Fate

Hello dear reader(s)!

It has been a fortnight or so since last I posted.  I fear that my dear reader(s) may be vexed by lack of consistency and so I have therefore chosen to fall upon the sword of my shame rather than argue the valid points as to why my posting has not been up to the high standards I know that my dear reader(s) deserve.  I humbly apologize and beg the forgiveness of my dear reader(s), and hope they do not cast me into blog-type-thinging exile.

Alright, so now that I got that bullshit out of the way, let me ask y’all a question…

Do you motherfuckers dear reader(s) believe in fate?

I do.

Kind of.

Lemme explain.  No there is too much.  Lemme sum up.*

I think fate takes you only so far.  I believe you create your own fate.  I believe you help create the opportunities and bizarre alignments that one would call fate.  Sometimes you do it through thought.  Sometimes through intent.  Sometimes through action.  Sometimes by stepping back and doing nothing at all.  Sometimes you just need to put something out of your mind so you can recognize it when it lands right at your foot door.  Of course, usually the only thing that lands at your front door is a shitty local newspaper’s promotional copy, but that is neither here nor there.

So you’re going along, minding your own business, when suddenly you notice some sort of fated event.  Say, I don’t know… someone you know of with something major you have in common likes a comment you made on a local news story… and the next thing you know you’re connecting on a very deep level but all of these things had to align at the right time and in the right order to allow that connection.  That’s just an example.  I do not know about anything like that, honest.  But let’s just say that happens…then what?

Well, you don’t fucking make fate do all the work.  Fate has brought you to a point.  The rest is up to you.   You must now continue the effort to make the fates continue to align.

Opportunities do occasionally come up.  Are you going to be brave enough to seize them?  As an example, fate has given you the opportunity to read this post today.  Are you brave enough to read all the way through, like, share, and comment?  You owe it to fate!

Fate is awesome.  I am a big believer in fate.  I have seen too many strange things happen to produce too many things that seemed to be impossible or were simply exactly what should be at the time they came to pass in order to discount it.  So it is always going to be three easy payments of $49.99, no matter who is advertising a similar product for less, sorry.  No discounts.

But I also believe in myself, in energy, in magic, and in effort.  Once you recognize the existence of fate, you will recognize the opportunities it presents.  But you still have to do something with those opportunities if they lead to what you desire.  In doing so, you create more ways for fate to align for you.  No matter how badly your local area maintains their roads, if you put in the work, your fate will stay in alignment without dealing with mechanics and their ridiculous shop fees and attempts to upsell you on parts and services you don’t need.

When you go about your day today, pay attention.  Try to see if fate is sending you a message.  Look for the opportunities that fate provides.  Then don’t just sit there watching fate flashing in your face like a sick fucker who gets off on showing their junk to unsuspecting people in public.  Do something about it!  Take fate and run with it.  Unless Fate is the name of a stripper or something, in which case let Fate come to you.  Kidnapping strippers is not good, Bob.

Fate is calling to you.  So let her out of your trunk, Bob.

*Stolen shamelessly from the Princess Bride.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Not To Creep

Hello dear reader(s)!

If you are like many people, you have or currently do desire someone and may be worried about expressing that desire without being seen as a giant, disgusting creep.  Even if that statement has never applied to you, you may want to continue reading because it likely applies to someone who has or currently does desire you, and then you can use this to identify and head off the creeps in your life.  Heading off a creep can prevent the need to take the heads off creeps, which is much more favored by the legal system.

Despite what many fedora wearing neckbeards who think they are nice and call women m’lady believe, it is possible to express desire for someone without being a creep.  Despite what many desperate single ladies believe, it is possible to attract someone without sending random suggestive pics to their target’s phones.

So here is my helpful guide for those who desire someone to express that desire without being a creep.  If you are the person with the desire, you can use these helpful tips to help ensure you’re not creepy.  If you are someone who suspects someone in your life may be a creep, you can see if they are doing the opposite of these tips to help you reach the proper verdict.

Without further adieu, let’s begin, shall we?

