Power

Some women dress up to show it.  Some women have it in them.  She was that power.  It came through whether she was in a flowery dress, jeans and a sweatshirt, or her fetish gear.  She didn’t need to go all out for it to come through, but she could do that too.

He didn’t know his own power.  All of the years of torment and pain had taken its toll on him.  Sure, he survived it all, but he chalked that up to luck instead of something inside of him.  He didn’t think he was on her level.  He only knew that he wanted her for his own.  To be a part of her power.

He knew where hers came from.  She couldn’t even take a picture without it coming through.  No matter how bright her smile or how innocent her pose, her eyes betrayed the darkness she had absorbed.  She was powerful because nothing had ever been handed to her.  She had to learn to fight for everything she ever got in her life.  He knew that about her, but failed to see how that paralleled his own experience.

She saw it though.

So when they saw each other at the train station that day, there was an intense attraction and recognition unlike anything he had ever felt before.  He knew her from earlier in life.  They grew up together.  Both of them were always dating someone else, and so they had kept a distance between them.  He felt so strongly for her whenever she was around, but he was always in a relationship or she was, and he was not about to dishonor that.  He didn’t know she was feeling the same.

She had moved to London and he stayed back home in Manchester.  They kept in touch via Facebook and he would stalk her pictures on her profile from time to time.  They would wish each other happy birthday or congratulate each other on major events in each other’s lives, but he did not reveal how much he desired to be with her.

She desired him, but felt that he was happy and that she would just complicate his life.  She knew she could have anything she wanted, including him, but thought that he was happy with the life he had built in Manchester.  She watched from afar as he picked up the pieces after everything he had endured and created a seemingly happy existence.  She wouldn’t have wanted to take that from him, and so she kept her desire a secret.

So when he saw at her at Euston railway station as he was heading into London for a Chelsea game, he did not know what to do.  Fortunately for him, he did not have to make any choices because as soon as she saw him she ran to him and leaped into his arms.  It was all he could do to not proclaim his undying love for her right then and there as she wrapped her arms and legs around him.

They both laughed a little as he set her back down onto her feet on the platform.

“What are you doing here?” she asked excitedly.

He grabbed the Chelsea scarf around his neck and picked up a corner to bring it in front of her eyes.  “Gee, I don’t know, why would I be in London with all this Chelsea gear?” he teased.

“Maybe because you are a traitor and have forsaken two different major teams from your hometown for Chelsea,” she fired back with a smile.

“I’m also kind of checking it out.  I’m considering taking a job with Chamberlin, Powell, and Bon,” he added, nonchalantly.

“You got an offer?  They are only one of the biggest architecture firms in London!” she said, excitedly.

“Yeah,” he replied, embarrassed.

“Congratulations!  I always knew you could do anything you wanted!”

They stood there talking and getting caught up.  Neither one of them was seeing anyone.  They had both been single for a few months.  They talked about all of the things they had been through and all of the things that had gone on since they last saw each other.  He didn’t even realize how much time had passed and that he had completely missed the kickoff.  When he talked about his last breakup he was surprised when she mentioned that she knew, that she had seen the pain he was going through, and wanted to reach out but didn’t want to feel like she was pushing her own agenda.

“What agenda?” he asked her.

She looked him deep in the eyes, and he felt himself sink into her gaze as though he was being hypnotized when she told him, “I have wanted you from the first time I ever saw you.”

He didn’t know if he should be shocked, excited, or intimated.  He was all three.  But he wanted her for years.  He was quietly obsessed, and here she was telling him that she wanted him.  And he knew that she always got what she wanted.  He allowed the happiness to take over, and pushed the feelings of intimidation to the side.  He leaned in and kissed her.

He didn’t know how long they had been kissing for when he opened his eyes as they stopped and he became aware of the fading light.  It suddenly set in that he had not only missed the match, but probably needed to get on the train for the two-hour ride back to Manchester.

She became aware of the time too, and told him, “I’m sorry you missed your little game.  Go home and get things ready so you can hurry back to me.  Yeah?”

They kissed again and then he said goodbye to her.  He got aboard the train and thought about how monumental the day he just experienced had been.  As the train pulled away, he closed his eyes to better relive what had just happened.

When the train slammed into the other train, he didn’t know what happened.  The impact jarred him out of his daydreams as the cars in front of him either burst into flame or were thrown from the track.  The only thought he had time for before he lost consciousness was, “No, you are not taking this from me.”

She saw the impact from her car.  As the collision occurred, she thought to herself that she would not allow him to be taken from her.

He opened his eyes in the hospital to her face, feeling the power between them that saved his life.

