The Starbucks Incident


{Based on real events}

It was just after seven in the morning when he felt the wet nose rub against his arm.  He awoke out of a great dream to find himself still a little congested but much better than he had been the mornings before.  He knew that he must have slept for at least ten hours, and thought that maybe now, he would finally be on the road to wellness.  A wet nose rub to his arm again, heavy purring, and then finally getting walked on made him sit up.

“Okay, okay, I know, I’m what, five minutes late?” he asked his cats who did not respond out loud.  “I’m so terrible!  Five whole minutes!  You poor starving children!”

He grabbed for his phone and found that no, he was only four minutes late.  He got out of bed and walked toward the kitchen.  As he did, he noticed the state of his house.  Something had to be done.

Despite the fact that he never liked to clean until the illness was over, he knew an exception must be made for today.  He just couldn’t live in such conditions.  He also knew, he barely had the energy to even feed the cats, and cleaning would be much more difficult.  There had to be a solution.  His brain started to crave coffee, and the answer presented itself.  Coffee.

He stood over the sink in a dazed state and washed out his cats’ bowls.  He then opened the can, split it in half, squished it up with a fork, raised the dishes above his head and shouted, “Yay!  Food for babies!” as he walked into the dining room to set the bowls down on the floor.  As he did so, his energy level plummeted and he knew that he would have a hard time standing over the espresso machine in order to make the coffee that would be required to get him through the day.

He walked into the living room and plopped down on the couch in front of his mess, determined to think of a solution.

“If only someone could make me a coffee,” he thought to himself.  And then it his him.

“Starbucks!  I’ll go to Starbucks!” he shouted with glee to nobody else except his cats who were justifiably looking at him like he was completely insane.

He threw on his clothes and brushed his teeth (because he knew two of the baristas there) and got in his car to go get the coffee he was too lazy to make himself.  He tried to justify it to himself by saying he wanted pumpkin spice, and he didn’t have that, so he had to go to Starbucks anyway.

As he arrived at the drive-through, he noticed there were no other cars in line.  The voice came through the speaker and he instantly recognized it as one of the baristas he knew.  He also knew they could see him on the camera, and so he checked himself in his rear-view mirror.  He didn’t look too grungy, so he was happy and placed his order.

“How’s it going?  Can I get a triple, venti, non-fat, no-whip, pumpkin spice latte?” he asked as a statement, because he wasn’t really asking, he was ordering, but didn’t want it to sound impolite.

“Sure Josh,” said Danielle.  “$5.59 at the window.”

Josh pulled around and saw there was another car at the window.  Patiently he waited as it was clear the other car (a minivan) was ordering drinks for about 30 people.

Having been a barista in the past, Josh immediately knew this was likely someone ordering for an office.  He immediately felt bad for his barista friends inside.

The first 4 drinks in their carrier made it from the window to the minivan.  Danielle’s arms holding the bottom of the carrier to ensure a safe transfer.  The next 4 drinks.

“Who the hell orders a Frappuccino on a cold, fall morning?” he asked himself as he saw the gigantic whipped/frozen sugar monstrosity.

Then the next 4.  Two Frapuccinos this time.

“Yuck!” he said out loud, drawing a look from both the customer and Danielle.   Danielle knew his sense of humor, and his hatred of Frappuccinos even in the summer time; and he saw her giggle as her head popped back inside of the window.  He also noticed the guy in the minivan glaring back at him in his rear-view mirror.

“Are you the Frappuccino drinker?” he laughed to himself when he noticed.  He then stuck his tongue out at the guy in the mirror.

The next 4 were ready.  As they were being handed off, he noticed a bit of bobbling from the minivan man.  Apparently he had been riled.  The drinks just barely made it to safety somewhere in the red Ford Aerostar.

Then the next 4.  Again bobbled.  He began to wonder if maybe minivan’s arm just wasn’t worn out from all of the heavy coffee lifting.

“Come on dude.  Look at your arms versus hers.” he joked quietly to himself.

And now a tray of 3.  He sat up straight in anticipation, knowing this would be the end, and soon he would pull forward to get his pumpkin spice latte, and enjoy his coffee he had traveled a few blocks for.  His pulse quickened as he could almost taste the warm coffee in his mouth.  He started imagining drinking the coffee on a rainy morning with his friends and family gathered around him, enjoying their coffee, and a good book.

He was snapped out of his daydream by what happened next.

The minivan man grabbed the tray by its side, causing it to go off-balance.

Three coffees, all hot, at least two of which were pumpkin spice lattes flew briefly into the air.

He wanted to turn away, but knew he had to witness what was coming.  “If not me, then who will tell of the awful tragedy seen today?” he asked himself as he kept his head forward and eyes open.

The coffee did not land in the trays.  Three innocent coffees, cut down in their prime by a mad man in a minivan.  The splatter was everywhere.

And while the coffees were replaced and life will go on, we should never forget what happened that morning.  When a minivan terrorist committed an atrocity on our drive-through, and innocent coffees are no more.

He asked Danielle the names of the coffee, so he could tell of their brief lives.  They are:

Venti White Mocha

Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte

Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte



Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

23 thoughts on “The Starbucks Incident”

    When I worked mornings at Starbucks, we all hated the intern from Wherever, not because he was unlikable, but because his appearance meant that we’d hear complaints for about 10 customers after his departure.
    I don’t drink hot coffee in summer. I just don’t. I don’t drink hot coffee really until it’s freezing outside and snow’s on the ground. And if I’m shoppin or doin other inside stuffs, I might still order iced.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. A 16 oz caramel frappuccino has 410 calories, 140 calories from fat, 15g or 23% of your daily intake, and 64 g of sugar. A 16 oz. Iced caramel macchiato only has 230 calories, 60 of which are from fat, (9%) and 34g of sugar. The Frappuccinos are a lot more crap than just a blended version of an iced coffee.


      2. OMAWORD! You know, other than that java chip monstrosity, I never considered that. I do think I will mention this to The Mister. The girls and the boy one do enjoy a caramel frap now and again, but so rarely, I don’t think it’s worse than anything else. But The Mister, well, he may have a frap problem. lol 64g of sugar. Lawwwwd.
        Thanks, Josh.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Noted. Thank you.
        I kinda am a food additive MONITOR. For one, I can taste it. You know what I mean? When you eat real food all your life, some stuff just tastes wrong.
        Sassy always gets these particular chocolate chip cookies and to me they taste like preservatives. Just icky. So much so, at the store, I pick up and say, “Cookies for Mama and Daddy, cookies for Moo…Sass, are you gonna get your preservatives?”
        Even last night, she says, “Look, it says made with real chocolate chips. Like that’s the part that worries me.” So she knows. She knows. LOL

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Noooooooooo! Not those delicious beverages cut down in their prime!! Lol. I can’t decide if I feel worse for the guy getting flustered and spilling the drinks or the fact that he was driving an Aerostar. Even if he is a frappuccino drinker. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lol! you got me good! lol I honestly thought I was going to read about a shooting in the starbucks drive-thru…thanks media for conditioning me to think the worst

    Liked by 2 people

  4. How incredibly tragic! I once had a friend/roomie who did not realize there were cameras on speaker and he would give large elaborate facial expressions to everything said every morning as we drove through on our way into the city. The poor baristas would never say a word until one day we got the girl who was offended by his mocking glances, and he found himself quite embarrassed that she could see them. To say the least, after watching his shenanigans go ignored since we were 12 it was hilarious to personally witness the ball busting he received from this beautiful lady barista.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments appreciated

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s