Hello dear reader(s)!
I would have said this was a major blog-type-thing announcement, but that would have made the title really long. We wouldn’t want to do that, now would we? No, no we wouldn’t. You would know that if you paid attention in class. I am going to have to send a letter home to your parents. I was thinking of sending the letter Q. Because Q is just not used that much, which would make me uniQue.
Anyway, I have really, really exciting news about the future of this here blog-type-thing. It will change the entire concept of it as we know it. I have been thinking of making a few changes to it for a long, long time. I wasn’t quite sure what to do, but then it came to me last night in a dream, right after I got finished with the dreams of ritualistic sex.
Are you ready for the big announcement, that will change this blog-type-thing as you know it?
Too bad, because I am going to tell you anyway. That’s your fault for reading. Don’t blame me, or your parents, or society. This one is on you.
Here it comes…
The author of this blog-type-thing is about to have a birthday!!!!!!!!!!
“But Josh,” you might ask if you actually gave a damn, “How does your birthday coming up change this here blog-type-thing?”
simpletons my dear reader(s), it changes it because it adds another birthday wish list post to this here blog-type-thing, starting now.
Okay, starting in a few more words. Because first, I have to say how utterly disappointed I am in you all that you failed me on my last birthday wishlist.
So, without further adieu, here are the things I want for my birthday, which is less than a week away.
- A crushing defeat of Donald Trump and the entire Republican Party on election day I know election day is after my birthday, but this just gives you more time. See how generous I am, unlike the Republicans who decided to nominate a fascist who likes to sexually assault people?
- $150,000 cash That could buy me a pretty okay home. Unmarked, small bills. If you ever want to see your precious sanity alive again. Muahahahahahaha!
- B cells and properly functioning organs So bored with this disabled bullshit. I suppose it is better than abled bullshit, however. Who wants their bullshit to be abled? That would be scary.
- An admission of what I already know You know who you are. You know that I know who you are. I know that you know that I know who you are. Etc…
- A 1966 Pontiac GTO with tri-power in perfect condition, preferably black Mine was a two-toned brown, and was not in perfect condition. I want perfect condition. Maybe gas for life, because those things don’t exactly sip fuel. And a garage to keep it in. And maybe money to maintain it. And the most beautiful woman in the world flown in to do sexy woman modeling over the hood before she decides she just can’t resist me and we live happily ever after and her name is… um, never mind.
- A 7 piece DW drum kit, and room to play it I live in a house, but I am not certain there is enough room for it. So that. Maybe a good band to play in, as well. One that plays a style of music in which I would actually be able to drum. In other words, no country!
- An all expenses paid trip to Europe with a certain someone You might need to convince her for me. Her name is…um, never mind.
- Someone to get my tax waiver thing and all that crap I need in order to register my vehicle for me, because I really don’t feel like going all the way to city hall in order to get a stupid piece of paper needed to register my vehicle.
- World Peace Because I am looking to be the next Mister America.
- Pumpkin Scones Made by the most beautiful woman in the world and her name is…um, never mind.
- A cure for my obsessive thoughts of….um, never mind. What a weird name for a woman, huh?
- A better year between this birthday and the next Because this last year has kinda sucked. There have been some good times, and I am not going to whine about it, but I deserve a great year, where I get everything I want. I really feel that is true because I am just so great and everybody says so. I have the best words. I’m going to build a wall. I grabbed this post by the pussy.
Remember, a Josh is counting on your generosity.