One More Major January Death

Hello dear reader(s)!

Today where I am, it is the last day of January.  You’d think with it being the last day, that the major January deaths this year would be over, but it looks like January felt like taking one more victim.  That victim, is my Chrome OS on my Chromebook.  The good news?  My Chromebook stores most of its crap in the cloud, so the wiping of the hard drive will be no big deal.  The bad news?  My computer will be down for a bit and I have to type this on my phone.  It also means that there could be an issue with the computer itself.  There was an update last night though, so I’m not sure.

At any rate, I am deeply saddened by this loss.  Chrome OS was a very kind and generous OS for many years, and gave lovingly to the world of computing and the community.  Chrome OS leaves behind a Josh, and a blog-type-thing.  The family asks that you respect their privacy in this understandably difficult time.

In lieu of flowers, you can make a donation on behalf of Chrome OS to its favorite charity…me.  Just contact me for details.

Today we remember and celebrate the life of Chrome OS.  It would want us to keep living in its absence.

Chrome OS, rest in peace.  Whenever I bought the thing-2016.

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The Weekend

She couldn’t believe what she heard.  The newscaster said that the week was coming to an end.  In a panic, she grabbed her phone and dialed her mother.

“Hello?” her mom answered.

“Mom, it’s me, Jenny McCarthy!” Jenny told her mom.

“I know your last name dear,” Jenny’s mom said to her daughter.

“Listen mom, there is no time for that right now.  I need to see you.  I need to see you before it is over!”

“Before what is over?” Jenny’s mom inquired.

“The week!  Are you home?” Jenny asked.

“Yeah, we’re home, but wha-”

Jenny hung up the phone and grabbed her keys to her car that was gluten free and free of toxic chemicals that could possibly cause autism.  She ran out the front door of her house with the wood floors that had been treated with formaldehyde as wood floors often are but have low enough levels that it is deemed safe by the government.

She pressed the button on her keychain that is made of chemical-free plastic to unlock her organic door and hopped in the car.  She started the engine which definitely is not toxic to anyone and is not shown to cause any issues.  She drove away from her house and toward that of her mom’s.

Her mom greeted her out front as she was watering the lawn.  Jenny ran up crying.

“Jenny, why are you crying?” her mom asked her.

“The week, the week is coming to an end!” Jenny sobbed.

“And?”

“How could you not care?  I get it, your life is already over.  But what about me and my formerly autistic baby who we cured by giving chelation agents to despite the fact that chelation drugs are very dangerous in and of themselves and there is also no proof that my baby was cured!” Jenny cried to her mother.

“What about you two?  It’s a fucking weekend, they happen all the time.” Jenny’s mother attempted to explain.

“That’s what the government wants you to believe, mother.  I can’t believe they’ve gotten to you too!  I mean, oh sure, there might have been a weekend that killed the dinosaurs if you believe those were real.  I read something on the internet that said they weren’t though and you know if it is online it must be true!” Jenny retorted.

“You’re a fucking idiot!  How did anyone even let you on Oprah?  What the hell was she thinking?” her mother asked her.

“Tits get ratings?” she asked her mother.

“Well, I guess you do know one or two things,” her mother sighed.

They walked in the house, that definitely had no traces of anything that may be harmful to people in larger amounts than what would be found in a house.  Meanwhile, it was nearing midnight on Friday in their time zone.  The weekend was definitely near.

“Jenny…if the weekend means the actual end, how come we haven’t heard anything about the East Coast being destroyed?” her mother asked her.

“Duh, mom!” Jenny started, “Maybe because it is over there and it is already the end so they can’t report on it!”

Jenny’s mother slapped Jenny and told her she was going to go upstairs and go to bed.  She walked up the stairs and at the top called out to her daughter, “See you tomorrow!”

“There is no tomorrow!” Jenny yelled.  “It’s the weekend!”

Jenny sat for a minute, terrified.  She wondered what she could do.  Maybe somehow she could prevent the weekend and all of the suffering that it would cause!  It would be too late for the East Coast, but perhaps she could warn people about the dangers of calendars and tracking days to prevent the weekend.  She could warn about all of the neurotoxins found in calendars and calendar apps.  She took a deep breath and picked up her phone.

“Alrighty then!” Jim answered.

