Weebles Wobble

But if they are high up on a ledge and get knocked off of it, they will fall down.  A Weeble‘s terminal velocity is actually higher than a penny, so a falling Weeble from a height where it could reach its terminal velocity, (such as the Empire State building) could actually seriously harm someone.  We believe that Hasbro should be liable for any injuries associated with falling Weebles due to their commercials claiming that they don’t fall down.  If you have ever been injured by a Weeble falling from a tall structure, consult the Law Offices of Bob and Steve for a free, personal consultation.

Hello dear reader(s)!

This post is not about Weebles.  It is a random post about a few random things because um like, I’m like totally random all the time.  Like totally.  But speaking of Weebles, do you remember Weebles?  Did you own any Weebles as a child?  Do your children have Weebles, or just iPads?  I remember Weebles.  I loved Weebles (though not in the romantic sense, although there was that one time…) sorry, I digress.

Do you know what else I remember?  Mother-fucking Big Wheels!  I rode my Big Wheel all over the place because that is what kids my age did before we had motorized everything to do the work for us.  I remember when Power Wheels came out and we couldn’t afford them but some of my friends could and they all had heart attacks in their teen years.  Okay, not really, but who needs those motorized toys when we have good old-fashioned pedal-power?!?!  And I’m not just saying these things because I am jealous of the kids who had parents that loved them could afford to buy those for them.  But do you know what I saw today?

The inside of a doctor’s office.  For way too long.  Because my insurance sucks.  But do you know what I saw on the way home?

The pet food store that charges an ungodly amount for my cat’s food.  Yeah, we’ll be ordering it online from now on.  You may close now.  But do you know what I saw on my way home from there?

Kids, playing outside.  The girl sitting down and pushing a big skateboard, and her older brother riding a Big Wheel.  A real, honest-to-goodness Big Wheel.  Yes, I have seen these children before today, and yes, they have come by in their Power Wheels, or have been walking with their dad? grandpa? older gentleman who watches them but doesn’t seem to be creepy about it?  Anyway no, today one of the kids was riding a Big Wheel.

“Big deal Josh, so you saw kids outside and one was riding a Big Wheel,” you spit through your sense of indignation.

Well, it IS a big deal.  Beyond the fact that this proves not every child is spending all day everyday playing video games or hacking the NSA, that kid riding his Big Wheel was leaving plastic wheel marks on the exact same places I left mine roughly 32 years ago.  That is pretty damn awesome, whether you ask me or not.  So that made me happy, which is necessary because…

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate health insurance companies?  Well, in case I haven’t, (and I honestly can’t remember any post I ever might have written blasting a health or prescription insurance company), I will let you know that I mother-fucking hate mother-fucking health insurance companies.  More than I love to use “mother-fucking”.  Today I went back to my doctor’s office for a couple of things they determined I would need yesterday.  The first was a shot of Neupogen to boost my neutrophils because I am slightly neutropenic.  (Not a big worry, sometimes the marrow just kind of hiccups and I need to have the shot for a boost.  It used to be all the time, and now it is every couple of months or less.)  I also had to get a 1/2 pint of blood taken from me to help lower my iron content.  (This is actually very good because it means my hematocrit and hemoglobin were well within the normal range so it could be done.)  Oh, and my platelets are doing better too, but now I’m just bragging about my counts.  Anyway, the blood draining took about 15 minutes.  The shot?  Maybe 3 with prep.  How long do you think I was at the doctor’s office?

2 mother-fucking hours.  Why?  Well, it wasn’t the doctor’s staff, or the nurses, or the doctors themselves.  No, it was the mother-fucking insurance company.  My group plan which is COBRA, is having a hard time letting go of the fact that they haven’t been primary since the beginning of the year when I became eligible for Medicare.  I’ve called, I’ve e-mailed, but they insist on trying to pay primary.  Medicare (who makes the rules) knows that the rules say they are primary.  So I was held up for an hour and 40 minutes not due to questions about what is and isn’t covered, not about co-pays, co-insurance, or deductibles, no, I was held up that long because they were trying to OVERpay.  I told the nurse, “Fuck ’em.  Take their money then.”  Unfortunately for me, they are honest there or something silly like that.

