Hello dear reader(s)!
Sometimes it is hard not to wallow in the misery that people display every second. You think to yourself “(Insert name here), are there any good and decent people left on this planet?” If you answer “No.” to that question, then you are probably not one of the people who are good and decent. Honestly, what does cynicism contribute? People screw up. Some are awful and shouldn’t exist. But there are people who do the best they can. I know a few. I try to be one of those people myself. If everyone thinks it is hopeless, then nobody tries. If you aren’t trying, then you are the problem.
Everyone knows my story. I am very open about it. Too open, probably. But I think that someone might be able to benefit from knowing that sometimes you can still get through. But honestly, my story pales in comparison to some of the best people I know. People who constantly endure the pain of this world and respond with strength and sincere attempts to make it better for someone else. Those people are my friends. They are the ones I connect with.
Not everyone wins their battles. Hannah lost hers. But people win by fighting. By trying. There should be no shame in defeat as long as you try your best. Tragedy? Often. Shame? Never.
Sometimes you have to give up for a bit. Two weeks ago today, when I was told Hannah would not make it and they were out of options, I gave up on life. I did not actively pursue ending it, but I certainly didn’t care at that point. That lasted through to Sunday (our anniversary) when she actually passed. At that point, it became a question of how I was going to go on, rather than a question of whether or not I wanted to. It is okay to take time to regroup. I will use war as an analogy (despite the fact that I hate real war). In war, you can lose a battle. You can lose a few battles, and still win the war. The Vietnamese knew that against the US. The US knew that against Britain during the Revolution and the Axis forces in World War II. You win, some you lose some. But you continue the fight, until there is nothing left to fight for.
Maybe it is my cancer battle that strengthened my resolve during this time. Maybe it is the support I have had from friends, family, and even you dear reader(s). Maybe it is the inspiration from other people and their perseverance in times that are horrible, and the light they bring to the world? Maybe it is the people who recognize I am still a person with hopes and dreams who does not only want to talk about my loss, but will allow me to when I need to. Likely, it is a combination of all of those.
For every one of you who has gone through so much hardship and struggle, for all of you who have endured the worst this world has to offer, for those of you who are starting to believe that nobody is worth your time; I just want you to know that there are people who try every single day to bring light into the lives of others while going through some terrible darkness. Do not give up hope. Do not let the awful things you have been exposed to trick you into believing that is all there is. Do not feel as though great things can’t happen to you. Because, I assure you…not everyone sucks.