Hannahisms

Hello dear reader(s)!

Do you know the term “Bull in a china shop?”  How about “Six of one, half-dozen of the other?”

Well, in case you don’t, saying someone is like a bull in a china shop, is basically saying that the person is either clumsy or stomps around with no regard for their surroundings.  The term “Six of one, half-dozen of the other” is basically saying that it doesn’t matter whatever is chosen, as both choices are essentially equal.  Examples:  Hannah, every time you come home from softball practice, you stomp around here like a bull in a china shop.  And:  Would you rather have fajitas or tacos for dinner?  I don’t care.  Six of one, half-dozen of the other.

So, for example #1.  This was actually said, for years to Hannah, before I met her, by her grandfather.  And Hannah wouldn’t respond,  She would just carry on about her business, though possibly looking confused.  According to family lore, this went on for years.  Literal years.  Until one day, Hannah finally responds, “So?”

Her family looks at her stunned and asks in return, “So, what?”

And Hannah breaks her silence.  “Why do you keep saying that?  What is the big deal about being a bowl in a china shop?”

For years, she thought it was a bowl in a china shop.  Which would make perfect sense.  What is so weird about a bowl in a china shop?  Wouldn’t one assume that a china shop would have bowls?  So naturally, every time we go over for family dinners, and anyone who has not heard the story might be there, the story is told.  And poor Hannah hides her head.

Example #2:  Apparently she had never heard the expression before when I said it to her once.  Okay, we all have our blind spots, so she asked me what it meant and I explained.  And I thought that was pretty much the end of it.  Until one day she decided to incorporate it into her own vocabulary.  I asked for her opinion on something, (I think it might have been which tie I should wear that day, or something like that), and she said, “Six and a half-dozen of one or the other.”  Because sometimes we trip over our words, I stifled my laughter and asked her again what she said,  “Six and a half-dozen of one or the other.”  I can’t remember another time laughing at something made me late for work, but I just couldn’t stop.  She wins, though, because now we all use that instead, just for fun.

But wait, there’s more!

Hannah’s good friend Joel and her were going out for Halloween before I met either of them.  Joel was going as a 30’s gangster.  As they were driving along, Joel is thinking about his costume and says to Hannah, “Maybe I should get a gun.”  Hannah suddenly goes silent, and stares out the side window.  (her signature sign that she is upset while you are driving)  They drive along for quite a while in silence, Joel unaware that Hannah is upset.  Apparently, minutes later, Hannah looks over at Joel and says, “Well maybe if it’s a fake gun!”  Joel suddenly realizes that Hannah thought Joel was thinking about getting a real gun to bring with them for their Halloween festivities and had been thinking about it for a solid 10-15 minutes.  He had to pull over because he was laughing so hard, and could barely get the words out that of course he meant a fake gun!

Then there is the term “Easy Peasy, Lemon Squeezy.”  For whatever reason, Hannah likes to say, “Easy Peasy Mushroom Squeezy.”

Mushroom?  Is squeezing a mushroom easy?  I don’t even know if the fungus would work well in my juicer.  I just don’t see them being that easy to squeeze, somewhat making the phrase a little off.  But no matter how many times I have told her it is lemon (going so far as to show her the scene where Michael Caine says it in Austin Powers Goldmember), she says mushroom.  So easy peasy mushroom squeezy it is.

Then there is Hannah’s sleepy state.  Hannah talks in her sleep.  Not only that, but after she wakes up, if you try talking to her within the first 5 or so minutes after she wakes up from one of those nights, she’s still in dream land.  She will go on to you as if you were having a conversation that never existed about the most nonsensical things that she is certain actually happened.  Just the other night, I was having a dream (more like a nightmare) of my least favorite movie of all time (A Perfect Storm, in case you were wondering) and she wakes me up yelling in her own dream.  She is yelling, “Centerfold!  Centerfold!  Centerfold!”

“What?”

“Your post, you were just posting in your blog about it.”

“About a centerfold?”

“That song, My Angel is the Centerfold, you know!” she kind of mumbled.

Now, I have not ever posted about that song.  It is an okay song, not one of my favorites but I don’t hate it or anything.  One of the things that I sometimes do is mishear lyrics, and we have argued (playfully) over the lyrics of that song (she was right), but I certainly have never blogged about it.  But for some odd reason, Hannah was dreaming that I had, yelled about it in her sleep, and then firmly believed it for roughly 5 minutes after waking up.  Until she then told me the rest of the dream and the impossible details of it.  This is a regular occurrence.

We all have our blind spots, things we may have missed out on growing up that becomes a part of most other people’s lexicon, but Hannah has hers in such a hilariously sweet and endearing way, that they become Hannahisms.  She is very intelligent, but these things, (and her insistence that she is right), have become legendary among her friends and family.

Everyone has their quirks, when you truly love someone the way I love Hannah, they become endearing.  I will never be able to hear someone say, “Six of one, half-dozen of the other,” without thinking of Hannah and smiling,  And I will want to correct them to the proper Hannahism of “Six and a half-dozen of one or the other,” and, “Bowl in a china shop.”

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Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

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