Featured Image by Vespa125125CFC at English Wikipedia [CC BY-SA 3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) or GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

 

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Complicit

Hello dear reader(s)!

So I was going to save any kind of political posts or rants for the Coalition of the Brave site, but I have decided this particular post would be better off over here.  That site is about higher level discussion and I just don’t have that in me on this one.  This particular post is largely based on the fear and anger I feel at what is going on right now around the world and I don’t feel the kinds of parallels I am about to draw belong on anything that is a collaborative effort.  These are my insults and my feelings, and it would not be fair to have anyone else associated with what I am about to say.

When we learned about the holocaust in elementary school, I remember being deeply disturbed not so much by the fact that there were people who were so evil they would want to exterminate an entire people, but by the fact that almost an entire nation went along.  I wondered how anybody could possibly not recognize the horrible hatred being spouted by the Nazis before it was too late to stop their rise.  I wondered how most of a country could be complicit in the systematic deaths of ten million innocent people, including six million Jews.

And the footage from the Trump rallies began to answer my question.  But then I thought those were just isolated incidents, and surely it was just a fringe opinion.  And then the UK voted to leave the EU.

Now, I understand not everybody who voted to leave the EU voted that way because of nationalism, racism, and anti-immigration sentiment.  I understand that there are legitimate concerns associated with the organization of the EU, the trade regulations, and the entire system of globalization and the questions of sovereignty that globalization brings.  I get that.

But I also know that a large portion of how it was sold to the public was using that racism, xenophobia, and anti-immigration rhetoric.

When the Nazis were coming to power, not everybody who helped them obtain power did so because they hated Jews.  Many probably voted for the Nazis after the 1932 re-election of Hindenburg as a protest vote, or because the Hindenburg government was deemed as weak and ineffective.  Many probably had legitimate concerns about the way government in Germany was being run and thought that anything had to be better than what they had.  Many probably felt betrayed and disenfranchised by an elite ruling class and were attracted to the Nazi’s promise to make Germany great again.

Does this sound familiar?

I am sick to death of the political class in the world today.  I am sick and tired of the corporate oligarchy that clouds any notion of democracy.  I am fed up with career politicians who change with the breeze and may not be the best representatives of the people.  However…

I have a duty to vote against anyone who will attempt to make scapegoats of entire races or religions in order to gain power.  I have a duty to not allow anyone who is purposely riling up the racist sentiments of people to get votes.  I have a duty to not allow anyone to stoke the irrational fears of a populace to further their own agenda.  I have a duty to not allow anyone who openly calls for violence against those who hold different opinions to ever reach powerful office.

And sorry, but I have a duty to call out anyone who does.

If you intend to vote for Donald Trump, you are complicit in racism.  No matter why you don’t like Hillary Clinton, no matter what good reasons you have to not want to vote for a Democrat, no matter how badly you want the system to be reformed…you are complicit in open racism and the rise and emboldening of hate in our country.

If you stay home instead of voting for his opponent who will actually be on the ballot in all 50 states against him, you are standing watching as the throngs of racists he has inspired are fighting the groups of whatever people he has attempted to scapegoat for your problems.  And if you are standing and watching, you are complicit in whatever crimes are committed against those people as a result.

History has shown that it is not a place you want to be.  When you allow a distaste for the political establishment to be used to install a power-hungry dictator, very bad things happen.  It already is starting.  Do you really want that on your hands?






This is how it starts.


We all know how it ends.

If you support a candidate, or a policy that is sold on hate, you aren’t just an idiot, you are complicit.

Be Afraid

Coalition of the Brave

Part of the “Brexit” vote over in the UK may have been due to an anti-immigration fear campaign.  In fact, the posters and advertisements made it clear that whether people voted to leave because of those fears or not, those fears were one of the reasons cited.

Claims of gang rapes and crimes against women are a particularly large fear being pushed.

And while I certainly don’t think everyone who voted to leave chose to vote that way based on those fears, I do imagine they a played a large part for some people.  Especially given the post-referendum spike in racial incidents being reported in the UK.

Here in America, Donald Trump has gained power by attempting to play on those same fears.  He has used high-profile cases such as the murder of a woman in San Francisco by an undocumented immigrant to scare people.  He does this of course…

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Broken

Hello dear reader(s)!

This post is dedicated to all of those who are constantly bitching that they are broken and lonely.  The ones who repost the meme that it takes a strong man to love a broken woman.  No, it doesn’t.  It takes an idiot or an emotional masochist.  Or it takes a sociopath to pretend to love one.

