New Year’s Eve

Hello dear reader(s)!

I think I am getting old.  Today, an opportunity presented itself for me to go out on New Year’s Eve.  With another person.  A real person.  One who isn’t family.  I politely declined.

Don’t get me wrong, when it hits midnight and the ball drops on the 3 hour broadcast delay for the West Coast (the best coast), I would be happy to have someone there helping me ring in the New Year, but to actually go out?  In traffic?  Or try to find a cab?  Or pay the $17 million for an Uber because it would be peak hours only for the Uber to get stuck in the same traffic I would have?  Or to possibly be hit and killed by one of the way too many drunk people on the roads when they should be passed out on bathroom tile praying to the porcelain god?  Or to be crammed around way too many of those drunk people fending off kisses from the lonely and desperate?  Yeah.  No thanks.

It isn’t that I don’t like being out with people sometimes.  It isn’t like I don’t ever drink.  It isn’t even like getting stuck in a little traffic is going to be worst thing in the world.  The issue, is all of those things happen in one 10 minute stretch when the bars close.  That, and you hit the traffic leftover from the fireworks being launched from the major national landmark in your area.

So with those things in mind, I present the top 10 reasons not to go out on New Year’s Eve.

  1. Hotels are outrageously priced or sold-out.  I know, because I checked.  Being able to walk right to the hotel from the event would have made me reconsider.  But they are about $500 for a room you could normally get for $150 if done two weeks prior on a non-holiday through Expedia.  This is after drinking champagne that will run you the same price per glass it normally would per bottle.
  2. You are expected to make out with somebody.  Now, making out is not always a bad thing.  But what if you and your New Year’s date don’t hit it off?  There is almost an obligatory weight that would be over the whole night about kissing at midnight.  And if you are both mature enough to decide together that you don’t want to, some desperate person will almost certainly step into try.  And the last place I want to ring in the New Year is behind bars for punching out some drunk and desperate woman looking for a little lip-action.
  3. Prices.  Prices out on New Year’s Eve are gouged more than gasoline after a skirmish in the middle east.  They are raised higher than my name from my followers after their ritual sacrifice and blood-oath to me.  They are spiked more than that drink that poor girl is about to consume because that douche is a rapist.
  4. Cold.  Unless you are in parts of the South or East, you know it is freaking December into January.  That means it is cold.  Why would you want to celebrate hypothermia, frostbite, or at the very least…painfully hard nipples?  Although celebrating the nipple can be fun.
  5. Countdowns.  Should’t be that hard.  Large crowd of people, starting from 10.  See how often they go wrong.  Observe and listen to the 15 different shouts of “1” and “Happy New Year!”
  6. You can’t take your bed with you.  You people are lucky I will even be awake for it.  Now you expect me to be upright and wearing actual clothes?
  7. Drunk drivers.  Now, I live in a ground floor apartment off of a fairly major street, so I am not completely protected, but the walls should give me the precious seconds I need to get to safety should some drunken idiot be too absorbed in singing Auld Lang Syne or something sort of resembling it to realize that no, in fact, that is not the road.
  8. Paper noisemakers and hats.  Those were fun when I was 7.  I also liked the circus then too.  And Knight Rider.
  9. Idiots.  I was an idiot once.  So I am not judging.  But there is only so much partying that people should ever do.  I don’t want to see your naked ass, random person.  Yes, that is vomit on your shoe, and no, I will not help you get it off.  No, you should not point the champagne bottle at your friend’s eye when you pop it, and by the way, half of that champagne is now on the floor, asshole.
  10. Snacks.  Something about New Year’s Eve makes me want to have snack food and a drink or two.  I can not shovel snacks into my face in public.  Especially not on any type of date.  I don’t want to have to pay attention to how I eat.  I want to sit in my lounge pants, wrapped up in a Snuggy, eat my snacks, drink my cheap champagne, and watch only the last few minutes of the New York Countdown on tape-delay with my cats by my side.  In fact, this reason alone keeps me from forgetting about all other things on the list.

 What about you dear reader(s)?  Staying in, or going out?

 

Featured Image By Dan Bennett from Seattle, USA (DSC_2046  Uploaded by X-Weinzar) [CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

48 thoughts on “New Year’s Eve”

  1. I have a thing about New Year’s Eve and I have to say I agree with ALL of the things on your list. We almost always stay in and even though my 28 yr old daughter lives 600+ miles away, she will send me a text to let me know she is home safe and sound IF she goes anywhere.
    When I was young, I certainly partied on NYE but I always went to where I was going early and stayed there… all night! I did not leave until the next morning. I’m not an anxious sort, but that night scares the hell out of me! It is an unnatural, irrational fear I suppose, but hey, I’m 52 years old and still alive! 😉
    Happy New Year Josh! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have to say our new years have bern celebrated, at home, in the warmth and safety of our living rooms, so we can easily get to bed!! Oh and the kids are also a small reason for us not going out!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Staying in for the exact same reasons you listed. I’ve always felt NY was a let down every time I tried to go out for it and by the time I’ve paid for entry to a bar that doesn’t usually charge and paid more for my drinks I feel like an idiot. Netflix marathon this year instead. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Good for you. One of the things I’ve been invited to do is go to a paint party at some studio where people where white shirts to get painted on. Sounds fun, but it is too close to the big parties to want to go to. And it is double the price they usually are.

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  4. I’m embarrassed to admit that I also liked Knight Rider when I was young. But that was before I found out what a dick David Hasselhoff is… Happy New Year, Josh, may it be filled with welcome surprises and lots of laughter. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m with you on all you said!!!! My New Years Eve is going to be spent at home watching paranormal movies with a fellow ghost hunter…… with my shorts and tshirt on, and some diet coke in the fridge waiting for me. Trust me, this is what makes me happy than all the other things people do on New Years Eve!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Haha I don’t think you are getting old..these are perfectly good reasons why I don’t like going out in New Year’s Eve too! Forget a hotel (too pricey for no reason and too many people like you said) I am not even considering going to a friend’s place who invited us as he stays pretty far away… coz I know I’d be stuck in traffic! Better to stay inside and stay warm 😊

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  7. I don’t think I’ve gone out on NYE for like…25?26?27 years? I probably won’t ever. I don’t like to say never, but I probably never will go out on NYE. For all those reasons you listed, but mostly because of the drunk drivers.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t understand how they do it. If I had one beer four hours before I need to leave, I am paranoid. How do people drink enough to impair them and still manage to be able to hit the road?

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  8. Last year the ‘old man’ booked a room at a very quaint hotel in ME overlooking the ocean. It came with dinner (fireside) and a live band (and not overpriced surprisingly). We had a blast. This year he is working NYDay so no late time fun for us; a quiet dinner at home and maybe after dinner drinks down the street at the local. I have done the First Night all outside thing and although some of the acts and entertainment can be beautiful (i.e. ice sculptures) running past them full tilt to get into the next warm building (from the below 0 temps) defeats the purpose and won’t be doing that again.ever. (p.s. EastCoast rocks!)

    Liked by 1 person

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