  1. Do not be married or in a serious relationship (unless you are ethically poly)  Unless papers are filed, you are not available.  If you were serious about leaving the situation you were in, you wouldn’t need to set up the next one before you did so.  Conversely, if someone else is married or in a serious relationship, they are not going to be open to your advances, and if they are, you can bet your ass you’re going to get burned when someone else advances on them.  Hopefully for you, when you do get burned it doesn’t result in any actual burning sensations, but you will have brought that on yourself.
  2. Remember that friendship entitles to you to nothing  Most of my best friends are of the opposite sex.  And sometimes that closeness leads to an attraction.  Or sometimes they are just my type of people.  But being there for them when they are going through a rough time is not license for me to send dick pics.  I’ve said before that sometimes friends become lovers.  I have said it is okay to be attracted to a friend.  But if you can’t handle only being friends with that person, well, you never were.  And flirting a little (something I find totally acceptable) is much different from sexually harassing.   If you need any help figuring out the difference, you probably should not be attempting to flirt, because you are going to suck at it.
  3. Pay attention  Is the one you desire responding to your flirting?  Great, you are flirting.  No?  Then stop.  If you do not, I guarantee you are being a creep.  Sometimes, no matter how much you want the person you desire to desire you, they don’t.  It can hurt.  If it angers you, or you feel as though they betrayed you because you were friendly to them…you are not a friend and can’t claim to care about them.  You are a creep.  A person being nice to you is not leading you on.  Now if that person tells you they’re going to let you stick your ____ in their ____ while singing The Star Spangled Banner as you squeeze their ____ and then suddenly cancels at the last minute, only to set something up again to cancel and so on…  Maybe then you can think they’re leading you on.
  4. Escalate slowly  Let’s say you are flirting and they seem to be receptive.  Have you ever considered that some flirt without intention?  You don’t want to go from cute little signals and a comfort talking about intimate things, right to talking about making them your personal basement slave without a clear path to that point.  That can scare people off and make them think you are trying to get them to put the lotion in the basket.
  5. Be confident  Don’t open with a whine about your desperation.  Nobody wants to receive a gift nobody else could give away.  Yes, you are hungry.  Yes, you want to do things to that person that could lead to a police visit if your neighbors misunderstand the sounds being made, yes you want that person to understand your desire for them is intense.  But saying you need affection or sex is not only signalling your desperation, it is assuming theirs.  This is the single biggest difference between the “nice guys” and “nice girls”, and the people who can actually spark attraction.  The “nice” people don’t understand that unless you believe what you offer is worth something, nobody else will either.  And then, when they are rejected you suddenly see they are not so nice at all.  Making them the jerks they think people go for when they actually just go for those who know their worth.

To summarize, if you don’t want to be considered a creep, quit fucking acting like a creep.  This isn’t hard.

I think everyone has said or done something that may have pushed the line.  But pushing a line and pulling back if it seems like you could cross it is something that people should be able to do.  If you don’t, you’re a fucking creep Cindy, and you need to back the fuck off and follow the rules of the restraining order and quit fucking driving by my house and sending me messages after I blocked your ass.

Have You Met My Pet?

Hello dear reader(s)!

In addition to my lovely cats, Piedmont and Dobson, I have another pet.  My pet is named Peeve.  Peeve is a great pet, because Peeve lets me know all of the things that irritate me so that when I see those things frequently in a person, I can know that I will not be able to successfully enjoy having a relationship of any kind (professional, friendly, romantic, master-slave, etc…) with said person, because if I try, I will eventually see them as an enemy, if I do not wish them on their merry way, toward sweet Christmas.  Like, your pet Peeve may have let you know I just used a run-on sentence and my pet Peeve told me that it does not matter, because you are a grammar Nazi.

I’ve performed a pet Peeve post prior, people.  But my pet has been thinking of new and exciting things to be itself about.  Not that my pet is necessarily active at this time or anything, but just because my pet likes to tell me what is important to it when I am thinking about topics to post about.  I have also been having discussions with friends recently about these things, given events in their lives, so I think my pet has decided to weigh in, because it is an attention whore.  So without further adieu, here are some of my pet peeves, on the angle of personal relationships.

Please to enjoy.

  • Passive aggressiveness  I am not perfect.  I am aware of this.  I am pretty damn close though, admit it.  If I am confronted, I will generally admit where I am wrong if you can prove it.  It doesn’t mean I am going to lie down, (unless you have a good reason for me to), but if I do something to upset you, you can let me know like a normal human and if it is something I can modify, I will attempt to do so in most circumstances, provided you aren’t being completely unreasonable in your upsettedness, such as being offended by this run-on sentence or my use of the made-up word “upsettedness”.  What I will not tolerate however, is short responses, backhanded comments, the silent treatment, slamming around of things, withholding of any affection there may be, or any other retaliation issued without actually having the spine to confront whatever the issue was that upset someone in the first place.  No matter the level of their upsettedness.
  • Not having an opinion  I really don’t mind making decisions some of the time.  I do not mind making the decisions much of the time.  I hate making all of the decisions all of the time.  And what I hate even more than that, is when someone actually has an opinion, but is too afraid to state it.  Example:

Me:  What would you like to eat?

