Guaranteed Pick Up Lines

Hello dear reader(s)!

Are you having trouble meeting people?  Are you lonely?  Do you think if you just had a really great pick up line that all of that would change?  Well, keep dreaming…you’re probably just ugly.  Just kidding.  But a pick up line will not enhance your game anywhere except for Tinder.  Because anything short of being a child predator will enhance your game on Tinder.  Having a pulse is usually all of the game enhancement you need on Tinder.  Swipe right for a 75/25 shot at an STD.

But pick up lines can be funny, provided you are not actually opening with them, and provided the person you are saying them to is not easily offended and has a sense of humor.  So these pick up lines are guaranteed to get a reaction.  Not necessarily a positive reaction, but they are guaranteed.  Use at your own risk, however, because you may accidentally snag the love of your life.  Or criminal charges.  You know…25/75.

Important Tip!

All pick up lines must start with Daaaamn.  For the purposes of making this post gender neutral, we will use daaaamn baby…but feel free to substitute a gender identifier such as girl, or stud at your discretion.  Use caution to ensure that you use the correct gender identifier when using them, and make sure the person doesn’t object to gender identifiers.  Note:  A gender identifier is not someone who examines genitalia in order to identify gender in this usage.  

So here we go!

Daaaamn baby…

  • I promise you are like the regular birth control pill.  Because you are not my Plan B.
  • Do you have a mirror in your pocket?  Because we could take it out and put it on the ceiling so you can watch my ass when I’m on top of you.  
  • Did it hurt?  When you fell from Heaven?  In the future?  Heaven is the name of my bed that I will kick your ass out of tomorrow morning. 
  • Is that a gun in your pocket?  Or does what is between your legs often go off unexpectedly and hurt people?
  • You wanna take things to the next level?  Right now, I’m only a level II offender.  
  • You wanna go somewhere more quiet?  Like the erotica section of your local library?  I’ll make you the subject of a book.  About failed dates.  That was accidentally placed in the erotica section of your local library.  
  • Can I buy you a drink?  No, I mean like really.  Can I?  Hang on, I need to check my balance.  
  • Can I buy you a drink, or will I get arrested for supplying alcohol to a minor? 
  • Can I buy you a drink, or is that considered elder abuse?  
  • Can I buy you a drink, or would you rather remember me tomorrow morning?  
  • Are you a model?  Because you look like plastic and put together with glue.  
  • Do you work out, or would you rather we work it in?
  • Are you a parking ticket?  ‘Cause I wanna rip you up and throw you on the street.  
  • Are you a parking ticket?  Because I can already tell I’m going to pay if I get you.  
  • I’m voting for Bernie Sanders.  You should too, because after one night with me, you will “Feel The Bern.”  I mean, burn.  
  • I like my dates like I like my coffee.  Paid by the POUND.  

What about you, dear reader(s), do you like bad pick up lines?  Has anyone ever used a pick up line on you?  Did it work?  Do you want to leave your favorite one below?  Does, “Do you want to leave your favorite one below?” sound like another bad pick up line?


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

20 thoughts on “Guaranteed Pick Up Lines”

    1. Ha! Niche. Not me, I couldn’t stick to the same kind of subject if my life depended on it. And yeah, I have your blog bookmarked because I didn’t see a follow option. I look forward to learning more tips, unless it is to stick to a niche. I just can’t do that.


  1. Here is a good pick-up line: “Hey there, do you have an Asian in you? No…want some?” (admittedly this one doesn’t work that well if you are not Asian).

    Ugh, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

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