Hello dear reader(s)!
I didn’t think I would be able to post today, because I was supposed to go see my friends’ band play in a small town a couple of hours away. But due to continued issues with The Beastess, you get to experience the wonder (As in, “I wonder why he keeps writing this crap?”) that is my blog-type-thing after all.
But I’m not here to write about the strange and upsetting things The Beastess is perpetrating on me. Because then I would have to get into my theory that all the issues with the battery terminal (that is solved) somehow caused the switch in the door lock that turns the security system off (since my remotes are long since broken) to mess up, and so the security system will go off on the first attempt to start the car, preventing the car from starting, but when you turn the key in the door while the security system is going off, you can then shut if off and start the car. So far. At any rate, I don’t want to be in another town should that decide to stop working.
So now, for your education, entertainment, and enlightenment…I will tell you the story of the accidental shaving of my face.
It was a hot and dry day. (Which is typical for this time of year, so that is really just fluff.) It was a Thursday. In fact, it was this last Thursday. It was the day before yesterday. I was working out a lot that day, and got tired of my hair sweat dripping into my eyes, so, as I occasionally do, I decided to shave it off.
Doesn’t sound accidental, does it? Hang on, I’ll get to it.
So, in a break between exercising, I decided to shave my head and then shower, and then work out again.
I grab out my plastic hair catcher thingy, (technical term), and lay it over the sink. For those of you who don’t know what a sink is…just kidding. Hopefully you know what a sink is.
I grab my clippers, oil the blades. Wipe it down. (So as to avoid the mineral oil dripping onto my head.) I then set the teeth to the lowest level, and turn them on.
I start on the right side of my head, beginning just below my little sideburns, and going up in a straight line to the crown. I then move the clippers over just under the width of the clipper head, so basically above my ear, and repeat. Then behind the ear, etc… This is the order I shave my head in, and it has always been the order I shave my head in. Once all the hair is shaved on the right side of my head, I move to the left. (I think I like to get rid of the sides first, to see if I can rock the mohawk.)
Everything was going fine up until this point.
Suddenly, and all of a sudden, without warning, out of the blue, from out of nowhere…my cat decides it would be a good idea to come into the room of bath (also known as a bathroom, here in the States) and rub on my ankles. Of course, because I love my cats, this elicits the automatic Must Pet Response in me, so of course, I bend down to pet my cat.
It was Dobson, the one on the left. I blame him.
At the same time, the messenger notification on my phone goes off so I reach into my pocket for my phone as I am standing up. I look down at the message and bring the clippers up toward the left side of my head at an angle that, unfortunately, cut right into the side of my goatee.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “But Josh, why not just be different and have only half a goatee?”
To that I can only respond with, “Because I go to great lengths to avoid looking like a crackhead.”
So my only choice, was to shave it off. Which makes my face look more round (despite the fact I have actually lost a little excess fat lately) and also makes me look like I might be 12, were it not for the bags under my eyes.
Oh well, hair grows back. I just hope it hurries up. I don’t want them to take a look at my ID as I try to board the plane for my trip and tell me either…
A. Children under 12 cannot fly unless accompanied by an adult.
B. Sir, we are going to need you to come with these nice TSA and DHS employees so that can talk to you about where you obtained this driver’s license, what your plan is, and who you are working with.
For the record, this is a vacation, I swear!
Happy weekend to you all.