Person:  I don’t care, whatever you want.

Me:  {silently}  Grrrr.  Breathe.  {Audibly}  Okay, how about (insert desired food type or place here)?

Person:  No, I really don’t feel like that.

  • Making me always initiate  This would only apply to romantic or master-slave relationships, but hey, guess what?  You’re not the only one who wants to feel desired.  Sometimes, I might want you to initiate.  I do not subscribe to antiquated patriarchal gender stupidity that says only the man can have desire.  I do not think it is bad if a woman shows that she wants it.  And if there is too little initiation, I am going to assume the desire is not there, which is going to kill any I might have.  And if there is no desire, I might not want to keep you locked up in the basement anymore.  I’d hate to have to put you out on the street in just that collar, and leather g-string.
  • Negativity  The world can suck sometimes.  In fact, it can suck a lot.  But not everything sucks.  I know that you have had issues.  We all have.  And occasionally venting about it is okay.  Get that shit out.  But then once it’s out, you need to let that shit go.  Move the fuck on with your life.  Because life will move on without you.  You don’t want to be sitting around your cake at 97, barely able to keep your head up as the people in the nursing home sing to you, and you’re just thinking about the scars you were given in your twenties.  Or maybe you do, in which case, you should probably know they are only singing because the home’s Activities Director is compelling them to, before the mandatory quilting.
  • Being overly judgmental  We’re all judgmental.  It’s important to make judgments about things.  Having a pet named Peeve is taking part in making judgments.  But when you use it as a means to feel superior to those you are judging, it doesn’t make you superior, it makes you an asshole.  Granted, some behavior is clearly good, and some is clearly bad.  But for the most part (including the things that my pet does not like), it is just behavior that you yourself do not like.  It does not necessarily make those who get on your nerves any worse than you.  You probably piss some people off, yourself.
  • Taking people for granted  While you are too busy to talk to someone, I guarantee that someone is having deep conversations with that person.  While you are playing passive aggressive or treating someone like an option, someone else is making that person feel like a priority.  Sometimes life does really get in the way, but if you don’t go out of your way occasionally to let someone know they are important to you, they may start to believe that they are not.  And they are probably important to someone else, who does not mind showing them.  Not to mention, who says Granted even wants the people you are taking for it?

What about you, dear reader(s), do you have any pet peeves in relationships?   Please comment with yours, if that isn’t a pet peeve of yours.

Youthing

Hello dear reader(s)!

It is a beautiful day, isn’t it?  Just agree and nobody gets hurt.

I am in a great mood today!  The sun is shining, (so I have all the blinds drawn), the birds are chirping, (so my bats will have something to feed on), and things are just generally pretty good thus far.  Of course, I still have this unexplained headache, but it isn’t as debilitating this morning as it has been in previous mornings.  I am also expecting a call back from my doctor so we can hopefully get on the road to figuring out just what the hell is wrong.  That road, not coincidentally, goes through Albuquerque, NM.  Why?  Why not?

But it isn’t just lack of 10-scale pain that has me in a good mood.  I am also in a good mood because in the adulting I have had to do (like go to doctor’s appointments, dealing with insurance companies, dealing with things to establish residency, and passing out from the drugs meant to relieve my headaches), I have also taken some time for youthing.

What is youthing?

Well, dear reader(s), it is the opposite of adulting.  And everyone needs to do it, in order to not suck.  Let’s give some examples of youthing, that can be done as an adult, if you don’t suck.

