The Great Alaskan Stomachache

Hello dear reader(s)!

I am writing this post from my hotel room in Anchorage at 10:30pm (Anchorage time) on a Friday night.  Why am I in already at 10:30 on Friday night?

Well, for one…

I am exhausted!!!!!

For two…

I think I either have mild food poisoning, or my body just isn’t used to eating delicious salmon anymore.  You see, up until this trip, I have been eating mostly things with no meat.  Not full-on vegetarian, just rarely doing the meat thing anymore.  Until this trip.  I’ve already had an amazing buffalo cheese burger, a MASSIVE pretzel turkey sandwich, & today, a delicious salmon “burger”.  (Not burger, as not ground, thankfully.)

I don’t think the stomach is all that happy about the change.

Also, I don’t know if a build up of lactic acid can move to your stomach, but it could be that too, because I am sore!

Yesterday I did a ton of walking around Anchorage’s downtown, to different busses, the zoo, and just general sightseeing.  As a result, my legs were sore when I woke up this morning.

Today, I decided it would be a good idea to hike the 12 miles of the Tony Knowles Coastal Trail.  It was a good idea…but not for my legs.  They hate me right now.

I still managed to be out until about 10-ish, having fun, meeting people, etc…  And then my stomach made that noise that signals it is time to go.  You know those walks are the longest walks of your life, even when your legs aren’t already on fire.

Despite that, I am having a great time.  (Please excuse the changing of tenses, I’m too tired to care.)

Here is the breakdown of events so far:


  • Get a ride to the airport from my friend, Laura.  Thanks Laura, and for the kitty care.
  • Arrive at airport finding out my tiny prop plane is delayed enough to make me seriously worried about making my connection.
  • Get on tiny prop plane, have relatively smooth, relaxed flight.  I even had my row to myself.
  • Arrive with about 5 minutes to run into the terminal in Seattle and down the ramp to the real jet.  They closed the doors two minutes after I sat down.
  • Have relatively smooth flight to Anchorage except for being pissed because I had an aisle seat and dude with the window slept the whole time anyway…his fat head blocking the window for most of the views.  Barely got a peek at some awesome snow-covered mountains, but could not manage a picture.
  • Arrived and went to my hotel, to find that my direct deposit was a day late, meaning I could either fork over all my cash or wait.  Since my deposit was pending and it would go in at 1 Eastern Time, meaning it would be in at 9 where I was and it was already 7:30, I chose to wait it out.  I walked to a pizza place/pub, not far from where I’m staying that just so happened to be the one my friend and I were going to go to on her recommendation another day.  It was great!
  • Get back to the hotel and check in.  Sleep like a baby.


  • Walk a lot further than necessary to go get breakfast at Alaska Bagel Restaurant.  The bagel was as wide as my face and really tall. Huge, but good.  So was the coffee.
  • Hop the bus to downtown.
  • Walk around all the shops at the Marketplace.  Buy a few souvenirs.
  • Take a tour on a trolley of the Anchorage area.  Fun, cheesy jokes, good history, and totally worth it.
  • Walked around some more, looking for lunch.  The place I was looking for didn’t open until 4. Found a place, had a salmon sandwich that was terrible, complete with pin bones.  Actually, had only a bite or two.
  • Walked to the visitor center where I took the trolley tour and decided to go to the zoo.
  • Talked to my friend who met me there and then left to go explore.
  • Went to Wee B’s where I had the greatest buffalo cheeseburger, & maybe the best burger I’ve had.
  • Hung around at the mall.  Yes, the mall.
  • Visited the Tilted Kilt for a couple of beers.  Think Scottish Hooters.  If not for my friend I just would’ve felt sleazy there, but instead it was fun.
  • Drove around, saw her neighborhood which she claims is in the hood.  To her credit, she showed me where a murdered guy was found a week or so earlier.  Still looked nice.
  • Went to Fire Taps, a pretty cool place with the massive pretzel sandwiches.  I wondered why I got one, having just ate, but was reminded that it had already been 5 or more hours since the burger.
  • Got to the hotel and slept like a dog.


  • Woke up later than I planned.  Missed the guided tour of the coastal trail.  Decided, f it, I’ll do it myself.
  • Had some of my leftover sandwich for fuel for the hike.
  • Hopped the bus to as close to the trail as it would go.
  • Walked through some neighborhoods.
  • Walked the trail.
  • Seriously worried about my sanity as I got into some deep woods and recalled stories of moose attacks.
  • Wished I would’ve brought more water.
  • Dismissed my concerns and walked along, taking pictures of some of the most beautiful scenery I have been through.
  • Walked into downtown.
  • Ate at a place called Humpy’s with that great salmon burger.
  • Went to some bar I don’t know the name of which was fun, except for the rapist quality of some of the women who talked to me.
  • Stomach dropped, hopped the bus back.
  • Checked my voicemail, found my glacier face tour tomorrow is cancelled due to not enough sign-ups, but was assured I’d be issued a full-refund.  Grrrrr!

If I am up for it, I will post some pictures tomorrow night.  I’d do it now, but I want to sleep!


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

10 thoughts on “The Great Alaskan Stomachache”

  1. Although I prefer the aisle seat due to my tiny bladder, it does frustrate me when I would travel with my baby brother, or when I do travel with my kids, and the narcissistic business man who has taken the window seat has made the executive decision to slam the window shut and lay on it so the rest of us don’t see any clouds or Earth for the entire duration of the flight.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. On the way home, I had the window for both flights. The first it was too dark to see anything and the douche in the middle seat decided to sleep in both of ours and couldn’t be woken up without resorting to violence, and on the second there wasn’t a lot worth seeing because I’ve made that trip so many times.

      Liked by 1 person

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