At my age, I don’t know a single person who hasn’t had their heart broken.  I haven’t met one person who hasn’t gotten screwed over by someone who took advantage of them.  Not one.

How we survive is what makes us who we are.” – Rise Against

But I do know a lot of people who are not willing to let that stop from trusting their hearts with someone again.  I do know a lot of people who understand that not everything is going to work out and not everyone is meant for them.  I know people who are willing to take a chance to get what they want.

If everything always worked out perfectly than the people who were right for you that came into your life or appeared to you at the right time wouldn’t be very special.

If you are too broken to be able to open up and make yourself vulnerable to someone, you really have no business looking for love until you are fixed.

But you’re not even broken anyway, are you?

No.  You are scared.  Which makes you unable to trust.  Which makes you unable to love.

And the only people who are going to want to be with someone who can’t ever love or trust them are the sociopaths who don’t care how someone feels about them anyway.  By being “broken” you are making yourself a target for further damage.

We all have our down days.  Some of us have down periods.  But the most attractive people I know are the ones who shine through their darkness and light up the world.  The phoenix that rises from the ashes.  Not the ones who sit and whine about being broken and wondering why they can’t find someone special.

The greatest pain of my life so far was because someone couldn’t trust me enough to reveal her addiction and let me help her through it.  Her fear killed her.  Her lack of trust that those who loved her would continue loving her literally prevented anyone from being able to help her until it was too late.  The only solace in that I have is that she was able to know we all still loved her and always will before she died.

If you know me, you know I have seen some things.  You know I have been through some things.  You know that if someone is going to be “broken:” I probably have plenty of excuses.

But I choose not be.  I have scars, but I am far from broken.  I can trust.  I can love.  I can give love to those who love and trust me.  I will continue to go into everything with an open heart and the optimism that it might work and be the greatest thing since sliced pie.

There are only so many times someone can show they have opened their hearts to someone and be met with walls before they put up their own.  There are only so many times you can tell someone you are broken before you end up proving yourself right.

Catastrophizing

Coalition of the Brave

Right now people are losing portions of their retirement because people are freaking out over the unknown.  I am talking about the “Brexit”.  Brexit, is a catchy name for a procedural trade vote at this point designed to instill fear.  Brexit is a media creation.

So of course, the fear is sweeping through the financial markets.  Driven by Wolf Blitzer and his desire to over-dramatize everything for ratings.  For example, the vote results are breaking news.  Despite the fact that the vote was pretty much called 11 hours ago.  The Dow closed about an hour ago, so our 611 point drop is about an hour old.  But if you listen to Wolf Blitzer, the financial markets are in free-fall and investors are panicking.  I am waiting for the “unconfirmed reports” of people jumping out of windows on Wall street.

Now, will the UK leaving the EU cause issues?  I’d say…

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My Morning

Hello dear reader(s)!

Are you ready for some good old-fashioned Josh bitching?  No?  Too bad.  Go read somewhere else today then because I’m about to open up a can of bitch, serve it on a bitching plate, and then throw that shit on the bitch floor, bitch.

I have a cold.  Or something similar.  Yesterday, this cold meant very dizzy as the congestion started building in my head.  I thought maybe it was allergies, but given that it is here today and my roommate is also suffering from a cold I would say it is a cold.  Fortunately, I am less dizzy over it today, but I still worry since colds for me don’t often remain as simple colds.

So I was very tired and dizzy all day.  Not that big of a deal, that happens sometimes.  But then the dizziness combined with the stomach upset that my medication for my lungs has been causing (and it is awful) to make me extremely nauseated too.  Fun!

I ended up going to bed a little earlier than is usual in order to rest and hopefully beat the ever-loving fuck out of this piece of shit cold and move on with my life.  Sounds good, right?

And it was.  I fell asleep.  Hard.

Until about a half hour later when my cat started yowling.  I do not know why she was yowling, but she has been doing it the past few nights.  I would think she was in heat, but she is fixed.  So I took her into the room and shut the door.  I fell asleep again.  Hard.

Until about a half hour later when she was trying to scratch the door open and it woke me up.  I opened the door and let her out and went back to sleep again.  Hard.

Until about a half hour later when she came back in and laid on my forearm.  It was sweet, but woke me up.  So I petted her, she purred, and I went back to sleep.  Hard.

And it lasted for more than a half hour.

All the way until 4:00 am.  When some fucking asshole set off his honking car alarm that just happens to sound exactly like mine that made me jump up and go look out the back window to ensure that it was not my car.  I was headed back to my room when the bastard finally shut if off.  So I went back to sleep.  Hard.

