Advertising Is The Worst

Hello dear reader(s)!

I rarely watch television.  I will occasionally watch a soccer game.  I will occasionally watch the local news.  Aside from that, I am pretty much a book and interwebs type of guy.  Unfortunately, even the tiny amount of television I do happen to see is filled with ads.

For me, some ads are so annoying that I would not ever do business with the companies making them.  Some people boycott for social causes, and I can understand that.  Some people won’t do business with companies because of their quality or prices, and I can understand that too.  I use both those reasons when determining who to give my business to and who not to; but for me, bad ads are probably the main factor.  There are enough annoying things in life, I don’t need it to break up my entertainment too.

So with that in mind, in this here blog-type-thing’s never-ending quest to educate, enlighten, and entertain you, my dear reader(s), I present my worst advertising offenders.

Tech ads  There is an Intel ad running currently that is so annoying I want to only shop for computers with inferior chips.  And I just don’t care, it is that bad!  All tech ads are bad.  Heavily stylized, not at all about the actual product, and have a sort of superiority complex.  There is usually classical music involved (which is normally fine, but not in this case) and images of all these happy, good looking people having a great time in the most colorful world imaginable…unless it is Apple in which case it is in black and white because that somehow makes Apple products look good enough to be worth the huge prices and lack of universal chargers.  I mean, chargers, Apple.  Really?  Go put on your black turtle necks worship your cardboard Steve cutouts.  Tech ads are made as if their target customer isn’t some loser jerking off to net porn on one screen while playing Call Of Duty on the other in his parents’ basement.

Papa John’s.  Pizza ads are never good, but Papa John’s ads are the worst of the worst.  As if the company’s treatment of their employees wasn’t bad enough, the ads are just terrible.  And guess what asshole, I would’ve paid another dime for your shitty-ass pizza if it meant your employee wouldn’t have to die in the lobby of an emergency room because he didn’t have insurance.  Cock.  I hope you choke on your fucking cardboard, you piece of shit.  I hope your huge mansion explodes in a fucking gas leak and blows up your insurance card and when you go to the hospital they don’t let you in because you can’t fucking talk and are unrecognizable due to the burns and you die because they think you don’t have insurance and don’t know you could pay cash.  Cock.  Or I hope you have a fucking heart attack from your better ingredients.  Also, fuck your dual ads with the NFL.  They have their own ads.  Cock.

Beats.  No, this isn’t about Cam Newton.  I don’t give a rat’s fuck about whether Cam hurts people’s wittwe feewings.  So don’t think this is a Cam Newton hate fest.  In order to hate him, I’d have to give a shit, and I don’t.  This also isn’t about Beats just not being that good for the price.  Am I Consumer Reports?  No.  If people want to spend lots of money for a name like the Apple fanboys do, more power to them.  Nope, this has nothing to do with that.  It is that the ad is played ALL THE FUCKING TIME.  For the amount of time I watch television, I shouldn’t have had to see the commercial a million times!  Spread that shit out!  Maybe it’ll help you break out of the one demographic you can get to buy your overpriced crap.

Audi.  There is an ad for the Q7, which I guess is a vehicle of some kind, possibly manufactured somewhere in space if you believe the idiot and seriously paranoid kid on the commercial.  Beyond making fun of this kid’s likely mental disorder, this particular ad is terribly offensive for the last portion, in which the kid is walking along a wooded road (no sidewalk) and an Audi comes FLYING out of the fog around the bend whizzing past the paranoid kid further reinforcing said kid’s paranoid delusions of alien Audis.  Although, in this case, the only thing paranoid about the shocked kid is the alien thing, because he should have pissed his fucking pants when the moron in the Audi came flying out of the fog around a bend on a two lane road like that.  No wonder people who drive Audis drive like they think they are invincible, their ads have people driving at high speed through super dense fog on a bendy narrow highway!  Can you say pile up?  Lucky that kid is not a blood spatter right now.  Now, if you want to make a good commercial about the scary possibly alien Audi, make it run down Papa John.

