Fun With US States

Hello dear reader(s)!

For this evening’s entertainment, enlightenment, and education, I Joshua Wrenn, GED, have decided to make a little word association post using the States in the United States of America.  Although maybe with full thoughts instead of words.

Now, I know this may seem a simple task and not anything that would require as much of an expert as one who has earned the level of GED, but this post will require listing the 50 states and then thinking something unique about them and that can be hard!

Disclaimer:  MyFridayBlog™ is not responsible for any offense caused by the opinions of independent expert Joshua Wrenn, GED, despite him being the sole author, editor, and everything elser of MyFridayBlog™ and its affiliates.  Any complaints can be sent to your mom’s house.  

Alabama  Inbred
Alaska  Miss.  Chlamydia. Cold.  Pretty.  Palin.
Arizona  Trump lovers
Arkansas  Wal-Mart and the Clintons.
California  Should be about 12 different states.  So, diverse, I guess.  Oh, and shitty drivers who should stay in their own state until they learn that not everybody drives as awful as they do and guess what?  It rains here, assholes!  I know you’ve never seen it before, but fucking learn to drive in it before you move here!  I swear to fucking God.  Dumbasses.
Colorado  Denver.  And JonBenet Ramsey’s killers parents.
Connecticut  The Hartford.  Lonely rich girls who hit on telesurvey callers because they have nothing better to do.  (Long story.)
Delaware  “Hi.  I’m in Delaware. ”
Florida  Fucking insane people.  And my uncle.  What does this say about my uncle?
Georgia  Peaches.  I really love them, and would like to shake your tree, if you wouldn’t mind, m’lady.
Hawaii  Surfing.  And Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Idaho  Neo-Nazis.  And D.  Who is not a Neo-Nazi.  That I’m aware of.
Illinois  Chicago.  Which means Rise Against.  Who hasn’t come to tour anywhere near me in too long.  A-hem!!!
Indiana  Basketball and bad laws.
Iowa  Corn.  That’s it.  Just corn.  Corn and sadness.
Kansas  Dust in the Wind.  And Carry On My Wayward Son.  Oh, and the Westboro Baptist Church.  Thank God we’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.
Kentucky  Last of the Mohicans.  Kentuckeeeee.
Louisiana  Mardi Gras, Racism, and STD’s.
Maine  Lobster?  And Austin’s blog.  And people named Gorton.
Maryland  Freddie Gray.  (Sorry, nothing funny about that one.)
Massachusetts  The Kennedy’s.  Like William Kennedy Smith, and Ted Kennedy, but only in regards to Chappaquiddick.
Michigan  Jim Harbaugh and Mosul.  I mean Detroit.
Minnesota  The Land of 10,000 accidental drownings when snowmobiles break through the ice.
Mississippi  The Klan.   
Missouri  Show me?  Please?  I want to see!
Montana  Cattle relations.
Nebraska  No need for a topographical map!
Nevada  The Mississippi of the West.
New Hampshire  Nothing like old Hampshire.
New Jersey  Chris Christie and Jersey Shore.  Seriously, it used to be Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi.  Y’all need to up your game.
New Mexico  Albuquerque.  And their ugly license plates.  And Santa Fe.  And El Pinto with their yummy chili con queso.  And how I phonetically say Al Boo Kware Kwee in order to spell it.
New York  These fuckers think they’re so special because they have like half the world’s population living on top of each other and use their big market status to buy championships.  Y’all ain’t shit.  I mean, you guys have the Mets.
North Carolina  The Other Carolina.™
North Dakota  Bowman, the bustling metropolis of one part of my family’s ascendancy to power.
Ohio  Only 52 years until Cleveland wins another championship!!!
Oklahoma  Team thieves.  #Sonics4Life
Oregon  The most beautiful coast in the world, Portland hipster trash, and nothing else.
Pennsylvania  Why do you guys even get your own state anymore?  When was the last time you were relevant in anything more than a Presidential election?
Rhode Island  Why were you ever a state to begin with?  You’re smaller than a Texan’s driveway.
South Carolina  Still fighting the civil war.  And Palmetto bugs, which they are proud of for some reason.
South Dakota  Deadwood, Mount Rushmore, and nothing else.
Tennessee  Arrested Development (but I am still thirsty), Nashville, and trailers.
Texas  Where everything is made overly large in an attempt to compensate.  And guns.  And Ted fucking Cruz.
Utah  Mormons.  And a fucking lake full of salt.  Ooh!  Aaah!
Vermont  The older east coast hippies who never died, just consolidated in dairy farm country.  Ben, Jerry, and Bernie.
Virginia  Had some Presidents born there once.  Now is filled with people who likely don’t know how to spell the word “President”.
Washington  We get it.  You had Nirvana.  Seriously, I like them too.  But every other song?  Come on!  Also, should be two states as there is Western Washington and then BFE Eastern Washington and Western Washington is liberal while Eastern Washington is full of idiots conservative.
West Virginia  Country Roads.  And incest.
Wisconsin  Dumb ass double checked discounts and cheese.  Which y’all like a bit too much if you ask me.  
Wyoming  I mean your state is asking the same question I would when deciding where to visit.  “Wy?”
If Joshua Wrenn, GED has offended with you any of these, you can write your complaint letter to: 
Your Mom
123 Whiny Street
Crybaby, (Whatever state full of whiners in which you live) 12345

 

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

19 thoughts on “Fun With US States”

  1. It’s almost 11:00 pm here and I’m trying not to laugh out loud and wake my husband, but damn Josh! You’re making it difficult!😆 Being a proud (not!) resident of Taxachushetts, I’d like to add that we also are home to crazy people with bad attitudes, terrible drivers, and too many entitled rich college kids (see the above mentioned bad attitudes, etc.) I never know what to expect when I click on a post by you. Thanks for this. I needed a chuckle!😄

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 😆 Hilarious !
    I have only been to California and Oregon. And I totally agree with you on those 🙂 (and I might have been one of those drivers in Cali 😉 )

    Liked by 2 people

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