2 Nights Ago

Hello dear reader(s)!

Not last night, but the night before (because last night I just stayed in and talked to people on Facebook) I was feeling energetic and wanted to get out.  My bestest friend in the whole wide world was recovering from a dentist appointment.  My other friends were all busy doing something.  I then got a text from “Danielle.”  Danielle is not her real name as usually names are changed to protect the innocent.   If the name Danielle sounds familiar, it is because that is the name I referred to her as in the Starbucks Incident.  She is a former co-worker.  Her and I have rarely talked outside of work and then occasionally when I go through the drive and there isn’t a line, or when I walk and actually sit in the cafe.  We text occasionally and that has been that.

Well, she texted me because apparently she read my post about that morning.  After a few texts we both started to say how bored we were and I asked if she wanted to go get drinks.  She knows what has happened in recent months, knows that I am wanting to move and therefore knows that this was just a friendly offer.

So we went out and had a drink.  And dinner.  And it would have been fun.  BUT…

Some people I vaguely recognized as having met once or twice were glaring at us the entire time we were eating.  I heard the girl in the couple say, “I can’t believe he is already dating.”

First of all, it wasn’t a fucking date.  Second, it would be none of your business anyway.  How I choose to live my life is none of your fucking concern.

Then I come home because it was friendly so it was not a late night, and I get on Facebook.  I talk with a couple of friends and then I get a message from another female friend.  Now, it is important to realize that most of my friends throughout my life have been female.  It was that way before Hannah, while I was with Hannah, and will most likely continue to be that way.  Anyway, this female friend tells me that some previous communication on Facebook between us has resulted in her getting harassed by some people we mutually know.  Apparently liking and commenting on statuses or posts is now a sign of desire.  Somebody should have told me this long ago, because by that logic, right now, probably half of the female population of the world think I want them.

Though I am not dating anyone, I am getting sick of having to tell people that.  I am getting sick of having to explain my actions and way of living to anyone.

I feel as though I will never be able to make friends, move foward, and yeah, eventually date where I am now.  Where I live, it is not six degrees of separation, it is two.  If I don’t know someone the person I know does.  That simple.  And I am branded.  Can’t even go out with a friend of the opposite sex without people talking shit.

So while I have been looking to move for a while, I am now accelerating those plans.

It’s not me, it’s you.

Small towns, even when not really that small are awful for someone in the position I am in.  Caught between what was, what is, and what may be.  And the longer I am here, the longer I am stuck.

Now, if you want to judge me, that is fine.  Keep it to yourself when I’m out with my friends.  And let people who want to be my friend be my friend.  It really shouldn’t be something I should have to say.

In normal places, if a group of people judge you, you hang out with a new group.  Here, the rumor train gets going because everybody who knows somebody knows somebody right back where it starts.  It is ridiculous.  I am beginning to wonder how many people here are inbred.

In most situations, you earn a reputation based on what you have done, not on what has happened to you.

I occasionally go out.  Rarely, but it happens.  It will continue to happen.  9 times out of 10, it will be with one or more females.  Because I have more female friends.  So if you see me out with a woman, get used to it.  We probably aren’t dating, and it is none of your business if we are.

And if you are a female friend of mine who has been harassed for talking to me publicly, or maybe you are an acquaintance who wants to be my friend, don’t let them get to you.  I can be a pretty damn good friend, and it is worth the dirty looks and pressure.

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

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