Here’s What It Really Means When He Doesn’t Write A Story

Hello dear reader(s)!

Have you been following a blog-type-thinger who has been talking about writing a story for a few days, but keeps delaying?  Oh sure, you believed him yesterday when he said he was just in a bad mood and didn’t feel like writing.  But then, today, he still isn’t writing his story.  Now you’re not so sure.

He claims that he doesn’t want to start the story on a Saturday because that always means lower page views, because Saturdays should be more lighthearted, and because he is in too good of a mood to really bother imagining a story.

But how could that be, when he was in a such a terrible mood yesterday?

Well, here’s what he really means when he says that.

He means what he says, you twit.  Maybe instead of reading click-bait articles, you should actually ask someone what their motives are.

I am in a great mood today, dear reader(s)!

Has anything changed since yesterday?  No, not really.  Just my attitude.

You see, when I get down, and things become overwhelming, sometimes I just need to vent and take steps to change my attitude.  I hate staying in that negative place.  There are other things besides venting that I do to try to change my fucking attitude, and because I am a kind and benevolent Josh, I have decided to tell you, my dear reader(s), what they are.

So, whether you are ready or not, here is how you can change your fucking attitude, you negative fuckhole…

  1. Stay away from WordPress, especially as they are rolling out a new shittier Reader because it will fail to load properly as you scroll down, thus causing endless frustration as you try to read what others are posting  I failed on this yesterday.  I got so pissed off.  I don’t subscribe to everyone via email because otherwise I would get way too many damn emails.  This means I rely on the Reader to read.  You know, because what the fuck else would something called a Reader be for?  Mowing my motherfucking lawn?  Fucking WordPress fucks.  Jesus fucking Christ.  (Which, for Christians, would just be Jesus masturbating, but I digress…)  I wonder if they pay someone at WordPress to say, “You know, things have been running awfully smooth for too long right now, let’s fuck that up!”  Which brings me to item #2…
  2. Vent, loudly and with profanity  See item #1, and apply that to any problem.  Don’t just post a sanitized version on WordPress, go outside and scream about it until the police show up.
  3. Exercise  I am still recovering from what I believe was a nasty sinus infection that only started to move to my chest but was likely caught before it could become too severe, so exercising was off the table until today.  Now I am exercising on the table.  Hopefully it will hold.
  4. Have sex and/or masturbate  Obviously I am going to put that as a step.  It’s like you don’t know even know me anymore.  No wonder I masturbate so much.
  5. Remember that not every problem and/or issue that appears at once must be solved at once  There are exceptions to this.  Like if you were simultaneously getting attacked by a bear and a moose, and must figure out how to disable both at the exact same time or else face getting mauled and trampled.  And although I’m no statistician, I’d say there is only a 30% chance of that happening to you.
  6. Find something to laugh about  I choose those who still support Trump, and episodes of the IT Crowd.  Also, kitten videos, fail videos, and children’s tears.
  7. Remember that as lousy as things are going for you, someone has it far worse than you do  Take sadistic joy in their pain.  No, really, just try not to think that the universe is out to get you.  It really isn’t.  I know, because I control it now, and I have better things to do.  You aren’t that special.
  8. Watch a funny movie  It’s the holiday season.  Watch a funny holiday movie.  Like Elf, or A Christmas Story, or Back Door Sluts 9.
  9. Dance  Dance like nobody is watching.  So that means seductively.  Naked except for your tiara.  To Do They Know It’s Christmas (Feed the World).
  10. Make someone else smile  Tell them a joke.  Send them a cute message.  Run them a bath.  Towel dry them off with a warm towel.  Pour them a glass of wine.  Go down on them until they are shaking and are so exhausted that they just can’t take it anymore.  If they still aren’t smiling, just tie them down, grab the corners of their mouth, and hold it in a smile until you are satisfied or they use the safe word.

For more information on changing your fucking attitude, visit your local library and take your shit out on the poor local librarian because I don’t want to hear any more of your shit, Josh.


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

12 thoughts on “Here’s What It Really Means When He Doesn’t Write A Story”

  1. Lol. Why does everyone hate the new reader so bad? I usually browse from the WordPress app. Maybe they haven’t rolled the updates over on this side.

    Also, Saturday posts get less views on WordPress? I think every blog has its own busy period. My Instagram for instance is busy every day at midday. My College Mate blog is busiest in the afternoon on Tuesdays, and my regular blog at 10pm on Sundays. Go figure. Haha.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Saturday and Sundays are my low viewer days. People spending time with families, I assume.
      They hate it because of functionality, although I don’t use the app, so I couldn’t comment there, layout, and including recommended posts.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. WordPress of two years ago, when I started blogging, was so much better. It was easy to post, the layout of the dashboard was better, and the app was solid. It’s like they hired someone whose slogan was “Make WordPress Great Again” and that person decided to hit the undo button on everything positive.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I’m an email subscriber, because that reader has never been particularly reliable for me and because I wilt at the thought of having to scroll past so many because time is finite.
    We’ve been watching kinda dark stuff for a while now. We could definitely benefit from some funny, but then, there’s next weekend for shooting yer eye out and buffalo gals and all that.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. IT Crowd is freaking AWESOME! (Oh, and your post too. I should mention the man’s post. He’s in a foul mood as it is. Not that I blame him. The new reader is kinda shitty. Ahem. Sorry. Did I just type this out loud?)

    Liked by 1 person

Comments appreciated

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s