Until about a half hour later when my roommate came out of her room to get coffee and my other cat (who was recently sick) decided to sit in the middle of the floor which is where he was sitting when he showed us he was sick last time, causing my roommate to freak out.  He is fine.  I, however, am not.  I did not get back to sleep after that.

However, I am less dizzy, which is nice.  So much earlier than usual, I decided to make my coffee.  But I was out of white chocolate.  So I elected to run to the store.  It was misting outside, which I love, which is nice because it has not done that this year as much as I am used to.  I was in a fairly good mood and thought that except for the need to take a nap, it could be a good day.

I got to the store and tried to go in the doors, but they had that side closed.  Which I guess I can understand if it is too early, but it was already light and commuters were already getting on their way.  I shook it off and walked around to the other doors.  I grabbed my white chocolate and headed for the registers.  There was only one open.  Even the self-checkouts were closed.  It was unmanned.  There was a person waiting with a few items.  I stood behind him and looked around.  And then I did that some more.  And some more.  A floor washer stopped by and saw and us, then shouted to someone to help us.

As the checker took his items from where you set them down, he uncovered a sign that said to ring the bell for service.  I don’t know if the guy in front of me actually did or not, I just know it is stupid to have to ring a bell anyway.  Then the guy decides to pay with exact change.  S-L-O-W-L-Y.  When he was finally done, I bought and paid for my white chocolate and was out the door before he even grabbed his bag.  I chuckled to myself as I started my car thinking I would be home before he left the store.

I started the car and drove out of the parking lot to make a right turn onto the street.  I looked at the traffic to my left as a bus coming from the right came into view.  I pulled out only to be almost wiped out by some impatient, entitled, fucking waste of space that couldn’t be held be held up for thirty seconds by the bus in front of him so he decided to speed around it into oncoming traffic where there are a lot of driveways and an exit from a store parking lot where I was coming out of.  And I bet in his mind, it was my fault he went into oncoming traffic.

So I’m in a bad fucking mood.  I am sick of being sick.  Tired of being tired.  There is more to this story, but not that I want to talk about right now.

Thank you to my friends that have worked to make me feel a little better today.  You da real MVP.

 

 

Last Words

In the stark white of the hospital room, the old man lay dying.  He was still breathing, and still able to talk, but he knew it was just a matter of time.  His wife wept and grasped his hand as tightly as her one hundred and ninety year-old fingers could manage.  Time seemed to slow.

“It’s okay dad,” his son, a handsome young man, said through the tears.  “You have lived a full life.  One of the fullest of any man alive.  We will be okay.  You can end your pain.”

The old man smiled.  He struggled to speak, “Yes, yes I have.  I remember when I met your mother.  It was during the war.  We knew right then and there we would be together until this day.  I had to go back to the front lines, but we shared the greatest evening.  When I got the front, I could barely get her out of my head.  Made it hard to stay alive with all the laser fire directed at us, but I knew I had to see her again.”

“You fought bravely.  You earned the Medal of Honor,” his son encouraged.

“The war was hell, but then I found I your mother again.  She was living above a café in Sector 17.  We came back through after the liberation of the Chinese, and I saw her.  She never left my side.  She has been there through building our crystaline generator business, the business trips to Andromeda, the rescue of the dolphinoids…everything,” the old man smiled at his tearful wife.

“Yes.  And she was always waiting for you when you were the first man to reach the speed of light.  When you designed the government structure that ended all war on this planet.  When you protested for civil rights.  When you wrote the moral code that all living things try to adhere to.  You two have had quite the life together,” the son added.

“Yes.  Yes we have.  I was very blessed to have someone who would go on all these adventures with me,” responded the old man.  “Son, live your life.  If I can tell you anything, it is to live.  Do not be afraid of what people think of it if you aren’t hurting them. What they think is none of your concern.  Live your life and be happy.  Find your love, and live it.  Live with adventure.  Live with no regrets.  I’m getting tired, son.  Say goodbye to me and let me have a bit of alone time with your mother.  Say goodbye and leave here with no regrets.  Live with no regrets, do you understand?”

The son began sobbing.  “I love you, dad.  You are a great man.  Thank you for all you have done for me.  No regrets.”  He got up and walked out of the room into the loving arms of his new bride who was waiting by the door.

The old man looked at his wife when the door shut.  “Do you have any regrets?” he asked her.

“No dear, you have made every day an adventure.  Every day has been better than the day before.  I have lived a much better life because of you than I ever thought possible.  What about you?  Do you have any regrets?”

The old man took a deep breath.  He was really struggling now.  His voice broke as he answered, “We never had that threesome you promised me.”