This is primarily directed at the friends and family who read my blog. However, it is too much to fit in a Facebook box easily, so I am posting it here. Anyone can read, if they really want to. This is not something I choose to hide.
Some of you may have noticed recently a little more flirty conversations or banter on either my blog or Facebook. It is not your imagination. I am beginning to flirt more again. And I am starting to date again.
When I wondered if I could and tested the waters previously, it caused a lot of trouble. Despite the fact that it was only a test, I can definitely see where people could think that I was being callous or crass publicly talking about checking to see if I could get numbers not long after Hannah’s passing. And in order to prevent any hard feelings, I didn’t go into the things that nobody but Hannah and I knew. In order to prevent me from being seen as disparaging her memory, I didn’t go into the betrayal that I felt by the secret that took her life and the infinite number of lies she must have told to maintain it. Instead, I tried to see the other perspective, reached out, apologized, and removed the post. That night also taught me that I just didn’t want to at that point in time, but nobody saw that part of things.
I’m not testing the waters this time. I am dating again. It is happening, and I’m not going to keep that part of my life from my personal page or social media because people who were not me or Hannah think that it might be too soon. If I flirt on a page or end up seeing someone, or even if I end up in a relationship; I’m not going to sneak around like I am cheating on someone who is not even alive. I committed to Hannah, and I was faithful to her in every way. I did not commit to her ghost.
I am posting this because I know that when some of you see that I went out with someone, or am flirting with someone, or if I get in a relationship with someone; you are going to be upset with me. That is your right. If you are upset about it, I ask that you do not feed it and just simply leave me be.
Because if you attack me, or think for a second that this in anyway diminishes the love I had for that woman when she was here…I am going to get defensive. And I am going to let you know all the things that do not need to be known by the people who didn’t live it.
Wouldn’t you rather live with the good memories of the best side of her? I certainly would.
But regardless of how you may feel about it, I am still here. I am still alive. I am not the one who kept a deadly secret. I still have feelings, and things I want. And I will continue to live my life and occasionally write about it.
So I wanted to give you this warning. I am dating. If that offends you, leave now, because I’m not going to hide it.