  1. Celebrating holidays  This includes birthdays.  Who doesn’t celebrate birthdays?  Communists, fascists, and Jehovah’s Witnesses, that’s who.  I don’t care if you don’t get any more special privileges on your birthday once you reach a certain age, they are still important.  They are the anniversary of the day the world was graced with your presence, and unless you are a terrible human being, that day should be celebrated.  Then there are other holidays.  Maybe they celebrate the harvest, or abundance, or the fact that you are alive to face another winter, or the fact that you made it through that winter, or just another day.  I’ve never understood people who don’t want to celebrate the days that are given to us for celebrating.  You don’t have to throw a huge kegger and get fucked up by snorting lines of coke off of strippers, (sorry, exoctic dancers), but you should celebrate.  You don’t seem mature for not celebrating, you seem like a scroogey douche.
  2. Playing  You have this one life, in this body, here on this Earth.  You are not put here to suffer for an afterlife that nobody knows if you will actually have.  You will suffer plenty in this life, but you have the right to enjoy it too.  So go and play!  Take a hike.  Yeah you, take hike!  Go kayaking.  Here’s one…go to a park, and get on the swing set.  They are still fun, honest.  If you touch the chains, yeah, bring hand sanitizer.  But go have fun.  People who know how to have a good time are attractive.  Not everything is serious.  Play pool.  Play air hockey.  Go bowling.  Play video games.  Play music.  Sing terribly.  Dance like someone is watching but you are trying to make them laugh.  Do something that makes you happy.
  3. Other playing  I’d call this adulting, but really…have you seen an adult couple verses a teenage couple?  Make out.  In public.  Don’t get obscene about it, but enjoy yourself and the person you’re with.  Then go home, and do get obscene.  And have fun with it.  Do the dirty things that you’d never admit to if anyone but your lover asked.  One life.  At least one life here, with these parts, and these hormones.  Use them.  Be that horny teenager in everyday life.
  4. Treats  I try to eat healthy for the most part.  Lately, I have been failing pretty bad in that respect because a lot of my eating has been out of the house as I have been exploring the city or just have been away from home during normal meal hours.  Hopefully that will moderate a little soon, but even when it does, I am still going to treat myself.  I live in a city with the world’s greatest barbecue.  You can’t not treat yourself to the world’s greatest barbecue.  The best pulled pork sandwich I have ever had is literally a few blocks away.  (Shout out to Back Porch Barbecue!)  Also, it’s still pumpkin season.  Pumpkin everything please.  I had pumpkin pie on my birthday.  Why?  Because I am youthing as an adult, and I can.  That’s why.  Some people like cake.  They can have their cake, and eat it too.  I’ll have a piece too, because I can.  And if it is cheesecake, I’ll have a few pieces.  You might have to restrain me in order to have any left.
  5. Awe  Have you ever been around a kid under the age of 5 who is still wowed by everything new they see?  Could you imagine being that way again?  You can be.  This world has some amazing things in it that I guarantee you have never seen or experienced before.  Go find it!  Whether it is an amazing sunset, a beautiful forest, a calm lake, a vast ocean, a sweet little farm, a new city, the beautiful pictures of someone special, or anything else positive and new; there is something to inspire you if you choose to look for it.

Adulting is hard work.  There is nothing wrong with hard work, but if that is all your life is, what is the point?  You need balance, grasshopper.

So when adulting is too much, it is time for you to be youthing.

 

Expert Advice

Hello dear reader(s)!

I am very excited to announce a new feature here on MyFridayBlog™ that is sure to revolutionize your reading experience in a way that is, quite frankly, revolutionary.  Before I announce this new feature, I would like to explain what drove our amazing founder and creator (me), to come up with such a revolutionary idea.

It all started back in 2014 with a man, a computer, and a really revolutionary idea.  That man, is me.  You see, I was bored, and was reading an interview article from some online rock music magazine.  I thought it would be funny to interview an expert for this here blog-type-thing.  Soon, my thoughts turned to dreams, and dreams into action, as I scoured the globe for an expert I would interview.  My search was for naught, however, as it seemed that nobody had the required expertise to grace such an amazing and culturally significant blog-type-thing as MyFridayBlog™.  I almost gave up on this life-changing concept.  I decided I needed to take a break from my search and relax.  As I was in the middle of my favorite relaxation technique (masturbating in front of a mirror), I realized that the expert I had been looking for was closer than I think.  Indeed, I had him in the palm of my hand.  That expert, would be me!

And so, I invited Joshua Wrenn, GED to dole out expert advice on a wide variety of subjects I thought might be important to my dear reader(s).  And anytime I brought him in, it was a hit.  Everything seemed great, or so it would seem.

