The Accidental Shaving

Hello dear reader(s)!

I didn’t think I would be able to post today, because I was supposed to go see my friends’ band play in a small town a couple of hours away.  But due to continued issues with The Beastess, you get to experience the wonder (As in, “I wonder why he keeps writing this crap?”) that is my blog-type-thing after all.

The Beastess
The Beastess

But I’m not here to write about the strange and upsetting things The Beastess is perpetrating on me.  Because then I would have to get into my theory that all the issues with the battery terminal (that is solved) somehow caused the switch in the door lock that turns the security system off (since my remotes are long since broken) to mess up, and so the security system will go off on the first attempt to start the car, preventing the car from starting, but when you turn the key in the door while the security system is going off, you can then shut if off and start the car.  So far.  At any rate, I don’t want to be in another town should that decide to stop working.

So now, for your education, entertainment, and enlightenment…I will tell you the story of the accidental shaving of my face.

It was a hot and dry day.  (Which is typical for this time of year, so that is really just fluff.)  It was a Thursday.  In fact, it was this last Thursday.  It was the day before yesterday.  I was working out a lot that day, and got tired of my hair sweat dripping into my eyes, so, as I occasionally do, I decided to shave it off.

Doesn’t sound accidental, does it?  Hang on, I’ll get to it.

So, in a break between exercising, I decided to shave my head and then shower, and then work out again.

I grab out my plastic hair catcher thingy, (technical term), and lay it over the sink.  For those of you who don’t know what a sink is…just kidding.  Hopefully you know what a sink is.

I grab my clippers, oil the blades.  Wipe it down.  (So as to avoid the mineral oil dripping onto my head.)  I then set the teeth to the lowest level, and turn them on.

I start on the right side of my head, beginning just below my little sideburns, and going up in a straight line to the crown.  I then move the clippers over just under the width of the clipper head, so basically above my ear, and repeat.  Then behind the ear, etc…  This is the order I shave my head in, and it has always been the order I shave my head in.  Once all the hair is shaved on the right side of my head, I move to the left.  (I think I like to get rid of the sides first, to see if I can rock the mohawk.)

Everything was going fine up until this point.

Suddenly, and all of a sudden, without warning, out of the blue, from out of nowhere…my cat decides it would be a good idea to come into the room of bath (also known as a bathroom, here in the States) and rub on my ankles.  Of course, because I love my cats, this elicits the automatic Must Pet Response in me, so of course, I bend down to pet my cat.

Dobson and Piedmont
Dobson and Piedmont

It was Dobson, the one on the left.  I blame him.

At the same time, the messenger notification on my phone goes off so I reach into my pocket for my phone as I am standing up.  I look down at the message and bring the clippers up toward the left side of my head at an angle that, unfortunately, cut right into the side of my goatee.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking, “But Josh, why not just be different and have only half a goatee?”

To that I can only respond with, “Because I go to great lengths to avoid looking like a crackhead.”

So my only choice, was to shave it off.  Which makes my face look more round (despite the fact I have actually lost a little excess fat lately) and also makes me look like I might be 12, were it not for the bags under my eyes.

Oh well, hair grows back.  I just hope it hurries up.  I don’t want them to take a look at my ID as I try to board the plane for my trip and tell me either…

A.  Children under 12 cannot fly unless accompanied by an adult.

Or…

B.  Sir, we are going to need you to come with these nice TSA and DHS employees so that can talk to you about where you obtained this driver’s license, what your plan is, and who you are working with.

For the record, this is a vacation, I swear!

Happy weekend to you all.

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

27 thoughts on “The Accidental Shaving”

  1. Hmph. That’s why I am not a fan of multitasking. Something is bound to go wrong. But indeed it is a good thing hair grows back. My son, who is now thirty (thank God), was living with his father for a while. Now, his father is a much more liberal parent than I am, so when C. was 14, he was allowed to dye his long, dirty blond hair black. My son, not his father. Then he changed his mind and wanted it a new shade of blond, even though his trendy hair guy told him this would involve stripping it and re-dying it, which might totally ruin his hair. He insisted on doing it anyway.

