Hello dear reader(s)!
Happy New Year’s Eve (or possibly New Year’s in certain parts of the world) to you! So even though I have said numerous times that this year wasn’t the worst year I have had, it certainly doesn’t mean it was very good either. And now that I’m here on the last day of it, I can’t help wishing it a hearty “Fuck you!” and a “Don’t let the door hit your punk-ass on the way out!”
There are some changes I want to make in the upcoming year. I do. Not because it is a new calendar year, but changes I have wanted to make for a while. Seasons generally mark change for me; the calendar only plays a roll in that it is what society operates on. However, since our society generally marks time by that calendar, it is easy to divide that time into chapters of your life. And truthfully, I can’t wait to close the book on this fucking chapter.
But unlike every single person who decides their lives will magically improve at the stroke of midnight, I am under no such illusions. I understand that things take time. I understand that in any story, what happened in the previous chapter will often affect the current one, and will occasionally make an appearance later in your story even if you thought your protagonist had left whatever it was behind. I understand that at the core of me, I will never change. And for most things, I am okay with that.
So here are some things I am hoping for in the upcoming year, that I will work toward. Understanding of course, that they may not be possible, and that I may change my mind as is my right under Article V of the Fuck You, This is My Life, So I Can Change My Mind If Want To Act of 1947.
- Build A Wall Not around our border with our Southern neighbor, but around my personal life and feelings. I recently had someone on my Facebook tell someone I do not communicate with about my intent (not plan) to relocate at some point in the coming year. I really should not have even had that person as a friend, as there have been other indications that person may not be someone who is actually a friend to me. I was intelligent enough to finally unfriend that person, but I really should have done it long before. I have bee trying to believe the best about people for too long, and it is something I really need to stop. I need to see people for who they really are. Additionally, I think that I am too trusting and I am sick of getting burned.
- Relocate I know where I want to go. That may not be in the cards. I do not want to stay here. I’ve tried to give this place a shot, but between all the meth addicts, the road ragers, the angry white man butthurt Trump voters, and the fundamentalist Chirstians, I think it is time to look at seeking asylum elsewhere. Plus I am certain my headaches are at least partially caused by living here, and the weather is shit. The only issue here, is that it might actually be easiest and most affordable to buy a house and stay here, than rent anywhere I want to be.
- Pay off debts Even the ones I know I do not owe. Principle is not worth the zero credit score. I need to just suck it up, and take care of it. There are one or two instances where I still will not pay and am actually considering going to state insurance commissioners with my EOB’s so that they adjust their billing to what they are contracted with the insurance company I had, but for the most part, I will probably just pay them to get them off my report.
- Get in a position to be able to either work, or learn a skill so I may work again later This one may not be possible. It isn’t entirely up to me. It would be best if my B cell line came in, but the likelihood of that happening is pretty low. There is a possibility that regular infusions of IVIG antibodies could allow me to head off some illnesses, but there would still be the issue that I can’t get vaccines and would still become neutropenic a little too often. In addition, some things just make it difficult for me, like the hearing loss, the vision issues, the fact I need to drink and pee constantly because of my low kidney function, the stomach issues, the headaches, the fatigue, the required shit-ton of doctor appointments, and then there is the mental health issues. It’s a lot of challenges, but if there is a workaround I can find, I really need to. Nobody can live on what I bring in, even with roommates, in too many places now. Plus, it gets fucking boring and is too isolating. To that end, I have a shit-ton of upcoming doctor appointments, so maybe we can address enough issues that I can figure something out.
- Meet new people Genuinely. I don’t want more Facbook friends. I want more genuine friends I can go and hang out with. Or have over to play Cards Against Humanity. Or cook for, since buying food for one person is virtually impossible. People who share some of my interests and have their own. People without personalities are so 2016.
- Fuck. A lot I kind of want to get over my need to have a genuine connection with someone before I have sex. I’m not sure I can, but I want to. I want to go whore it up. I want to find a new basement slave. My last one got an attitude. I want to be one for some other lovely woman. I want to have a few more on the side. Enough connections. Enough feelings. Enough heartache. Those things were so 2016.
I have to go get an MRI today! What a fun New Year’s Eve! Do you have any plans for today? Any changes you would like to make? Would love to hear about them.