Mr. Detective

“If you want to know something, you can find it out.  Most people don’t know the answers because they don’t even know they’re supposed to be asking the questions,” he told her as she asked him how he knew.

“But I was very careful never to let on,” she replied.

“Too careful.  The lengths you went to in order to avoid the subject made it clear.”

He took off his jacket and threw it over the back of his desk chair.  His shoulder holster held his revolver to his side.

A look of fear made its way across her face.  She knew she was caught and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Don’t tell my husband!” she shouted, “Please!”

“Why in the hell would I do that?” he asked as he took the gun out of his holster and locked it in the safe in his desk drawer.  “I know you’re separated, what do I care?  Now, if he hired me to find out who you were trying to get together with and that person wasn’t me, we’d be having a different conversation.”

“I just…since you’re a detective and you caught me, I just went there,” she giggled.  “This is like some bad film noir.  So you caught me, Mr. Detective, what are you going to do about it?” she asked in the most sultry voice she could muster.

“Why don’t you come over here and find out?” he asked as he began to unbutton his shirt.

She sauntered over to him and began to remove the straps of her dress from her shoulders.

“Mr. Andrews, do you think that you could have your department come up with a coverage schedule for the group training day?” his boss asked as he snapped back to reality and the boardroom.

“Yes sir,” he said as he smiled sheepishly at the woman across the table he had been fantasizing about for the previous 45 minutes of the meeting.  He thought he saw her give a quick smile back, but when he looked again she had her beautiful face pointed down onto her yellow legal pad.  He wondered what he just agreed to, but knew he’d find out when the minutes were emailed after they finally let him leave.

As he listened to his boss drone on and on about mission statements, he found his attention focusing back on her.  She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.  Her skin was like porcelain, her eyes a soft brown behind glasses she looked born to wear.  Her hair was a brown-red type of color that had a name he couldn’t think of.  She had a professionalism that he knew had an edge to it.  He could tell.  He wanted to kiss every inch of her body and breathe in her…

“Mr. Andrews!” his bossed snapped.

“Sir?” he responded.

“I asked if your department could handle that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t take it as a a question.  You’re the boss, if you want us to handle it, we handle it.  I’m sorry for assuming that went without saying,” he said trying to cover his ass by kissing up.

He looked back across the table.  He definitely caught it this time.  She smiled at him.  He wondered if she smiled because she thought he was cute, or smiled over how bad of an ass he just made of himself.  He wondered if she could tell what he was thinking.  He started to think that if she could she would smack him.  He wondered if he’d really mind.

“And I think we should all remember that we have a job to do.  Mr. Andrews knows that if something needs to be taken care of, we take care of it.  I think we could all take a page or two from his book,” he heard his boss say before announcing the meeting’s end.

“Holy shit, that worked!” he thought to himself as he got up from the conference table.

As he walked out to go grab some lunch, he heard his boss call out to him, “Good work in there, Andrews!”

“Thanks, sir!” he called back in reply.

He heard her giggle as she walked past.  He turned and shrugged his shoulders at her, but he didn’t think she saw.

He left and went to a local brew-pub to get his lunch.  He wasn’t supposed to drink during the workday, but got a beer anyway.  He knew he might be seen by another one of his co-workers, but there was a kind of “Don’t ask, don’t tell” agreement among them regarding a drink or two at lunch.

He finished his food and headed back to the office.  As he walked down the street, he realized that he took a bit longer at lunch than usual.  He decided to cut through the alley he usually didn’t use because it smelled like piss.

Only this time, it didn’t smell like piss.  He smelled something else, something familiar.  A sweet smell that he recognized well.  He took a deep breath, attempting to get as much of a contact high as possible.  That is when he saw her, half hidden behind a recycling bin, with a joint between her ruby lips.

“Oh God, Mr. Andrews!” she said as she saw him looking at her.

“Jeff,” he said.

“I guess I’m caught, am I going to get fired?”

“Why in the hell would I do that?” he asked her.

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” she asked as she smiled.

“Um…” Jeff stuttered as she sauntered over to him.

“Are you going to treat me rough, Mr. Detective?” she asked.  “Like in a bad film noir?” she asked as she gave him a knowing smile.

Image courtesy “BigComboTrailer” by Allied Artists – Wikipedia in English. Licensed under Public Domain via Commons –



Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

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