Hello dear reader(s)!
As you may or may not be aware (or care), I am about to move again. I dread moving, but I love the feeling of being away from here. Moving can be a chore. There is going through things, trying to determine what should be kept, what should be donated, what could be sold, what should be thrown away, and what you should leave unpacked until the last minute because you will have to use those things before you go. Then there is the actual move itself. For me, this will be a long drive with my cats. My poor cats, who hate being in the car. One of my cats who yowls pathetically the entire time. Oh yeah, this will be fun.
But there are ways that can make moving easier. I have learned these ways from the high priestess of moving who learned them from her mother, who moved a lot. She has passed these ancient secrets down to me, in the hopes that I will share them with my reader(s) in case they ever find themselves needing to move. She has entrusted me with this sacred gift, so I ask all of you to please only use these ways for good. If you are moving for evil, please do not use these ways. Better yet, just don’t move for evil. Even better, don’t be evil at all.
Okay, so now that the explanation and disclaimer are out of the way, I ask you to join me in this relaxing experience of learning ways to make moving easier. Feel free to share these amazing tips with a friend.
- Grab a notepad and a pen. Do not use a computer, because you will just be tempted to open up my blog-type-thing and waste all your time on there. Or Facebook. Or internet porn where you can see me do naughty things on webcam shows for the low monthly rate of all the money in the world.
- Using your pen, make a list on your notepad. This list should not be a wish list of items you would like. It should not be a list of your ideal qualities in a person. It should not be a list of things to pick up at the grocery store. No, this list should be a list of things you will want to bring with you.
- Using that same pen, make another list on your notepad. This list should be on another piece of paper. DO NOT MAKE THE LIST OVER THE TOP OF THE OTHER LIST. This list should be of things you think you may be able to sell.
- Using that same pen, make a third list on your notepad. Again, use a different sheet of paper. I can’t believe I need to say this to you. This list will be of items you think would be good to donate.
- Once again, using that pen, make a final list on your notepad. This list will be of things that you can just throw out. Note: It is not important to list things like the rotten food on the third shelf of your refrigerator that you should have thrown out a while ago. It does not include the scraps of paper lying around or the used tissues. That should be obvious, and you don’t need a list for that. You just need to quit being such a slob.
- Gather carriers for the smaller items. For the things you are bringing, a few cardboard boxes should do. You can find cardboard boxes all over the place, but I suggest using clean cardboard boxes so as not to transport some sort of bug or rat to your new home. Do not use cardboard boxes you find lying on the street. Your best bet, is to ask people if they have any boxes. They do. They always do.
- Wash all the things! You do not want to drive dirty dishes to your new domicile. You don’t want to shoulder soiled sweatshirts to your new shack. Why bring dirt into your new life? There will already be dirt there, trust me. You don’t need more.
- Take breaks! Don’t take brakes. If you need new brakes, buy them. You shouldn’t steal. Taking frequent breaks helps you to avoid moving burnout. Moving burnout has been linked in clinical studies to increased levels of the stress hormone whycan’tIjusthiresomeoneforthisshit. Additionally, taking breaks allows to you remember that life is not all work, and therefore your move won’t just lead you to the same, sad, pathetic situation you were in before you decided to leave the negativity behind.
- Plan for weather. I’m moving during late-fall (technically). Might as well be winter. I am going to have to plan for road controls and bad weather. I will be doing some of my driving in higher elevations and therefore, even when not forecast, will still need to watch out for bad weather. It is important to carry chains. Your basement slave could get away without them.
- Once you have completed all of the above steps, wait until the very last minute to do anything else and then scramble around just throwing everything into boxes in no particular order and throwing things in your vehicle. Because, come on, does anybody really not do that?
I hope you have found these ancient ways of the move as useful as I have, and will continue to, when I end up moving again. Maybe you even found them to be moving.