.  Women=emotional, weak, objects, bad.

As women rightly complain about the problems with a system known as the patriarchy, where anything seen as feminine is devalued, my fellow men should realize that all of the ‘privilege” that system offers us in terms of political power, higher pay for equal work, control over our own bodies and reproductive rights, and just being seen as superior…it all comes at a very high cost.  It is dehumanizing.  It prevents of from being ourselves.  It prevents us from being able to choose among the many, many types of human traits that would be the most right for every given situation.  And as men continue to defend their privilege against attacks on the system that grants us those privileges we must ask ourselves…

If this privilege prevents us from feeling like we can be ourselves, if it causes us to end up in prison, if it causes us to commit suicide, if it increases pressure on us to succeed financially and be used as providers, if it takes away our choices of how to handle things, if it causes us to look down upon the women in our lives, if it makes us throw away our empathetic nature, if it causes us to try and dominate every one we meet, if it keeps us from developing real emotional connections for friends that exist on the surface…

Why do we call it privilege, and why are we fighting to uphold it?

Hump Day!

Hello dear reader(s)!

Today is the day for humping.  It is true, I don’t make the rules.  It is the day we all must hump.  That is why it is called hump day, right?  No?  Are you sure?

Speaking of humping, I had a funny little incident this morning.  No, I am not going to go into detail about my sex life or possibly lack thereof on this here blog-type-thing, so don’t worry.  This isn’t that type of blog-type-thing.  Not that there are anything wrong with those, I just try to keep this a non explicit place.  Implied?  Sure.  Explicit?  No.  So I will not talk about me actually humping on this here blog-type-thing.  You’re welcome.

However, I went to the store this morning.  I was out of coffee stuff, and needed to go get that and some cream cheese for my bagels.  I am super tired because I got home a bit late last night and one of my cats decided to be a jerk at 4 in the morning until I finally got up.  So I decided I would not wait until I got home to have coffee.  And then I remembered the little espresso stand.

So I drove up to the little espresso stand.

Now, I don’t know if any of you dear reader(s) have these where you live, but in my area (and I think we may have started the phenomenon) there are “bikini barista” stands.

Now, I am all for sex positivity.  I am all for people’s rights to show their body.  I think our attitudes about sex and sexuality cause people a great deal of pain and I am all for getting the acknowledgement of sexual desires to be less of a taboo.

HOWEVER…

Get a bigger sign!  Or specify on the one visible sign what kind of espresso stand this is!

The only sign visible from the road said, “Espresso”.

So I pulled in.  Waited behind a big pickup truck (should have been a clue, honestly) and then drove up to be rather shocked by what I am sure is a lovely woman who looks like plastic inside a tiny low cut bikini top and a g-string, completely visible in a huge mirror on the back wall for ogling.

I am far from being a prude, but I usually like to know when I am approaching someone’s nudity.  So I can consent.  This felt like a violation.

But while we are on the subject of sex and violations, I think we as a society have a horrible relationship with sex.  I don’t understand our desire to make a natural and frankly great part of the human experience into something that should be hidden or even shamed.  I am sick of people being judged for the number of sex partners they have had.  I am sick of people who do not conform to society’s standards of some outdated notion of proper being hurt by those who believe everything regarding sex should be their own views on the subject.  I am sick of people getting looked down on for something that does not affect anyone else.  And I am very sick of the notion that we must suppress something that is such a major part of most of us, and all the problems that suppression seems to cause.

On the other hand, I have noticed an opposite push from people who claim to be sex positive.  There are people who identify under the term who tend to judge people for not being polyamorous and for being selective in who they have sex with.  This to me is just as egregious as those who judge the people who are polyamorous and tend to have more sexual partners.

The bottom line is that nobody should have to be ashamed of what they do or do not like to do when it comes to sex, provided it is between consenting people with the ability to consent.  Anyone who labels themselves sex positive and doesn’t adhere to that truly is not.

But by all means, if you prefer teen pregnancies, higher rates of rape, sexism, suicide for people outside the standards, high divorce rates, unhappy relationships, more sneaking around, more STD’s, more abortions, and just worse sex…support the judgment of people and keeping sex like it should be some great secret.  Support an unwillingness to address the fact that sex is a major, major part of human experience.  Even if you are not sexual yourself.

So go out there and hump today.  Or don’t.  We really shouldn’t care.

10 Reasons Why It Would Be Great To Be A Woman

Hello dear reader(s)!

Now, we’ve already established in my posts 20 Reasons I Would Not Want To Be A Woman parts 1, and 2; that I do not want to be a woman because I think I have it easier as a man and am happy in my own skin and body.

However, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea and think being a woman sucks.  I suppose membership in any gender does have its privileges.  So, from my perspective, here are my 10 reasons why I think being a woman would be kind of kick-ass.