“Hi Jim, it’s Jenny.”

“You…you broke my heart,” Jim said quietly.

“Look, I don’t have time to dredge up the past.  The week, it is ending!” Jenny cried.

“What?” Jim asked.

“The week is ending!” Jenny began. “I heard it on the news!”

“Thimerosal!” Jim shouted.  “It has to be!”

“We don’t have much time.  We need to get onto Oprah to let the world know to stop using dangerous calendars and other chemical-laden day tracking devices!” Jenny said.  “I could use your help,” she added.

“I understand.  I know a primarily physical comedian’s opinion is so highly valued on issues of public health and safety that it would definitely be important.  If it is for the good of the people, and gets me closer to your tits, I will do it!” Jim told her.

At 11:58, Oprah broke in to regular broadcast television with a live special featuring Jenny and Jim.  They told the world of the coming weekend.  They succeeded in getting just a large enough group of people to stop tracking the days in order to cause problems.  They were convinced they stopped the weekend, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  When challenged, they dismissed their opponents as paid shills for the Big Cale, the name they had given to the calendar industry.

They lived blissfully ever after in their ignorance.

The Reason I Dig Love

Hello dear reader(s)!

What happened to everyone today?  Where are you all?  So much emptiness in the WordPress land.  Makes my wittwe heart hurt.

Speaking of hearts, I have often mentioned how big of a fan of love I am.  If love was a sports team, I would have the face paint and the foam finger.  Maybe even a huge banner with a giant heart on it.  I would be screaming, “Love’s Number One!” over and over again.

Sometimes people wonder why.  They wonder what it is about me that loves to be in love.  They wonder why I would want to risk my heart getting crushed the way being in love and then not being in that love tends to do.  They don’t understand why that is.

And I have always had a hard time explaining that to people.  That I don’t need anyone to function, but just generally like having someone to love better than not.  It always comes off like I can’t stand being alone with myself.

It really isn’t the case though.  I like myself just fine.  I am comfortable with who I am.  I like my alone time too.  So I’ve never been able to rationally explain to people what it is about love that I love so much.

And then I saw this today.

I love to have someone I can be my dorky-self with who wants to be dorky with me.  It is fun.  I can be a dork on my own, in fact, I regularly do.  But isn’t it more fun to have a partner in dorkery?

More importantly, don’t you just want someone to “get” you?

Well, I do anyway.

Based On Real Events

He was still dizzy, but glad that there wasn’t an immediate reason found as to why.  With one minor result from his blood tests outstanding, he was almost certain that was the problem.  It also could have been the pain in his neck he didn’t feel the day before when it would have helped, but showed up this morning.  Either way, it seemed to be no big deal.  Despite the fact that he had a bone marrow biopsy scheduled in two weeks, he was not concerned.  It was just to get baselines, and he hadn’t seen anything to suggest the results wouldn’t be good.  In fact, some of his results seemed to be promising.

Feeling confident, he pulled the tarp off his spaceship.  He hadn’t flown it in years and decided to take it out for a joyride since he was feeling so good.  He fired up the zero-point energy converter and hopped in the cockpit.

As he left the atmosphere, he began to wonder about the girl across the galaxy.  It had been a while since he had seen her last.  He thought of her often, and last time they spoke she seemed to be done with him.  He wondered if she knew that whenever he fantasized about a woman it was her purple skin and red eyes.  He wondered if she knew how much he actually cared for her.  He wondered if he just shouldn’t have come right out and said it.

As the thoughts of her grew, he began to wonder if he should just take a joyride.  He tried to fight off his overwhelming desire to see her, but to no avail.  He shrugged his shoulders as he set a course for her home planet’s star system.

As he came out of the space-time distortion his ship had created to just before her planet’s atmosphere, he noticed a massive ship nearby blasting the planet with its particle beam.

“Amara!” he yelled as he accelerated his ship toward the ship blasting her planet.

He locked in on the ship’s bridge and fired his laser cannon.  The laser blasts hit the ship and the particle beam stopped blasting the planet.  He thought how lucky he was that this is real life and not some movie or TV show where they have some impossible technology like invisible shields or something as he braced himself for the ship’s counter attack.

Nothing.

He slowed his ship to a near hover and kept his laser cannon trained on the bridge.

