Hello dear reader(s)!
I’m done. Done feeling sorry for myself. Done feeling like I am doing something wrong. I am who I am, and I like who I am. Sure, I have my issues. Who doesn’t? But there are a lot of good things about me too. I am generous, despite having next to nothing. I am passionate. I am honest with my feelings and do not play games with anyone’s emotions. I allow myself to be vulnerable. I don’t hold back. I can be intense.
And not everyone likes those things about me. But the right people will.
Yes, I can’t work. Yes, I am not the richest, or best looking person on the planet. I’m not 6 foot something with six-pack abs and model looks. Yes, occasionally I get sick and can’t really do a whole lot. I understand these things.
But I am a damn good person and I treat people right.
And if anyone doesn’t like that, fuck it. Because I never want to change the core of who I am.
I care about other people. It’s feels like a crime in this fucking world anymore. Fine then, guilty as charged. I love in the face of overwhelming hostility. It really leaves me feeling like the odd man out. Good. I don’t want to fit in with these hateful fucks anyway.
I’m no longer feeling depressed, I’m feeling pissed off!
When most of the rest of the world gets mad, they respond with violence, or hate. Not me. I am just going to love that much harder. I am just going to smile that much more to people who might need it. And when someone treats me coldly, I will continue to respond with whatever warmth I can find in my heart.
For the last few days, I felt like giving up. They were wearing me down. But I can’t let them win. I’m better than that. I’m better than them. I was feeling as though I really had nothing to live for. But I have myself. I have my belief that love can win out. It is worth fighting for.
So bring it on. Come at me, and try to destroy me. Maybe you will succeed, though it is doubtful given what I have already survived. But even if you do, what are you left with? A cold world, full of hateful people, just trying to fill in the emptiness with possession after possession? Fine, take it. Have fun with that. Either way, I win.
I may crack, but I can’t be broken. I’ve been through so much, I sure as hell am not going to give up now. So throw your hate my way. Glare at me. Roll your eyes at every attempt I make to reach out to you. Laugh at me for believing that love matters. Whisper things about me you don’t have the spine to say to my face. It just proves my point, and reveals who you are. Despite that, I’m still going to show you love. Fuck it. I win.