Message To A Blog Friend

Hi.

I tried emailing you.  Rejected, saying it doesn’t exist.

I’m not dropping off.  Must be technical.  Wouldn’t keep requesting if I didn’t want to be there.

Hope all is well with you.

Me

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Expert Advice

Hello dear reader(s)!

I am very excited to announce a new feature here on MyFridayBlog™ that is sure to revolutionize your reading experience in a way that is, quite frankly, revolutionary.  Before I announce this new feature, I would like to explain what drove our amazing founder and creator (me), to come up with such a revolutionary idea.

It all started back in 2014 with a man, a computer, and a really revolutionary idea.  That man, is me.  You see, I was bored, and was reading an interview article from some online rock music magazine.  I thought it would be funny to interview an expert for this here blog-type-thing.  Soon, my thoughts turned to dreams, and dreams into action, as I scoured the globe for an expert I would interview.  My search was for naught, however, as it seemed that nobody had the required expertise to grace such an amazing and culturally significant blog-type-thing as MyFridayBlog™.  I almost gave up on this life-changing concept.  I decided I needed to take a break from my search and relax.  As I was in the middle of my favorite relaxation technique (masturbating in front of a mirror), I realized that the expert I had been looking for was closer than I think.  Indeed, I had him in the palm of my hand.  That expert, would be me!

And so, I invited Joshua Wrenn, GED to dole out expert advice on a wide variety of subjects I thought might be important to my dear reader(s).  And anytime I brought him in, it was a hit.  Everything seemed great, or so it would seem.

Fame began to create its own problems.  From the beginning, I was inundated with requests for more of him.  From the advice letters, to the fan mail, to the naked photos and marriage proposals, it was beginning to be difficult to focus on the day-to-day tasks of running this amazing and vital service I currently provide to humanity.  I was overloaded, and my staff (me) was threatening mutiny.

I briefly considered creating another blog, exclusive for Joshua Wrenn, GED and his expert advice; but he is an egomaniac and I would not want to give him that much power.  I could not live with myself and the terrible things that would occur as a result.  I don’t want that on my conscience.  So how was I to placate the huddled masses yearning for more Joshua Wrenn, GED while keeping his ego in check and maintaining the quality content you dear reader(s) have come to know, expect, and indeed rely upon

Simple.  I have decided to occasionally feature Joshua Wrenn, GED answering your questions and requests for advice when I feel like doing it.

If you would like advice, or have anything else you would like to say to Joshua Wrenn, GED, you can email at MyFridayBlog@gmail.com .

Let’s start this feature by answering some of the questions that came in unsolicited when I was not accepting requests but the bastards did it anyway.


Dear Joshua,
I love this guy who lives far away. I think he loves me too, but I am not sure I want to show him because I don’t know how we will be able to get together. Please help.
-Tiffany Amber Thiesen

Well, Kelly Kapowski, I think you’re an idiot.  Let him try to figure something out.  If you want to be with him, and him you, have some faith that he can do it.   Besides, you and Zack are meant to be together.


Dear Joshua,
I really want to get my wife into a threesome. How do I go about this?
-Spicer

Well, Spicer,  Since I have already been with your wife and another woman, I guess you are a little late in asking, huh?  Sorry, I didn’t know until after.


Dear Joshua,
How are you?
My parents don’t support my dream of being a musician. They want me to focus on school and getting a safe job. I hate school, and don’t do well in it. I don’t know what to do.
-Music lover

Not everyone is cut out for the nine to five.  (What a way to make a living.)  If you focused on music with the same amount of hours you put into school, you would certainly be good enough to make a living doing it, even if you weren’t some rock star.  There are many careers for good musicians, even the ones who never get famous.  Don’t make the mistake I did, of treating a passion like a hobby when you had the chance to make do what you love, simply because of what everyone else tells you.  Explain to your parents, that if you try to continue in the direction you are going, you’ll just drop out when you’re old enough anyway, and, having never given full focus to either music or academics, you’ll end up with a GED after your name dispensing advice to people on a little blog-type-thing.  Now practice.


If you would like advice, please don’t be shy.  No nudes please, I am already overwhelmed.

MyFridayBlog@gmail.com

 

 

Bee

Hello dear reader(s)!