So as if the draining isn’t exhausting enough, I spent a lot longer than I was supposed to waiting, which is exhausting by itself.  Especially when you’re in the room 3 doors down from where you were first diagnosed with cancer.  Or I was actually, hopefully you weren’t diagnosed with cancer.  Anyway, like a Weeble, I’m wobbling.  Unlike a Weeble however, I am about to fall down.

Weeble and Hasbro are likely registered trademarks of the Hasbro corporation and I bet they reserve all rights but since I’m not trading on their brand, I think I’m safe.  Also, I do not know the terminal velocity of a Weeble or whether or not, in fact, they might be dangerous.  What I do know is that you should look up when walking beneath the empire state building because (while a penny or dime can’t injure you), a dropped bolt or possibly even a Weeble could.  You also might get shit on by a bird.  I also should say that there likely is no lawsuit against Hasbro for injuries sustained due to falling Weebles nor probably should their be.  Finally, I would also like to say that mother-fucking is likely a registered trademark of Samuel L. Jackson, and if not, it probably should be.  


Author: Josh Wrenn

Cancer survivor, wanna-be artist, musician, author, and all around good guy.

28 thoughts on “Weebles Wobble”

  1. I heard the Red Cross is not allowed to use the term “Heimlich Maneuver” anymore or sing Happy Birthday because of copyright. I bring this up because of your disclaimers at the bottom of your post. Can we not say anything anymore without having to have disclaimers to cover our asses?
    By the way – Little Weeble, you may wobble, but I don’t think you are going to fall down – you will just rock straight back up and be fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Totally agree with the awesome sight of a kid on a big wheel. On my cherry blossom foray the other day I walked through a small park that had about 15 kids all playing jump rope together and along the river there were a group of boys just hanging out on a lovely bright spring day and skimming stones. Made me smile.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. True, and I had to tell myself that even as I was almost dying all the times I almost did. I had to keep saying, at least I was able to live this long and experience what I had.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Weebles and Big Wheels! I saw a video the other day of an adult sized big wheel, perhaps that’s just what you need! Maybe you can convince your insurance to give you that extra money and put it in a Big Wheel recovery fund?? Seriously though, hope your day looks a little brighter today. 🙂


  4. Oh my goodness, loved my baby brother’s big wheel…I’m sure being 5 years his senior I was way too large to be riding on it, but it was such a thrill. All my friends had the awesome power wheels…but we were ghetto poor so our big wheel on our 100% “gravel” drive was our big thrill!! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I had Weebles. And a Big Wheel. My kids have had neither. #1 and #4 love to ride bikes, although #1 and #3 prefer to be inside all the time, usually, most often. #3 claims to hate nature, but may be getting better, when it suits her. Like when boys come to play basketball, or books are offered as a reward to dividing lilies. #2 and #4 love to be outside, whether work or play (like their mama) and I really can’t keep #4 in the house most days. She’s one of those who will play when it’s dangerously hot or cold. So yes, kids still play outside, although not like we did. (I wrote a post about that.)
    We have handheld doojies and a game system, and they play them very rarely. #1 #3 and #4 are addicted to YouTube videos of some fella called Jacksepticeye, who has what I think may be the most annoying voice on earth.

    Oh, and insurance is the motherfucking devil.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. “Mother-fucking Big Wheels” > quote of the day! I do believe Sam Jackson would be proud of the fact that you combined his word with a children’s toy. Whoo!

    I miss those. I always felt like such a bad ass (or as much of a bad ass as a 6-year-old tomboy can feel like) when I rode mine. Little Man had two Big Wheels, one regular one and one that had special wheels so it would DRIFT. Which isn’t a good idea for gravel, as we learned.

    Ugh insurance companies suck. :-/

    Liked by 1 person

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