My Dearest Sweetness,
One year since you left. Four since we were married. Time only matters to mark when you left this world, it does not diminish my love for you. I hope a part of you feels your remains drifting through the water, and on the shore of the place you most felt at home. I know how much you loved it there, and it will always be your beach to me.
I stood on your bridge to watch the water disperse your ashes, and it struck me how unbelievable it is to me that someone so full of life could end up as a swirl in the water. I kept half, like you asked, so that we may scatter them with your friends and family in the other place you asked to be.
It was a beautiful morning. The marine layer was in, and it was empty. It reminded me of escaping the condominium when I was sick in the mornings and just being together as I sipped my coffee and you sipped your chai, talking about life and love. It’s been hot and sunny lately, but you would’ve loved this morning.
I remember standing across from you. You in your white sundress, and me in the Hawaiian shirt and khakis since that is all we could find even close for the occasion. I remember the flower in your hair. You almost always had to have a flower in your hair. I remember promising to love you forever and ever. Death does not part us, and I love that we did not vow it. Despite knowing that we were moving it up before I went in for cancer treatment, standing up and pledging my love to you in front of what friends and family we could gather with such short notice remains the highlight of my life.
I miss you terribly. Not just today. Not just this month. Today is hard, but I miss you always. I will love you until the end of time, and even after. Happy anniversary, Bear. I will love you forever, and ever, and always.
May 5th, 1984 – July 26th, 2015