Fame began to create its own problems.  From the beginning, I was inundated with requests for more of him.  From the advice letters, to the fan mail, to the naked photos and marriage proposals, it was beginning to be difficult to focus on the day-to-day tasks of running this amazing and vital service I currently provide to humanity.  I was overloaded, and my staff (me) was threatening mutiny.

I briefly considered creating another blog, exclusive for Joshua Wrenn, GED and his expert advice; but he is an egomaniac and I would not want to give him that much power.  I could not live with myself and the terrible things that would occur as a result.  I don’t want that on my conscience.  So how was I to placate the huddled masses yearning for more Joshua Wrenn, GED while keeping his ego in check and maintaining the quality content you dear reader(s) have come to know, expect, and indeed rely upon

Simple.  I have decided to occasionally feature Joshua Wrenn, GED answering your questions and requests for advice when I feel like doing it.

If you would like advice, or have anything else you would like to say to Joshua Wrenn, GED, you can email at MyFridayBlog@gmail.com .

Let’s start this feature by answering some of the questions that came in unsolicited when I was not accepting requests but the bastards did it anyway.


Dear Joshua,
I love this guy who lives far away. I think he loves me too, but I am not sure I want to show him because I don’t know how we will be able to get together. Please help.
-Tiffany Amber Thiesen

Well, Kelly Kapowski, I think you’re an idiot.  Let him try to figure something out.  If you want to be with him, and him you, have some faith that he can do it.   Besides, you and Zack are meant to be together.


Dear Joshua,
I really want to get my wife into a threesome. How do I go about this?
-Spicer

Well, Spicer,  Since I have already been with your wife and another woman, I guess you are a little late in asking, huh?  Sorry, I didn’t know until after.


Dear Joshua,
How are you?
My parents don’t support my dream of being a musician. They want me to focus on school and getting a safe job. I hate school, and don’t do well in it. I don’t know what to do.
-Music lover

Not everyone is cut out for the nine to five.  (What a way to make a living.)  If you focused on music with the same amount of hours you put into school, you would certainly be good enough to make a living doing it, even if you weren’t some rock star.  There are many careers for good musicians, even the ones who never get famous.  Don’t make the mistake I did, of treating a passion like a hobby when you had the chance to make do what you love, simply because of what everyone else tells you.  Explain to your parents, that if you try to continue in the direction you are going, you’ll just drop out when you’re old enough anyway, and, having never given full focus to either music or academics, you’ll end up with a GED after your name dispensing advice to people on a little blog-type-thing.  Now practice.


If you would like advice, please don’t be shy.  No nudes please, I am already overwhelmed.

MyFridayBlog@gmail.com

 

 

Our Worst Enemies

Hello dear reader(s)!

Who is your biggest enemy?  Is it your boss?  The government?  Tom Brady?  Bugs Bunny?

No, it is probably you.

Too many times, we forget we have this one life.  Even if you believe there are other lives, we have this one life here, on Earth, as us.

Sometimes we are so worried about what people are thinking of us, and how they are judging us, that we end up making things harder on ourselves, and wasting this one life.

But the fact of the matter is that nobody is really judging you because they are too busy judging themselves.  Sure, some really judgmental people might have issues with you, but those people aren’t people you should probably care about anyway.

Life isn’t middle school.

I know that I do not walk around thinking to myself about how messed up someone is dressed or why on Earth someone would be singing to themselves.  I have things to do.  I’m thinking about what I can get done in the shortest amount of time and with the least amount of effort possible, because I am lazy.

Of course, there are exceptions.

I judge drivers on the road.  I judge people who are in my way.  I judge the person revving up his motorcycle for no reason at all.  But they don’t know me, and likely my opinion means nothing to them.  And it shouldn’t.  Because as soon as my encounter with them is over, so is any memory of them or their affect on my life.  They don’t care that some guy was thinking bad things about them.  They were probably thinking bad things about me at the same time, if they noticed me at all.

The people in your life are there for a reason.  They know who you are, and can see you, even on the days you are having trouble seeing that person for yourself.  They do not care about your occasional mistakes or when things are not perfect.  They understand that nobody is perfect and that perfect would actually be pretty boring.  They don’t see you for your clothes, or your physique, or your bank account.  If they do, they suck and you really should find better people to have in your life.

You will have more defeats in this life than you will have victories.  Failing again and again but continuing to try is how we end up succeeding.  Then those victories end up being so much sweeter when they actually come.

