Jupiter

Hello dear reader(s)!

I’m so sorry I’ve been gone, but I was inundated by all that nonexistent ice from super ice storm Jupiter and its aftermath.  It’s a wonder I survived the slippery front porch and slightly wet roads.

However, I genuinely do feel lucky that I survived the mass panic created by these morons and their catastrophizing of standard winter weather.  It’s as if the National Weather Service thinks that salt is a recent discovery.

And I get it, weather forecasting isn’t an exact science.  They thought it would be much worse.  And so, that is why, they should refrain from saying things like, “There is a 100% chance that travel will be impacted.”  And, “We will definitely see at least a quarter of an inch of ice on all area roadways, up to three-quarters of an inch.”  And, “I guarantee, this is going to be a bad one, folks.”

To be fair, travel was impacted.  The roads were amazingly clear because people were freaked out and stayed home.  And maybe we did get a quarter of an inch of ice on all area roadways…combined.

This kind of bullshit is the reason nobody evacuates during storms that really are dangerous.  

Saturday morning, with nothing more than wet streets, my friend went to get a sweet tea, and McDonald’s was closed.  McDonald’s.  Closed.  That’s goes against the natural order of things.  (Not that there is anything natural about McDonald’s, but I digress.)  All because of wet roads and panic.

Friday morning, before the warning took effect, I (like everyone else in half the country), rushed out to get what I needed before thinking I would be shut in until Monday when it melted, and in doing so, faced hurried and panicking hordes of drivers not paying attention to anything but the clock.  That, was dangerous.  Fortunately, I already had my groceries and only needed some prescriptions because most of the supermarkets had been cleared like it was the fucking zombie apocalypse.  (Until Saturday morning, when everyone’s Friday night’s restock shipments arrived as scheduled because there was no fucking storm.)

Sunday, the playoff game between the Chiefs and the Steelers was moved back because of concerns of bad road conditions that never materialized.  The big-ass Chiefs tail-gating bus drove past my house at normal speed with no added traction devices as usual.  I wonder how much it cost to postpone the game.  I also wonder, if Chiefs fans are blaming their team’s loss on that postponement, but that is neither here nor there.

Here is where people are going to say that it is better to prepared, than to be caught unaware.  I couldn’t agree more.  It really is.  I’m glad the DOT salted the roads.  Even 1/16th inch of ice is a pain in the ass.  However, it is not okay to create mass panic for the sake of ratings, which is exactly what happened in this case.  It is not okay to catastrophize a normal event because it can do real damage to people, and to the economy.  The weathermen should have to reimburse people for the lost business for this bullshit, until they can more calmly, and more accurately report and predict potential weather.  Might I suggest the following?

As of right now, subject to change, our computer models are predicting that a significant storm could impact travel in the region.  As a result, an ice storm warning has been issued by the National Weather Service for the following times.  (Insert warning times here.)  It is important to note, however, that this warning does not mean that the ice storm will happen during these times, or even at all.  It just means that this is when there is a likelihood of the chance.  State crews will be preparing as though it will happen, to try to prevent the worst impact.  It is advised not to travel unless absolutely necessary until you are pretty certain it is safe to do so.  You know, take your car into your driveway first, slam on the brakes.  See what happens.  If it’s good, try your street.  Listen for cars on the busier streets.  Ask your friends.  Sound good?  Go for it then, but drive carefully, and keep in mind that weather fucking changes and you should be prepared no matter what we fucking say.  

And the American Meteroligical Society should start kicking people out of their little club if they can’t keep from unnecessarily hyping things.

Anyway, the ice storm isn’t why I haven’t posted.  It’s because I just haven’t felt up to it.  Don’t really know why.  Nothing wrong, just other priorities, or super tired, or something else going on.  Sorry.  But Jupiter seemed like a good scapegoat.

What all have you been up to?

 

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

10 thoughts on “Jupiter”

  1. I really expected you to explain the lack of communicating was because you ran into an old lover who took advantage of the lack of people out and about and, having just left the only store open – a hardware store – she…. well I expected something more exciting.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I am 100% with you! I did stock up on Thursday, and I even made sure to check the weather before heading out to dinner Friday as well as not staying out too late after BECAUSE WE WERE DUE TO HAVE A BIG ICE STORM! that totally never happened. The porch and drive and patio were slushy on Saturday morning, but um, no ice. Last night it was like 50 at bedtime!
    Anyway, I’m glad, but that sure was some hype.

    Liked by 1 person

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