He woke up in the morning after not sleeping well the night before. He opened up his computer to check his email and Facebook, and then to check blogs and write a post in his blog-type-thing. He is me, and this is a true story. Names have not been changed because no one is innocent.
I was in my email fine. I was in my Facebook fine. But when I went to open WordPress…something was wrong. I couldn’t get to the site. I tried Twitter. Nothing. I tried pretty much every site other than Facebook and my email, but could not get on. I was distressed. I called out, “Why?” There was no response.
So I spent most of the day in my email, and occasionally making use of my Facebook. I also actually talked on the phone, a rarity these days.
At around 3 something in the afternoon, I decided to check again. Success!
I opened up the tab and went to the “Create A New Post” button. I began typing away. Words flowing from my fingers like ranch dressing flows from its ramekin and onto a chicken wing. I was completely in a zone, so I almost didn’t notice that my bagel was ready. I heard the pop and reluctantly put down the computer to spread the delicious cream cheese onto my bagel. I also decided to make myself another cup of delicious coffee.
After fueling up with the delicious food and coffee, I decided to return to my post. But the post had just vanished.
Your uncle Barney was busy womanizing a girl when I noticed the post flash on the screen. I rushed to the computer but then got a video call from your aunt Lilly. It seems your uncle Marshall had slapped Barney really hard just before he arrived at the apartment to womanize the girl. I should also let you know that this paragraph never happened and I don’t know if you have an uncle Barney and an uncle Marshall and an aunt Lilly. Wouldn’t it be weird if you did?
I checked all the tabs I had open, but the post was not there. Just a picture of a yellow umbrella. Your aunt Robyn came over and we did inappropriate things to each other that has anybody else noticed Ted went into the inappropriate sexual relations he had with their “aunt” and all of the other girls before he actually met their mother to his kids and find that to be a little creepy? And all of the drinking and other things he talks about as a way of getting permission from his kids to date Robyn after she is back in town when he claims to be telling them the story of how he met their mother but is really just trying to angle it so he doesn’t feel guilty about having a thing for Robyn in what would seem to be the entire time their sick mother was dying? Seems kinda fucked up to me. Okay fine, so this didn’t happen either.
You caught me. This story isn’t really true.
Except the not being able to connect for some weird reason.
So then I typed this post and got carried away with the very odd premise of HIMYM and that kids, is how you met this post.