Short post today, because I’m busy like an accountant at tax time.  Like a waiter at dinner time.  Like a bunny rabbit with another bunny rabbit of the opposite sex.  Maybe not for the same reason, but. ..  I’m busy like a bee doing things that bees do.

I’m going to a cider mill and corn maze today!!  Whoohoo!  Fall fun for Josh.

Remember when I said I was bored?

Yeah…  So much for that.  When it rains, it pours, and now I’m pretty booked up.  I hope my body holds up to all the excitement.

From being out last night, to the corn maze today, to going out tomorrow night, to Halloween (Samhain), to my Pagan group on Tuesday, to my birthday, to coffee, to all the stuff I have to do to get settled here… I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off.  Only, I have my head, and I’m not a chicken.

Anyway, happy Saturday or whatever day it is where you are.

Last One Of These

Hello dear reader(s)!

For the last time, stop reading in!!!!

I recently published a post I had written a year earlier.  A whole year.  I wrote it about a person who helped me feel again when I didn’t think it was possible.  She knows who she is, I am certain of it.  But do you?

No.

Do the feelings still ring true?  That, quite frankly, is none of your damn business.

Do you know what makes for things I like to read?  Emotion.  Real, raw, actual emotion.  It is the same in the music I like to listen to, or the art I like to look at.

Here is a poll, that may help me illustrate my point.

Now, If you want to know something, you could probably just ask me.  Assuming things about my life, and my feelings, isn’t helping you or anyone else.  It sure isn’t helping me.

If you don’t like the things I write, it is simple…don’t read them.  If you are going to try to play detective, just ask me.  I am pretty honest about those things.

Here are some things I am going to be upfront about right now though, just to put your mind at ease:

  • I do not have a crush on anyone I have had an adult physical relationship with.  I have made the mistake of trying to walk down the same path again.  It didn’t go well.  I am not interested in repeating the same steps that didn’t lead anywhere good the first time.  That said, I do like most of you as friends, and very much want to be friends of those who are in my life.
  • I love a lot of people.  I am in love with nobody.  Except me.  Because, I mean, come on…
  • The things I write about, including “obsessions” are not at all all-consuming  They just make for better writing.  I could write about switching my auto insurance, meeting a new friend for pool, or signing up for a new health plan, but that is not nearly as fun as writing about deep, passionate connections and soul-mates.
  • I am sick to death of this  I might not share these on social media anymore if you all can’t stop assuming.
  • I can change my mind  As I am sure most of you can.  What I wrote two days ago might be exactly the opposite of how I feel today.  So even when you do guess correctly as you are trying to fill in the details of things I leave out, you can only assume that you were right about what I wrote at some point in my life.
  • I am very good at shutting things off  Even though I believe love is forever, I never want someone who has made it clear they don’t want me to want them.  They don’t need me to need them.  They wouldn’t love for me to love them.  They aren’t begging me to beg them.  (I had to, sorry.)  The point is, I do not stay interested in someone who has made it clear they aren’t interested in me.  If that doesn’t give you peace of mind here, I don’t know what will.
  • If you want to know about me, just ask me  Really.  I only hide things on here for the sake of other people’s privacy.  I am not really secretive.

These posts bore me.  If you all want to be my friends, then you should talk to me directly.  If you can’t do that, I don’t know what to tell you.

I am not going to stop writing from the heart.  I couldn’t even if I tried.

 

Major Blog Announcement

Hello dear reader(s)!

I would have said this was a major blog-type-thing announcement, but that would have made the title really long.  We wouldn’t want to do that, now would we?  No, no we wouldn’t.  You would know that if you paid attention in class.  I am going to have to send a letter home to your parents.  I was thinking of sending the letter Q.  Because Q is just not used that much, which would make me uniQue.

Anyway, I have really, really exciting news about the future of this here blog-type-thing.  It will change the entire concept of it as we know it.  I have been thinking of making a few changes to it for a long, long time.  I wasn’t quite sure what to do, but then it came to me last night in a dream, right after I got finished with the dreams of ritualistic sex.

Are you ready for the big announcement, that will change this blog-type-thing as you know it?

Too bad, because I am going to tell you anyway.  That’s your fault for reading.  Don’t blame me, or your parents, or society.  This one is on you.

Here it comes…

The author of this blog-type-thing is about to have a birthday!!!!!!!!!!