So live life.  Have fun.  If something doesn’t go your way, try again.  Keep going, and don’t beat yourself up.  Your head can kick your ass harder than anybody else would want to.  We all can be our own worst enemy.  But if we try really hard, we all can be our own best friend too.

And on that note, my dear reader(s), I bid your adieu.  Remember the Red River Valley, because I have things to do.

Heat Beating

Hello dear reader(s)!

You’re welcome.  If you live in my tone zone, or the ones around it, it is currently Friday.  I have decreed it so, and the universe has acquiesced to my will.  You may praise my name if you so desire and wish for your lands and family to be protected from my wrath.

However, it seems the universe has demanded something in exchange for me generously bestowing you all with the day of Fri.  It seems that the price people must pay is unusual heat or “RECORD-BREAKING HEAT” (Panic for ratings!!!!!!) for my area.  Now, the heat actually isn’t that hot.  In fact, I just got back from a place that made this heat look like, well, less hot than there.  But there is one major difference.  Where it was hotter, those people were intelligent enough to have these magical devices known as air conditioners.  Here, well, not so much.

As such, because I am a kind and loving Josh, I have decided to share with you, my dear reader(s), my tips on beating the shit out of the heat without conditioning the air despite the fact that not using conditioner can cause the air to have a dull and lifeless appearance, along with more fly aways.  So, without further delay with the exception of the delay it takes me to let you know that I will not delay these tips further along with the introduction of said tips and some language designed to build anticipation and get you kind of annoyed so you will just wonder why I don’t just get on with them already, for your entertainment, education, and enlightenment…I present to you…my tips for beating the heat without air conditioning!!!!  (Hold for applause.)

  1. Be naked.  Inside.  Be naked inside.  Clothes prevent proper air circulation over your sweat glands, thus blocking your body’s natural ability to cool itself.  Besides, you just look better naked.  Not you.  You.  That’s right.  Ahhhh yeah.
  2. Beat the heat, not your meat.  All this nakedness can lead to sexy feelings.  But actual sex generates heat if you do it even close to right.  Masturbation also takes a bit of effort.  Fortunately, you do not have to suffer these sexy feelings without release.  Try oral, or at least try to do it in the shower.  I’m thinking both.  That’s right.  Ahhhh yeah.
  3. Use a fan to help circulate the air.  The air will be warm, but it will still be better than no moving of the air at all.  Especially with sweat, the air will help it to evaporate, producing a cooling effect much like an air conditioner would do.  I suggest using steps 1-3 in combination.  Ahhhh yeah.
  4. Try a wet t-shit.  I know this flies in the face of tip #1, but you can still be half-naked, and the fan hitting the water of the wet t-shirt will help to produce the evaporative cooling effect much more efficiently than sweat alone.  Maybe you could make it a white t-shirt, so that when it is wet it becomes see-through.  You can do this still while adding steps 1-3.  At least half of step #1.  Ahhhh yeah.
  5. Put ice packs behind your neck.  Lie down with an ice pack behind your neck.  You could do this while engaging in steps 1-4, although maybe not in the shower, until it is your turn to reciprocate.  Ahhhh yeah.
  6. Hydrate.  This step is critical.  Take breaks from the oral to take in fluids other than those of your partner.  Ahhhh yeah.
  7. Turn off lights and other appliances.  These things generate heat and can distract you from enjoying the previous steps.  Let your hands/mouth do the seeing.  Ahhhh yeah.
  8. Close your blinds and drapes.  You do not want your neighbors to see you engaging in your heat beating.  Unless you do, in which case ask them over.  Ahhhh whatever floats your boat.
  9. Close doors to the rooms you will not be using.  This will help prevent the cooler air from being dissipated to the areas of the house you don’t need to go in.  Like the rooms that are not the bedroom or shower.  Ahhhh yeah.
  10. Turn on your bathroom and oven exhaust fans.  This will help to pull out the hot air from your house and add to the circulation of your regular fan.  Additionally, it will help mask the noise you will be making from the other steps.  Ahhhh yeah.

BONUS TIP Get your sheets wet.  Not that you will have a choice if you follow the rest of these tips.  Ahhhh yeah.

These tips should help keep you nice and cool in the heat without sacrificing your happiness.  So, what do you say?  Wanna come over and cool off?

Do you have any tips to beat the living fuck out of the heat that you would like to add?  Feel free to add to this list in the comments.  Just the tip, though.