Hello dear reader(s)!
As you may or may not be aware, I had a cold last week. It was lousy. It started getting better a couple days ago, but wasn’t fully eradicated until yesterday. I hope anyway. One bad thing about viruses, is that they can live on surfaces for up to three whole days (depending on the surface, what type of day, your definition of day (for example, there were days before the sun in Genesis, how long were those days?), what days of the week, and the relative humidity or even the humidity that is not related to you in any way). As such, and such as, you may need to take precautions in order to prevent reinfecting yourself with the same damn sickness that you had been suffering through.
Well fear not, my dear reader(s), because I am a benevolent Josh, I have decided to assist all of you by teaching you through my magical process, How To Prevent Getting Sick Again. In this amazing and insightful post, you will learn, hot to prevent getting sick again. It says so right in the title. What did you think you were going to learn, successful investment strategies for defaulting nations? That would just be silly.
- Do not clean while sick. Okay, well, you must clean up things that will draw in bugs and/or vermin, but otherwise allow your home to be taken over by Kleenex, medicine(s), water glasses, coffee glasses (if iced) or cups (if hot) and piles of laundry. I know this sounds strange, but not only will it help your body to conserve energy in order to heal, it will come in handy once the illness has passed. During this time, you shouldn’t be having anyone over anyway, so who cares? Live like a bachelor, only with less gross food stuff left out. And don’t hand out roses to women you want to keep around, because that is just cheesy.
- Once you are feeling well enough, get out of the house. Last night I attended a barbecue at a good friend’s house with her family and a good mutual friend. Should I have been home cleaning? NO! You need to expose your immune system to fresh air and a few drinks and good times immediately after being sick to give it a chance to rebuild. You also don’t want to be sorting through all your virus laden stuff while you are still vulnerable. This also gives those viruses a chance to die while you are away. You want them to die, because they try to kill you. It is war. A war you win by partying somewhere else.
- After coming home chill out and remember not to clean until the following day. It is late at night. You don’t want to look like the neighborhood meth addicts by cleaning all night, do you? Besides, your body needs rest for the challenges ahead. Plus, you’re a little tipsy and having a hangover the day after an illness is never a good thing.
- Upon waking the next morning, feed your cats, load your dishwasher, and run it. Dishwashers do the work so you don’t have to. Unless your job is as a dishwasher at a restaurant or something, then you are the dishwasher and therefore have to do the work. If you rinse or soak shortly after eating, doing dishes by hand is a serious waste of time and effort you could be spending writing posts on your blog-type-thing to put off the cleaning a few more minutes.
- Make yourself some coffee, and a good breakfast. Coffee is the lifeblood of illness prevention. It says so, right in this brochure from Dr. Juan Valdez. Without coffee, the viruses would win. Giving up coffee, and they may as well have. Besides, coffee gives you much-needed, much safer than meth, energy that you will need to win the war on vira. Virusi. Virals? Virurrists? Viruses.
- Post on your blog-type-thing. All work and no play makes for someone who works a lot without playing. I think that is how that goes. Remember, you have all day. Do you want to spend the whole day cleaning and disinfecting? I didn’t think so. Take some “You Time”. Make sure when it starts to become afternoon that you have finally gotten up to begin the work required.
- Laundry! Gather up all your sheets and towels, and wash them on HOT. Then dry them, because wet towels and sheets aren’t really what you want.
- Get some disinfecting wipes. Because they haven’t paid me advertising, I will tell you that the single greatest cleaning tool in my vast cleaning tool arsenal which we parade in loops to make our enemies think is more vast than it actually is the (Company name deleted) wipe. I will give you a hint. It rhymes with S’more Pox. (The deadly campfire disease.)
- De-clutterize by putting things in an assigned place. This requires assigning a place for things. It may be the hardest step, but you can do it, I have faith in you. Just say, “This will go here.” Then try to remember you said that. Write it down if you have to. Then put whatever you wrote that on somewhere and just say, “This will go here.” Then try to remember that. Write it gown if you have to. Then put whatever you wrote that on somewhere and say…
- Wash and wipe everything you have ever touched ever to prevent infection. This of course is the most important step. And I’m not just talking about things in your home. This could apply to exes, to your old schools, to pets, to public transportation, to the magazines in your doctor’s office waiting room, to trash that has ended up in a landfill, to products made from your things you have recycled, to the heart of that person you touched without even realizing it. If you touched it, it must be disinfected. Go thee forth and bleach, for thy disinfection is the way and the light, so sayith the Josh.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go clean.