If It Is Important To You…

“If it is important to you, you will find a way.  If not, you will find an excuse.” –Ryan Blair

This quote, and other quotes like it, are complete and total bullshit.

It is all nice and good to think that anything you work hard enough toward you can achieve.  It is great to think that things are in your control.  It’s total bullshit, however.

This belief pushed by those who have achieved success that everything is in your control is creating a ton of problems.  It can take away empathy.  It can set a person up for extreme disappointment.  It is just a bald-face lie.

Because the fact of the matter, is that not everything will ever be in our control.

I want B cells and proper blood counts for a functioning immune system so I am not always sick like I am right now.  I can take care of myself.  I can work out.  I can eat right.  I can get enough rest.  I can follow all the advice of my doctors.  Guess what?  None of that is going to give me the counts I need.

I wanted someone other than Donald Trump to be President.  I spoke out here, even supporting Hillary Clinton (despite the fact I was a huge Sanders supporter and know how bad he was screwed over by the idiots on Clinton’s team).  I did everything in my power, and guess what?  I get to live in the end-times of the decline under a President Racist, Homophobic, Misogynist.

I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Hannah…we all know how that went.

I wanted to be healthy.  I didn’t smoke, I hardly drank, I exercised, I didn’t do any drugs (until the cancer, that is a different story), and still I got cancer that has permanently wrecked my health.  I do everything I can to mitigate the effects, but as I wrote about the B cells, it isn’t all under my control.

There have been plenty of times in my life where I liked someone.  I did everything I could to let those women know that I desired to date them.  I did everything I could to get together with them.  Some, even liked me back.  Maybe there were other complications like distance, or trust issues, or any number of other things that prevented them from actually allowing something to happen.  Since I am not a rapist, it simply wasn’t in my control.

Look at the music industry.  There are a ton of great musicians out there, struggling to make ends meet, probably having to take other jobs to survive, that could play circles around the fucking twats you hear on the radio.  It isn’t for lack of trying, or not wanting it enough.  It is because some asshole decided that their talent wasn’t as important as their looks, or they simply never got the opportunity to play in front of the assholes who make that decision.

Shit fucking happens.  It sucks.  You lose a fuck of a lot more than you win.  I know.  People do fail, and it isn’t always something that they have control over.  It isn’tbecause of not wanting it enough, or making excuses.

Not everything is possible.

Quit this bullshit belief that it is.

Because when the tornado wipes out your town and leaves you with nothing, maybe it’ll be easier not to stick a gun in your mouth if you know it wasn’t your fault.  That the tornado didn’t take your home and the lives of people you loved because somehow you didn’t want your home or those you cared about enough.  When the cancer ravages your body, you might keep fighting knowing that it isn’t happening because you didn’t want enough to be healthy.  When your life’s work is worthless because someone else beat your idea to market with an inferior version but has locked up market share, you won’t feel like you should have just wanted it more.  When you’re watching your loved ones take their last breath, you won’t feel like it is your fault for the rest of your days.

And when you know, that not everything is possible, you can adapt your goals to what is.  You can keep trying if you see possibilities in the face of setbacks of what is possible, rather than continuing to fail at something you should have known was impossible long before.

Not everythng is possible, but once you understand that, you will see that plenty of great things are.

 

 

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

19 thoughts on “If It Is Important To You…”

  1. No, not everything is possible. But please do not give up hope, faith. There’s so much good in this world to live for, and we all care for you very much. Ur bright, resourceful and immensely talented, we do appreciate and acknowledge you make a huge difference in this world, more than you realize.
    Enough of the pity party, it’s time we all get to work, Trump (for better or worse) can’t do it alone.
    Great point about the music industry btw!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I taught for over 33 years and nothing upset me more than the insipid “you be anything you want to be” mantra of some of my fellow educators. NO. Some people are good at some things and just not good at other things. A great surgeon like Ben Carson can be absolutely an idiot when he denies evolution, for example.
    We need to be HONEST with people. All of us have strengths and weaknesses. (My strength is my incredible knowledge and my weakness is my humility).
    I recall having an argument about this “I can do anything” mantra with my 5’7″ tall middle aged principal. I told him he could never dunk a basketball no matter how much he “wanted it”. He disagreed. He actually said that if he “really wanted to” he could dunk a basketball. Really. He said that.

    I am not saying we should not ENCOURAGE people to try things and do their best. But it does no good to deny reality. And to blame people for mental or psychological or physical differences is just stupid. Might as well blame me for being old.
    According to the “you can be anything” mantra I guess I had prostate cancer because of some character weakness. I must have not wanted to be healthy .
    Like earthunited said. Don’t give up. But be realistic. And honest.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, I could never be an NBA player, even when I was healthy. No matter how much I practiced or would have wanted it (not much really), because that does require some natural basketball ability to practice with. I have zero. Let’s be honest about that.
      But I’m not giving up. Simply telling people to shut up with that, because it makes disappointment worse.

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  3. To look at it from the other side: quotations like that are to prevent people from falling into the victim mentality. Sure, not everything is in your control, and that’s why people have bullshit quotes like: “God grant me the strength to blah blah blah change the things I can and accept the things I can’t” (paraphrase).

    If we continually felt that all things were out of our control, we’d blame all of our failures on things being out of our control. Having that as a mindset (which, in all honesty, I’d say that at least 75% of my students do) causes you to really suck ass in life.

    Not for one moment saying that you can control everything in your life. Not. At. All.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your last two paragraphs hit on a point that I forgot to mention: the setting of realistic goals. Whatever your mindset (that everything is in your control or that nothing is), it shouldn’t stop you from setting achievable goals AND seeing them through to completion… or, as you put it, reevaluation in the face of insurmountable obstacles.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s not that nothing is not in control it’s that these kinds of quotes make people think everything is. With them being brought up on these things, with patents who firmly believe them (and usually take care of most things for them), the first time they face something that isn’t in their control, they feel like it’s their fault, that they’ve failed. Or maybe they think someone has failed them. And then some of them snap.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I think you have made a clear point. Too many people are not living in reality. Still, I like to believe that having a hopeful outlook makes life better. I am working on making things happen (like being a best selling author) by my thoughts, but I know that it is not my thoughts that will make it happen. I still wish you have healthy cells.

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  5. Absolutely right, bro. “You can do anything you set your mind to!” is a total lie. We all have our limitations and, as you said, it’s never completely up to us. We only do the best we can; that’s all we can ask of ourselves.

    Like

  6. I have discussed this with my Son and put it to him this way, “I would rather you be the best garbage man than the worst doctor.” I think life is too short to do something that you are not passionate about and do not enjoy, so I think it is critical that he learns what moves and motivates him. That being said, whatever he chooses to do I expect him to put forth best effort and whatever happens…well, it happens.

    Nothing is promised in life but that does not mean you cannot dream, strive and learn.

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  7. I’m not a big fan of sayings like these, or such things as, “You’re always so positive!” because I feel like they don’t leave room for anything else. If I’m not positive, it must be my failure and I’m letting everyone else down. If things don’t work out, either I didn’t try hard enough, or I did something to deserve how things turned out.

    P.S. – I voted, and I wish it was Sanders who was our candidate too, but I put my game face on. We still ended up with the Pumpkin King and now we all have to worry about starving to death, and that’s not even an exaggeration.

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