Any prescription drug ad ever.  Unlike my last little rants, this one is completely serious.  Fuck direct to consumer ads for things that should be carefully prescribed by a doctor.  When a doctor diagnoses you with something, you ask, “Is there something we can do to treat or cure it?”  Then your doctor can tell you what they think would work for you.  That is how health care should work.  It should not work by you seeing something on television for a set of things they have classified as a disorder that might just be part of the discomfort of being human or the side effects from the last drug you asked your doctor about and then asking your doctor about a specific drug that will in turn cause more side effects that you’ll ask your doctor about a drug to help with down the line.  This is a serious issue in healthcare and even the AMA hates it.

Furniture store ads.  Shout at me one more time, motherfuckers!  Guess what Mor, we know your sale won’t just be this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday because we all know YOU ALWAYS FUCKING EXTEND THEM!  We also don’t need the same information repeated at volume a million times.  You know what would make a good commercial?  One of your crappy couches with Papa John sitting on it getting hit by a flying, possibly alien Audi!

Any ad for any company or product made ever.  Especially if it is at all associated with Papa John.  Seriously, that guy is like the pharma douche of pizza.

 

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

49 thoughts on “Advertising Is The Worst”

      1. I’m surprised it hasn’t gotten on my nerves. It is played a lot. But it was on my television screen literally 10 minutes ago, and I still laughed.

        Oh, and I am totally with you on the medication commercials. Those really irritate me!

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You know I am not supposed to judge your drawings because I know your doctors told me how it calms you, even when you do believe they are real. That one of you doing the things with the dragon? All I can say is that it is very colorful and I am glad drawing it made you so happy.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Nice wrap there at the end.
    We watch plenty of tv, some days, because we don’t watch any tv most days, and we DVR the crap out of stuff we like so that we can binge-watch like sloths. I’m with you on the drug commercials. Good Gawwwd!
    The rest of em, I really don’t see…
    But last night, we had dinner with my in-laws and this means that we had to watch local television stations at VOLUME 38 so I can tell you who’s having furniture and car sales this weekend. Everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I didn’t realise how much I hated ads until I moved to the US. I watched a lot of BBC output in the UK and in the UK the BBC doesn’t have ads which you don’t appreciate until you leave it behind! Also the ads here are a lot longer and more frequent than the ones on commercial channels in the UK.

    Like

  3. I used to think that way about prescription drug ads, too. But when an organization like the AMA comes out for something, I have to question it. (The AMA’s reputation is not what it used to be.)

    I can’t count on doctors to tell me what the best treatment is. So, as a consumer in this new health care market, I want all the information that doctors get — including ads. What, exactly, are doctors basing their opinions on? A Big Pharma study (antidepressants anyone)? Medical research from Pakistan? The DEA? Doctors can be as biased as politicians, and just because they have a medical degree, that doesn’t mean I trust them.

    Perhaps you should look at commercials like art — there’s good art and bad art. Some people like some art, while some people like other art. Artists can’t make everyone happy. And I don’t mind watching some crappy commercials to get to the good ones (like music videos). Commercials and ads are required to tell us about new products — it’s the grapevine of the internet age. It’s when they’re over-used that they get tacky, but advertising is expensive, so what do you expect? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know the AMA isn’t what it used to be, but in this case, I think they are right. The drug companies are creating disorders, not treating or curing them. Not everyone needs a pill that usually does more harm than good for most things. Because of the internet there are less-biased sources of information too. On any product.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Totally agree with everything you say. And you know what bugs me about the Papa John commercials – the guy’s eyebrows. They are ridiculous. The prescription drug ads annoy me to, because if you listen to all the adverse reactions they recite at the end of the commercial, you would have to wonder why anyone would be crazy enough to take any of that stuff. Thank goodness we don’t have cable. Haven’t seen a commercial for months and months, and that is just the way I like it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, awful things. For me, I swear some of the “disorders” they tell you about are fake in the first place. Somethings just happen to people as they live. You don’t need a pill for everything. Like my chemo induced neuropathy, I could take pills that hurt my kidneys and blood counts, or I can just suck it up and deal with the pain.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I am really trying hard to avoid taking any pills of any kind. Last year they tried to put me on blood pressure pills, but then after a visit to the Cardiologist, it was decided I just didn’t like going to the doctor, which is funny because I work in a hospital, I just don’t want to start that slide down the slippery slope of med taking any sooner than I need to.

        Liked by 2 people

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