Hello dear reader(s)!
America is not great. Again. We need to make it great. Again. It was supposed to be made great again by a man claiming he would make it great again. Again. That was done at a time when America, while not great, was pretty good. Now, it is not great, again. And it is not good. America is bad. Really bad. Not even really bad in the good kind of way where you just want to spank it with the flogger. Again, and again, and again.
But hope is not lost. Neither is Hope. Hope just got a new GPS system and reviewed it on her blog. It seems like a pretty good deal, and you can click the non-existent link here, to be taken to a special offer for reader(s) of this here blog-type-thing if you use the exclusive promo code IFUCKINGLOVEGPS at checkout. (Offer not valid.)
At any rate, there is still a chance that America can be made great. Again.
(At any rate, there is still a chance that America can be made great.)
Not now, of course, but soon. Here is how.
- I‘m envisioning a Designated Survivor scenario Note: I am not advocating for a Designated Survivor scenario, just saying it would be one of the fastest ways to get America back on track to all of the greatness making. Maybe no Keifer Sutherland this time. I’m thinking Elizabeth Warren somehow ends up being the go-to.
- 2018 midterms We overcome the gerrymandering, and all other manderings to wash away ze treasonous Republikanz in a blue wave. Or maybe a tsunami comes and washes them all away. That would be a blue wave too. (One they might make happen, with their lack of care for the environment.) We vote in the most progressive candidates running, and then we hold the trials. Then we all go out for ice cream and watch otters play to help heal the wounds of this nation. Because nobody can think about hate while watching otters.
- Get money out of politics All campaigns are financed by a guy named Joe who hangs out near the off-ramp of I-70 East. Public officials are not allowed to carry cash. No currency can change hands anywhere politics are discussed. Politicians work solely for their love of country and are entitled to no salary. Money is now out of politics. Also, registered lobbyists are summarily executed in a public forum, which you can attend, for the low, low price of $24.95 payable by credit only as money has been taken out of politics.
- Move election day The most important month of campaigns occurs during football season, when most of the country is too stupid and brainwashed into caring about golden-boy Tommy and company and all the surrounding hype. Conventions should take place after the Superbowl, and elections should happen prior to the Hall of Fame Game. They should also be on a Sunday, because the Lord is resting that day and I’m sick of fucking Jesus and his abusive dad meddling in my politics. Plus, you know, easier for people to get to the polls.
- Fine the press for favoring candidates in terms of airtime Create a multi-party coalition that ensures each candidate gets equal time in substantial campaign messages. Also fine the press each time they are well-aware a piece of shit like Trump lies and they don’t call that piece of shit out on it.
- Build a wall Then build a few more. Add rooftops. Some plumbing and electric. Some furniture. Add the homeless.
- Have a lot of sex and/or masturbate It is hard to think about politics when you’re getting your ____ ______ as you’re hanging upside down from someone’s ____ with a ____ in your ____ while trying to smile for the camera. I’ve heard.
- Watch baby otters I mean, come on. Baby otters. They are too damned cute. Do you think this little guy cares that you are scared of people in other countries for no real reason?
- Pass a law, officially changing our name from The United States to Great America Be sure to pay the theme parks for the naming rights.
- Quit being a bunch of ignorant, racist fucking inbred idiots THAT would be great.
Well my dear reader(s), I hoped you enjoyed our time together today. For all of us here at MyFridayBlog™, (me), goodnight.