  1. Orgasms  Science has proven it, women have longer-lasting, more intense, and are capable of more orgasms in a shorter period of time than men.  Granted, men can learn to be multi-orgasmic and certain types of orgasms can be more intense than the standard, but it’ll still never compare to the orgasmic capability of women.  (Excluding women who can not orgasm, of course.)
  2. Sex toys  My genitals do not vibrate,  My genitals do not contain rotating beads.  My genitals do not have extra prongs and things attached to hit all special areas at the same time.  This is not to say that men (and yes, even heterosexual men) can’t use sex toys and have a great time too, but I think there are about 5 variations for men (even if you’re into anal) and women have about 1,850,000³ and counting.  Men might not even exist if it wasn’t for women desiring intimacy on occasion to go with the fucking and their maternal instinct.
  3. No spontaneous erections  Okay, nipples don’t count.  I’m talking about being woken up in the middle of the night by intense pain because your equipment has decided to stiffen and poke you in the rib cage.  Not to mention the pain from something that shouldn’t be bent in that condition being bent because of your body weight.  And then of course there is the public erections.  I have had to use the school book defense many times growing up.  Even when you do your covert adjustments you risk being caught to get it hidden, and it isn’t exactly comfortable.  I think that middle and high school teachers who call boys up to the front of the class for any reason need to take sexual harassment sensitivity training.
  4. Custody  This is the only men’s rights issue that I can understand, really.  There is absolutely nothing in the sexual identity of a person that decides their parental skills.  Nothing.  The courts are stacked against fathers to the point of placing children in dangerous situations based simply on the myth that women are better parents.  That shit is myth.  Testosterone and estrogen do not cause child abuse or neglect, nor do they prevent it.
  5. Masturbation  A woman masturbating is empowered and beautiful.  She is taking charge of her sexuality and pleasing herself.  A man, according to much of society is a degenerate pervert who can’t control himself.
  6. Free stuff  Now, even if you no longer drink, there may have been a time where you did.  And if you were a man, you probably blew a shit ton of money over the years buying drinks.  And on dates, as a man, you probably did your fair share of paying for dinners and entertainment.  Now, there are plenty of women who are fine with going dutch, or who might try to grab a tab every so often, but trust me when I say they are in the minority.
  7. We’re stupid  A horny man will do just about anything for a woman he thinks might give him sex, and women who know that take full advantage.  Yes, they endure harassment and other bad things from men, but they also get out of traffic tickets, get stuff fixed, get stuff built, and occasionally get financial security just for using that to their advantage.
  8. Macho bullshit  I’ve seen women fight, and it is usually because of alcohol or some other substance and usually results in some messed up hair, scratches, and bruised egos.  When men fight it is usually more serious and something they really don’t want to do, but can’t let themselves feel less than manly.  It is the dumbest fucking thing on the planet, but we do it.  I am not a big fighter, but the times I have were usually because either I was defending the honor of a woman I was with, defending an innocent woman being abused, or because I was worried how I would look if I backed down while surrounded by women.  Fucking dumb.
  9. Control  Okay, believe it or not, women do have power in this society in at least one area.  Sex.  They know men want it, they might also want it and just as much, but they decide if, when, where, and with whom.  If a man hits on you, he wants to have sex with you.  If a woman hits on you, she wants you to want to have sex with her.  She might also want to have sex with you, but that is not a given.
  10. Taste  I have never heard a woman get made fun of for ordering a lemon drop at the bar at a casino’s swimming pool.  I have never heard a woman get made fun of for wanting frozen yogurt.  Do you know what an old fashioned tastes like?  Ass.  Bitter ass.  A dry martini?  Ass.  A scotch on the rocks?  Gasoline.  Most beers?  Piss.  Black coffee?  Stale piss.  I will have my lemon drops and margaritas on the rocks.  I will have my kamikazes and Malibu and Cokes.  I will have my white mochas.  Oh…I must be a girl because I like shit that does not make my eyes water or throat burn going down.  (The exception is Jameson, for some reason, I like that burn.  A smoother burn perhaps?)  I like avocado on my cheeseburgers, motherfucker, how about that?  My ideal breakfast is french toast with berries and whipped cream, or a banana nutella crepe also with whipped cream.  I must be a girl.  I swear the next time someone makes fun of me for ordering something “girly” because it doesn’t taste shitty, I am going to whip it out and slap that person with it.  – Which having that option is I guess another reason I am happier being a man.

So that is me.  What advantages or disadvantages do you think your gender provides?  Either physical or however you identify, what do you like/dislike about what goes along with your gender?  Do you think that some of the expectations on each are as stupid as I do?  Let me know your thoughts, but keep it hate-free as always.

20 Reasons I Couldn’t Be A Woman, Part 2/2

Hello dear reader(s)!

