It Never Ends

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for my absence, I’ve been busy with a lot of things having to do with the ongoing health struggles that make up the Josh.  I also apologize for any typos or strange autocorrect issues that I may miss as I’m typing this on my phone.

You see, I’m in the hospital.  Again.  Not for the lung thing which I actually got relatively good news about on Friday morning at a non-hospital appointment, but because suddenly I developed a rash-looking thingy on my foot and ankle that turned out to be a skin infection of some unknown bacterial origin.

There has been a lot of swelling, pain, and itchiness.  But that isn’t the worst of it.  The thing I hate the most, is that it seems to always be one thing after the other after the other with my health.  As soon as one thing looks like it may be turning my way, another thing blows up.

Despite not having B cells, once the lung thing was taken care of, I was seriously considering attempting to get into a vocational rehab program to ease off of disability under their work ticket program.  But every time I have thought I could pull it off, there is some surprise thing my body pulls that either ends up with me admitted to the hospital, or spending the vast majority of each day dealing with doctors appointments, or just feeling like garbage.  I’ve all but given up hope of ever being able to get back to some kind of real income and independence.  It fucking sucks.

Meanwhile, you hear the fucking politicians trying to paint anyone who receives assistance as lazy moochers trying to take advantage of the system.  They call the assistance “entitlements” to further entrench the view of non-struggling people that we disabled feel entitled to live off the hard work of others.  But the paltry disability payments that I receive aren’t entitlements, it’s a fucking insurance policy for which I paid premiums in the form of taxes when I could work.  I know I have likely exceeded the amounts I was able to pay in, but that’s how insurance works.  Some policies cost the company (government) more than the amount paid in.

These politicians use people like me, who desperately want to work, who feel fucking worthless when we can’t, and are certainly not stupid enough to “take advantage”, of a system which couldn’t come close to making ends meet without the generosity of loved ones.  They use us to deflect the fact that since the Reagan administration, they have raided the trust fund over and over.  They have diverted funds that easily could’ve ensured the solvency of this insurance program to pay for tax cuts for the wealthy and their own pet projects.  They then falsely blame the people like me who have no other option in order to survive.  They use us as pawns in their political chess game, despite the knowledge anyone with a cursory understanding of economics would know that the percentage of the budget spent on people like myself is virtually nothing.

According to the Social Security Administration, there are roughly 9,000,000 (rounded up, slightly) people currently receiving disabled worker benefits.  The average payment is roughly 13,000 a year.  That is 117 billion dollars spent for people like me.  Sounds like a lot of money, doesn’t it?

It is, but not to the Federal Government.  When you consider they have spent 1.5 TRILLION dollars on a fighter jet that doesn’t even work (the F-35), & has such bad production delays that the technology will be likely obsolete by full delivery, being blamed for the debt problem in this country is insulting.  The cost of the F-35 could pay for all of the standard disability benefits for everyone for more than the next 12 years.

And it’s important to remember this isn’t just tax dollars, but basically required insurance premiums.

I’m tired of wanting to work and not being able to.  I’m tired of hospitals.  I’m tired of my body not functioning the way it should because I got a cancer that had nothing to do with my lifestyle.  But mostly, I’m tired of my life being used as propaganda to rile up a bunch of white-trash, ignorant assholes who can’t use a fucking calculator to determine who is really ripping the people off; so those ignorant assholes will continue to vote against their interests and keep the oligarchy entrenched.

The war on the poor never ends.

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

26 thoughts on “It Never Ends”

  1. I hope and pray for healing for you soon. Hang in there. I agree the system is stacked against the little guy and for the ultra wealthy and it’s all about privilege if you ask me. Hang in there Josh.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gaaaaah. I HATE the fact that they use the word entitlement like it’s some kind of accurate term. Particularly because their precious tax deductions and loopholes are entitlements. In the LARGEST AND MOST ACCURATE version of that word.

    They basically verbally and financially abuse people in a bad situations in order to get a political point. It’s MADNESS.

    OK. I’m stepping off the soapbox now. Sorry.

    I hope you feel better. And I hope you find some satisfaction in your life with or without a job. It’s hard to feel like a person who belongs without a job. I’ve been in that situation. It feels like you are floating without a rudder, dependent on others.

    It’s easy to feel shitty about life and yourself in that situation. But don’t. You are not defined by a job or your disease. You are you whether you have a job or are sick. Those things aren’t you. They are things that are happening in your life.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah. My feeling shitty is only temporary, but the hopelessness of getting to work again is becoming more real. I know I’m not defined by it, but it sure would be nice to have the money I could make at a job.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you for trying to change the dialogue on disability payments. You are right they are not “entitlements” and should not be called such. I am glad that your lungs are improving and hoping that this set back will be short.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. I’m sorry you’re back in the hospital Josh. I hope your lung situation at least improves soon. I completely understand your frustration. I worked full time for fifth years before finally having to go on disability four years ago. It was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever had to make. I miss working. And to make matters worse I have all these health issues ywet I haven’t been able to afford insurance for the last two years.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Boy, even a skin infection and a hospital stay don’t dull your power! You have mighty spirit. Thank you for not only sharing your story but using your voice — at a time when you would certainly be excused for self-care and silence — to call for more sanity in health care and disability policies. Take good care and get back on your feet soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. josh u’r full time job right now is to get better, don’t waste precious energy on corrupt politicians, broken healthcare system, or earning a living. just live the moment to it’s fullest, your blog is a testament to that.
    best wishes on getting better, keep up the good fight!

    Like

  7. Well that’s the suck. You haven’t even got the one problem solved before getting another. I bet you’d like to exhale. I find your grace inspiring. I think I would rage. Of course, that’s conjecture, but still… I’m wishing you well. Always wishing you well.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I knew I had to read your blog today, because I know what this day means to you. I am so sorry to read that you are having even more health problems. I agree, it isn’t a choice to pay for our disability insurance, it comes out automatically with all the rest of the taxes. I wish you peace, love, health, and happiness. Oh, and

    Liked by 1 person

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