How To Make Sexy With Women

Ladies, this is secret information for men only.  You are not supposed to be reading this, it is secret guy stuff.  What are you doing reading anyway?  Are you trying to exert authority over men with your knowledge or something?  You do know you can be stoned for that.  Why don’t you be a good little woman, and obey this man, and go back to your womanly duties of taking care of children, being a semen receptacle for your man, cooking, and cleaning.  This is guy stuff, and your tiny little female brains just wouldn’t understand anyway.  

Okay guys, are the bitches gone?  Good, now I will explain all the ways to make sexy with the women.  Because we all know that and housekeeping are the only things they are good for, am I right?

  1. Acquire your target.  Look for someone in your league, but definitely not fat because your friends will make fun of you and your man-card may be revoked if you do a fat chick.  Even if the fat chick is otherwise beautiful, if they have excess body weight, kick them to the curb.  Only desperate Beta males do fat chicks.  Go to a classy bar, like Hooters, but do not try for the waitress whores, because they are only there for the money and are not real.  Go after the chicks that go there for the cheap drinks.
  2. Any means necessary.  Date rape is still a date.  If it is a date, it must be consensual.  Do not put yourselves above methods such as spiking your target’s drink with aphrodisiacs.  Some common, effective aphrodisiacs include Rohypnol, GHB, and Ketamine.  No, these do not necessarily make the women desire sex with you, but they do help lower their inhibitions (by lowering their consciousness.)
  3. Come up with an effective pick-up line.  My favorites are, “I have a gun, so give me a blowjob.”  “You are beautiful but would look even more so while tied up in my shed.”  “I usually date older women, but your Pop Warner cheerleader uniform makes you look so mature.”  “Can you help me get this lint out of my pocket?”  And of course, my go-to, “I’ve been watching you all night from across the room, while masturbating.”
  4. Set your phone on silent.  You wouldn’t want your wife interrupting your special moment, would you?
  5. On second thought, leave your phone at home.  This prevents your victim date from finding your phone in a moment of clarity and any pesky visits from the authorities.
  6. Make sure you do not wear a condom.  How else can you be fruitful and multiply when your seed is stopped by latex?  Don’t you want to leave your mark on the world, and this woman?  Wouldn’t you like to remind her of your night minutes of pleasure with a special gift?  Even if the whore is not a good enough woman to produce a child, you might still leave her with another type of special gift.  A condom won’t always stop you from imparting that gift upon her, but not wearing one is the easiest way to ensure it happens.
  7. Remember to have fun.  Contrary to modern Devil-culture, sex is not an activity women enjoy.  Therefore, you do not need to worry about her pleasure or freedom.  This moment is about you.  Don’t worry you may climax too early.  What is too early?  Why deny yourself your pleasure for any longer than necessary.  Your satisfaction is key.  If you followed step 2 properly, you should have a chance to try again and again.  Remember, she is there for your gratification.  That bitch only exists because you are missing a rib anyway.
  8. Take pictures.  All too often, once you are done using your cum rag, they will be upset that you didn’t propose marriage and will retaliate by trying to get you charged with rape.  Like the bitch didn’t want it or meant when she said, “No.”  So your best defense is to take pictures while she is passed out sleeping from all the intense passion.  Use your fingers to force a smile on her face as she lies there exposed, so that there can be no question she was loving every minute of being raped used for your enjoyment.  If you let her know you have the pictures, and will put them online if she presses charges, you may be able to avoid having to enter them as evidence in the first place.  Plus, you will have a lovely keepsake of your time spent together.
  9. Take note of what she was wearing, and use her clothes against her.  No, I don’t mean tying her up with them (although that is certainly a possibility if you are unprepared and have no rope or chains), I mean painting her clothes in the sluttiest possible light.  A skilled rapist lover can make a burqa seem too revealing.  Obviously, any woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt must be a total slut who was asking for it.
  10. Move to a state who has elected a lawmaker familiar with the difference between legitimate rape, and illegitimate rape.  Obviously, the bitch was out at a bar, drinking, she must have wanted it.  The rape is clearly not legitimate.  Especially if you have impregnated her, this is an iron-clad defense in some places because if the rape were legitimate, the body has ways of shutting down that pregnancy.

Did any of this make you laugh?  They would be pretty funny, except there are way, way too many people who actually think this way.  They vote.  They will elect Rand fucking Paul or Ted fucking Cruz, Chris Christie, or Jeb Bush (because America loves a monarchy) if you don’t show up.  The lesser of two evils is clear, they are the ones who do not attempt to justify rape, and take a stand against those in their ranks who do.


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

40 thoughts on “How To Make Sexy With Women”

  1. Ok. So I read this – probably because you TRIED telling me not to….Ya. That’s how I roll. And ps. Thank you for reminding me why I no longer online date – story to come soon-ish. Signed,
    Bitches be Bitchin’..and bitchin’ is cool 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks. I’ve been feeling a bit sick today, so I was on Facebook listening to people say they won’t vote and how everyone is the same and it doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve been furious about it all day long and I think this was the culmination.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. While I lean to the left a lot, I’ve been all about the third-party candidate, got into a bit of an argument last night with someone who decided to do the whole liberal bashing BS. I typically hate the whole “lesser of two evils” excuse for voting for someone you aren’t really behind (thinking about long term election future), but you make an excellent damn point.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I think on a local level, independents can be the way to go, however, I think on a national level, the risk of letting in one of these theocracy craving, racist, misogynists is too great to take a chance on a third-party candidate, until the major two lose power from the advancement of independents from the local elections years earlier.
        Like Sanders might be okay, but he doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Per your instruction, this bitch merely skimmed, because I was afraid I’d be tempted to make sexy with women, and this is strictly forbidden within my marriage.
    Thanks for reminding me how much I enjoy cooking, cleaning, childcare, and pleasuring my husband, especially in comparison to dating assholes. I wish there were more men who feel safe to be around, but I think it’s quite rare.
    I have come to the conclusion that many conservatives are against sex ed because they’re frightened by what they don’t know, since they clearly don’t understand the basic biology and anatomy of women. This may also explain their fear of minorities, who often have a much freer expression concerning sex.
    Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. First, I read this post to prove that I can. Ha! Second, I don’t take care of children because I don’t have any children. Third, I suck at cooking, cleaning, and any housekeeping-slash-womanly duties. Lastly, despite these 3 misconceptions that you have about me and my kind, I really enjoyed the post. I will now use this new piece of information to take advantage of the entire male species. Mwahahahaha!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. They need to lighten up a bit. 😉

        Wait. There are actually people who post stuff like this seriously? Woah…creepy. I post weird stuff on my blog too but they’re all in good fun!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. There is a “movement” called “The Red Pill” which is basically the serious version of all this BS. Plus the “legitimate rape” stuff was actually said by real Republican legislators.


  4. At times I wasn’t too sure whether you were serious or not. I am happy I kept reading though, because there are indeed waaay too many people (unfortunately not just men) who think this way. I’m not from the US, but it is a global problem. Sadly.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Whew!, Not being American or up with the politics I wasn’t quite sure where you were going here! Was beginning to feel a bit sick! Have to admit I skimmed through the main body as didn’t want to read it but needed to see where the heck you were going with it! Unbelievable that there are people who think like this. I read an article about a so called “Dating Coach” who basically promoted violence and degradation as a way to “score”. Was so horrible, I don’t even want to say his name. Not acceptable! You, however, have scored with this post, point well made. Cheers

    Liked by 1 person

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