Then the ping of his ship’s holograph calling system told him they wanted to talk.  He accepted the call and saw the beautiful Amara, looking a little like she had just been shot at.

“What the fuck are you doing?” she asked angrily.

“I…I’m rescuing you.” he replied.

“You idiot!  I’m on the ship!  I’m the one firing the beam on the planet!”  she shouted.

“What?  Why?   All those innocent people!” he stammered.

“You really are an idiot aren’t you?  I’m clearing some of the farm land from an invasive weed from the Hecton Galaxy.  It is having a bad impact on the crops and we don’t want it around next year, dumbass!” she said as angry as she could possibly sound while trying to stifle a laugh.

“Oh.  Uh…sorry?” he responded so as not to feel her full wrath.

“You should be!  This will cost me a few credits and a ton of work to repair.  I’m going to make you help me fix it!” she ordered.

“Of course.  I really am sorry.  I thought you were being attacked,” he expressed to her, hoping she would forgive him.

“It’s okay.  Really quite heroic, actually.  But you are going to help me fix this.  What are you doing here, anyway?” she asked.

He was a little scared when he saw the massive ship blasting the planet.  He was a little scared when he shot at the ship and braced for their counter attack.  Now he was terrified.  He couldn’t lie to her, and he had no explanation for being there other than for her.  So he mustered up his courage and replied, “You.”

The hologram call ended, and his ship’s navigation system flashed with new information.  It showed a small landing area on the planet’s surface.  He accepted the route and his ship took him through the atmosphere to a small clearing in a forest near a beautiful home.

He landed and hopped out of his ship.

She had already landed from the small craft she took from the larger ship she was on above her planet.  She walked toward him.

“New place, huh?” he asked her.

“Shut up,” she said as she threw her arms around him and pulled him in for a kiss.

They lived happily ever after that, having lots of human-alien hybrid babies.

What?!?!  I said it was BASED on real events!

Not Another Cancer Post

Hello dear reader(s)!

Today I have an appointment at the cancer center where I got my stem cell transplant.  It was just going to be a routine appointment to make sure I am doing okay, but I have been feeling very dizzy the past few days and I want to see if they can figure out why.  I am a little scared now of what might be found, but I know the only way to get through something is to face it.

The continued effects of my cancer still baffle me.  Some days I wake up feeling like I could take on the world, but then out of nowhere I seem to go through periods of time where I don’t feel like I can hold up my head, let alone actually do anything.  Don’t get me wrong, I am happy with life, it just never would have occurred to me that years later I would still be dealing with it.  My transplant was 3 years and 15 days ago.

I really figured that if I survived, it would be over.  I would go back to life as usual and that would be that.  It is discouraging to me that I still don’t think as up and down as I am that I could hold a job.  It is discouraging that I got pneumonia in December.  It is discouraging that I feel like I could pass out.  Or when I feel the slightly swollen lymph node on the left side of my neck and I start panicking over all of the horrible things it could be.

If my organs weren’t already so damaged, I would ask for a second transplant.  If I knew the medications wouldn’t completely wipe out my kidneys, or cause me to lose hearing in my other ear, or something else, I would.

But things are damaged.  And I have enough okay days that I don’t want to risk coming that close to death again.  I was actually healthy with the exception of the cancer before I had the transplant, after all.

So today, I will go to the center and see my doctor, and tell her about the way I feel.  I will explain my worries and my fears and see where they lead.  I will face the fears that I have in the hope that I can either get better, or at least prevent myself from getting worse.

There isn’t much of a point to this post.  I really just wanted to vent.  Although, maybe this will help some of you out there, struggling with your own fears.

Because if I can face the fears I have, you can face yours.  Win or lose, if we face them, we triumph.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

Fuzzy

The past few days, he woke up feeling fuzzy.  A slight dizziness that he did not know the cause of.  It made it hard to get the things done that he knew he had to get done.  He had an appointment the following day with his doctor and was going to bring it up.

It was still one day away, and he had things to do.  So he stumbled to the shower and did his best to get going.  He walked down the street to the store and picked up a few things.  He started to walk back up the street but was too dizzy to keep going.  He stopped and waited for the bus.

The driver opened the doors and he stepped on.  He paid the money for the fare and took a seat in a few rows back from the disabled section.  Everything got even fuzzier.  His eyes felt heavy.

