What To Do?

Hello dear reader(s)!

I apologize for my lack of recent posts, one day I was sick, then I felt better, and then yesterday I had planned to post, but things didn’t go according to plan.  I got something I had been waiting, on, and decided to get the other things I had been needing and waiting on with it.  The first thing I was waiting on was my tax refund (which is now gone), and the next things were things like clothes that fit or without holes, toiletries, curtains for the back windows, and a full tank of gas.  All things I would have needed out of my regular income, however, so at least we spent responsibly.  Oh yeah, and there was a case of cat food thrown in there, because our cats eat better than we do.

Okay, so I wake up a little late after a great night’s sleep and feeling lousy for a day and a half before.  Hannah, on the other hand (Get off, it’s numb!), did not sleep well and got up at 4 am.

So around 9 I get out of bed (having been awake since 8:30, but still trying for more), and come out to the living room to the sound of I love Lucy and Hannah half-sitting, half-lying on the couch.  We talk for a bit about what we are going to do, and she decides to make me coffee (even though she is tired and I am more than capable), and I glance at my phone and see that I have a text alert from my tax prep company that my refund has been loaded!  Yes!

I decide we are going to get all the things we have been saying, “When we have the refund, we can get_____.”  The problem is that there wasn’t enough money to get all those things because stuff can be more expensive than you believe.  Especially basic stuff like razors, new trimmers (since my last ones fell in the toilet), a couple of pairs of shorts, a full tank of gas, curtains for the back windows, cat food, windshield wipers, a door mat, potato peeler, towels, a prescription, etc…

Let me tell you a little something about knit boxers.  I like knit boxers.  That is what I wear.  My knit boxers are falling apart, (quite literally).  As you may have seen in previous photographs, I do not have the abs of Marky Mark.  In fact, most Americans do not have the abs of Marky Mark.  Do you know what happens when someone without the abs of Marky Mark tries to wear boxer briefs?  They look like a beached whale.  It is ridiculous looking and uncomfortable.  The only time I could pull off boxer briefs was when I was sick and down to 140 without being swollen.  And even then, I thought they were uncomfortable.  So I’m a knit boxer type of guy.  If I wanted restrictive underwear, I’d be a girl and buy Spanx.

“Big deal, Josh.  Just buy some knit boxers then,” you scoff.

NO!  I can’t.  Do you think I would reveal my underwear preference to you if there wasn’t some reason to bring it up?  Nowhere sells knit boxers anymore.  Wal-Mart didn’t have any.  Ross didn’t have any.  That cheap store next to Ross that seems to be primarily a Fruit of the Loom or Haynes outlet didn’t have any.  I searched all over the place!  So many stores, no knit boxers.  Do more people than I first realized have the abs of Marky Mark?  Or are most people deluded enough to think they do?

Anyway, Hannah wasn’t feeling great and was anxious, but I want to go spend all this money before they decide for some unknown reason to take it away.  (Not that I think they will, or have cause to, because they don’t; it’s just with how long it took to show up, better safe than sorry.)  So I convince her to at least go to the Mall of Warts with me.  (Wal-Mart).  So we go and get a bunch of stuff we have been needing.  (And not one fun thing we just wanted.  I still want a bike.  IF I can ride one.)

She has an anxiety attack, but is able to fight through.  After that, she is too exhausted to go anywhere else, so I drop her off and head out to the grocery store to get my prescription.  Which still isn’t ready.  I went earlier in the day after Hannah had called it in, they tried to run the wrong strength, so it was too early to fill, I corrected it, and they said 10 minutes.  So I left and went to Big Lots.

At Big Lots, I strolled around and got a potato peeler, because it was $1.75 and I waste half the veggies when I use a knife instead of a peeler.  I also splurged on a $10 Mandolin (not the musical instrument) which I will admit was more of a want than a need, but it was $10.  I also splurged and got a $10 FM transmitter to plug into my phone so I can listen to my music on a blank radio station since I have good speakers connected to an old broken tape deck in the Beastess.  That was my luxury shopping.

Then I head back over to the pharmacy/grocery store and they are closed for lunch.  So I leave and go to Ross for my underwear search, and to pick up a couple of pairs of shorts.  (That was on my list, they were needed.)  So I get my shorts and look for the fabled knit boxers and they have none.  Hit the store next door and they must have had 3000 packages of boxer briefs, but as said before…no knit boxers.  Then I head BACK to the pharmacy and pick up my prescription and come home…stopping for gas somewhere during that whole trip.

I go online and pick up the cat food and the knit boxers, and just like that, my refund is gone.

Oh well, we needed the stuff and it would have taken months of struggling BAD to get it anyway.  Now the question I have for today is, when you have a full tank of gas, but next to no money, there is a biker convention in your town you want to avoid, as well as the roads to nearby places you’d want to go, and you can’t stay out in the sun very long, or be around too many people, what do you do hotshot, what do you do?

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

18 thoughts on “What To Do?”

  1. Feel better, you’re not the only one with underwear challenges. For a decade, I wore these high-leg briefs that could pretty much be found anywhere, and was most fond of my satin VS ones. They don’t make them anymore. They don’t carry briefs anymore, either. I have a big ass, and a belly that reflects my babies, and I cannot get down with the low-rise hoojidoojis that are so popular. I must wear granny panties. I admit I am a granny, but still. Oh sure, I have fancy pants for fancy times, and I even own Spanx, but my underwear preferences are valid!!! <— with lotsa !!!
    Yes, it is remarkable the things we think we will do with incoming monies. The lists are so long and the money is shorter than we expect. It's truly sucky.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. From one knit boxer wearer to another, online is the only place to be sure and find them nowadays. I hit JC Penney, Ross, Sears and other places before defaulting to Amazon.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Complaining about how uncomfortable it is to wear boxer briefs? Ask your wife about how uncomfortable it is to wear a bra (i.e., cage). In fact, you should try it, just so you can get a feel for what women go through every day. You’ll never complain about your underwear again. 🙂

    Why don’t ya’ll have a barbecue? Let Hannah be in charge of the grill and you can lounge in the shade, peel potatoes and make potato salad.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Drive through rich neighborhoods and pick out the house ya’ll will buy when you become a famous musician. Alternatively, drive to a park, pick a remote location, pitch a tent, and have sex.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Free entertainment is hard to come by… Maybe you and Hannah could drive around and do a photo shoot? Visit some old stomping grounds? Or just take pictures of your beautiful wife dressed as famous people. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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