Fuck It

Hello dear reader(s)!

I’m done.  Done feeling sorry for myself.  Done feeling like I am doing something wrong.  I am who I am, and I like who I am.  Sure, I have my issues.  Who doesn’t?  But there are a lot of good things about me too.  I am generous, despite having next to nothing.  I am passionate.  I am honest with my feelings and do not play games with anyone’s emotions.  I allow myself to be vulnerable.  I don’t hold back.  I can be intense.

And not everyone likes those things about me.  But the right people will.

Yes, I can’t work.  Yes, I am not the richest, or best looking person on the planet.  I’m not 6 foot something with six-pack abs and model looks.  Yes, occasionally I get sick and can’t really do a whole lot.  I understand these things.

But I am a damn good person and I treat people right.

And if anyone doesn’t like that, fuck it.  Because I never want to change the core of who I am.

I care about other people.  It’s feels like a crime in this fucking world anymore.  Fine then, guilty as charged.  I love in the face of overwhelming hostility.  It really leaves me feeling like the odd man out.  Good.  I don’t want to fit in with these hateful fucks anyway.

I’m no longer feeling depressed, I’m feeling pissed off!

When most of the rest of the world gets mad, they respond with violence, or hate.  Not me.  I am just going to love that much harder.  I am just going to smile that much more to people who might need it.  And when someone treats me coldly, I will continue to respond with whatever warmth I can find in my heart.

For the last few days, I felt like giving up.  They were wearing me down.  But I can’t let them win.  I’m better than that.  I’m better than them.  I was feeling as though I really had nothing to live for.  But I have myself.  I have my belief that love can win out.  It is worth fighting for.

So bring it on.  Come at me, and try to destroy me.  Maybe you will succeed, though it is doubtful given what I have already survived.  But even if you do, what are you left with?  A cold world, full of hateful people, just trying to fill in the emptiness with possession after possession?  Fine, take it.  Have fun with that.  Either way, I win.

I may crack, but I can’t be broken.  I’ve been through so much, I sure as hell am not going to give up now.  So throw your hate my way.  Glare at me.  Roll your eyes at every attempt I make to reach out to you.  Laugh at me for believing that love matters.  Whisper things about me you don’t have the spine to say to my face.  It just proves my point, and reveals who you are.  Despite that, I’m still going to show you love.  Fuck it.  I win.

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

43 thoughts on “Fuck It”

  1. Don’t forget that there is also the yin to that yang. As in, Rise up and stand with me! Solidarity of the Internet kind, no less for being funneled through electronic circuits to your fingertips. Because we are here, too, your readers–and we’ve got your back.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. One of the best quotes I heard in awhile:

    “When most of the rest of the world gets mad, they respond with violence, or hate.  Not me.  I am just going to love that much harder.  I am just going to smile that much more to people who might need it.  And when someone treats me coldly, I will continue to respond with whatever warmth I can find in my heart.”

    Well said and well done.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. He he .. sorry… I’m just dealing with certain individuals at the moment in real life who take too much too literally… forgot my cyber family have a real sense of humour!!! 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s sadly frustrating that the DNC passed this man up to install a corrupt sellout like Hillary. Just shows that the Democratic party is not for the people, Bernie is a true progressive with intelligent, practical ideas which could have turned this country around. He would have made an excellent president, one we all could be proud of. Now we’re all stuck with a pussy grabber for the next 4 years, but at least he’s not a clueless warmonger like Obama. The best we could hope for is a harmless buffoon… GW lite. 2017 should be interesting!

        Like

  3. Yeah, so, I’m way behind on stuff. This week has been incredibly stressful. 😦

    But – I’m really, really glad to hear that you’ve decided to take this optimistic take on life. I’m rooting for you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no!! It’s hard to stay positive all the time. It’s especially hard considering what’s going on in the world & in your own situation. Still, I think you could do it & it could help you a lot if you keep trying.

        If you want to talk, I’m here for ya. I could shoot you my email address if you ever want (no pressure, just letting you know that the offer is there!). Some people have said I’m a good listener & I give good advice. Other people have said that I’m nosy, opinionated, push my views, & write novel-length emails. All of those people are right. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Muahahaha! I already have your email!!!! Okay, no, I don’t. But I can get it because you commented. Did you know that? Kinda icky, huh?
        Anyway, I think most of it will come out in posts, and what won’t will come out in therapy, so while I really appreciate the offer, I won’t bother sending you an email whining about everything.
        However, opinionated people with views they actually stand behind, but also listen well and offer advice for are the best people. So don’t be surprised if I change my mind and ask for it anyway. (Rather than just taking it from the site and emailing without consent.).

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yeah, I did know that before I commented. I was sure you knew it when I said it too. But, I also knew you were a gentleman of the highest order & you wouldn’t email me using an inappropriately obtained email address. That, & you probably wouldn’t get passed my spam filter otherwise. 😉

        I agree – it is really icky. It allows people too much info about their commenters. & I may have updated my email address, considering that stuff is out there… :-/

        Since I’m a day behind on your posts (thank you, WP notifications!), I’ll be behind on hearing about stuff. I know, from one of your other posts, that you’re still looking for a therapist. & Medicare won’t make it easy (hi, disability buddy!).

        I would like it if you changed your mind one day, but I’ll also stop offering for a lil bit (maybe a post or two 😉 ). I like to think I have the characteristics you named (but, no one’s perfect, & I know my prying, offering advice without being asked, & strong opinions can be… oh… what’s the word…. annoying-as-f***). Also, I had H.S. & college training in mediation, so I do try to see things from all possible sides of a conflict (this proved to be annoying-as-f*** to at least one person too). & I’ve had a ton of therapy myself.

        Now, I’ll just leave that little resume there & I’ll accept your “maybe later” answer. Much as I predicted, you’re far too much of a gentleman to take my email address without asking first. You’re welcome to ask, good Sir. *curtsies… falls over*

        Liked by 1 person

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