Hello dear reader(s)!
Lately, people all over my imagination have been asking things about where my inspiration comes from, what it is like to be me, what I am having for breakfast, and various other details not usually captured by the hordes of paparazzi that attempt to pursue me everywhere I go. Celebrity status such as mine is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, you have the desire for privacy. But on the other, you have a little bit of paint you should wash off before touching anything. No, wait. But on the other, you want your adoring fan(s) to feel connected to the real you, not just the you that you present to the world on your extremely popular blog-type-thing.
For me, there really is no choice but to sacrifice my privacy for the sake of my amazing and fantastic art. I knew once MyFridayBlog™ became the international sensation it is today, that it came at the cost of my privacy. And I can live with that, for we all know that the things I post are way too important to go back to a world without those things. And the connection that I have with you, my dear reader(s), more than makes up for the fact that all of the salacious details of my exciting and amazing life are never able to be kept secret. It is a burden I must bear, for my art, for you, my dear reader(s), and for bears.
As such, in an exclusive Behind The Blog-Type-Thinger special edition, I have decided to walk you through a typical non-appointment day in the life of your favorite blog-type-thinger and mine, Me.
4:00 am A truck or something goes by and wakes me up to pee. I go out to the bathroom and do my best to make it in the bowl, despite having that morning issue that affects men who are still able to have that issue. I do a pretty good job, and satisfied in my aiming attempts, I attempt to go back to sleep.
4:05-6:00 am Get assaulted by my cats who assume that because I left the bed for a minute that it must be time for their food. Tell them that it is not time, that no means no, and that they have to wait until about 6:30 for their food. Get slobber and cat hair all over me as I attempt to fight them off.
6:00-8:00 am Fall back asleep finally because they have given up, but oversleep because of the two-hour loss.
8:00 am Get up, throw on a shirt, and walk out to the kitchen to start washing their food dishes in preparation to feed them, and washing my coffee stuff in preparation for making the thing that makes life worth living that isn’t love.
8:01 am Realize I forgot my glasses and go back into the room to find them. Curse myself for not having a regular place for them since trying to find my glasses without my glasses is not easy.
8:02 am Find my glasses and walk back out to do the dishes.
8:15 am Finish the dishes and put the kitty food in the bowls. Play YYZ on the rims of the bowls to get the excess food off the fork, and also because I have to play YYZ on the things that make a ding sound. Or knocking on a door. #drummerproblems
8:20 am After asking, “Ready?” and waiting for a meow in response, then saying, “Yaaaaay food for babies!!!!!” I feed the kitties and start my coffee and simultaneous bagel.
8:30 am I finish making my coffee (this one was a brown sugar and cinnamon latte, as opposed to my typical white mocha) and also my bagel and carry it to the couch.
8:31-9:30 am This is where the magic happens. I begin posting in MyFridayBlog™. This is the draft stage. The words have registered for Selective Service and now they are being drafted.
9:30-10:00 am This is usually the editing stage. This is where I pretend to edit my posts but usually miss every error possible and wonder why I bother with this stage if I am just going to miss them all anyway.
10:00-12:00 pm This is usually my blog reading time. I attempt to go right down my Reader but occasionally do my best to pop in on favorites who post at very different hours. During this time you can also find me doing laundry and chatting with friends on the book of Faces.
12:00-1:00 pm Try to talk myself into getting up off my ass. Fail miserably until my stomach suggests it is time for lunch. Chat more on the book of Faces occasionally. Finally get up to make food.
1:00-1:30 pm Stand in front of the refrigerator and pantry wondering what I feel like making to eat and whether or not I have all the things necessary.
1:30-2:00 pm Make lunch. Try to hide my disappointment in myself because I forgot one or more things that I really wanted to go with whatever I make. Make some thrown together version instead with odd substitutes.
2:00-2:15 pm Eat.
2:15-3:00 pm If I exercise it usually happens here. Not much exercising, but at least I got up.
3:00-4:00 pm Me time. This is where I like to spend time alone with my thoughts. Of you. You know who you are. Just me, my thoughts of you, lotion, and tissues. Maybe some sexy music and candles if I am feeling saucy.
4:00-6:00 pm See 3:00-4:00 pm.
6:00-6:30 pm Re-wash dishes, feed kitties again repeating the YYZ steps and the “Yaaaay, food for babies!”
6:30-7:00 pm Try to figure out what I want to eat.
7:00-7:15 pm Make whatever I decided on.
7:15-7:45 pm Eat dinner, start waiting for you.
7:45 pm Hopefully start talking with you. You, who inspires all of the writing about love for quite some time now.
Or 7:45-whenever you come to me if you are later than usual Talk with my other friends. Talk with them sometimes at the same time as you when there is a second because everyone works during the day and this is finally when they can talk too.
10:00 pm While talking with you, repeat activities from 3:00-4:00 pm, on occasion, but you knew that already.
11:00 pm Say my goodnights to you. Feel the weight of sadness sweep over me that I am not saying goodnight to you with you in my arms.
12:00 am Go to sleep with tears in my eyes as I dream of a day where you and I can finally be together.
Note: Times are approximate and this is only a typical day. Occasionally I do fun things and am far less boring. Honest. Results may vary. Please seek medical treatment if you have an erection lasting longer than four hours.