Do you WANT To Get Shot?

Hello dear reader(s)!

Luckily for me, but not you, Hannah just wrote a very short and concise piece on a subject I wanted to go off on.  Since she has decided to write what would have taken me 1000 words to say in 170 or so, I have decided to go ahead and write about the same subject in general, only expanding a bit and ranting a whole lot more.  I will also set a mood for this area that I think may help explain a bit and use some examples from my past to try to illustrate just why such a small seeming incident was so shocking to me.  Well, it was shocking after Hannah pointed it out to me.

In case you aren’t aware of what I am referring to, I am talking about The Gate Incident.

Basically, I was sitting in my chair, where I am sitting right now, writing an earlier post I posted earlier today earlier, when there came a knocking at my chamber door.  Okay, actually, it was the front door, but that is neither here nor there, well, actually it is there, but not here.  Here is the chair.  But I digress.

I get up to answer the door, hair all messed up from my hat (which I have to wear when I go outside in this sun crap) and my shorts that I threw on to go to the lab.  In other words, my usual tuxedo was at the cleaners and I felt slightly too formal for the day’s activities.  As I’m sitting here, I hear the knock, and without even thinking about it, I get up to go answer it.  That’s generally what I do when I hear a knock at the door and it is not late at night.

I open the door and am met with three women.  Well, two women and a little girl who is apparently being forced along as a defense against rude comments and doors slamming in their faces.  A quick assessment utilizing my spy movie training tells me, given their Sunday best clothes not on a Sunday, that these women are likely missionaries of some sort and are looking to convert people in the neighborhood.  A glance down at the bible in the lead woman’s hand confirms my fears.

“Hello my name is (who gives a Fuck?), this is my sister (some stupid idiot) and my daughter (poor girl, would CPS get involved if I called them?), can we have a moment of your time to read you this Bible verse and tell you how it might apply to our daily lives?”

“I’m not interested,” I politely said as I shut the door gently.  (Gently like a Yogi would shut a door.  I did not slam it.

But I should have.

“Wait a minute, Josh, don’t you believe that these people have a right to spread the word of their beliefs, whether you agree with them or not?”

Well, yes, only, no.

You see the reason that I didn’t tell them to fuck off and die, but instead politely shut the door is because I don’t have a problem with people’s beliefs that differ from mine as long as they aren’t trying to force me into it.  And walking around telling people about it is certainly not trying to force those beliefs upon anyone.

But then my wife shouted something from the bedroom.  The conversation went something like this.  (I’m paraphrasing because it was earlier, and so I may have missed an expletive or two.)

“Who the fuck was that?!?!”

“I don’t know.  Like Jehovah’s Witnesses or something.”

“They came to the door?!?!  What the fuck?”

“Yeah, that’s what they do.  No big deal, I said I wasn’t interested, smiled, and they left.  No biggie.”

“With your immune system?!?!”

“Yeah, but it isn’t like I invited them in for tea and they coughed in my face, no more dangerous than any other encounter.”

“But they had a kid along with them.”

Now that is a good point, I like kids just fine, but they are basically walking Petri dishes.  Oh well, not like I’ve never seen kids in the world.  There is always going to be some risk.

“Yeah, but it’s fine.  It was all of 5 seconds, and she (the kid) didn’t even speak,” I attempted to reassure her.

“But I closed the gate!”

What in the mother fucking fuck did she just say?  She closed the gate?

I looked out the window, and sure enough, the wheeled, big, 4 foot high chain link gate was pulled across the driveway.  Not only had these religious freaks opened my gate to come on to my property (my dad’s, but you get the point), but they closed it behind them on the way out, which means they acknowledged the gate was closed when they came in.  Who the fuck does that?  If I didn’t like them, in this state, I could have shot them.  They came through a latched gate onto my (dad’s) property without permission or a legal need (meter reader, Census worker, policeman, etc…) to be there.  I could have assumed they were part of some doomsday cult (since that’s basically what they are) and killed them.  Luckily for them, I am not violent, unlike the majority of people in this area.  How do I know?

I was a Census worker.  In 2000 in this area, and in 2010 in the Seattle area.  In 2000, I was a supervisor in the office and literally had to call the police 4 times to escort in Enumerators who were out in the field trying to perform their Constitutional duty.  4 times, I answered the phone from a scared, threatened employee and had to call the cops.  And I didn’t even answer the phones.  The defending one’s property, stand your ground bullshit is pretty high where I live.  People have gotten away with shooting people in a “suspicious” vehicle on their street without calling the police first and it was found that the driver (while he did have a past petty criminal history) had nothing more than the clip to an Airsoft gun in his truck.  That really happened, the guy who confronted the truck full of “suspicious” young adults wasn’t even charged.  This is where I live.

So yeah, I think politely telling the women and the poor girl I wasn’t interested was a little nicer that I should have been.  I hope their God protects them from their stupidity.


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

14 thoughts on “Do you WANT To Get Shot?”

  1. I went to a little tiny church in England, in a village just outside of Oxford. The church sermon was completely in Latin (of which I understood nothing). But the whole point to this story is the priest gave a sermon about this very thing. This is what he said – If by chance, a group of Jehovah’s Witnesses should happen across your doorstep, you should invite them in, offer them a fresh cup of tea and listen to what they have to say. When they have finished telling you about their religion, you should say, Thank-you that is all very interesting. Thank-you for stopping by and walk them to the door.
    Now, I don’t know about you, but I am not that gracious. Maybe that is the way it should be done in little villages in England, but not in my neighborhood. . I usually take their pamphlets, but it really annoys the snot out of me, when someone comes to the door and makes me stop what I am doing, to listen to something I really don’t want to listen to. It all seems so presumptuous. And the fact they went of their way to open your gate, that’s really taking it way too far.
    Of course we have a front door mat that says “A BIG ass dog lives here.” Hopefully that deters people from stopping by!!!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. But don’t these missionary type people go to jungles and stuff to sway the natives? Maybe they have no fear (or sense). I don’t think I could do that, I would feel like I was imposing on people’s time and love of humanity.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I just don’t really care, if they want to go somewhere let them, until they start trying to legislate it. But if they come through a closed door or gate, then that is trespassing and like I said, that gets dangerous around here.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. We have some insane Jehovah’s Witnesses here in Tokyo too. I actually had to aggressively slam the door on 3 elderly women’s faces. I don’t like to be disrespectful, but they gave me no choice. I don’t know what it is that drives them to be so pushy.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m orthodox Jewish so these missionaries are very annoying to me. I have a visible sign of Jewishness on my door so what possesses them to even ring on my doorbell?? I’m not interested in exchanging one religion for another. I’m very satisfied with my own.

    Liked by 1 person

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