Hello dear reader(s)!
I had my CT Scan today to determine whether or not I will need surgery on my lungs. If I do, it will be a big wrap-around incision between the ribs and not a nice little camera one. I am a little anxious about the results but won’t know anything until tomorrow.
There was a time not too long ago I would have been absolutely freaking out while waiting. The stress would have totally knocked me down.
But not today.
Today I am feeling really hopeful Like even if I do need the big, bad surgery, it will just be another thing to deal with. Annoying, but not insurmountable.
Yesterday was hot. Annoyingly so. But it was one day. Today will still be hot, but less so. It will be annoying. But not a big deal. If it was as hot as yesterday, I’d make do. If it lasted weeks, I’d figure something out.
I’ve also recently let go of people in my life who were not good for me, and connected with people who I think are. It’s great having people who you can talk to as much as they want to talk to you. It’s nice being a priority too.
Things are certainly not perfect. There are a lot of concerns or potential concerns on the horizon. There are things that I am very annoyed and frustrated with. I still feel like garbage from my stomach issues ever since the last round of antibiotics. I am still upset that it seems like every time I seem to start doing well some freak thing happens and I end up in the hospital. I am sick of not working. I am sick of some people not understanding that my very survival is at stake and is therefore going to make my health the most important thing to me. I am tired of being extremely broke in a society that keeps getting to be more and more expensive. I try to live simply, but there are things I could use, if I could ever afford them.
But today, all of those things seem like they are something that I can take, today or as they come. They do not seem as though they are or will be the end of the world. When Hannah died, I knew I got depressed. Who wouldn’t? I remember the feeling being similar to the other time in my life I was really depressed, but more intense because of losing her. But then it seemed it like I pulled out of it relatively quickly.
But now I’m not so sure. I think maybe it hung on in some low-level form until much more recently. It’s like there is a fog clearing, and a hopefulness that I have been missing.
Maybe it’s time. Or the change in scenery. Or the great people I have in my life. I don’t really know, but it’s so far away from where I was.