An Extremely Personal Notice

This is primarily directed at the friends and family who read my blog.  However, it is too much to fit in a Facebook box easily, so I am posting it here.  Anyone can read, if they really want to.  This is not something I choose to hide.

Some of you may have noticed recently a little more flirty conversations or banter on either my blog or Facebook.  It is not your imagination.  I am beginning to flirt more again.  And I am starting to date again.

When I wondered if I could and tested the waters previously, it caused a lot of trouble.  Despite the fact that it was only a test, I can definitely see where people could think that I was being callous or crass publicly talking about checking to see if I could get numbers not long after Hannah’s passing.  And in order to prevent any hard feelings, I didn’t go into the things that nobody but Hannah and I knew.  In order to prevent me from being seen as disparaging her memory, I didn’t go into the betrayal that I felt by the secret that took her life and the infinite number of lies she must have told to maintain it.  Instead, I tried to see the other perspective, reached out, apologized, and removed the post.  That night also taught me that I just didn’t want to at that point in time, but nobody saw that part of things.

I’m not testing the waters this time.  I am dating again.  It is happening, and I’m not going to keep that part of my life from my personal page or social media because people who were not me or Hannah think that it might be too soon.  If I flirt on a page or end up seeing someone, or even if I end up in a relationship; I’m not going to sneak around like I am cheating on someone who is not even alive.  I committed to Hannah, and I was faithful to her in every way.  I did not commit to her ghost.

I am posting this because I know that when some of you see that I went out with someone, or am flirting with someone, or if I get in a relationship with someone; you are going to be upset with me.  That is your right.  If you are upset about it, I ask that you do not feed it and just simply leave me be.

Because if you attack me, or think for a second that this in anyway diminishes the love I had for that woman when she was here…I am going to get defensive.  And I am going to let you know all the things that do not need to be known by the people who didn’t live it.

Wouldn’t you rather live with the good memories of the best side of her?  I certainly would.

But regardless of how you may feel about it, I am still here.  I am still alive.  I am not the one who kept a deadly secret.  I still have feelings, and things I want.  And I will continue to live my life and occasionally write about it.

So I wanted to give you this warning.  I am dating.  If that offends you, leave now, because I’m not going to hide it.

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

46 thoughts on “An Extremely Personal Notice”

  1. I still stick with your grief, your recovery, your journey. The love you had for/with Hannah is a testament to what you know can happen with the right connection, and who can blame you for wanting a connection again? Good luck!

    Liked by 4 people

      1. Well, I haven’t recently…but after last time when it seemed like I was moving too fast for people’s tastes, I figured I should give a heads up that I will not accept it and am back out there before they notice on their own. Preempt things.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s your life Josh. They are your memories.. Only you n Hannah would know what your feelings were, and only you know when uou are ready. Companionship is important, just as important as memories… Take care xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Go for it, Josh. You’re not put on this earth to deprive yourself of love. Grab the opportunity, and the hell with people who think you ought to be sitting around in black.

    Just to give you one cultural example, in Orthodox Judaism, a widow must wait a year to remarry, because there’s a chance she could be pregnant by her deceased husband. But a widower can marry the day after his deceased wife’s funeral!

    “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Not wanting to insert myself into something private but I have always wondered about getting back into the game after the loss of a spouse. I know everyone is different and it’s funny how people will put arbitrary numbers on how long they feel someone should wait before dating again after losing a spouse, how they will judge if they thinks it’s too soon. I hope I never have to face it but I’ve always wondered how I would handle it, I kind of think I would become a hermit and never leave the house (which is something someone out there would judge me for I’m sure). Good for you, get out there if you think you’re ready, who cares what anyone else thinks, they have never walked a day in your shoes so they have no right to stand in judgement.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. How exciting to be on this new path! You deserve your bit of happiness so when the opportunity comes grab on to it! I’m excited to hear about the new experiences you’ll be having. Hopefully you’ll share from time to time, although I understand if you need to be private about this. Have so much fun during this time, Josh. (and please for the love of all mankind, make sure she’ll love on your feline!)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wish you all the best. You are the only one to know when you’re ready to move on. And it is very obvious you still honour and treasure the memories and times you had with Hannah. Whatever your future holds, that will not change 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I initially don’t know what to say… (or i need not to sag anything at all…) but here i am wishing you sincerely the best… we all deserve a second chance in everything… life goes on regardless of… and i am so happy that you chose to go on… keep goin josh..

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  8. When my husband had cancer a few years ago, we had the talk. He told me that if he did not survive, he wanted me to get remarried right away, as soon as possible. Fortunately, he survived and I didn’t have to go out looking for another husband. I have heard of the year-of-mourning custom, but not the difference for men and women. That probably made sense back in the day. Of course, we post-menopausal women don’t have to worry about being pregnant so the one-year thing would not apply to us. I agree with others. As soon as you feel ready is the time to start connecting again. Good luck!

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  9. This is the first time reading your blog so I have no clue who you are. I’m guessing Hannah was your wife. All I can say is that only you know what is best for you and your life. I believe you are the only one to make those decisions

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  10. I don’t know you very well or the details of your story here. But I’m a widow. I don’t offer that information online very often because it’s more personal than I usually want to get with my readers. (They probably assume I’m divorced because I’m a single parent.) I just wanted to say that it’s entirely up to you how soon you do things after the death of your Sig Other. You know when you’re ready and you shouldn’t be judged for it.

    It’s been three years for me. I REALLY should start dating. But it’s a different game now. And I have baggage. Good luck to you, sir.

    Liked by 1 person

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