He woke up in a bed that was not his own.

“Hello my sweet boy!” cooed the female voice with the slight Southern accent.

He recognized it instantly as the person he had been talking to for a while.  He looked around the unfamiliar room and caught her eyes as she sat at the foot of the bed.

“Where am I?” he asked in confusion.

“You’re here with me,” she replied.  “You don’t remember telling me you didn’t want to wait and flying out?” she asked.

“No.  No.  In fact, I can’t be here.  I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I have to go,” he replied in a panic.  He tried to get up when he felt the ropes holding him down.

“It’s okay,” she began, “You cancelled it.”

“Why am I tied up?” he asked her.

“You asked me to.” she answered.  “I can show you the video, you asked me to make that too, naughty boy!” she said.

She angled her phone toward him and showed him the video of her tying him up and him asking to make the ropes tighter.  She stopped as he was begging for her to get on top of him.

“Well, I don’t remember that,” he said.  “Can you untie me now?” he asked.

“Of course, silly!” she answered.

She untied the ropes and he got up.  He searched around for his clothes.

“Are you leaving?” she asked.

“I really need to go,” he said.

“You don’t want to go,” she said, sweetly.

The fuzziness returned.  “No, I don’t want to go, but I have to,” he answered.

“You don’t have to go,” she told him.

“No, I don’t have to go,” he answered.

“You want to lay back down on this bed with me, don’t you?” she asked.

“Yes.  Yes I do,” he replied as he laid back down on the bed.

“Good boy,” she told him.

She kissed him and he kissed her back.  He pulled her onto him and asked, “Hey, you know this hypnosis crap doesn’t really work, right?”

“I do,” she smiled, “but thank you for playing along,” she giggled.

“Sure, fun little game,” he said as the fuzziness got even stronger.

How You Met This Post

He woke up in the morning after not sleeping well the night before.  He opened up his computer to check his email and Facebook, and then to check blogs and write a post in his blog-type-thing.  He is me, and this is a true story.  Names have not been changed because no one is innocent.

I was in my email fine.  I was in my Facebook fine.  But when I went to open WordPress…something was wrong.  I couldn’t get to the site.  I tried Twitter.  Nothing.  I tried pretty much every site other than Facebook and my email, but could not get on.  I was distressed.  I called out, “Why?”  There was no response.

So I spent most of the day in my email, and occasionally making use of my Facebook.  I also actually talked on the phone, a rarity these days.

At around 3 something in the afternoon, I decided to check again.  Success!

I opened up the tab and went to the “Create A New Post” button.  I began typing away.  Words flowing from my fingers like ranch dressing flows from its ramekin and onto a chicken wing.  I was completely in a zone, so I almost didn’t notice that my bagel was ready.  I heard the pop and reluctantly put down the computer to spread the delicious cream cheese onto my bagel.  I also decided to make myself another cup of delicious coffee.

After fueling up with the delicious food and coffee, I decided to return to my post.  But the post had just vanished.

Your uncle Barney was busy womanizing a girl when I noticed the post flash on the screen.  I rushed to the computer but then got a video call from your aunt Lilly.  It seems your uncle Marshall had slapped Barney really hard just before he arrived at the apartment to womanize the girl.  I should also let you know that this paragraph never happened and I don’t know if you have an uncle Barney and an uncle Marshall and an aunt Lilly.  Wouldn’t it be weird if you did?

I checked all the tabs I had open, but the post was not there.  Just a picture of a yellow umbrella.  Your aunt Robyn came over and we did inappropriate things to each other that has anybody else noticed Ted went into the inappropriate sexual relations he had with their “aunt” and all of the other girls before he actually met their mother to his kids and find that to be a little creepy?  And all of the drinking and other things he talks about as a way of getting permission from his kids to date Robyn after she is back in town when he claims to be telling them the story of how he met their mother but is really just trying to angle it so he doesn’t feel guilty about having a thing for Robyn in what would seem to be the entire time their sick mother was dying?  Seems kinda fucked up to me.  Okay fine, so this didn’t happen either.

You caught me.  This story isn’t really true.

Except the not being able to connect for some weird reason.

So then I typed this post and got carried away with the very odd premise of HIMYM and that kids, is how you met this post.