A Valentine’s Meal

Hello dear reader(s)!

Have you ever had that one special recipe that you made, that seemed to be magic?  The recipe that you could make perfectly every single time?  The recipe that if you made for someone would cause them to fall near instantly in love with you?

For me, that recipe is chicken rolls.  Unfortunately for me, there will be no chicken rolls this Valentine’s Day.  Because I went mostly vegetarian.  And now I’m a pescatarian.  Because there is fresh wild salmon here, so I’m eating that too now.  Sue me.  At least the reason I am not having them isn’t because I am some sort of freak who doesn’t like cream cheese.  Who doesn’t like cream cheese?  Nobody I want to know anyway.  Or peach cobbler?  What?   But I digress.

However, my dear reader(s), I was not always a mostly vegetarian then pescatarian.  That didn’t start until this last summer.  Before that, I still ate meat.  I like to cook.  Since it can be creative, of course I am going to like it.  And while I have never before posted a recipe on this blog-type-thing (I think, hell, I don’t know.), I figured what with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, in this here blog-type-thing’s never-ending quest to educate, enlighten, and entertain…I would offer up this amazing recipe for you dear reader(s) to prepare for a romantic dinner for your date that has never, ever failed me in getting lucky once prepared for my date.  Ever.  Seriously, this is like magic.

So if you all are ready, here is the recipe.  They are called chicken rolls.

Actually fuck that, chicken rolls are my secret weapon.  You think I’m going to just give away that kind of power?  Please!

Sorry, I just thought I’d let you all know that I can make a food that is an aphrodisiac for people who are normal and like cream cheese.

What are your plans for Valentine’s Day?  Do you have any plans?  Do you care about it, or is it just another day?  Do you have a Valentine?


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

39 thoughts on “A Valentine’s Meal”

      1. Hire your ninjas. For the secret is not written, it lives within me. And no amount of ninja truth serum could make me talk. Maybe a few million, cash, unmarked bills, but short of that…NEVER!!! Hahaha!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Haha, I left that cream cheese bit alone earlier. I can’t even. But cheesecake…bagel with schmear…
    Anyway, yes, I do. But it’s different for different people. Meat is not my thing. I eat some, very little. I eat so little meat that people treat me like a vegetarian. I’ve come to the conclusion that being Midwestern is all about carnivorous pleasure and if you don’t get twitterpated (we say twiddlepated) at the mere mention of animals, particularly ones cooked on an open flame, you are automatically excluded. (I could say that about so many things. Maybe there’s a post in there…hmm, thank you.)
    Anyway, for The Mister, it’s roasted animals with sauce. He says food cannot make him fall in love, but I find that the smell of roasted meat is a really motivator.
    I am sincerely jealous of your foodie haven, especially the fish. My tastebuds remember the Pacific Northwest.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What do you mean? Are you saying you also think cream cheese can’t be put on chicken? Because chicken rolls would change your mind, I’m serious. But I’d never give chicken rolls to someone I wasn’t intending to sleep with. They are too powerful. That would going to the dark side of the chicken roll force.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL! I see. The power of chicken rolls must be immense!
        I think cream cheese is a suitable cheese for many things. If you’re talking about the chicken rolls I’m thinking of, then yes, sounds lovely.
        I’m more prone to fall in love with the food itself. I’m currently having a torrid affair with goat cheese pizza.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The way I make chicken rolls, because there are other versions and imposters out there, one can’t help but fall for the brilliant chef who makes them. They are that powerful. It is a great power. But with great power, comes great responsibility. So only those who are targeted by me get to feast on the delectable rolls of sensual chickeny goodness.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Cream cheese is not the devil, freak! And the chicken comes to me pre-traumatized. I neither raise nor kill the chicken. I simply have helped it to have a purposeful afterlife. It is very much an aphrodisiac, but you wouldn’t know. And I know you wish I was thinking of your pie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re “think” indicates your uncertainty, compounded by the fact that if you wanted our comment session to conclude, you wouldn’t have replied. Which means you’re rather enjoying the chicken (rooster) and the pie conundrum.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. *Your. What can I say, I’m a flirt? Wasn’t quite expecting the escalation from you, however. But I think this should conclude, because this is a page that gets read by people who may have more delicate sensibilities than you or I, or may be reading too much in. Wouldn’t you agree?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I totally know that. 🙂 But if you knew the way people read into my blog, you would know why I had the mini-freak-out. I got a little carried away in the fun of it all too. So no worries at all.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Vietnamese beef curry. Delicious, easy and unique enough to impress. It’s not really a secret recipe though a quick google search will reveal my secret. The lie of learning the secret from an old woman deep in the jungles of Vietnam back when I ventured there on a dangerous mission to rescue missionaries held captive by violent rebels doesn’t hold up with google around, damn internet.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bwahahaha! That was literal laugh out loud! I like to tell people the scars on my leg were from defending a woman with a puppy in her arms from a knife wielding maniac, but then they check my blog and see it was from the surgery I had for an infection from the cancer complications. Sometimes the internet really kills game, doesn’t it? I love Vietnamese, luckily my new city has Pho everywhere!

      Liked by 2 people

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