Continued from yesterday…

11.  Hannah  As open-minded as Hannah is, I doubt she’d be cool with me coming up to her and saying, “So, um…I know people are usually born that way, and you chose to be with a man when we met, but um…do you want to be a lesbian now?”

12.  Pay  I don’t want to make 70 cents on the dollar for the same job and same hours I could get paid as a man.  I’m not greedy, but if/when I can work again I want to be paid fairly.  And by fairly I mean enough to live outside of my job, and own politicians.

13.  Slut-shaming  There are still large elements of society that don’t believe women should even want sex a lot.  What I really don’t understand is that in porn we love to see women just humping everything in sight and with as many things and or people as possible, yet if our wives or girlfriends expressed similar desires many of us would freak the fuck out.  I would not want to live in a world where I am expected to not want sex.  Sex is natural, sex is fun.  Sex is best when it is not sung about by George Michael.

14.  Prude-shaming  Women can’t win when it comes to sex.  If they want to they are seen by too many as sluts, if they don’t they are seen as being prudes.  Sometimes you may not want to fuck.  Maybe you have a stomach ache and the movement would cause an eruption from either side.  Maybe you have a headache that is already pounding.  Maybe you just don’t fucking feel like it.  If a guy isn’t interested we just don’t initiate which pretty much stops any activity and leads me to…

15.  Can’t make the move  So one time I saw this girl I thought was good-looking at a 7-11.  I was 19 and saw her (from the back) and my friend and I were talking to each other about how nice looking she appeared from the back.  I also had zero confidence at the time and got my Super Big Gulp and left.  Well, it turns out that girl was someone I had “dated” (I say dated because at that time, there was no serious dating for me) in the 8th grade.  She had changed a lot.  At any rate, I know this because she saw me, followed my friend’s car, chased us down, flashed her lights and pulled us over.  She came up to the passenger side window and basically asked me out then and there.  I got her number and we dated for a while.  The whole time, my friends said that was a psycho move and that women who make the move are crazy.  Well, I still assert that just because she had her issues does not mean her being the one to make the move was crazy.  Her crazy was totally unrelated.  I would hate to be thought of as strange because I didn’t want to wait on another person to start something.

16.  Dominance  Women are expected to be docile, submissive creatures.  I’ve dated a couple of women like that and do you know what?  Boring.  Boring!  Having someone do whatever you want is fun for about 5 days.  Then you realize you might as well be with a blow up doll (and I’m not just talking sexually).  I like strong, opinionated women.  I like women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to tell you.  And more often than not, those things will line up anyway.  Oh sure, some women enjoy being submissive in certain areas and some altogether, but I would never want to be expected to be that way in all aspects at all times.

17.  Body image  Okay, it is starting to get to us men too, but it is not the same.  If I have a beer belly (and I do), I can still attract a woman if I have other things to offer.  And women can too…to a point.  There is always going to be someone out there who wants what you can give them, but that pool of people gets a lot smaller for women a lot faster if they do not meet certain standards.  Especially if I was a woman, and still retained my attraction to women, I would have it really bad because as much as men judge women on their bodies…women do it to each other even worse.

18.  Abuse  I currently know 3 women who are with a man who has, or continues to hit them.  (And we’re not talking in a playing type of capacity.)  They have all been made to believe that they are deserving of that or are incapable of leaving and making it on their own.  One of these women is with such a scumbag that I do not even want to be around her because if she sees anything in this person at all, she must also be terrible.  The other 2 have been convinced by societal gender expectations and their parents’ belief that women can’t be independent so are too scared to leave.  Either that or they have falsely convinced themselves that it is better for their children to keep their family together, even if that means getting hit some times.  Fucking ridiculous.  If I ever hit Hannah in anger, I hope she’d leave me.  Because I would leave her.  If I was a woman and was the victim of abuse?  Well, let’s just say there would be a new episode of Snapped.  Prison does not sound like fun.

19.  Children  I could never stand the “When are you going to give me a grandchild?” bullshit from people.  Or the “Can I feel your belly?” if I were pregnant.  Having children is a personal decision and if a woman chooses not to it is nobody’s fucking business.    

20.  Pink  Not the singer.  The color.  It is fucking ugly.  Ugly color.  Just looks like puked-up watermelon.  I would not want to have been dressed in it before I could make the choice that I think it is terrible.  Pink frilly shit doesn’t even look good on girls.  Here is an example.  Take a pink taffeta bridesmaid dress or prom gown and put it on a good-looking woman.  Now take that woman’s identical twin and put her in a little black dress.  Which one do you choose?  Trick question, asshole, you choose the one you get along with the best.  But which one looks better in the dress?  I think we both know that it isn’t the one dressed like a table at a child’s birthday party.

Okay, those are my 20 reasons why I am fine in my own skin.  This is my list, and once again, is not an argument for or against why it is better being one thing or another.  Be who you want, it is attractive.