Hello dear reader(s)!
I’ve had some great doctors. Great doctors. Even better than most of those doctors, were the PA’s. And even better than those? The nurses.
Now in terms of sheer knowledge, I’m sure the doctors (at least the specialists) probably took the cake. The decisions some of them made likely saved my life on the grand scale. But the nurses, the nurses saved my life almost daily. So when I heard that some washed-up, never-was comedian on a catty show that does for the female image what Chris Brown, Bill Cosby, Ted Bundy, and Mel Gibson do for the image of males was badmouthing nurses, I must say, I got a little offended.
I love nurses. When doctors were in their offices or rounding with other patients, nurses were responding to my codes and pumping through the medication needed to keep me going for the months it took doctors to realize that no, my counts would not recover without a transplant. When doctors were arguing with each other in my room about my chances for survival, the nurses were the ones monitoring me to make sure I survived their argument.
When the doctors were forgetting to wash in and wash out of my room, the nurses would risk their necks by reminding them.
And when Hannah and I were very down, and I didn’t want to get out of bed, or talk about anything having to do with my condition, it would be the nurses who would recognize that and help keep us going.
When Hannah died, one of the nurses who we made friends with told the nurses on the floor where I spent way too much of my life, and they all signed and sent a sympathy card. I received a lot of cards when she died, but that is one of the few that really made me feel like it wasn’t just some token act.
When Hannah was dying, the nurses who kept her comfortable as she slipped away were my heroes.
So, to the completely unfunny twat on a show that may be the worst thing to hit the airwaves since Fox News, I say this:
Fuck you, you stupid fucking cunt. I hope that you get sick with something serious, and are totally neglected by the nurses while in the hospital. I hope when you shit yourself from the C-diff, the nurses who find you on the floor of your bathroom in tears are not compassionate, but instead openly mock you and bring in others to do so. I hope that when pushing the IV medications ordered by your precious doctors, they do not clean your line first and you develop sepsis and suffer through that. Better yet, I hope that doesn’t happen. I hope all of what I just said happens to the person (although, that probably would be you, wouldn’t it?) that you love the most in this world. I hope they die a slow, agonizing death that makes you realize just how important nurses are.
Of course, this will never happen. Because good nurses (of which there are many) will not neglect you or your family’s care because you don’t get along. They are professionals, who will not take into account the fact you have never made someone laugh in your entire career when treating you.
My nurses used their stethoscopes multiple times daily to listen for signs of infection in my lungs or heart problems. Far more than any doctor did. You made a crack about it not being necessary for someone who treats Alzheimer’s patients.
If you had half a brain, you would know it is extremely necessary to listen to the lungs of anyone who is not able to be very active, or maybe bed-ridden. Someone like, oh, I don’t know…someone with advanced Alzheimer’s perhaps?
You pathetic fucking clown. You are not funny. You are a fucking side-show act.
To all the nurses out there. We get it. Even if this cunt doesn’t, we know who you are.
So with that rant over, let’s lighten the mood a little, shall we? Here are the top 10 reasons to love nurses.
- They know how to take care of you. Who doesn’t need to be taken care of from time to time? Why not have someone caring and compassionate, with real knowledge to call when you’re not feeling well? Sure beats having to call your mom. (Just kidding mom, love you.)
- Less expensive for them to dress up as a sexy nurse for Halloween.
- Are doing a job with low pay and long hours simply because they want to help people.
- Are able to recognize and help when you’re feeling down.
- Have seen and handled all sorts of gross stuff, so if something embarrassing happens to you, it is easier to let it go.
- Can accurately answer if it is worth it to get something checked out.
- Can help explain jargon on your favorite medical shows and whether not it is being used correctly.
- Scrubs are cheaper than a lot of other work uniforms.
- They have funny, interesting, or exciting stories.
- They can teach you the metric system.
To all of my nurse friends, I love you. Keep doing what you’re doing, because you are desperately needed. We know you are the ones who know what is really going on. We think you’re awesome.
And just because you are too ethical not to mess with someone who belittles you, doesn’t mean you don’t have a lot of people willing to kick some ass on your behalf.