Choking

Hello dear reader(s)!

Last night I got up to play in front of people by myself.  And…I was terrible!  I fumbled so many times through, my voice was all over the place and awful, and I had to restart about 5 times.

But everyone was very supportive.  It was awesome.

And I realized something.  I will likely never be a good singer or front man.  And I’m fine with that.  Because people noticed my song.  They noticed the intent of the music and the lyrics…even through my flubbing of them.  I prefer to write the songs, not perform them.  (Unless I’m playing drums.)  Even if I took vocal lessons, I highly doubt anyone could turn me into a good singer.  Some people just don’t have it.

But in choking so badly, I learned a couple of important lessons.  I learned I should have someone else perform my songs (unless it is in a band and I’m the drummer) and I learned that I can actually write songs that people enjoy.  I also learned that even when your audience consists of songwriters and performers much more talented than you, nobody is going to be a jerk to you.  In fact, they are going to be encouraging.

It was even more evidence of my theory that it is always worth it to try.  Failure just simply isn’t failure if you came away from it with something.

So I said if it wasn’t too terrible, I would post the video from last night.  But it was.  So bad I will not post it.  But I don’t want to leave my dear reader(s) with nothing, and because I had to prove to myself that I could play it…

I made a recording of me playing not in front of anyone.

It is far from perfect.  My voice is terrible.  It wavers.  It lacks good tone.  Sometimes I was just flat-out off-key.  But it should give someone the rough idea of how a good singer could do it.  I also flubbed a little with the guitar part because my fingers were so sore from the cold.  But it wasn’t bad enough to make me have to stop and start over.

So because of the fact that you can at least make out the intent of the song, and because I did make a promise, I am going to post this video here.  Call it an exercise in putting more of myself out there.  So maybe the next time I try something like this, I know enough people have seen me that I don’t choke quite as badly.

Besides, I still stand by the song itself.  Even if I don’t care for my performance of it.  So here it is.

As you can hear, I am not a singer or guitar player.  But I do like writing songs.  Maybe I should hire someone to perform them.  When I get spare money.

Last night I was talking to a friend about how bad I crashed during it.  Her response?

“Who cares?  You lived!”

I choked.  I’m a terrible singer.  But I went out there and shared my creation with other people.  Just like I do every time I post here.  It isn’t always going to be good.  But I’m doing it.  So maybe in doing that, I will come across an excellent musician who doesn’t like his or her songs.  Maybe one of mine will fit his or her abilities and style.  Maybe he or she will make it a hit.  You simply never know if you don’t try.  You need to live.

I hope everyone has a great Wednesday and does something to live.

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

36 thoughts on “Choking”

  1. I commend you for,your bravery, you never know if you don’t try and the world likes to heap on rejection, but the ones who shine are the ones who keep on believing and enjoy the moments. Yay you my friend. Proud of you….you rock.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Love it! There are so many positives you got from this so stop beating yourself up about lack of a singing voice and just remember your voice always sounds amazing at full blast when in the shower or when on a road trip by yourself with the windows down on a long straight road on a sunny day!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Wow… Just checked out this post… Great song too..! I loved it. I dabble with the guitar too plus rap… I’ve also performed in front of a crowd at a bar once… Bombed it bad… But who cares like the other person said… You lived..! I’m thinking of posting a video myself similar to yours…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Proud of you for being brave enough to try. That takes MAJOR guts! And I did the song itself. Maybe I’ll take a stab at singing it, even if I don’t have anyone to accompany and save me when the going gets rough, lol!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beyond proud of you, brother! It seems we are all in consensus. You should focus on the fact you DID IT and lots of people never find that particular brand of courage needed to live their dreams. I also agree with those saying don’t beat yourself up over what you didn’t do perfectly. So what? I’m of the school of thought that says the improvement begins happening when you start doing the opposite of beating yourself up? By using words and thoughts laced with positive energy, you give yourself permission to grow…

    …I could see this video going viral for ONE reason:

    you are an inspiration to us all, dude!

    …keep on doin’ it, Josh!

    Liked by 1 person

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