    A couple weeks later he arrived to spend the summer with me, and he was wearing a hat. He hates hats. I asked him why he was wearing a hat. He said something evasive. I said No, really, why are you wearing a hat? So he took off his hat and showed me his shock of completely dead, straw-like hair. He began to sob, and I said, don’t worry, Bunny ( I have called him Bunny since birth, and still do), I’ll get the horse clippers. It will grow back. Besides, it’s summer, and a buzz cut always feels better in the summer. He nodded, wiping his nose on his tee shirt (he eschews tissues) and I wielded the clippers until his pate was bald. We went on with the summer, and when school started again he had his own nice hair back. It’s a good thing hair grows back.

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    1. My hair came in wiry and curly after my first chemo, and really thin after my second. The sides grow faster than the top, so having hair can be a pain. I still like it on my face though. Oh well. Shouldn’t be too long.

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      1. Ah. Didn’t think about the chemo part. Isn’t it weird how straight hair comes out curly, which involves sulfide bonds (that’s how perms work) or some other weird way? Yet your facial hair is intact? Curiouser and curiouser. Here’s hoping your goatee hurries up so you don’t get interrogated. I’m used to it: I’m American-Israeli, and for some reason that automatically puts me on the Watch List. You’d think it would be the other way around, but noooo.

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      2. Well, the chemo is long since over (knock on wood) and the second time it came back okay, just a little thinner. It still makes it really annoying to deal with. The goatee was lost on my induction chemo, but only thinned for the transplant conditioning chemo. Then it was pretty full again. Although a little gray.

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      3. Yes, I really have. But I was released from the intensive transplant program in Februrary, and have been regaining my strength and health since. I still go neutropenic from time to time (usually when stressed) and still have yet to make B cells, but I haven’t been sick in quite a while, and after 3 years of it, that is saying something.

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      4. Yep. PBSC’s. I got them after being aplastic for 5 1/2 months, then the graft didn’t really take, I had GVHD pretty bad, I got a ton of infections, was septic 4 times but still pulled through and was only at 20% cellularity (but 100% chimerisms) until September last year when they said I would need a second transplant. They started the workup which included another bone marrow biopsy just one month after and it jumped to 60% so they called it off. My oncologist called me the cat with 11 lives. 🙂

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      5. Well hopefully I don’t need 12 and can just get by on this 11th. Let’s not have that one go for no reason. I am terrified of anti-vaxxer’s kids now though. So that isn’t fun.

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      6. Erg….I didn’t mean THAT kind of a go. I meant the kind where you get to lead a normal healthy life and thumb your nose at the anti-vaxxers because you have a normal healthy immune system. That’s what I meant. As for those parents, who rely on herd immunity and live outside of the greater reality….I hate to say it, but eventually there will be enough of them for the infectious diseases that I grew up with, and some that have been eliminated during the years I was in practice, will come back to bite their unfortunate children in unfortunate ways. This will be a terrible tragedy, but it will demonstrate that vaccines actually do what they’re supposed to do, which is prevent horrible infectious diseases. So I hope that in life #12 your B cells behave, your beard grows back, and your car starts serenely 🙂

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  2. Haha! I had grown a beard I was fairly proud of and 2 weeks ago I decided I needed to trim it to keep it tidy but I accidentally gave myself a huge bald patch so the whole thing had to go. I feel your pain!

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  3. I’m sorry for the loss of your goatee but I thought we were headed in a shaved the cat or shaved off the eyebrows direction so goatee is probably better than the latter. As it’s so hot at the moment I’d love to shave both my cats so I don’t have to clean the moulted cat hair quite so often but I’m pretty sure if I tried that with either of them they would gang up to end me, so I wont risk it and will just keep up the constant sweeping instead. If the goatee is taking too long to grow could you draw it on with a marker pen in the meantime, I’m sure that wouldn’t pose any problems with passport control!

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