Intertubes

Hello dear reader(s)!

Yesterday was a rough day.  For one thing, I think I might have pulled some abdominal muscles. So that was a major pain in the torso.  I also slept like garbage that must be the variety of garbage that likes to be wide-awake.  If that wasn’t bad enough, it was too hot and too bright to go anywhere.  I would have had a rough time of it anyway because of the stomach pain, allergies, and fatigue, but the heat and sun were oppressive.

So I resigned myself to a day of online entertainment, blog posting, blog reading, tweeting, retweeting, emails, checking emails, sending emails, deleting emails, clicking, double-clicking, mouses, mice, that screen thing, and that whole thing down there-yes the hard drive.

So I reclined back on my recliner of infinite imprisonment, grabbed my coffee, opened my Chromebook and prepared to connect to the little box kept on top of Big Ben where it gets the best reception.

Only, someone must have used too much flash photography and harmed the internet and no pages would load.  I quickly checked my phone to see if the Chromebook took a crap or if the net web tube thingy was down, and it appeared as though my phone was not able to connect to the mythical webs of inter either.

Well, let me tell you something.  I’m no slouch when it comes to COMPuter knowledge, so naturally I knew just what to do.  I went over to my modem and checked the lights.  Power was on.  Good.  Other meaningless lights were on or flashing, but the light that said “Online” was darker than a gritty Hollywood reboot of a goth film.  So, using my expert COMPuter skills, I immediately unplugged my modem, unplugged my router, plugged my modem back in, and then plugged my router back in.  “That should fix the motherfucker,” said I, in my best Samuel L. Jackson voice.

And I watched the series of lights blink and waited for the “Online” light to light, thereby indicated it was online.

Only, the light did not come on.

First the denial set in.  “No, nothing is wrong, I’m just not being patient enough for this to work.  It’ll light up any second.  I know, I’ll make sure the connections are tight!”  Nothing.

Then the anger came.  “Work motherfucker!  I paid my fucking bill, I want my goddamn service you unreliable piece of shit!”  Nothing.

Then the bargaining arrived.  “Please work soon and I will never yell at you or this fucking “franchise agreement holder” goddamn monopoly in other words (Wait Josh, calm down…) I meant wonderful broadband provider or any of the lovely equipment.”

Enter the depression.  “What am I going to do without interwebs?  Why did this have to happen today of all days when I can’t really do anything else?  Why have you forsaken me, ISP?  It’ll never come back and I will be stuck in the dark ages for the rest of my miserable life on this horrible chunk of space rock!”

But finally, the acceptance.  I called and found out I was part of a widespread outage.  “I guess we could like talk or something.  Or actually, I’m kind of tired, let’s just go to sleep.”

Upon waking this morning I was informed that the intertube webs had been restored and then fell once more.  I think ISIS is somehow involved.  All I know is it appears world freedom was victorious over those who hate our broadband, and would like to terra-rise the intertubes webs for the advancement of their own anti-freedom agenda; because it is up and working again.  I want to give a special thanks to whoever it was who so bravely fought these intertube web attackers (Could have been squirrels, line expansion due to heat, or an issue with the lousy systems not being able to handle the new next-gen boxes sending two-way traffic over a plant built decades ago when everything was one-way analog.)  Either way, for now, the terra is over and they are on the run.  The heroes of the tech forces have smoked ’em out of their hiding spots.

I wonder if any drones were involved.

Anyway, long story slightly less long…this is why there was no post or comment replies yesterday, and why I didn’t read many of your posts.  I’d ask for your forgiveness, but I was a victim of the intertube terra groups.

How was your day yesterday?  How is your day today?  What do you think about terra?  Is it better firma, or no?

I made a bunch of references to the IT Crowd in here, so I would just like it noted that some of the lines are from one of my favorite episodes.  Call it an homage, rather than plagiarism, if you would.  

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

13 thoughts on “Intertubes”

  1. Love that show so much. Such a great one. I worked a bunch yesterday and apparently there was an IT issue at work though I didn’t experience it thankfully. Finished a project. Went to an art show and had Ethiopian. Of course then I woke up with blinding jaw pain. Stupid TMJ,

    Liked by 1 person

  2. We did have the web here yesterday but calling for lightening today and high winds …..methinks it could be a bad web coming in. I am having a hard time keeping up this week anyhow so perseverance will be my mantra. Have a good web day!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahaha I do the whole bargaining thing too when I’m trying to get something to work. This was too funny, but I’m glad things are back up and running for you!

    Liked by 1 person

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