Hello dear reader(s)!
For this evening’s entertainment, enlightenment, and education, I Joshua Wrenn, GED, have decided to make a little word association post using the States in the United States of America. Although maybe with full thoughts instead of words.
Now, I know this may seem a simple task and not anything that would require as much of an expert as one who has earned the level of GED, but this post will require listing the 50 states and then thinking something unique about them and that can be hard!
Disclaimer: MyFridayBlog™ is not responsible for any offense caused by the opinions of independent expert Joshua Wrenn, GED, despite him being the sole author, editor, and everything elser of MyFridayBlog™ and its affiliates. Any complaints can be sent to your mom’s house.
Alaska Miss. Chlamydia. Cold. Pretty. Palin.
Arizona Trump lovers
Arkansas Wal-Mart and the Clintons.
California Should be about 12 different states. So, diverse, I guess. Oh, and shitty drivers who should stay in their own state until they learn that not everybody drives as awful as they do and guess what? It rains here, assholes! I know you’ve never seen it before, but fucking learn to drive in it before you move here! I swear to fucking God. Dumbasses.
Colorado Denver. And JonBenet Ramsey’s
Connecticut The Hartford. Lonely rich girls who hit on telesurvey callers because they have nothing better to do. (Long story.)
Delaware “Hi. I’m in Delaware. ”
Florida Fucking insane people. And my uncle. What does this say about my uncle?
Georgia Peaches. I really love them, and would like to shake your tree, if you wouldn’t mind, m’lady.
Hawaii Surfing. And Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Idaho Neo-Nazis. And D. Who is not a Neo-Nazi. That I’m aware of.
Illinois Chicago. Which means Rise Against. Who hasn’t come to tour anywhere near me in too long. A-hem!!!
Iowa Corn. That’s it. Just corn. Corn and sadness.
Kansas Dust in the Wind. And Carry On My Wayward Son. Oh, and the Westboro Baptist Church. Thank God we’re not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.
Kentucky Last of the Mohicans. Kentuckeeeee.
Louisiana Mardi Gras, Racism, and STD’s.
Maine Lobster? And Austin’s blog. And people named Gorton.
Maryland Freddie Gray. (Sorry, nothing funny about that one.)
Massachusetts The Kennedy’s. Like William Kennedy Smith, and Ted Kennedy, but only in regards to Chappaquiddick.
Michigan Jim Harbaugh and Mosul. I mean Detroit.
Minnesota The Land of 10,000 accidental drownings when snowmobiles break through the ice.
Mississippi The Klan.
Missouri Show me? Please? I want to see!
Montana Cattle relations.
Nevada The Mississippi of the West.
New Hampshire Nothing like old Hampshire.
New Jersey Chris Christie and Jersey Shore. Seriously, it used to be Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi. Y’all need to up your game.
New Mexico Albuquerque. And their ugly license plates. And Santa Fe. And El Pinto with their yummy chili con queso. And how I phonetically say Al Boo Kware Kwee in order to spell it.
New York These fuckers think they’re so special because they have like half the world’s population living on top of each other and use their big market status to buy championships. Y’all ain’t shit. I mean, you guys have the Mets.
North Carolina The Other Carolina.™
North Dakota Bowman, the bustling metropolis of one part of my family’s ascendancy to power.
Ohio Only 52 years until Cleveland wins another championship!!!
Oklahoma Team thieves. #Sonics4Life
Oregon The most beautiful coast in the world, Portland hipster trash, and nothing else.
Pennsylvania Why do you guys even get your own state anymore? When was the last time you were relevant in anything more than a Presidential election?
South Carolina Still fighting the civil war. And Palmetto bugs, which they are proud of for some reason.
South Dakota Deadwood, Mount Rushmore, and nothing else.
Tennessee Arrested Development (but I am still thirsty), Nashville, and trailers.
Texas Where everything is made overly large in an attempt to compensate. And guns. And Ted fucking Cruz.
Utah Mormons. And a fucking lake full of salt. Ooh! Aaah!
Vermont The older east coast hippies who never died, just consolidated in dairy farm country. Ben, Jerry, and Bernie.
Virginia Had some Presidents born there once. Now is filled with people who likely don’t know how to spell the word “President”.
Washington We get it. You had Nirvana. Seriously, I like them too. But every other song? Come on! Also, should be two states as there is Western Washington and then
West Virginia Country Roads. And incest.
Wisconsin Dumb ass double checked discounts and cheese. Which y’all like a bit too much if you ask me.
Wyoming I mean your state is asking the same question I would when deciding where to visit. “Wy?”