Whoo-hoo!

“But Josh,” you might ask if you actually gave a damn, “How does your birthday coming up change this here blog-type-thing?”

Well, simpletons my dear reader(s), it changes it because it adds another birthday wish list post to this here blog-type-thing, starting now.

Okay, starting in a few more words.  Because first, I have to say how utterly disappointed I am in you all that you failed me on my last birthday wishlist.

So, without further adieu, here are the things I want for my birthday, which is less than a week away.

  • A crushing defeat of Donald Trump and the entire Republican Party on election day  I know election day is after my birthday, but this just gives you more time.  See how generous I am, unlike the Republicans who decided to nominate a fascist who likes to sexually assault people?
  • $150,000 cash  That could buy me a pretty okay home.  Unmarked, small bills.  If you ever want to see your precious sanity alive again.  Muahahahahahaha!
  • B cells and properly functioning organs  So bored with this disabled bullshit.  I suppose it is better than abled bullshit, however.  Who wants their bullshit to be abled?  That would be scary.
  • An admission of what I already know  You know who you are.  You know that I know who you are.  I know that you know that I know who you are.  Etc…
  • A 1966 Pontiac GTO with tri-power in perfect condition, preferably black  Mine was a two-toned brown, and was not in perfect condition.  I want perfect condition.  Maybe gas for life, because those things don’t exactly sip fuel.  And a garage to keep it in.  And maybe money to maintain it.  And the most beautiful woman in the world flown in to do sexy woman modeling over the hood before she decides she just can’t resist me and we live happily ever after and her name is… um, never mind.
  • A 7 piece DW drum kit, and room to play it  I live in a house, but I am not certain there is enough room for it.  So that.  Maybe a good band to play in, as well.  One that plays a style of music in which I would actually be able to drum.  In other words, no country!
  • An all expenses paid trip to Europe with a certain someone  You might need to convince her for me.  Her name is…um, never mind.
  • Someone to get my tax waiver thing and all that crap I need in order to register my vehicle for me, because I really don’t feel like going all the way to city hall in order to get a stupid piece of paper needed to register my vehicle.  
  • World Peace  Because I am looking to be the next Mister America.
  • Pumpkin Scones  Made by the most beautiful woman in the world and her name is…um, never mind.
  • A cure for my obsessive thoughts of….um, never mind.  What a weird name for a woman, huh?
  • A better year between this birthday and the next  Because this last year has kinda sucked.  There have been some good times, and I am not going to whine about it, but I deserve a great year, where I get everything I want.  I really feel that is true because I am just so great and everybody says so.  I have the best words.  I’m going to build a wall.  I grabbed this post by the pussy.

Remember, a Josh is counting on your generosity.

My Unfriend

I wrote this one quite a while ago.  I didn’t publish it because it was very personal and the emotions of it were fresh and something I didn’t want to be feeling at that time.  I am sick today, life moves forward, and I am not in the mood for writing, so here it is today. 

Dear Unfriend,

I believe there is a difference between loving someone, and being in love with someone.  I also believe in love at first sight.  Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time.  I believe love lasts forever.  I have loved you since the moment I saw you.  I am not in love with you, but I could fall, if given the chance.

Which is why I will never be happy only being your friend.  I want to be your friend.  Friends make the best lovers.  But I will never only want to be your friend.  I desire you.  I want you.  I don’t need you, but I need you to understand I will always want to be with you.

I don’t want to break you down, and make you mine.  I want you as you.  Strong and independent.  It is so much more thrilling when you choose me.  I would not make you need me.  I want you to be fine on your own, choosing to be with me.

I will be there for you.  I will help you in any way you ask.  But I am not being nice.  I am not nice at all.  I don’t want to hurt you, or own you, but I want to make you lose yourself in me each time we are together.  If you knew the dreams I have of you, every single night, you would know my intentions are not pure.

I don’t mean to scare you.  I also want you to find yourself when you are with me.  I want to build you up.  Anyone can have the weak.  That isn’t good enough for me.  I want you to be strong and free to continually choose me.

I’ve made my attraction to you clear.  Now, I want to let you know that it will not go away.  I will always keep trying.  I am going to try to be with you.

If you can’t accept that, delete me from your life.  Otherwise, I hope you’ll allow me the opportunity to take this fall for you, when you are ready for something real.