The Best Words

Hello New York!

Well, Lyin’ Ted won the Wisconsin primary and we’re really not surprised because the people in Wisconsin are gullible and fall for the lies of the establishment, okay?  Scott Walker, and I’ll tell you what, he’s a loser, okay?  I mean they tried to recall him and now they do what he wants, okay?  He goes and he, and what about Megan Kelly just trying to stack that election for Lyin’ Ted, but he goes and he, what?  What’s that?  Get ’em outta here!  Go home to mommy!  

But come on, isn’t that more fun?  It’s never boring at one of my rallies, I’ll tell you.  Get ’em outta here!  Scott Walker he goes and he basically uses his position and the establishment to make sure Ted wins the state, but I’ve got news for him, Wisconsin isn’t New York, okay?  We’re going to win New York in a huge way, and by the way Rosie O’Donnell is huge, right?  I mean, I was like being kind to her and she comes on television and says really horrible things about me, which, are untrue, okay?  And then she cries when I fight back.  Because that’s what they say you can’t do.  It’s this political correctness, okay?  The establishment wants to attack you on genuine issues and things you’ve actually said and done, but they whine, they’re whiners, when you fight back with childish insults about their appearances and hateful rhetoric, okay?  

And they use these big words, okay?  I know words.  I have the best words, okay?  Really big words.  Huge words.  We’re gonna have the best words.  Big, beautiful words.  And we’re gonna make Mexico pay for those words.  

And then you’ve got this loser Kasich.  He shouldn’t be allowed to run.  He’s taking votes from me, because those voters aren’t going for Cruz, okay?  He can’t win.  He’s a loser.  He’s 1 and 33.  Okay?  

But there won’t be another terrorist attack here when I’m President okay?  Because I’ll change the laws and we’ll be able to torture ISIS.  We’re going to use nuclear weapons even here if we have to against these guys.  They’re bad guys.  And our President is weak, okay?  We’re not gonna be weak.  We’re gonna bomb their families.  

And Megan Kelly, she’s got blood coming out of her eyes, out of her wherever…she’d be one of ISIS’s first victims.  She should be thanking me, okay?  And if I tried to coerce her into an abortion after she thanked me, she should be punished, okay?  I mean, the doctor should be punished because Chris Matthews okay, I mean, what a clown he is?  Am I right?  He’s pressuring me on this question.  And be the way, the media has been gunning for me since the beginning okay?  Okay, and then when I said they edited it and they said they didn’t and they were right but they said that to attack me, okay?  But that’s alright.  He asks and I didn’t really understand the question, okay?  So the doctor should be punished if I coerce her into the abortion, okay?  

All these guys are losers.  That’s why we’re losing.  America needs a winner, okay?  They ask me, they ask, “How are you going to make Mexico pay for the wall?”

 And I’ve already told them.  They’ll pay for it, okay?  I’ll make deals.  I make the best deals.  They’re kicking our butts okay?  We have a trade deficit, okay?  That’s how I’ll make them pay for it.  They’ll pay.  What?  What?  Get ’em outta here!  Get ’em outta here!  Go home!  Another Sanders supporter.  Go home to mommy!  Get ’em outta here!  Mexico, okay, and China, who I love, okay?  And Japan, Vietnam, Texas, okay?  The’re all kicking out butts because we’re making horrible deals.  I’ll make good deals.  I’ll make the best deals and we’re gonna make America great again!  

The sad thing about this post, is this is only slightly exaggerated version of what he really says.  And people have actually voted for this.


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

12 thoughts on “The Best Words”

  1. Excellent satire. A bit frightening means you did a great job. I’m not sure you used as many dangling modifiers or as much blatant pejorative talk as the real thing does, but I was entertained. I just prefer my politics not be as entertaining as your blog posts, ya know?

    Liked by 3 people

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