Don’t Want To Write This

Hello dear reader(s)!

I am going to write a post about how I’m going to live this year.  Aren’t you so excited?  Because you haven’t read a million other posts with exactly the same subject in the last week, and you won’t see a million more.  At least I spared you the gruesome WordPress Year In Review Post.  I swear, if I see those fireworks one more time, I’m going to kick a baby.  (Not really, I don’t kick babies, I sell them for drugs.  (Not really, I usually say, “Aww, how cute!” to person showing me said baby even if said baby is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.))

Anyway, I don’t really do resolutions.  I believe that a change in the calendar does not necessarily necessitate a change in one’s like.  (Or a gun rack, points if you get it.)  I do tend to make changes based on cycles that I observe, however, and the end of 2015 has had so many signs and changes already taking place, that I feel like I just have to go with it.  And with feelings that strong, well, I have to write about it.

So, here is what I will do my best to make happen this year.

  • Try my best to get back to work.  I really, really want to work again.  The recent hospitalization and ease with which I got sick, along with my other limitations may keep me down for a while, but I am in a place with some of the world’s best healthcare again.  I have a feeling we can make something happen.
  • Meet as many people and make as many friends as humanly possible.  This is already paying dividends.  Not literally, although that would be nice.  Thanks to the wonderful world of the intertube webs, I have already met some people and am looking forward to the in-person meetings of even more coming up.
  • Be unapologetically me.  Some people think that in order to do this, you should stop giving a fuck.  For me, it means giving more fucks (not necessarily literally), but actually showing people I care more.  I am happy that I care about people and get concerned when I feel something isn’t right with them or their world.  And I will no longer feel bad for that.  I have a history of being right when things are wrong, even if how they are wrong is something I’m wrong about.  So I will trust my instincts, and show concern.  The only fucks I will give less about is what people think of me.  I am who I am, and I like who I am.  Maybe more now than at any point I can remember.
  • Fully embrace my beliefs.  I am just discovering that what I’ve felt all along is actually codified and there are like-minded people out there.  I’ve met a couple, mostly online, but I really seem to enjoy talking with them about it all.  It is nice to know that someone has come to roughly the same conclusions that I have…even if they took a much different path to arrive there.  I’m just happy to be able to explain how I feel without being looked at like I’ve lost my mind.
  • Be outside more.  This has a lot to do with the above.  There is no doubt in my mind that being among the elements helps me feel better.  Both excited and calm, and more alive.  Plus, it is nice to get off my ass.
  • Try to see more things from the perspective of others.  I come from a long line of people who live in the belief that they’re right, and everyone else is wrong.  It is written into my DNA.  I used to love debating, especially, when I won.  When I lost, I still loved the debate.  But lately I’ve bumped up against far too many people who don’t see it as a brain workout.  I’ve realized that far too many people take your disagreements personally.  And I’ve met their anger with my own.  I do not want to be the angry person.  I don’t want to turn into the person who can’t discuss certain topics without yelling and name-calling.  I could see it happening, because I’ve seen it in those around me.  So when I realize I disagree with someone, I will try to see things more through their eyes.  And if their eyes are just too stupid, then I will agree to disagree and walk away.
  • Expand my world-view.  I have considered myself to be fairly open-minded for most of my adult life.  However, the end of this year taught me that I definitely still have many preconceived notions that are just flat-out-wrong.  I need to assume less.  I can still trust my instincts and be me, without assuming things about others or situations.
  • Pursue happiness.  I deserve it.  We all deserve it, but I’ve had a rough go of things for far too long.  It is time to be a bit selfish in making sure I am happy.  I want others to be happy too, but if me being happy makes anyone else unhappy?  Guess who wins.  There is a lot of things I held back on last year, for fear of hurting other people’s feelings.  That was a mistake.  I don’t regret it, because I’m sure it has worked out for the best, but I’m going to go after what makes me happy.  I’ll never go out of my way to hurt anyone, but I won’t let their feelings stand in the way of my own.

That’s about all I got.  These are the changes I plan to make in the coming year.  Most actually started toward the end of 2015, so they definitely aren’t resolutions, but since we’re so close…

What about you dear reader(s)?  Anything you are looking to change this year?

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

39 thoughts on “Don’t Want To Write This”

  1. Josh! First and foremost Happy New Year! I have been following your blog for sometime now and noticed the health issues and struggles you’ve had this year. I think with a new year a fresh start is an order and I really did enjoy reading through your goals for 2016. I hope you come to meet all of them and keep your head up and live with a positive attitude. Sending you lots of positive vibes! KEEP DOIN IT 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m having a bit of a breakdown, but as usual, it’s benefiting the art, hm?
    I didn’t want to have a breakdown, I did not invite it, but it came all the same. I feel a bit better that my breakdown has arrived on a day when the Puff’s Plus are fully stocked, pajamas and alcohol are de rigeuer and most of all, my husband is home. I have a lot of imagery — Death card, Phoenix, pips of tulips — something new comes after a breakdown, and I’ll be here to welcome it.
    On with 2016!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Well, as you said, something new follows. So yours is a little later than the calendar… My new year isn’t really in line with it anyway. And my changes mostly started before. May your breakdown be swift and may the something new be great!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Happy New Year Josh. I started following your blog the week I started to take mine more seriously.

    I’ve watched your blog and you evolve and change and adapt.

    I don’t know if anyone has ever described you as heroic but I think you are.

    I hope that 2016 is a good year for you…I have no doubt that you will use it well.

    P.S. I’m glad that you care about people, too.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. My first response to the idea that I might be someone special is to say I’m no one. I guess it’s my place in life to never really know my own worth or see myself as other people see me.

        But I will say this: were you my Son I would feel nothing but pride.

        You are good man.

        Liked by 2 people

  4. I especially agree with the one about how to debate and trying to see things from the other person’s perspective. Screaming won’t change anyone’s mind. For me, I need to try to be less rigid about my “rules,” especially with customers. If it doesn’t REALLY hurt me to bend on a rule, then I’ll bend. I’ve already done it twice today and my customers have been very happy. I didn’t give in totally, but I compromised, which made them feel like they’d still been taken care of and made me feel like I’d been nice without getting taken advantage of.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. WP fireworks posts ?! Ouch. Gee, I was so excited to get my first ever report. Maybe it’s something to do with being a new blogger and all, and getting data about how my blog is performing. I have to admit I posted an edited version and added my own images with a link to the whole report if anyone happened to be interested 🙂
    Have a fantastic 2016!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing. I agree with what Robert wrote above – I think you’re a hero and I’m so glad to have found your blog. Some of us need people like you in our lives – you provide a different perspective and you make me think. For that I am grateful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Beautiful, Josh. As always. I love your goals and your perspective on life.

    You made my 2015 better. That’s gotta be worth somethin’, yeah?

    Here’s to a fantastic 2016 – that you’ve so clearly gotten off to a great start!

    Liked by 1 person

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